Lost and Found

Part 1

Brian walked out of the elevator and right past Cynthia without saying a word. He shut the door, turned off all the lights and closed the blinds, then lay down on the couch in his office and covered his eyes with his arm. He stayed like that for a couple of minutes before there was a light tap on his door.

“It’s open.” He said. Cynthia popped her head in.

“You okay?”

“I've got a bitch of a headache.”

“I’ll get you something.”

“Cyn….do I have anything important today? Any meetings or anything like that?” He sat up and looked at her and his eyes were bloodshot. Even with all his drinking and drugging Cynthia had never seen him with bloodshot eyes. She immediately started worrying.

“Well…you’ve got the meeting with the Neiman Marcus people at ten. After that your schedule is clear.” Brian nodded and lay back down.

“Okay, thanks. I’m going home after the meeting. Anything else can wait until tomorrow.”

“Alright, boss. Want me to come get you before the meeting?”

“Yeah.” He answered. She nodded and shut the door as quietly as possible. When she came back in the door a little while later she noticed that Brian was asleep. She walked over and gently shook him.

“Brian…” He woke up and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“It's time already?” He asked and she nodded.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah…..I’ll be fine.” He got up and grabbed his files, then went into the conference room where the meeting was being held. As Vance stood there doing all the prep work for the presentation, Brian’s headache seemed to only get worse. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get it to at least lessen if not go away. After a few minutes he realized that everyone had stopped talking. When he opened his eyes they were all looking at him.

“Kinney, are you okay?”

“Yes. I just have a headache, that’s all.” He smiled and stood, going to the head of the table to give his pitch. They all settled in to watch him wow them and he planned to do it, even with a skull splitting headache. He started looking through the folder.

“Now…part of your problem is your current image…” Brian stopped, suddenly feeling very dizzy and leaning against the table for a second.

“Brian….” Vance said.

“I’m…..I’m fine.” He shook his head to clear it and stood up straight, but before he could utter another word, he collapsed. Vance grabbed the phone on the conference table and called 911 while some of the other team members at the table checked on Brian.
 

*****

When Brian woke up he was in a very bright, very white room. His head was still pounding and Cynthia was sitting in a chair by his bed. He looked over at her for a minute.

“What happened?”

“Hey, you’re awake. That’s great.” She pushed the call button and then sat back.

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

“You passed out in the middle of the meeting.” She said with a sigh.

“Before or after the pitch.”

“Before.” She answered. Brian sighed.

“Fuck!”

“Brian, you need to stay calm. They rescheduled. They understand health reasons and said they’ll reschedule for a time when you’re feeling better.”

“Good.” They sat there in silence a minute.

“Brian…..I’m really worried. They ran all kinds of tests….”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Cyn. Probably just dehydration or something.” He smiled and she smiled back. His confidence was rather contagious. About then the doctor came in.

“Mr. Kinney, I’m glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Other than a skull splitting head ache, I’m fine.”

“I’ll have the nurse bring you something if you’d like.”

“No, that’s okay. I can deal with it.” Brian said. The doctor nodded and looked down at his chart, then looked up at Cynthia. Brian could tell that he was wondering whether or not he could talk in front of her. “It’s okay, Doc. I think my wife would like to know what’s going on as much as I would.” Brian smiled, then looked at Cynthia and winked. She took his hand and smiled at the doctor.

“Ah, yes. Well then. Mr. Kinney, about how long have you been having these headaches?”

“About a month or so, maybe.” Brian answered. The doctor nodded and made some notes.

“And have you blacked out before now?”

“No.”

“And the headaches have been increasing in frequency and intensity?”

“Yeah….look, what’s this all about?”

“Mr. Kinney, on the MRI we detected a tumor in your left frontal lobe. We’ll have to do a biopsy to determine if it’s malignant or not.” The doctor said. Cynthia gasped, squeezing Brian’s hand and Brian looked at the doctor.

“So you’re telling me I have cancer?”

“It’s a possibility, yes, but we won’t know for sure until we do a biopsy.”

“What do you have to do?” Cynthia asked.

“Well….we have to get a piece of the tumor so we can study it.”

“In other words you cut my head open.” Brian commented and the doctor nodded.

“Essentially, yes.”

“And that’s the only way you can find out whether it’s growing or not?” Brian asked. Again the doctor nodded. Brian looked at Cynthia, who nodded, playing the wife role perfectly, then he looked back at the doctor. “If that’s what it takes.”

“We’ll set everything up for tomorrow morning. Until then you should get some rest. We’re keeping you over night for observation.” Brian nodded and the doctor left. Brian closed his eyes and held tight to Cynthia’s hand.

“Won’t my mother be thrilled to find out I’m unofficially married to a gay man?” She asked trying to lighten the mood. Brian laughed slightly.

“I’m sure she’d love it.”

“Well, I better get going.” Cynthia said as she started to stand.

“Cyn….you didn’t tell anybody I was here, did you?”

“No.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.” She slipped her coat on.

“Don’t.” Brian said. Cynthia paused for a minute, then just nodded and finished gathering up her things. If Brian didn’t want his friends to know he was in the hospital that was his business.
 

*****

“Where’s Brian?” Michael asked as he walked up to the guys at Babylon.

“He’s not here.” Emmett said.

“Let me guess, he’s in the back room, right?”

“No, he’s not here.” Ted answered. That made Michael worry.

“Maybe he’s just working late.” He said.

“Don’t you think he would have called you?” Emmett asked. Michael pulled out his phone and checked for messages. There weren’t any from Brian. He called Brian's cell phone but there was no answer. He really started to worry when there was also no answer at the loft.

“He’s not picking up. You don’t think something happened to him, do you?”

