Homecoming

*34*

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 Tiger Twink


Justin

These women are unbelievable. Like I'm going to let their bullshit anywhere near Gus - or Brian.

Especially Brian. It's his birthday, for fuck's sake. He shouldn't have to put up with this shit.

But I'm not my mother's son for nothing. I just stand in the doorway and smile at them, while I run my fingers over the buttons on the cell phone in my pocket.

"I'm so sorry," I say, the lie dripping from my lips like sweetest molasses. "That just isn't possible. If either Brian or I agreed to that we'd be violating a court order. I'm sure you understand that we can't do that. We have to consider the possible consequences for our status with the court in terms of Gus. We can't risk anything damaging that."

I give a polite little shrug, as if the whole thing is simply out of my control. "Sorry, Melanie," I smile - wide and fake.

Both the women stare at me then, without even paying me the respect of a response, they try to move around me. I reach back and make sure the door is firmly locked behind me, then move to stand right in front of the buzzer. They can't reach it without pushing me out of the way and they really don't want to try that. I still remember enough from my pink posse days to cause them serious pain if they so much as look as if they're going to get physical with me.

They stop in their tracks, and try another tactic.

"Justin," Lindsay says in her sweetest most refined tone. She smiles winningly and lets her hair fall forward around her face. It's a tactic I recognize. She's using her hair to soften the lines of her face, making her seem more vulnerable than she actually is. My mother does it too. When she wants to look independent and strong, the hair gets pulled back from her face, when she wants to look softer and appeal to the 'big strong man' - boss, husband, lover, stranger from whom she's seeking help, it doesn't matter - then her hair is allowed to fall loose.

"Please be reasonable," Lindsay goes on, using her best WASP charms; which are simply wasted on me, but I guess she hasn't figured that out yet. "Mel has to go back to Toronto. She doesn't want to do that without seeing Gus."

Beside her, Melanie is clearly stewing, dying to push Linds out of the way and demand that I move aside and let her storm into my home.

I shrug, all apologetic, and repeat, "I'm sorry. That's just not an option here."

"Look, Justin," Melanie is clearly ready to let her inner bitch loose.

But I have my own inner bitch, and I'm a fag; we can outbitch a dyke anyday. "No, Mel," I say, still mildly but letting a bite of anger enter my voice. "I can only suggest that you go through the lawyers to set up a supervised visit like the courts instructed."

She glares at me. A real 'if looks could kill' thing. But I don't let it get to me. I just stay cocooned in my own little WASP space. I'd never really understood before how just putting yourself into that headspace tends to sort of distance you from any emotions flying around. It's almost a variation on the 'walls' that Brian uses. Except it's kind of 'read' differently; it still seems arrogant, but because it's more like a class thing, it's sort of acceptable. Whatever, it's certainly useful. It definitely gets Mel riled up, anyhow.

"Fuck! The asshole's really rubbing off on you, isn't he? You won't even let my son see me."

It's her emphasis on the "my son" bit that really seals the deal for me and buries any hope she might have had of persuading me.

Cow!

For years she's pretended that she had all the rights to Gus, and Brian had none; tortured him with his lack of standing in Gus's life, when that was a fucking lie. Now she has the fucking gall to come here to Brian's home, against the court's order, spouting about "her" son.

Well, fuck that!

I draw on some of the things I learnt from my mother: I stand up straight, look her right in the eye and say softly, but with absolute certainty in my voice, "If you want to see Gus, apply through the courts. You're in breach of a court order coming here, and you're certainly not getting through the door tonight.

"In fact, if you don't leave now, without any more fuss, I will call the police. It's up to you."

She snorts, almost speechless with fury, then manages to say, "Don't think you can fucking threaten me. You're no one. You have no right ..."

I cut her off, not raising my voice, but letting some of the anger I'm feeling sound in the pure nastiness of my tone, "I'm the man the court says has the right to see Gus three times a week," I challenge. "And you're the one who's going to jail on contempt of court charges if you don't get out of here right now."

Lindsay tries to intervene again now, doing her 'peacemaker' bit. "Justin, Melanie is going back to Toronto tonight. I'm sure Gus would like to be able to say 'goodbye' to her."

What the fuck is her deal here? I mean, Mel has married some other dyke. Why the hell is Linds buying into this bullshit? But I can't let myself get distracted wondering about that. There is only one issue here and that's protecting Gus and Brian. I shake my head and respond, "Oh, I don't think so. She's not getting any more chances to fuck with his head."

I lift my wrist and, looking pointedly at my watch, pull out my cell phone.

