Homecoming

*33*

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

 

Some Days You Eat the Bear


Brian

It's nearly one o'clock before I get things sorted enough to make it home. By that time I've spoken to Gus three times and Justin twice. Sonnyboy sounds full of beans, Sunshine not so much. I'm guessing he had some kind of run in with Linds, but if it's important he'll tell me later.

In the meantime I've had blow by blow accounts from one of them on how the whole fucking bakeoff thing is going: "I helped Dus mix the cake and now it's baking, Daddy"; "We're waiting for the cake to get cool enough to put on the frosting, if you put it on when it's hot it will all melt and go gooey"; "We've finished the frosting and I did the pur … um, the best bit all by myself". And from the other one I've had repeated assurances that they haven't totally fucking trashed the place.

But at least they're there together with no sign of either Lindsay or the she-wolf, so now the only thing I have to worry about is what the fuck Gus was going to say when he cut himself off after the "pur" bit. 'Perfect'? 'Purr' like in purring pussy fucking cat? Or … I can hardly bring myself to think this … was he going to say fucking 'purple'? If he's picked purple frosting to decorate this fucking cake then my Sonnyboy must be queer as a fucking three dollar bill. Or maybe it's just the effect of being raised by fucking munchers.

Guess it doesn't fucking matter.

He's here and he's safe and he's happy and they're the only things that fucking count with me.

It's a shitload more than poor Mikey has right now. A stop off to see him on the way home was one of my tasks of the day. He wasn't all that glad to see me walk in the door of his little empire, but he's at least wised up enough to know that I'm not the fucking one he needs to worry about. Seems when Mel went to see him yesterday she didn't mention the fact that she's tied the knot with her Toronto tottie, and it wasn't until after I called and he confronted her about it that she came clean. But she still kept saying that 'of course he's JR's father, and nothing's changed' and all that shit. But when he said he thought it was time that either JR came down for a visit or he went up there to see her, she went ballistic, threatening that if he tried to force her to agree to either of those things then she'd make sure that the Canadian courts cut off all his access to his daughter. Fucking cunt!

So we commiserated about the wicked witch of the north and he told me what the lawyer has said about it (basically they're pushing for a hearing here in Pittsburgh while Mel is in town); and also what Ben's lawyer has said about the possibility of Ben getting out of the slammer soon - seems like it might even be in the next week or so. So between his happiness and relief that he's going to get Ben back soon, and his fear that he might never see his fucking daughter again, Mikey was so fucking all over the place that he actually agreed to let me pick up the tab for the civil suit at least.

He's still going to have some financial problems, because he's been trying to pay off the mortgage on just his salary, as well as picking up the legal bills. But I managed to convince him that as I was prepared to help Linds fund her fight for the right to be recognized as JR's parent, I should do the same for him. He got all emotional then, but fuck it! Mikey and Deb were the only real family I had for fucking years. I can't just stand aside and let the bigots and bitches of this world flush his whole life down the toilet.

Anyway, at least he's listening to his lawyer, and he's actually letting me help, so that was my aim for the day achieved and as soon as I could I escaped from all his Italian/drag queen sentimentality and headed home.

I'm expecting the loft to look like a fucking bomb site, but it's not too bad. If I look closely I can see traces of activity around the place, including (to my despair over what those women have done to my son's taste buds) a smear of bright purple frosting on the side of the refrigerator door, plus a few traces of flour or some shit on the floor near the counter and a DVD cover over by the entertainment unit. And, of course, about a dozen artworks for me to look at and admire.

Gus pounces on me as soon as I slide open the door, but then he stops and seems to hesitate. Not sure what that's about but I don't like it. It's almost like, just for that second, he's fucking afraid of me all of a sudden. I drop my briefcase by the door and sweep him up in my arms, tossing him in the air a little. I won't be able to do that for much longer that's for fucking sure. But I can right now and he squeals like a drag queen in heat but then he's laughing and after giving him a great big wet kiss on the cheek, which makes him giggle even more, I tuck him under my arm and walk over to kiss the other half of the Ace of Cakes duo.

Gus is still laughing and squirming so I set him down and when I look up Justin's eyes are shining at me like I'm the eighth fucking wonder of the world.

Maybe I am. Or at least, the fact that I seem to be fucking getting some things right with these two at least qualifies for that title.

But then Sonnyboy is back, clutching his artwork; so while the blond pastry chef pours me a cup of coffee, I lift the smaller one onto one of the kitchen stools and take a seat beside him so he can show me his masterpieces.

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
 


Justin

Whatever fears those bitches might have planted in Gus's mind vanish once he's actually with his father. Brian mightn't be everyone's idea of Father of the Year, and he might not be good at verbally expressing his emotions, but no one seeing him with Gus could doubt how deeply he loves his son.

And I'm sure that when Brian's actually there, Gus feels that love. He's a perceptive kid, and you only have to look at the two of them together to know that they have a real bond between them. I guess it's just when Brian isn't around that the doubts creep in. I can relate to that; but my doubts …

I was going to say that they were different, that they were honestly come by, but you know what? They weren't. They were planted, pretty much from day one, by the same people who've planted the same poisonous seeds in Gus's brain. Well, in my case, those two women were aided and abetted by good ol' Mikey, but Linds and Mel definitely had a prime role.