“He’s probably just fucking somebody.” Ted replied. Michael nodded but he couldn’t help but worry about what might be wrong with Brian.
 

*****
 

“Now, we’re going to give you a local anesthetic because we need to keep you awake. You won’t feel a thing.” The doctor explained as the nurse shaved a section of Brian’s hair. He hated that they had to do it but he would rather be without his hair for a little while than wonder if his tumor was growing or not.

“That’s fine, I don’t care, just get this over with.” Once the nurse was done Brian felt several pinpricks in his scalp. That was obviously the anesthetic being administered. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm.

“Now, the needle is thick enough that we should be able to just punch through the skull without any problems. The hole will be small enough that you shouldn’t worry.”

“Okay, sure.” Brian had to restrain himself from nodding. He suddenly felt an intense pressure in part of his head. It was uncomfortable but it didn’t hurt too much. He figured that was the needle being drilled into his skull. After a few minutes the doctor moved away and the nurse came over to put a bandage on Brian’s head. He'd figure out how to explain it to his friends later.

“Well, that’s everything. I’ll need you to stay here for a couple more hours, then you can go. Try to take it easy for a day or two. And we’ll call you when we get the results.” Once the nurse was done with the bandage, Brian got into the wheelchair as requested and was wheeled back to his room. When he got back to his room he was not surprised to see Cynthia waiting for him.

“So when can you go back to work?” She asked immediately.

“Day or two. Just reschedule the meeting with the NM people for Monday.” She nodded and took down some notes in the planner she had in hand.

“So your wife is also your secretary?” The nurse asked with a knowing smile.

“Assistant, actually.” Brian said with a smirk. They all laughed as Brian got back into bed. He hadn’t realized how tired he was until he drifted off while Cynthia was going over what he needed to reschedule.
 

*****

Brian was sitting in the loft when there was a knock on the door. He was actually surprised that it had taken anyone this long to come and check on him. He’d been home for more than an hour. He got up from the computer and walked over to the door, sliding it open.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Michael asked as he pushed his way into the loft.

“Nice to see you, too.” Brian commented. Michael turned and glared at him.

“You know we’ve been worried sick about you? Where have you been? I’ve called and left like a million messages…….oh my God, Brian what happened to your head?”

“I was wondering how long it would take you to notice that.” Brian smirked as he went to get a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Well, what happened? Is that why you haven’t been answering?”

“Just a little accident, that’s all. And yes, that’s why I haven’t been answering.”

“Accident? But the Jeep looks fine.” Michael said. Brian rolled his eyes.

“Did I ever say the word car? No, I did not. It was not a car accident. It was an accident. They happen in places other than the car, Mikey. Now, is that all you wanted?”

“Are you okay?”

“Peachy.” Brian went back to the computer and took a seat.

“Brian.” Michael whined

“Michael.” Brian mocked him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’d be a lot better if you would go away and let me get this done. The faster I’m done with this the faster I can get some sleep. I guess you’ve figured out that I’m not going out with you tonight. So….go away.” Michael just stood there for a minute, not sure what to do. Finally he sighed and left, locking the door behind him. Brian sighed heavily. He hated having to lie to Mikey, but he didn’t want to worry him for what he was sure was no reason.
 

*****

Brian was sitting in his office getting ready for the second attempt at the Neiman Marcus meeting. He'd been waiting almost a week for the biopsy results and it was starting to make him very angry that he hadn’t heard anything yet. Just as he was gathering up his files, the phone rang.

“Kinney.” He answered.

“Mr. Kinney, this is doctor Dr. Corvis.”

“Oh, hey Doc. Um….I’m actually on my way to a meeting…can this wait?”

“Well, we’ve gotten the results of the biopsy in and we’d like you to come in so we can discuss it.”

“You…..want me to come in?” Brian sat down hard.

“Yes.”

“Um, when?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Okay…um….I can be there in a couple hours.”

“I’ll be waiting for you.” The doctor hung up and Brian sat there staring at the wall. Cynthia poked her head in and knew immediately that there was something wrong. All the color had drained from Brian’s face.

“Brian? What’s up?”

“That was my doctor.” He turned his gaze to her.

“Oh…what did he say?”

“He wants me to come in so we can discuss the test results.” The meaning of that statement was not lost on Cynthia.

“Oh Brian….”

“I can’t do this meeting….I can’t do it. Not with this hanging over my head.” Brian got up and went directly to the conference room. When he walked in empty-handed Vance was curious what was going on.

“Brian….where’s your presentation?”

“I’m sorry but we’re going to have to reschedule.”

“But we’ve already rescheduled once.” One of the Neiman Marcus people said.

“What’s going on, Brian?” Vance asked.

“Can I talk to you in the hall please?” Brian then walked out the door, a very confused Vance following.

“Alright, what is this?”

“Just before I came in here my doctor called. He wants me to come in to discuss the test results. You and I both know that’s not good. They never want you to come in when everything is fine. So….I can’t do this meeting while I’m worrying about what could possibly be wrong.” Brian explained. Vance was quiet for a minute, then nodded.

“You go ahead and go talk to your doctor. I’ll handle them.” He then went into the conference room and started trying to sweet talk the Neiman Marcus people without giving the truth away. Brian went back to his office and grabbed his things, then headed out, going straight to his doctor’s office.

Brian was forced to sit in the waiting room for an hour before he was allowed back into one of the many exam rooms. It was another twenty minutes before the doctor came into the room.

“Brian…You’re early.”

“My meeting was cancelled. So…Doc…what’s up?” Brain tried to keep his voice from shaking. He swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat.

“Well, as I told you we got the biopsy results back.”

“Yeah…and?”