"You have thirty seconds to shift your asses out of here," I tell them. "Both of you. I'll give Brian your apologies, Lindsay."

That actually seems to surprise her. "Now look here," she snaps.

But I cut her off. "It's our day with Gus," I remind her. "You don't have any 'right' to be here. You were invited as a courtesy but as you've seen fit to abuse that invitation, I'm withdrawing it."

That last is said in my best hoighty toighty WASP manner and it totally infuriates Lindsay. She is really angry now, and the fact that I'm using her usual weapons against her probably makes her even madder.

"We'll see what Brian has to say about that," she snaps.

Oh, puh-leeze. I can't believe she's trying the 'wait till I tell Daddy' routine.

Like I'll be so scared of what Brian will say that I'll be begging her to stay or something.

Fuck that! If I ever find myself dominated by fear of Brian's reactions to what I do, then it's fucking over. I'm never going to turn into some little housewife who quakes in her boots at the thought that something she does might upset her lord and master.

I find myself grinning at some of the more pleasurable implications of that 'lord and master' thing, which not only calms me, but totally rattles Lindsay. I follow it up with a killer punch.

"Linds," I tell her, "you really need to get your head around the fact that Brian is my partner."

I let a slight emphasis fall on the possessive pronoun. I don't need to say anything else, just let her hear my absolute certainty that Brian will support my actions.

Suck that up, Linds. By the way her mouth twists, it tastes really bitter.

Well, too bad.

Then I let the WASP mask slip. "Now get the fuck out of here, both of you."

They both gobble at me for a moment, but when I lift my cell and start to dial, they finally climb back in the cab which has been waiting all this time because they haven't yet paid. I'm guessing the driver just kept the meter running and enjoyed the show.

Good! I hope they ran up a fucking fortune.

Stupid cunts!

I wait till the cab has turned the corner, then dial Ms. Herschell's number. Brian made me program it into my phone in case of any problems and it's a good thing he did.

I get put through to her and after I tell her what happened, she says I did the right thing to call her. She asks if there were any witnesses to the altercation, and I tell her 'no', but that I'd recorded the whole thing on my cell phone.

When she speaks next, I know what Brian means when he says you can hear her shark smile down the phone.

"Excellent!" she says, and I can almost imagine her sitting rubbing her hands together like some villain in an old movie. Except she's not the villain; she may just be the fucking cavalry. Because I can't stand here all night to make sure neither of those stupid bitches come back, but maybe she can do something.

She asks me to email her the voice file and tells me that she'll advise the judge that Melanie has ignored the injunction; she says she believes that at the very least Mel will be told to get her ass immediately on a plane or she'll wind up in a jail cell. And that Linds will be told not to push her luck as well. Well, not exactly those words but that was the message.

Of course, we're going to have to deal with the fallout with Lindsay later, but at least Brian can have his birthday uninterrupted.

I'm just putting my cell back into my pocket when another cab draws up. This one's occupant is far more welcome.

"Hey, Em," I say, and open the door for him.

He falls out clutching all sorts of bags and boxes which turn out to be full of food.

Looks like the party's about to begin.

 

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Brian

I can tell as soon as he comes in that some other fucking drama has come up. He's looking at me like he's weighing up just what to tell me about it. I raise an eyebrow at him to let him know I'm onto him, and while Gus is distracted by 'helping' the fucking birthday fairy with the mounds of food he seems to think are necessary to feed half a dozen people, we head for the privacy of the bathroom.

He doesn't seem to know what he should say, so I prompt a little.

"You were a while fetching the milk."

He nods, takes a breath, then blurts out, "I ran into Lindsay downstairs."

I feel a headache coming on. I've finally got past being the subject of a fucking turf war between Justin and Mikey. Now it seems Lindsay's decided to start her own. I'm trying to work out how I can make it absolutely fucking clear to her that it's not a war she can ever win, when his next words derail that thought train more effectively than a fucking avalanche hitting the track.

"She had Melanie with her."

I stare at him, completely blind-sided for a moment. Then the wheels start turning again in a whole new direction.

"She said that Mel is leaving tonight and wanted to say 'goodbye' to Gus."

He pauses for a single breath, then says with a hint of defiance, "I told them to fuck off."

I just look at him, stare at him really; at this man they all still seem to see as a sweet little blond twink. Then unexpectedly I find myself snorting with laughter.

Fuck! but I would have loved to have seen their faces when that sweet little twink they were probably trying to patronize to death turned out to be a fighting tiger in disguise.

"Then I rang your lawyer," he finishes.

