Blue by Trisky

In art class, when I was 12, they taught us about the primary colors, and how each of them were the basis for all other colors. Blue always stood out to me, as the most ambivalent. It wasn't quite black, and it was too dull to really catch your eye. Red was passionate, yellow was bright and alive, blue was just there. And really what does blue go with? Black and white, or just another shade of blue. Of course there's always khaki, but khaki's not a color, it's a Gap retailers wet dream, and as someone in their target range, I must have gotten dozens of them off by now, partly by choice, partly by circumstance. I dress for function, not for fashion, and my wallet wouldn't allow me to do anything but, at this point in my life. I think I was wearing blue that night, a blue jacket, with some blue plaid print and jeans, my standard issue outfit. I just wanted to blend in, go unnoticed, until I got my footing. I remember the first time I saw him, the streetlight blinded part of my vision, and I thought he was wearing a blue t-shirt. It was only when he got closer, that I realized it was charcoal gray. Blend, blend, bend, bend. You know I hated that St. James uniform, and now I realize why, it was that same dull, suffocating blue they bury people in, proper and unobtrusive. And I always wondered why they gave brides something blue on their wedding day. Shouldn't that, like, depress them? I mean we have a whole category of music designed specifically for sad times, called the blues, but something blue is supposed to make them happy? How does that work? I know I have blue eyes, I seem like a hypocrite, but I didn't get to choose what color they were, and they never really stood out to me anyway. I like eyes I can't read, with different specks of color, there's something mysterious about them. Anyone can have dull blue or brown eyes, but if they're hazel or green, or some mix, well then they're not really a color, they're a blend, and you have to work extra hard to capture them. Gawd, that fucking blue light. It made him seem like some alien escaping from his planet, glowing with long fingers come to take me back aboard the ship. And the sheets... the sheets were blue too. Well except for when I splattered them white. Oh wait that was the duvet, or whatever the fuck he called it. I don't know, to me it was a blanket, a nice, warm, soft place. But shit, the bed was comfortable, especially compared to this thing. You wouldn't think it would be, but a quality mattress can go a long way in getting a goodnight's sleep, and eventually I think I just got used to feeling like I lived inside an X-Ray machine. Blue, see right through me, see right through his translucent skin, to tangled veins and tense muscles. Sometimes his arm would be underneath my ribcage and it felt like I was sleeping on a pull out couch, but I never slept more peacefully, even when he'd wake up in the morning and complain that he'd never get any feeling back in his hand, and I'd purposefully lay my weight down some more, as he tried to pull it out from under me. I didn't want to cut his circulation off, but I liked how he'd rub until he got he got some sensation back, it was my favorite wakeup call, and he always made sure I was up, no sleeping in allowed, even if it meant yanking the blanket, I'm sorry, the duvet, fuck it, the blanket, off of me. It's a goddamn blanket Brian, a BLANKET. And I'm sorry I shop at the Gap, and your hand underneath my stomach means so much to me, and all it means to you is your hand falling asleep. At least you have a fully functioning hand. Asshole. He is such an ass, I mean such an incredibly big pain in my ass, and not in a good way. Shape up soldier or ship out, no insubordination, be all that you can be... the Navy sailors wear blue too, don't they? Or is that the Army slogan? Oh I don't give a shit. FUCKING RAGE! Goddamn, motherfucking RAGE! That's supposed to be red. I'm supposed to see a murderous pool of red blood, that's what you wanted isn't it? It's what you wanted all along, get me so angry and disgusted, I would see red, I would see right through you and run in the other direction. "Wake the fuck up Justin, wake the fuck up", pull the blanket off of me and wake me the fuck up. Well fuck you, FUCK YOU. YOU picked the sheets, YOU slept with those damn lights on. YOU let me see right through you, in that scary blue light. YOU shut them off. You did this... you... You can't see me, couldn't see me then either. Drowning in blue.

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