“And….it’s malignant and growing very rapidly.”

“So what does this mean?”

“It means without treatment you’ve got six months at most. But, that's without treatment. There's still hope of getting through this. With radiation and chemotherapy and then surgery, you could live a normal life.”

“Normal? After all that you think I would be normal?”

“Well, there will be changes. But you’ll be healthy and can live a long life.” The doctor then went about discussing the various side effects of the radiation and the chemotherapy and the possible side effects of the surgery to remove the tumor.

“So I can either die in six months, or I could go through hell for six months and live a long time after, not being the person I am now.” It was more statement than question.

“That’s a crude way of looking at it, but yes. You can think about it, but I wouldn’t wait too long. As I said, the tumor is growing rapidly.”

“How long do I have before there’s no hope?”

“A month, maybe two. After that it’ll be too out of control.” Brian nodded and started to gather his things. The doctor wrote several prescriptions and handed them to Brian. He simply took them and nodded, leaving the office almost like a zombie.

He got into the Jeep and just started driving, not really paying attention to where he was going. Before he knew it, he was pulling into the driveway of his mother’s house. He turned the engine off and just sat there for a few minutes. After a while he just shook his head and started the Jeep. Before he could put it in reverse the front door came open and his mother looked him square in the eye. Deciding there was no point in leaving now that she had seen him, he turned the engine off once again and got out, heading inside.

“Brian, what brings you here?” She asked as she stepped aside so he could come in. Brian removed his jacket and draped it over his arm as he made his way into the kitchen.

“I was just driving around and kind of ended up here.”

“Oh…so there’s no reason for the visit?” Joan asked. Brian sighed and turned to look at his mother. He searched his brain for any reason why he should tell her. Then he decided that even with everything she’d done she was still his mother and she deserved to know.

“I’m dying.”

“What?” She asked. Brian had to keep the smirk off his face at her shocked expression.

“I said I’m dying.”

“Is it….AIDS?” She asked. Brian let out a laugh at that.

“No, mom, it’s not AIDS. It’s cancer. I have a tumor in my brain that's going to kill me in six months.”

“Maybe not.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious what this is Brian. God is punishing you for your disgusting lifestyle. I’m sure if you repent and try to change that you’ll pull through.” Joan's voice had a superior tone. Brian once again laughed.

“Unbelievable. Un fucking believable.”

“Brian, must you use that language?”

“Mom…do you know why I told you? Why I decided to let you know that I’m dying?” She just shook her head. “It’s because I realized that, regardless of everything that’s happened between us, I need you. You’re my mother and I could use some support in this. But….I do have to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me.”

“Of course. I’m always honest.” She said piously. Brian laughed again.

“Yeah, that’s right. Always honest. Anyway….I have to know. Am I only alive because abortion is a sin?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, and I want an answer. Am I standing here today simply because you thought you’d go to hell if you got an abortion?” She looked down and was silent for several minutes. “Answer me!” Joan looked up and looked Brian square in the eye.

“Yes.” She answered. Brian tried very hard to not let her see how much that hurt him.

“Did you ever, at any time in my life, love me even just a little bit?” Once again Joan was quiet for a minute and once again she looked him in the eye.

“No. You were a mistake, Brian. I never wanted you and neither did your father. You’ve known that your whole life. Why question it now?”

“Because I thought that maybe it was just my imagination. I thought that maybe somewhere in that cold, self-righteous exterior beat an actual heart. I guess I can add heartless to my description of you now. Cold, heartless, self-righteous bitch.”

“How dare you?”

“How dare I? You know what mom? You tell me that I'm living my life in sin and that I'm going to hell. Well, I hope you enjoy hell as much as I will.” Brian then put his coat back on and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Little had Brian known that Claire was there and standing in the hallway, listening to the whole conversation.

“Mom….” Joan jumped and looked at Claire.

“Can you believe what he said to me?” She asked her daughter. Claire just looked at her in shock. In all her life she had thought that Brian’s babbling on about never being wanted and never being loved was just a way for him to get attention. Now she finally realized the truth.

“What he said to you? I can’t believe what you said to him! How could you do that? He came here to tell you that he’s sick, that he’s dying, and all you could do was say that God is punishing him. And he needs your love and support mom. Now more than ever and you tell him that you never loved him? How could you do that to him?”

“You don’t even like him. You’re constantly complaining about him.”

“I might not like Brian very much but I do love him. He’s my brother and nothing can change that. You talk about God and religion and all that and you are the biggest hypocrite I know. How can you say that you’re a Christian when you refuse to love your own son? You love that beggar on the corner more than you love Brian. He’s right, you are a cold, heartless, self righteous bitch.” Claire grabbed her coat and stormed out as well, leaving Joan to stand in her living room in shock.
 

*****

Brian got back to the loft and locked the door. He threw his coat and briefcase down on the couch, then went into the bedroom. Once he got undressed he stepped into the shower. As the water ran over his body he let the pain build until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. His shoulders started shaking as tears ran down his cheeks, washed away by the shower. He decided two things at that moment. Not only would he not get the treatment to extend his life, but he would not tell anyone else that he was sick. If his own mother didn’t care about him, didn’t love him, why would anyone else? He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, tears still rolling down his cheeks. Once he was dry he laid down on the bed, still naked, curling up under the duvet and letting the tears fall until he drifted off to sleep.
 

*****

The whole gang had been invited over to Debbie’s for the usual Sunday dinner. She warned Brian that Justin and Ethan would be there and he had said it wasn’t a problem. It had been two years since Justin walked out of Babylon with the fiddler. Brian was definitely over it by now. Lindsay said that she and Melanie would get a sitter for Gus so it could be just the adults. Brian was the last to arrive. He could see the worried looks on all of their faces. Obviously Michael had told them about the “accident.” By this time the bandage was no longer necessary, but Brian wore a hat to cover the small bald spot on his head. He hated wearing hats, but that was all he could do to cover it.

