Persistence of Memory

Chapter 4 - Uncle Mike's Story

Gus would've preferred to talk to the Novotny-Bruckners all together, but since Ben was out of town on a book tour for another three weeks, and Hunter, who was now an Archaeologist and on a dig in Egypt until the end of August, he decided to not waste any time and to talk to Uncle Mike alone right away. The very next day after talking to Deb, he went to Red Cape Comics around closing time.

"Hey, Uncle Mike!"

"Gus! How's it going? How's Brian? I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks."

When Deb said that no one in the family was the same, she wasn't kidding. Gus was too young to understand all the nuances back when his father and Justin finally split, but he had heard enough stories from various members of the family over the years about his father's and Michael's misspent youth, to know that they used to be a lot closer BJ – before Justin. Life AJ – after Justin – was markedly different. Whatever role Uncle Mike played in the denouement of that relationship, it put a wedge between the two friends, who BJ and DJ – during Justin – were like brothers, and the rift took years to mend. Things were good between them now, but never the same – it was as if their friendship lost the "best" status and the brotherly aspect of it was gone, never to return again. They ceased to be comfortable around each other and though they saw and spoke to each other regularly, it was no longer an everyday or even a weekly occurrence.

"He's doing well, Uncle Mike. You should go see him. I know he's got a shitload of stuff happening at Kinnetik this week, so he's staying at the loft."

"I might just do that. What brings you to my humble little establishment?" he asked smiling. Gus liked comic books okay, though his preferred methods of entertainment were movies, books and occasionally video games, and he liked Uncle Mike a lot, but he rarely sought him out in his place of business.

"I want to talk about something. It's kind of important," he said honestly.

"Is everything OK with Rae? You are using protection, right?"

"Not you too, Uncle Mike!" Gus groaned. "What's with you people? Everything's fine between Sunny and me. This is about something else...Rather, it's about someone else..." He hesitated.

"Who? You're not cheating on Rae, are you?" Mike asked, his voice rising.

"God, no! I would never, Uncle Mike! This has nothing to do with my girlfriend, I promise. It's about someone else entirely."

"Who?"

"Justin Taylor. I want to know what happened between him and Dad. I want to know why no one talks about him. It's as if he has died." Gus noticed Michael wincing at those particular words, and he wondered why.

"Gus, not every relationship works out. People break up, move on and it's rare for exes and their friends to stay, well, friends, and talk about each other. Especially years afterwards..."

"Uncle Mike, please don't patronize me, I am not stupid. I was barely six years old when I last saw them together and I remember how they were with each other. They were going to get married for fuck's sake. Whatever happened must have been severe. Justin loved me like his own kid, yet something made him want to sever all ties even with me, with all of us and move to the other side of the world. And after that nothing was the same for anyone – I've heard that phrase enough times whispered about throughout the years. I just want to understand. I'm almost 18, I'm old enough to know the truth and I deserve to know it."

Michael sighed, rubbed his hands all over his face and raked his hair wearily. Then he went around the counter, locking the front door and flipping the sign to "Closed". He jumped up onto the counter, picked up a Captain Astro action figure, as if for courage, sighed and began.

"I haven't always been in Justin's corner. During the first couple of years of their non-relationship relationship I was pretty damn against him, but he wore me down eventually, like he did with Brian, like he did with everyone. He and I became friends, good friends. We produced Rage together. He even moved in with Ben and me for a little bit after the Nth time Brian and he broke up. I was even on Justin's side during that particular break up. That was before the bombing at Babylon, before Brian finally admitted to himself and to Justin that he loved him. Well, you know all about the wedding..."

"Not really. Grams told me that Justin wanted to get his art career going in New York, but they still could have gotten married, couldn't they? And why New York, why couldn't he have stayed here? There are several art galleries in Pittsburgh. My own mother works in one - she could have sold his stuff. So, why didn’t they get married?"