I realize that I'm still staring at him. I know there was a time when I would have been totally pissed off by his interference. But not now.

No, not now.

I grin at him and am reaching to pull him against me to start showing him how fucking glad I am he's here when Gus's voice breaks in on us.

"Daddy! Dus! There's peoples here."

Justin gives a little huff and leans up to kiss my cheek on the way past to open the door to Gus. I stop him, holding the door shut long enough to say, "J.R. They'll have made some kind of bargain about Gus and JR."

His eyes open very wide.

Then they go so dark they're almost black.

"Fuck!" he swears, softly and fervently. "Fucking cunt bitches!"

I shrug and kiss him quickly as Gus's voice once more demands our presence.

"They didn't get away with it," I tell him. "You stopped them."

I kiss him again, hard and fast and then, opening the door, I scoop Sonnyboy up into my arms.

"What peoples are here?" I ask him, determined not to let those bitches spoil Gus's fun.

He giggles as I hold him up and shake him a little.

"Deb-bee," he says. "An' Granpa Carl and Unca Mikey and Unca Ben."

Any other time I might work on correcting his pronunciation, but not right now.

Fuck! Mikey.

I wonder if he knows Mel's planning to get on a plane tonight. Weren't they supposed to have some sort of hearing about JR tomorrow?

 

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Justin

I just didn't see it.

I was wracking my brains trying to work out why the Hell Linds would buy into Mel's bullshit, but I just couldn't make the connection.

Brian, of course, got it right away. Linds was trading access to Gus to get some kind of deal about JR.

Never mind how badly Mel has fucked with the poor kid's head or how scared he was when Mel turned up at the hotel ranting and raving; how terrified he is that Mel will drag him back to Canada; or that we're just starting to get him to believe that he's safe here. Never mind how much of Gus's peace of mind is at risk here.

No. None of that means anything as long as Lindsay gets what she wants.

And she just thought Brian would go along with it. (She didn't even factor me into the equation at all, of course.)

Fucking bitch! She assumed Brian would roll, like he pretty much always has over things to do with Gus, because she's always been able to hold the whole 'you have no rights' thing over his head.

Well, those days are over. She hasn't got the upper hand any more. She can't play the 'be nice to me or I won't let you see Gus' any more. Brian has court guaranteed rights to Gus now. And, for that matter, so do I.

I see Brian go over to say something to Michael. Guess he needs to know that Mel is leaving.

Weren't they supposed to have some hearing about JR while Mel was in Pittsburgh? Guess that's not going to happen. In fact, it's probably why she's leaving in such a hurry.

Shit! Could she fuck up any more lives along the way?

Well, at least she's not here to fuck things up right now. And everyone else is. Even Deb and Michael. And while I couldn't care less if they hadn't showed, it means something to Brian that they're here. And that's what counts.

Gus has been getting more and more excited as people have been arriving - Ted and Blake, Cynthia, my Mom, and even Molly.

Brian actually takes the time to "introduce" Gus to Mom and Molly. I go to find my camera to get a decent photo of Mom with her grandson, and I don't notice at first that Brian has disappeared. Gus keeps coming up to me, pulling on my hand till I lean down to him so he can whisper in my ear, "Is it time for cake yet, Dus?"

The first couple of times I shake my head. But everyone's here now so when he does it again, I say, "You know, Gus, I think it just might be."

He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Is Mommy coming?"

"No, I don't think she can make it," I tell him, feeling my first twinge of conscience over sending Linds packing. But Gus doesn't seem to mind.

He just squeezes my hand and says, "I think it should be cake time now."

I laugh and lead him to the kitchen island. We clear Emmett out of the space and make a big production over getting out plates and napkins and forks for everyone.

Then we get out the cake and I carry it out to the table in the dining area with Gus going before me, clearing everyone out of the way. Once the cake has been placed safely in pride of place, Gus looks around for Brian.

He's coming down the steps from the bedroom with a strange look on his face. He smiles though when Gus runs over to him.

"Daddy! Daddy! 's cake time!" Gus squeals.

"Cake time?" Brian asks. "What's cake time?"

Gus laughs, tugging on his father's hand.

"Birfday cake time, Daddy," he giggles, pulling Brian towards the table.

My eyes meet Brian's briefly and he mouths 'later' as he allows himself to be pulled in front of the cake which is glowing now with the candles that Em has taken great pleasure in helping me light.

Brian's lips twitch as he looks down at the masterpiece his son has created for him.