“Hey, Brian. How are you feeling?” Debbie asked as he walked in the door. She hugged him before he had a chance to take his jacket off. He smiled at her.

“I’m fine.” She looked at him and saw that “don’t push me” look on his face so she decided to drop it and just nod. He took off his jacket and took a seat at the table. All eyes were on him. He noticed that even Jennifer Taylor was joining them.

“So what’s with the hat?” Melanie asked. Lindsay kicked her under the table. Brian just sighed.

“No, Linds. It’s okay.” Brian took off the hat and heard a collective gasp because of the small bald spot on his head, then he put it back on. Luckily there was only a small cut in his head instead of just a small hole. He hadn't needed stitches, but the cut was evident.

“Are you okay?” That was Vic.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little bump, that’s all. No big deal.” He smiled and looked around at everyone. “So…can we eat?”

“Of course.” Debbie said. She started dishing out the food and everyone ate in silence. Brian couldn’t help but notice the occasional side-glances at him. Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to keel over or something. He slammed his fork down on the table.

“Look, I’m fine, okay? Will you stop worrying and just eat?” Everyone looked at him for a second, then it seemed they all blushed at the same time. Even Ethan had been giving Brian worried glances all night long. After the table was cleared they all remained in the kitchen talking. Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the sudden headache to go away.

“You okay, Brian?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, just a headache. I’m gonna go lay down on the couch.” Everyone nodded and Brian got up, heading into the living room. They exchanged worried glances but didn’t want to say anything for fear of Brian overhearing. After a few minutes, Justin got up to go check on Brian. What he saw scared the shit out of him.

“Somebody call an ambulance now!” Justin almost screamed.

“What? What’s going on?” Debbie asked. They all ran over to witness Brian in the middle of a seizure. Vic ran to the phone and called an ambulance while Michael and Justin tried to hold Brian down. Justin had stuck his fingers in Brian’s mouth, something he had learned from one of the many doctors he had to see after the bashing. It wasn’t long before the ambulance arrived. Everyone moved out of the way as the EMT’s worked, finally getting the seizure to stop. They strapped Brian onto the gurney and then loaded him into the ambulance. Everyone got into their respective cars and followed.
 

*****

They were all in the waiting room while Brian was being examined. Justin and Michael were pacing. Vic was holding Debbie, trying to comfort her. Ben was sitting with Ethan and Lindsay and Melanie. Jennifer was standing off to the side, not sure how to feel. This was the man that had broken her son’s heart, but at the same time, he had helped Justin quite a bit. Even though Justin left him, Brian was still willing to pay for his schooling. As she stood there with the others waiting to see if Brian was okay, every single reason she had ever had to not like him suddenly started to disappear. After what seemed like an eternity the doctor came out.

“Are you here with Brian Kinney?” They all nodded.

“Is he okay?” Debbie asked.

“Are any of you family?” He asked. Before anyone else could say anything Jennifer spoke.

“I’m his mother.” That shocked everyone, even Jennifer. The doctor nodded and asked to speak to her in private. She walked with him and he told her everything.

“We’ll need to keep him here for a few days for observation.” The doctor said.

“Yes, of course. When can I see him?”

“You can go in now, if you’d like. He’s allowed more than just family, but I don’t suggest more than one or two at a time.”

“Yes, thank you.” She smiled. The doctor nodded and then went to check on his other patients. Jennifer took a deep breath, then walked back to the others.

“What’s going on?” Michael asked.

“Well…the first thing you should know is that Brian is okay….sort of. He can have visitors but not more than one or two at a time. The doctor said he’ll have to stay here for a couple days.”

“What do you mean he’s sort of okay?” Vic asked.

“The cut on Brian’s head is not from an accident. It’s from a biopsy.”

“But….isn’t a biopsy what they do when somebody has cancer?” Ethan asked. The grave look on everyone’s faces answered the question for him.

“So…Brian’s got cancer?” That was Justin. Jennifer nodded.

“The seizure was caused by a tumor.” There was a collective gasp.

“We should go see him…” Debbie said as she stood.

“I think it might be best if I see him first. He needs to understand what I told the hospital.” They all nodded and she went into the room. Brian was still unconscious when she walked in. She sat down in the chair next to the bed and instinctively took his hand. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and looked at her, a little confused.

“Where am I?” He asked.

“You’re at the hospital.” She answered. Brian closed his eyes as he seemed to process the information.

“What happened?”

“You had a seizure.”

“In front of everybody?” He asked. Jennifer simply nodded. “Fuck.”

“The doctor told me you have a tumor.”

“Why would the doctor tell you anything?”

“Because he thinks I’m your mother.” She said with a sheepish smile. Brian laughed.

“Why’d you tell him you’re my mother? You’re not even old enough to be my mother.”

“I honestly don’t know why I told him. He asked if any of us were family and it just came out. I mean…I figured Debbie would be more likely but…for some reason it happened.” She said. Brian simply shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Won’t there be a problem?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…if your real mother shows up.” It was said more than asked. Brian looked away at that comment.

“You don’t have to worry about that. She’s not going to show up.”

“Why would you think that?” Jennifer was still holding his hand. He looked back at her.

“Because God is punishing me for my disgusting lifestyle. Or maybe because I was a mistake that never should have been born and the only reason I was is because abortion is against the Catholic religion.” He closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears back. Jennifer squeezed his hand.

“Oh Brian…I’m so sorry.” She said softly. He laughed and looked at her again.