"Several different reasons. One of them was that Justin thought that Brian was doing the whole marriage thing only because Justin wanted it and was changing who he was in the process. Justin thought it was unfair. The New York thing was another reason. Justin decided to go to New York because..." he hesitated slightly and then went for it anyway, "...because Lindsay sort of convinced Justin and then Brian that he needed to be in New York in order to have any sort of art career."

"Mama did that?" At this point Gus wasn't surprised that that his mother was somehow involved, but this revelation was startling regardless. He had no idea his mother had anything at all to do with the wedding being called off.

"Yeah, she did. Brian didn't want Justin to sacrifice an 'opportunity of a lifetime' for some hetero idea of home, hearth and a picket fence. His words, not mine. They decided not to get married and do things long-distance while Justin tried to get established in New York."

"Well, that's a load of bullshit! There are plenty of artists working and living in the Pitts. We have one of the best art institutes in the country here, for fuck's sake! What were they thinking?" Gus exclaimed in dismay. "So, OK, he moved to New York. Why did they break up? What the hell happened?"

"Long story short, Justin was in New York and Brian was here, and miserable. So, let's just say I swung like a pendulum from Justin's corner to Brian's. I am not privy to all the details of their relationship that year. Brian isn't exactly the kind of person that confides in anyone willingly, if ever. And even though Justin and I were friends, we were never close enough for confidences. I just know it was hell on them both, but I barely saw Justin that year, and I saw Brian almost every day back then." He smiled wistfully, sighed deeply and then continued.

"That day, when everything went to hell in a hand basket, I don't even know who, how or over what the argument started. I think I might have missed some of the conversation, but whatever was said that started the argument, it quickly boiled over and everyone jumped in. Things were said by all of us...when we should have shut up and let them fight it out, then fuck it out, and then figure it out by, and for, themselves. When the smoke cleared Justin was walking away, Brian wasn't stopping him, he was actually telling him to go to fucking hell, and then he told us all to do the same and didn't speak to anyone for at least six months, except Ted and Blake, who luckily for them were out of town. He and I have never been the same..." his voice trailed off as he remembered the past.

"Why? I thought you said you were in his corner that time," Gus asked curiously.

"Because I said something unforgivable and for the second time, though not in the same exact words. As always, I didn't think, and in trying to defend Brian I put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship and damaged a friendship that he and I shared since we were 14."

"What the hell did you say?" Gus asked almost in fear.

"That I wished he'd died – Justin," he answered quietly, his eyes trained on the floor in obvious shame and his hands clutching the Captain Astro figurine so tightly, his knuckles were white. "I said something along the lines of I wished none of us had ever met him, that he'd never entered our lives. That I wished he'd just disappear and stop torturing everyone, especially Brian. That Brian would be so much better off if Chris Hobbs had finished the job," he explained. Regret was coming through clearly in every word he spoke.

"Chris Hobbs? The bashing?" Michael nodded. "I remember hearing about that. That was beyond fucked up, Uncle Mike," Gus said quietly, shaking his head. Gus was astonished; he never thought even for a moment that it was Uncle Mike who had done the most damage.

"I know. I regretted it as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but there was nothing I could do, the damage was done."

"What happened next?" Gus asked apprehensively.

Michael squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head once. For a moment, Gus was afraid that uncle Mike would stop talking, but then he opened his eyes and began speaking again, his voice somehow hollow, distant, and his eyes were focused somewhere beyond Gus, as if he was actually looking into the past.

"I thought that Brian would hit me again, like he did the first time I said something similarly idiotic. But he just froze – completely froze. I'll never forget that scene, ever! He just stood there like a statue looking at Justin and not saying anything, not contradicting anything, just standing there, motionless. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he had stopped breathing. I think we were all kinda frozen for a few minutes. There was this sudden deafening silence while Brian and Justin were just staring at each other. Then all of a sudden Justin went completely white and staggered, as if someone just stabbed him. Then he kinda moaned and I don't think I've ever heard anything more painful in my life. I wanted to apologize, to say that I didn't really mean it, but I just kept thinking 'Shit, I can't believe I just said that, I can't believe I just fucking said that,' and I couldn't say a word."