The cake is frosted in a deep vivid purple - because, according to Gus, 'that's a speshul color and it's how my Daddy makes me feel'. All around the edge are a series of brightly colored - green and yellow and blue and pink - little frosting models of all sorts of items (maybe a little inexpertly sculpted, but it's still kind of clear what they are) - everything from sunglasses to underpants, shoes to planes to tiny cars. These are things that, to Gus, represent his Daddy's work.

I'd been surprised and touched to find out how many of Brian's accounts Gus knew about. Apparently whenever he saw an ad, he always asked his Mommies if it was one his Daddy had made. Bet Mel loved that.

In the center of the cake is a great big heart shape in red. Drawn onto it are the frosting outlines of three figures - one really tall, one with bright yellow frosting hair, and the other, much smaller, with a smile so wide it takes up pretty much the whole of the figure's face.

No prizes for guessing who they are.

'Happy birthday Daddy' is crammed round the edges of the heart and there are candles scattered into every free space. It's actually pretty garish, but the love that went into the decorating kind of explodes from every single tasteless inch of it.

Brian sucks his lips in for a moment, and then crouches down next to Gus. "Is this my birthday cake?" he asks in an almost little boy voice.

Gus nods vigorously.

Brian smiles at him. "I've never had such an ... amazing cake before. Who do you think made it?"

Gus practically bursts with pride. "We did," he asserts. "Me and Dus. And I decided on the dec'ations all by myself."

He pauses, then confesses, "Well, Dus helped make some. But I tol' him what we had to put on where and we did. Just like I wanted."

Brian ruffles his hair. "You know, I think it might be the best Daddy birthday cake in the whole world."

Gus beams at him, and throws his arms around Brian's neck.

From the sounds of all the throats being cleared I'm not the only one who's moved just about to tears by all this.

I am so fucking proud of Brian.

The cake, judged by just about any aesthetic standard is kind of awful. I know he's had to censor a million snarky comments. Especially because Gus chose the purple frosting that I'd bought thinking we'd maybe use it for some tasteful accents, not to cover the whole damned cake. Then there's the multitude of candles. Plus, I know from his expression when he first emerged from the bedroom that all the latest dramas are weighing on his mind.

But none of this comes across in his dealings with Gus; only his clear delight that his son has made this cake for him.

He hugs his son tightly, and I can tell he's pretty close to the edge, so I say loudly, "You'd better get up and blow out all these candles before they melt all over the cake."

Recalled to his cake monitor duties, Gus urges his father up and, face kind of red, Brian does his best to blow out the candles quickly before too many of the spectators can make comments on either how many candles there are, or on his blowing skills.

Deb does get in one crack about how he must be in practice since I got home, but it goes pretty much unnoticed, by Gus at least, in the applause and bustle over cutting and handing out the cake.

 

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Brian

It seems like a fucking long time before everyone leaves.

Deb and Michael both make attempts to haul me aside to discuss the JR situation, but Gus is all over me and that means they don't really get the chance. Smart little fucker. Already protecting his old man.

I mean, I've told them I'll pay for the lawyers or trips to Toronto or whatever else they need. But there isn't really anything else I can do. Except, of course, let everyone use Gus as some sort of bait to make the she-bitch behave more reasonably. And there is no fucking way that I'm going to let that happen.

They've got themselves into this situation between the three of them, and I'm not letting them use Gus to try to sort it out. Not when he's made it clear that just the thought of seeing 'Moma' practically sends him into panic mode. She scared him at the hotel and he's fucking terrified that she'll drag him back to Toronto. I'm not taking the chance that she won't say or do something to make him even more scared. If he asks to see her, I'll pay for her to come down here, or fly with him up to Toronto myself. But until then, he feels safe here and safer without her around, and that's how it's staying.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having a great time.

First they're all stuffing their faces on all the damned food that Emmett brought.

Then, after I give him a bit of a prompt, Justin makes his big announcement about the fact that he's fucking moving back here. It shouldn't come as any fucking surprise, but the women - and that includes Emmett - all fuss around him so it's only when I take my life into my hands and step into the middle of the throng and haul him out that we get the chance to tell them about the new house. That starts another round, and he looks like using all the fucking fuss to weazel out of making the other big announcement we'd agreed on, so I give a whistle to get everyone to shut up again and push him front and center. He's blushing and umming and ahing, so I step up beside him and say, "Our little genius here has been asked to submit a painting for an exhibition at the Warhol in July."

Then I step back and let them at him.

He's blushing and smiling and they're all fucking delighted for him.