All the 'don’t expect too much' shit and 'he's an asshole and he's never going to change' and 'he only thinks about himself' - all that shit that I heard from them about Brian practically from the beginning. I mean, I used to think they were just looking out for me because I was so young and inexperienced; but now I wonder.

I mean, when you think about it, that whole thing at my "birthday" concert … what was that about?

Anyone who was really Brian's friend wouldn't have been harping on about what he hadn't done for my birthday, they would have been reminding me of all he had done for me - like piecing my whole fucking life back together for a start.

And anyone who was really my friend wouldn't have been encouraging me to flirt with Ethan, they would have been asking me if I really wanted to risk losing everything I had fought for with Brian over some stupid yearning for fucking "romance".

I mean, it's not like they even knew Ethan. They didn't know if he was a good guy or a shallow self-absorbed asshole who would cheat on me the first chance he got. The thing is, they didn't care. They just shoved me towards him anyway, practically pushing me into his arms, just like they had a hand in pushing me on that damned plane to New York.

Because it was never about me, about looking out for me.

It was all about Brian. About them deliberately setting out to undermine him - his happiness, the security he was starting to find with me. They did it for different reasons, but they did it. And they did it deliberately.

Twice.

And I let them.

Twice.

Fuck!

I have no fucking idea how I'm going to be in the same room as Lindsay this afternoon and not rip her smug, manipulative little WASP face off.

I guess I'll just have to try to remember that it's not about me, and it's not even about her, it's about Gus … and about Brian. And try my damndest not to let anything spoil this day for them.

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
 


Brian

I can tell he's stewing about something, but it's clearly not anything I've done, and it probably involves one or other of the fucking women in our lives, so with Gus here all I can do is to not make whatever it is any fucking worse by pushing him about it. Sweet little Sunshine can be as fucking passive aggressive as the worst hormonal pregnant woman, so instead of buying trouble I concentrate on trying to guess what all of Gus's drawings are and eat the salad he's made for my lunch while he and my son chow down on toasted sandwiches made from some disgusting processed shit that masquerades as cheese.

We finally persuade Gus to have some "quiet time" by putting on one of his DVDs and sitting with him while he watches the beginning. He must be pretty worn out by all the dramas in his life over the last few days because he's out like a light within fifteen minutes. We move him to the bed without him stirring an eyelid, make sure he's not going to roll himself out if he gets restless and then head out to the living area where Sunshine finally gets the chance to unload all the shit that's got him so worked up.

I'm not even surprised when he tells me the stuff that Mel has apparently said to Gus. For someone who claims to love my son, she's never hesitated in bad-mouthing me in front of him with no regard to the fucking damage she might be doing to him. I don't give a shit what she says about me; given my opinion of her, what she thinks of me could hardly fucking matter less to me. But that she regularly put my son in that position - that's fucked.

I try to be surprised at what Gus has apparently reported about Lindsay, but it's fucking typical of her weak-assed manipulations that she would come out with that shit. She probably didn't even mean it seriously. It's the sort of thing she'd say if he was being fucking "difficult" just to get him to settle down. She just never thinks about the effect that the things she says might have on the people around her.

Her and Mikey, they're two of a fucking kind in many ways.

Well, I've at least temporarily sorted things with Mikey, but I just don't have it in me to deal with Lindsay. Especially today.

Sunshine can have at her with my blessing.

But before Gus wakes up, I take time to call Ms. Fucking Hershell and fill her in on the latest. As usual, I can hear her pursed lips expression even over the damned phone. But she doesn't say much, just that she'll take a note and keep it on record. And she reminds me again that Mel is completely fucking banned from having any contact with any of us, especially Gus, and that we should be vigilant in enforcing that. For Gus's sake, if nothing else.

Who the fuck knows what she'd say to him, what poison she'd try to plant in his head?

What a fucked up bitch-whore she is!

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
 


Justin

Brian's amazing all afternoon. He doesn't tell me to calm down, or to take it easy or any of that shit. He just sort of gives me that 'a man's gotta do' look of his and calls his lawyer. Then we get on with preparing for the gang to arrive. Of course, we're in the middle of doing that when Gus wakes up. He's a bit grizzly. I think he's kind of confused about where he is at first. Then he's thirsty and I'm pouring him some milk. But he's too impatient to wait and he grabs at it and knocks the whole fucking huge bottle that I only bought this morning all over the kitchen floor. Before I can say anything, Brian steps in. He sends me and Gus up to the bedroom to change because we're both soaked with milk - Cleopatra would be proud - while he cleans up the kitchen.

Once that's done, I head off down to the local store to get some more.

I'm on my way back, just about to the doorway of the building when a taxi pulls up and Lindsay gets out. I'm congratulating myself on timing things so perfectly that I'm going to get a chance to talk to her away from Gus and Brian when I realize she isn't alone.

Fuck me if Mel doesn't climb out right after her.

"Mel just wants to say goodbye to Gus," Lindsay says before I can start the yelling.
 

Return to Homecoming