“Not your fault my mother hates me.”

“I’m sure she has to love you at least a little.”

“She told me herself that she doesn’t and never has.” That made Jennifer suddenly very angry. How could someone look their child in the eye and say that they never loved them? It wasn’t right. Especially now, when Brian needed a mother the most.

“Well, Brian. You’ve got me.” She smiled. He looked at her like she had a third eye.

“I thought you hated me.”

“I never hated you Brian. I didn’t like you very much, and I didn’t like you with Justin. But I never hated you. I even started to like you there for a little bit. And I honestly felt bad for you when Justin walked out with Ethan. I never once hated you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks…..mom.” They both laughed at that.
 

*****

After everyone else had made the rounds, Lindsay came into the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Brian wished they had all come in at the same time, but he was pretty sure she knew what was going on at this point. He could tell by the unshed tears in her eyes. She took his hand in hers, squeezing gently.

“They said you’re dying.” Brian simply nodded. “There’s nothing they can do?” He shook his head. He hated lying to Lindsay, to everybody like this, but he just couldn’t put them through him being sick and weak and ending up a different Brian than the Brian they all knew. How would they be able to accept a new Brian? He had a distinct feeling they wouldn’t be able to. With the way they fought to keep him the way he was, there was no way they’d accept a new him. Lindsay hugged him, trying not to cry.

“Looks like the Kinney curse continues.” He said.

“What do you mean?” Lindsay asked when she sat up.

“Every male Kinney as far back as they could find had some form of cancer. My dad, his dad, his dad, all the way back to when medical science first discovered cancer. Probably even before then. I just hope it doesn’t continue on to Gus.”

“Brian…you can’t possibly think there’s some kind of curse.”

“Why not? Think about this, Linds. Up until now, a brain tumor is the only type of cancer that a member of my family hasn't had. And then there’s the fact that only the men have had cancer. And only the Kinney’s. None of my uncles or cousins that married into the family have had cancer. Not a single one. So…tell me there isn’t a curse.”

“That’s just a silly superstition.” She tried not to laugh.

“Maybe, but it’s all I’ve got.”

“Did they all die from cancer?”

“No. The great grandfather for which I am named was shot in the back for stealing a horse, but he had cancer when he was shot.” He smiled and Lindsay couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your parents named you after a horse thief?”

“Yup.” He laughed again. After a bit of silence, Lindsay looked him in the eye.

“I’m going to tell Gus everything about you.”

“Well, maybe not everything. Only tell him the good stuff, okay?” He smirked.

“You think Mel will let me get away with that?” She asked, returning the smirk.

“You tell him all the good stuff and let her tell him all the bad. She’ll be better at it than you will.” Lindsay leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I love you, Bri.” She smiled.

“You too, Linds.”
 

*****

The day that Brian was supposed to be released, Jennifer was heading to his room when the doctor stopped her just outside the door.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“I’m afraid Brian had another seizure last night.” The doctor explained. Jennifer’s shoulders slumped and she took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

“Is he okay?”

“He will be. He’s still unconscious at the moment. But I’m afraid that with the seizures he won’t be able to live alone anymore. Even with the anticonvulsants there’s no guarantee that he won’t have a seizure. We also have to revoke his driver’s license.” Jennifer nodded as she processed the information. “We’re also recommending home health care.”

“Yes, of course. Can I see him?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know.” The doctor then left. Jennifer went over to the phone and immediately called Debbie. She and Vic showed up just as the doctor said they could see Brian. They all went in and Jennifer sat down on the bed, taking Brian’s hand.

“Looks like I get to stay a little longer, huh?” He smiled slightly and they all nodded.

“Brian….the doctor says you can’t live alone anymore. He wants you to get a live in nurse.” Jennifer said.

“And what if I don’t want a live in nurse?”

“The other option is to move in with someone.” Jennifer answered him.

“Who could I move in with?” Brian asked.

“You could move in with me.” Jennifer once again answered before Debbie could say a word.

“But what about when you go to work? And what about Molly?”

“Well, Molly is ten years old, almost eleven. I think she can handle it. And we can get a nurse to stay with you while I’m not there. That way you don’t have to have a full time nurse.” Brian seemed to think it over for a minute, then smiled at her.

“Sure, I’ve got nowhere else to go.” Jennifer smiled. Debbie was about to say something but Vic gave her a look that shut her up. They walked out into the hall and Vic could tell that Debbie was seething.

“I’ve been more of a mother to him than either Jennifer or Joan since he was fourteen years old! Why would he think that he couldn’t stay with us?”

“Well, first of all, I would be the one watching him while you’re at work and there’s no guarantee that I won’t get sick and then what happens to Brian? Second, maybe it’s because every time something goes wrong in Michael’s life, you blame Brian. Even if it isn’t Brian’s fault, you blame him. You may think that you’ve been a great mother to him, but it seems he doesn’t feel the same way. And….maybe it’s better this way. You’ll baby him and smother him and drive him insane. I don’t think Jennifer will do that.” Debbie sighed heavily as she thought about what Vic said.

“Maybe you’re right.” She conceded finally.
 

*****

Everyone pitched in to help Brian move in with Jennifer. He kept everything but his casual clothes and his toiletries at the loft. There was no need for the suits since his doctor told him he couldn’t go in to work anymore, either. Vance was allowing him to work from home. Cynthia was familiar enough with what Brian came up with that she was being allowed to actually give the presentations. Brian was surprised by how willing Vance was to work with him under the circumstances.

It was about two weeks after he moved in when Molly came home from school and went straight up to her room. Brian was about to get up and go see if something was wrong when Jennifer came in the door.

“Molly okay?” Brian asked her. Jennifer nodded.