I keep hearing things like 'right here in Pittsburgh', so hopefully they're getting the fucking message that it's actually okay for him to be back here; that he's made a good decision and isn't giving up a single fucking thing.

For one moment I regret that Lindsay isn't here to see this. Then, suddenly, I'm not. Because something tells me she isn't going to be totally delighted by this news. That it isn't going to suit her agenda at all for Justin to be able to show how successful he can be right here in Pittsburgh.

But she's not here, and there's nothing to cloud his joy in sharing this news with his friends.

Gus is a little puzzled by it all, but I pick him up and explain that Justin has been asked to put one of his pictures into a really big gallery where lots of people are going to be able to see it, and then he wants to give Justin a hug so I hand him over and then I can just stand back and watch my Sonnyboys lapping up all the attention.

But eventually things settle down and finally, finally! everyone leaves, and it's not long after that before we get Sonnyboy showered and tucked up in his bed on the futon.

We pull the screens round the bedroom closed to give us some privacy and Sunshine finally gets the chance to ask the questions that have been in his eyes all night.

But I cut him off.

"The lawyer called," I tell him. "She says I should file for an emergency custody order. She thinks that in view of Lindsay's fucked up behavior in turning up here with Mel, it's clear that she's ignoring the court's decisions and that means she could take off back to Toronto with Gus. Ms. H has already applied for an order to seize his passport and put him on some registry that will prevent Linds from getting a new one without checking it with me first. But she thinks that Linds could still take him off someplace away from us, where she and Mel can do deals over him and JR."

He looks at me, serious and stern, his eyes dark and dangerous. There's no trace of the sweet little twink here. Of all of them Justin is the one who would make the worst enemy, the toughest opponent, and I am so fucking grateful that he's on my side. Just the knowledge that he's got my back makes me so much fucking stronger - if only so that I don't let him down.

 

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Justin

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Ms. Herschell's right, of course.

But if we do this, Linds is going to go ballistic.

I take a deep breath and try to think clearly; pushing aside all the resentment I feel towards these women, all the desire to lash out at them and do as much damage as I can, and just focus on Brian and on Gus.

Especially Gus.

Because then it's really clear what the right decision is.

Gus doesn't want to see Mel.

He sure as fuck doesn't need to be used as a pawn in the fucked up games Mel is playing with Lindsay's head over JR.

Gus wants to be with his father, and with me, because we make him feel safe.

So that's what should happen.

Fuck the changes to the house. They can wait. There's no real reason why we can't move in there tomorrow.

The changes will mainly be to the downstairs rooms anyway, and we can live through those if we have to. If we move in there right away, and Gus moves into his own room it will help him feel more safe and secure. Like he has a definite place in the world.

So that's what we should do.

Plus it will go down much better with the courts that Gus will have a proper home, and his own room in a nice house in a good neighborhood and all that shit.

We'll need to organize some furniture in a hurry, but that's okay. The kitchen and the bathrooms will do for now. The most urgent change is to put a door through to the small upstairs bathroom from Gus's room, but maybe we could ....

I break off my train of thought when I realize that Brian is still waiting for my response.

I smile at him, small and tight.

"Brian, there really isn't a choice here, is there?"

He sighs. Something's bothering him and it's not just the thought of how Lindsay's going to react.

I put my hands on his shoulders and he rests his forehead against mine for a moment. Then he pushes me back on the bed and in a well practiced movement he falls on top of me, my knees spreading to welcome him and his elbows landing either side of me to take most of his weight.

We rest like that for a moment, then he says, so quietly I can hardly hear him, "You didn't sign on for this."

I almost laugh. I didn't sign on for cancer either, just like he didn't sign on for a moody bitch with a damaged hand. What the fuck has that got to do with anything? That's just details. I signed on for him, good bits, bad bits and everything in between.

"We'll work it out," I tell him.

"You've got a show to prepare for," he reminds me.

"So ...we'll drop Gus at school and I can paint until it's time to pick him up. Or some days if you're not busy you can pick him up. We'll figure it out, Brian. But Gus needs us right now. He needs us to step up and be there for him. So that's what we'll do."

For a moment he sort of goes limp against me, as if he's just put down some incredible burden. But then the usual Pavlov's dog reaction to our being in this position takes over and for a while "limp" is the last word to describe either of us.

Later, lying quietly together, we make plans. And later still he rings Ms. Herschell.

Lindsay isn't going to like it, but we're applying as soon as possible for an emergency custody order so that we can keep Gus with us. At least until we're satisfied that she isn't going to do anything stupid like handing him over to Mel to buy her some time with JR.

Looks like we're going back to court.
 

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