"What did Justin say?" For some reason, Gus's heart was beating fast and his hands were slightly sweaty. Uncle Mike's retelling of that scene was so palpable, so clear, it was as if he was there, watching it all unfold, desperately wanting it to stop, yet being powerless to do anything about it.

"He said, 'Don't worry, Brian, I'm as good as dead.' Then he basically told Brian that he didn't have to inconvenience himself anymore, he could fuck whomever, whenever and however he wanted, because they were over. He turned to look at all of us and said that he was grateful we'd put up with him as long as we did, but he was removing himself from this family and to consider him dead to us as well. He started to walk away and Brian finally unfroze. He said something like, 'Walking away again, Sunshine?' and Justin responded with 'You didn't want me with you to begin with.' Brian said, 'I fucking changed for you!' and Justin laughed. He laughed until tears were running down his face - it was heartbreaking...And then he said, ‘Changed? You pretended, Brian. Pretense isn't change. Besides, I've never asked you to change. All I've ever wanted you to do is to love me. TO. LOVE. ME. And to want, to really WANT to be with me. That's all.' Then he said that he was done, just done...with all of us. And then Brian said fine, he could just go to hell."

"Shit! That sounds fucking intense."

"And not in a positive, life-affirming way..." Michael mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Something your dad used to say quite a bit."

"And then?" Gus asked anxiously.

"I am not even sure, I was still in shock over what I had said; that something that I didn't even mean brought this kind of an end. I am not sure exactly what followed, but Brian essentially told us all to fuck off and stay out of his life. He walked out and refused to speak to anyone for months."

"What about Justin?"

"I tried to call him, to apologize, but he refused to take my calls or anyone else's for that matter. A couple of days later he changed his number and blocked all our emails, so they all came back as undeliverable. Then three months later we found out through Lindsay that he moved to London. He hasn't been to Pittsburgh since. I never got to apologize to either of them. I don't know how or why Brian forgave me and started speaking to me again. But when he did, it was only on a promise to never mention the name of Justin Taylor or to speak of that night to him ever again. I've kept my promise ever since."

"So, you haven't been in touch with him?"

"With Justin? No. He pretty much severed all ties, and immediately. He left town the same night. Within a week I was contacted by an artist, Jack Thompson, who knew Justin from PIFA. He said he heard I was looking for a new cartoonist for Rage and was interested in taking over. I was still reeling from what happened and Rage was the last thing on my mind. I guess calling his friend was Justin's final gesture of goodwill, despite what I had said to him. I couldn't produce the comic on my own, so I took Jack up on the offer right away, because by that point I realized that Justin wouldn't be coming back. Jack did pretty good, though some fans thought the illustrations were inferior and we lost readership for a while. Thankfully, not for long."

"Grams said he's been sending her hand drawn birthday and Christmas cards for years."

"Has he really?" Uncle Mike was clearly surprised. "Wow! Ma never said a word to me, to any of us! This is a first - she can keep a secret when life and death are at stake, but this...It's a shock that she hasn't taken a full page ad announcing to the world that her Sunshine is talking to her again."

"He's not. He just sends good wishes and tells her he's OK," Gus explained.

"At least that's something. No one else has heard from him in twelve years."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Uncle Mike said confidently.

After that, the conversation trailed off. There wasn't much more to add – it seemed that that's all that Uncle Mike could remember. Gus thanked him for telling him the truth and gave him a hug, because Gus saw in his uncle's eyes that he was begging for understanding and reassurance, even forgiveness. As disturbed as Gus was by what he learned, he knew that there was nothing he could do about the past and being mad at Uncle Mike on his father's or Justin's behalf for something he had said 12 years ago was rather pointless.

Just before Gus left, Michael asked, "Gus, do you love Rae?"

"She's...Sunny's pretty amazing, so yeah, maybe...I think so. Why?"

"If you love her, then hold onto her for as long as you possibly can. Love her with everything you've got and don't listen to anyone telling you to do otherwise. Oh, and Gus...if you ever need condoms, you let me know.”

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