“She just has a lot of homework to do. She wants to get it done right away. There’s a TV show she loves to watch and I won’t let her watch until her homework’s done.” She answered. Brian nodded.

“So…got any plans for tonight?” Brian asked as he followed Jennifer into the kitchen. She had one bag of groceries in her hand. When she set it down she immediately started going through it so he assumed there were no more.

“No, why?”

“Well, it’s Friday. I figured you might have a date or something.” At that Jennifer laughed. “What?” He asked.

“Me? Have a date? That’s funny.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You can’t be serious?”

“I am. Jesus, Jennifer. You’re a good-looking woman. And you’re smart. Hell, if I was straight, I’d fuck you.” Jennifer blushed. “You know….Justin gets his looks from somewhere and it sure as hell isn’t Craig.” That made the woman blush even harder. “I bet if you paid attention you’d see guys falling for you left and right.”

“Brian, stop. I’m already letting you live with me.” They both laughed.

“You know…anytime you want to go out I’d be happy to watch Molly for you. Hell, maybe you can even go out tonight. You can call Deb and she can take you out somewhere. Maybe Horvath has a friend that he can hook you up with.”

“Oh, I see. You’re just trying to get rid of me.” She smirked.

“I just think you need to get out more. You’re a great woman and you deserve to be happy. And, as much as you love Molly, you and I both know that just Molly isn’t enough.” Jennifer thought about it for a minute, then sighed, knowing Brian was right.

“You really think I’m hot?” She asked. Brian laughed.

“Absolutely. You’re gorgeous. How about you go upstairs and start getting ready and I’ll call Deb for you?” Jennifer nodded and started up the stairs. When she was about halfway up the stairs she stopped and looked at Brian.

“Brian….what if you have a seizure?”

“Well…I’m on the anticonvulsants so I shouldn’t, and if I do Molly is old enough to call 911. If it would make you feel better I can have the nurse come, too.” Jennifer thought about it for a minute, then shook her head.

“No, you’re right. You call Deb.” She smiled and then went to get ready. About ten minutes later she heard Brian’s voice on the other side of the door.

“They’ll be here to pick you up in about an hour. Horvath said he has a friend he can hook you up with. The guy agreed to come along. Sounds kind of hot for an older guy. You might like him.”

“Thanks, Brian.”

“No problem.” He said, then went back downstairs. When Jennifer came down, Brian was sitting on the couch looking through a file. She was wearing a red dress she hadn’t worn in a while. It was tight with a low neckline and came to about mid thigh. She left her hair down and had touched up her make up. She cleared her throat when she got to the bottom of the stairs and smirked at Brian’s reaction.

“Holy, shit Jen. I thought you were hot before….” In her three-inch spike heels she was still shorter than Brian. He came over and took her hand as she stepped down off the last step. “Whoever this friend of Horvath’s is, he’s one lucky guy.” That made Jennifer blush again. Brian laughed.

“I guess they’ll be here soon, huh?” Jennifer asked.

“Mom….why are you all dressed up?” Molly asked from the stairs. She was on her way down to get a snack, taking a break from her homework.

“I’ve got a date, sweetie. Brian’s going to watch you while I go out. Is that okay with you?” Molly thought about it for a minute, then nodded. Brian smiled. A couple of minutes later the doorbell rang. Brian went to answer it and was greeted by Horvath.

“Hello, Brian. Debbie told me about what’s going on. I’m sorry to hear about it.” Brian nodded.

“Thanks. Um…Jennifer will be out in a minute. Would you like to come in?” He moved to let the man in.

“Thank you.” The older man said as he stepped inside. Jennifer had gone back upstairs to put the finishing touches on her hair and make up. She came downstairs and Horvath smiled. “My you do look lovely. Charlie’s a lucky man.” Once again Jennifer blushed and once again Brian laughed.

“You really need to learn not to blush so much. Christ, didn’t Craig ever compliment you?”

“Not after Justin was born.” She admitted.

“I always knew he was a stupid man.” Brian said with a smile and Jennifer returned it. Brian helped her into her coat and then shut the door and she and Horvath left. Once the car had pulled away, Brian went upstairs and knocked on Molly’s door.

“It’s open.” The girl called. Brian opened the door and poked his head in.

“How’s it going?” He asked. She just sighed and he opened the door a little more. “Need some help?”

“Yeah.” She moved over a little on the bed to give him room to sit next to her.

“Looks like you’re working on math.”

“Gee, what was your first clue?” She rolled her eyes at him in a way that reminded Brian way too much of Justin. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Just because I took that attitude from your brother doesn’t mean I’ll take it from you, got it?” He tried to keep a straight face but failed and they both laughed. Brian laid down on his stomach next to her, looking over the problems she was working on. It had been a while since he’d done 5th grade math, but it was simple enough.

“You’re really smart.” Molly said after the math homework was finished and they were working on her spelling homework.

“So I’ve been told.” He said with a smile. Once the spelling homework was finished, they got up and headed downstairs to watch Molly’s favorite TV show. Brian had no idea what it was about. He wasn’t really paying attention. Molly looked up at him during one of the commercial breaks.

“You have homework too?” She asked. Brian laughed.

“You could say that, yeah.”

“But you haven’t been in school in a long time.”

“It wasn’t that long ago, but sometimes adults have homework too.”

“What is it that you do?” She asked as she sat next to Brian on the couch. He tried to explain what he did in terms that a ten year old would understand. When he looked at the TV he saw that one of the commercials he had written the copy for was on.

“You see that commercial?” He pointed to the TV, Molly watched it for a while, then nodded. “That’s what I do?”

“You make commercials?”

“Well…sort of. I write the commercials. I tell people how it’s supposed to look and what’s supposed to be said. Things like that. I also do ads in magazines and newspapers and stuff like that.”

“That’s really cool.” She watched the TV for a second. “Did you do that commercial?” Brian looked at the TV and then shook his head.

“That commercial was done by an idiot.”

“Yeah, it is kind of dumb.” She paused for a minute. “How do I know which ones you did?”

“Well….if it’s a really cool commercial that makes you want to run out and buy what is being advertised right then, most likely it’s mine.” He said with a smirk.

“Modest much?” She asked with a laugh.

“In my line of work, you can’t afford to be modest. You have to convince everybody that you're the best at what you do so that they want to work with you. There are a bunch of different companies out there that do what my company does. It’s a tough competition but I usually win out in the end.”

“That sounds really cool.”

“I like it.” Once the TV show was over Molly stood up. Brian had finished going through the files he had and knew what changes needed to be made, but he was going to actually make notes later.

“You wanna come play with me?” She asked. Even though she was getting older, she was still young enough to really enjoy childhood.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I like to play Barbies.”

“I don’t play dolls.”

“I thought you said you’re gay?” She asked with a smirk. Brian couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Alright, you made your point. Come on.” He stood and followed her up to her room. Brian, of course, got to play Ken. They started playing and Barbie was supposed to go on a date with Ken.

“I think that Ken is going to go out with….” Brian searched through the dolls and found another Ken doll. “John.” He said with a smirk.

“We’re playing my way, not your way. Ken is going to go out with Barbie.” Brian sighed over dramatically and Molly giggled. As they played they would occasionally skip time until it came to Ken and Barbie’s wedding. Molly sighed, as she looked at Barbie in the wedding dress.

“What is it?” Brian asked. Even though it had only been a short time, he’d grown fond of Molly and he hated to see her sad.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, don’t bullshit me. What’s up?”

“I was just thinking about if I ever get married.”

“Yeah?”

“Well….I mean…..I don’t see my dad so much anymore and I know that the dads are supposed to give the bride away, but I don’t know if he’ll be there.” She looked at Brian and the expression on her face broke his heart. It was one that he knew had been on his own face on more than one occasion. It’s the look a child gets when they’ve lost faith in their parent.

“He’s an asshole if he doesn’t show up.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“Maybe if your mom gets remarried…” Molly just looked down and sighed. Brian thought for a minute, then reached over and lifted Molly’s chin with his index finger, looking her in the eye. “What if I was there?”

“But mom said you’re really sick.”

“I am…but there’s a way to make me better. I’ll be really sick for a while, but I will get better and I’ll be around long enough to be at your wedding. Would that make you happy?” Molly thought for a minute, then smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, it would.”

“Okay. Then it’s a deal. I’ll get better so that I can be at your wedding.” He smiled. Molly almost tackled him in a hug and he hugged back.

“Thank you so much, Brian!”

“Anytime, Mol. Anytime.” Brian actually blushed when Molly kissed his cheek, making the girl giggle. “You know…I’m going to need someone to take care of me while I’m trying to get better.”

“You’re going to be that sick?” She asked. Brian nodded.

“It’s going to make me throw up a lot and be really tired and I won’t be able to do much. And I’m going to lose all my hair. But it won’t last very long.”

“I’ll take care of you.” Molly said with a big grin and Brian smiled, trying to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. Once Molly was in bed Brian went back downstairs and started going through his files again. He would have to wait until Monday to call his doctor and let the man know he was going through with treatment. Jennifer came in the door smiling and a little drunk. Brian laughed, then got up to help her take a seat. Jennifer was obviously just tipsy though, because she could see a slight difference in Brian.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Nothing.”

“Brian…..what’s going on?”

“There’s a chance I might be able to make it through this after all.” He said, not looking her in the eye. She sat up straight, suddenly very sober.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m still going to have to stay here and I’m still going to have to have a nurse.”

“How long have you known about this?” She asked with a suspicious look on her face. “I know doctors better than to think that they would tell you there’s no hope one minute and then come up with a miracle cure the next.” Brian took a seat on the couch, refusing to meet Jennifer’s gaze.

“I’ve known from the beginning. I just….didn’t really think it was worth it.” Jennifer got up and sat next to him, putting a hand on his back and rubbing gently.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Molly. She’s lost all faith in Craig. Kids shouldn’t lose faith in their parents, but she has. And…we were playing dolls and Ken and Barbie were getting married and Molly said that she didn’t know if Craig would be at her wedding.”

“You played dolls with her?” Jennifer said with a smile.

“You tell anyone and I’ll deny it.” He smiled in return.

“I’m sure Craig will be there.” Jennifer said.

“Well….I kind of promised her that…if he wasn’t, I would be.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Jennifer, you should have seen the look on her face. Her eyes just lit up. God, it was like when Justin used to smile at me. And I mean really smile. She hugged me so hard I almost fell over. I can’t let her down, Jen. Even if it means going through six months of hell, I can’t let her down.”

“Does she know what it’s going to take for you to get better?”

“I told her that I would be really sick for a while, but that I would get better.”

“So we’ll need to keep the nurse on.”

“I told Molly that I would need someone to take care of me while I was sick.”

“What did she say?” Jennifer asked. Brian smiled, this time unable to keep a single tear from rolling down his cheek.

“She said she’d take care of me.” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes and Jennifer couldn’t help but smile, tears forming in her own eyes.

“What is it about you that my kids just can’t resist?” She asked.

“They see the real me. Justin’s always been able to see past the image. Apparently Molly can too.”

“Well….now that I’m getting to see the real you a little more, I think I like you too.” She smiled and kissed his cheek, then went upstairs to bed.
 

*****

Brian was just getting back from his first radiation treatment. He was exhausted and nauseous. Andrea, the home care nurse that had been staying with him during the day, helped him onto the couch. She made sure that he was comfortable, laying a blanket over him and putting a pillow under his head.

"Can I get you anything?”

“Something to drink.”

“Water?”

“Maybe juice.”

“I think that apple juice should be good. Won’t affect your stomach too much.” She smiled and headed into the kitchen. Brian closed his eyes for a minute to get some rest. Andrea was drawn back into the living room by a scream. Molly had come home to find Brian having a seizure on the couch. In all the time that he’d been living with them he had not had a seizure when she was around to see it. Andrea took the necessary steps to stop it, calling an ambulance. Molly just stood back in the corner, eyes wide, shaking slightly.
 

*****

When Brian woke up in the hospital, Jennifer was sitting with him. She smiled at him and took his hand.

“What happened?”

“You had another seizure. The doctor says not to worry about it. He says that the radiation must have triggered it. They’re going to put you on stronger anticonvulsants so that they can continue the radiation.” Brian nodded.

“When can I go home?”

“In a couple of days.” She said with a forced smile.

“Jennifer…..what aren’t you telling me?” He asked with a suspicious tone.

“Why would you think I’m not telling you something?”

“Because you have the same look on your face now that Justin had a lot of times right before he left. So spill. What aren’t you telling me?” Jennifer sighed heavily.

“Molly saw it. She came in from school and there you were on the couch. She was so scared, Brian. I’ve never seen her so scared. She was shaking.”

“Fuck!” He sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. “Will they let her in here?”

“I think so, but I don’t know if she wants to see you.”

“Just ask her. And…I want to talk to her alone if she wants to come in here.” Jennifer nodded and then walked out of the room. A little while later, Molly came in. She was moving tentatively.

“Hey, Mol.” Brian said with a smile.

“Hey.”

“Your mom tells me you saw what happened.” She nodded. “I bet it scared you, huh?” Once again she nodded. After a couple of minutes she started moving a little closer to the bed.

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.

“Just fine. Doctor says I can go home in a couple of days.” He smiled again. Molly almost threw herself on the bed as she hugged him tight. Brian reached up and started stroking her hair.

“I was so scared….I thought you were gonna die or something. I’m so glad you’re okay!” Brian smiled and just held her.

“You think, after the promise I made, that I’d go and die on you? Molly….I keep my promises. I said I’m going to be at your wedding and I will.” Molly stood up and smiled. She took a seat in the chair next to the bed and took Brian’s hand.

“And I said that I would take care of you and I will.” Once again he had to fight back the tears.

“Thanks, Mol.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I like you a lot better than Justin.” She smirked and Brian couldn’t help but laugh.
 

*****

It was two weeks into the radiation and Brian was once again lying on the couch. He was watching TV and trying to keep the broth he’d had for lunch down. As he flipped through the channels he heard the front door open and close.

“You’re home early.” He called without turning to see who it was. Since no one had knocked he assumed that it was either Jennifer or Molly.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin asked. Brian looked up at his former lover.

“I’ve been here for almost two months, what do you mean what am I doing here?”

“Why are you living in my mother’s house?”

“She offered to let me live here because my doctor said I can’t live alone because of the seizures. So I took her up on it.”

“Why?”

“Because I had no where else to go.”

“What about Deb’s?”

“She already has Vic to worry about, I don’t need her worrying about me too.”

“You shouldn’t be here. This is my mother’s house.”

“Yeah, and she said I can live here.”

“Well I say you can’t!”

“It’s not your decision.”

“You’re only here because she feels sorry for you. Get the fuck out!”

“Okay, fine. I’ll look into gathering up enough strength to stand up, let alone make it up the stairs. Then I’ll pack up all my shit and walk it over to the loft since they took my driver’s license away. How does that sound? Because, to be honest, just having this argument is exhausting me.” Justin was about to say something when he noticed that Brian was flushed and breathing a little heavier than usual. Just the act of arguing with him had taken a great deal of energy that Brian apparently didn’t have. Justin suddenly felt very bad about yelling at Brian.

“I’m sorry, but Brian needs to rest now.” Andrea said from the kitchen. She came over and stood between Brian and Justin.

“Who’s this?” Justin asked.

“My nurse.” Brian responded.

“So you’ve got a nurse too? That’s got to be costing a fortune!”

“Yeah, and your mom’s not paying a dime of it. All your mom is paying for is food and you know I don’t eat all that much. And with the nausea and the constant vomiting I’m eating even less. So don’t worry, I’m not costing your mom anything.”

“She told me that you’re the one that talked her into going out on a date.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Why?”

“Because I actually want her to be happy, unlike you apparently.”

“Unlike me? How dare you tell me I don’t want my mother to be happy?”

“Do you ever try to encourage her to go out?”

“No, she doesn’t need to be dating. She’s got Molly.”

“Molly’s almost eleven and Jennifer is a grown woman, with needs that need to be met. She’s happier since she’s been going out than I’ve ever seen her. Maybe you should think about that before you get mad about it.”

“I said that Brian needs his rest, now get out.” Andrea glared at Justin. The younger man sighed heavily, then left. He couldn’t stop the twinge of guilt that came on as he thought about everything Brian said.

“He acts like I did this on purpose.” Brian said.

“Don’t worry about it. He’s just upset, that’s all. I don’t think the fact that you’re living here is what’s got him so angry.”

“You think it’s because I’m sick?” He asked. She nodded.

“That, and the fact that there’s nothing he can do to help.” She replied. Brian sighed.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I know I am. Now get some sleep.” They shared a smile before she went back into the kitchen.

 

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