Seeing Clearly

Chapter 7

Brian sat on his sofa staring at the curtains as they fluttered in the breeze coming through the open window of the loft.  He had opened the window even though it was still winter in Pittsburgh.  Somehow he felt like he needed fresh air.  He needed the cleansing quality of air, flushing out the old and replacing it with new.  That was kind of how he felt about his life.

It was a week since he had taken Justin to Babylon to meet his friends, who had been surprisingly quiet ever since.  No phone calls or unexpected visits to the loft – nothing to indicate that they had concerns about Justin Taylor and Brian’s relationship with him.  Brian couldn’t help but wonder what they were cooking up.  Their silence never boded well, as much as he might wish for silence from time to time.  Silence, however, probably wasn’t an indication of anything good – quite the contrary, if past experience meant anything.

With a little shiver from the cold, Brian stood up.  He walked over to the open window and closed it, gazing out onto the street as he did so.  It was a clear sunny day, not too cold.  Maybe he’d go for a walk.  He chuckled to himself.  How many times in his life had he ever gone for a walk?  Maybe once or twice when he was a teenager and wanted to get away from his fucking family.  It was always safer to go for a walk than to hole up in his room.  His father could always find him there.  He usually ended up at Debbie’s when fear of his father’s wrath drove him from the house.

Brian turned away from the window.  Maybe the thought that he should take a walk was symbolic – symbolic of his new life.  He certainly seemed to be heading off in a new direction.  He had a boyfriend and was in a relationship, a … committed relationship, if he was truly to acknowledge the situation.  He hadn’t fucked anyone but Justin, since he had been clobbered on the head.  He hadn’t wanted to fuck anyone but Justin ever since he had first met the lad.

Brian wandered across the loft to the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the fridge.  He wondered how Justin was doing.  The boy had gone to meet his best friend, Daphne.  She was going to fill him in on what was going on with his family.  Brian knew that Justin was still hoping for some sort of reconciliation, but Brian had to admit that letting Justin live with him was probably making that more and more unlikely to happen.  But Brian also knew that he wanted Justin here with him, and he didn’t want to let Justin go.  He was pretty sure that Justin didn’t want to leave either.

The crack on the head that had put Brian in a coma and made him temporarily blind had done more to him than just physical damage.  Brian knew he was in the process of re-evaluating his life.  He had to admit that there were a lot of things about his life that he didn’t like very much.  His old routine of one night stands no longer held much allure for him.  He wanted something more, something stable.  He wanted love in his life, not just fucking.

And love had come to him in the form of one Justin Taylor.  Brian knew that Justin was the best thing that had happened to him in a very long time.  He needed Justin, wanted him, loved him.  He wouldn’t let him go.

The buzzer sounded interrupting his thoughts.  Was this the beginning of the onslaught of his friends telling him how fucked up he was for getting involved with a kid, for thinking that he could have a relationship with … anyone?  He sincerely hoped not, but that was what was running through his mind as he walked to the intercom and pushed the button.

“Yeah?” he challenged.

“It’s Debbie.”

‘The big guns,’ Brian thought to himself.  With a weary sigh he pushed the button releasing the door.  He might as well get this over with.  He pulled back the loft door so she could get in and went to sit on the sofa.  He twisted the top on his bottle of water and took a drink.  He waited.

“Brian?” Debbie’s voice called from the doorway a minute or two later.

“Yeah, over here.”

“I brought you and your … boyfriend some tuna casserole.”

“Great,” Brian said half-heartedly.

“I’ll just pop it in the fridge … and then we can have a chat.”

Brian heard the fridge door open and close.  He didn’t bother to turn around, and he didn’t thank Debbie for the casserole that would most likely end up in the garbage.

“Where’s this Justin person?” Debbie asked as she walked over to join Brian on the sofa.

“Visiting a friend.”

Debbie sat down beside Brian.  “Tell me about him.”

“I…”

Debbie studied the man who was like a son to her.  “Got a joint handy?” she asked out of the blue.  They both might need some loosening up if this conversation was going to go anywhere.

Brian snorted.  “I’m beginning to think that’s the only reason you come here … to raid my stash.”  Brian stood up and headed for the chest in the bedroom that held his drugs.  He realized that since his blindness he hadn’t used any of them.  That thought surprised him, but then he smiled.  He hadn’t needed them.  He had Justin.  He grabbed his pot box and headed back to Debbie.

“Here, you can roll one.”

Debbie laughed as she accepted the challenge.  “I haven’t rolled a joint … for years.”

“And here I thought you and Vic sat around and smoked up at every opportunity,” Brian mused as he sat down beside her.

“That’s us, over the hill potheads,” Debbie chuckled as she rolled a joint quite expertly.  She handed it to Brian who pulled the lighter out of the box and lit it, taking a long pull.  He handed it to Debbie who did the same.

“So, tell me about him,” Debbie demanded with a little cough as the weed started to work its magic.

“He was arrested because of this stuff,” Brian said looking at the joint when Debbie handed it to him.  He studied the burning end of the joint before taking another pull.  In some fucked up sort of way pot was responsible for bringing him and Justin together.

“Arrested?  Michael didn’t tell me that.”

“Just what did Michael tell you?” Brian asked with a frown.

“He said this … kid, Justin, was way too young for you, that you were making a huge mistake.”  Debbie took another puff again giving a little cough, but feeling the smoke begin to mellow her out.

“And when did your son become the arbiter of all things Kinney.”

“He’s always been,” Debbie informed him.  “You know he loves you.”

“And I love him, but he’s got to let me live my life,” Brian said filling his lungs with the sweet weed.  He knew he needed the pot to get through this fucking conversation.

“He’s just trying to look out for you.”

“Michael needs to look out for himself.  I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Debbie asked pointedly.

“Deb, I … love him.  Have you ever fucking heard me say that before?”

Debbie frowned and stared into Brian’s eyes as he looked at her.  She could see that he was telling the truth about this Justin.  “No,” she agreed, “I’ve never heard you say you love someone … that way.  What’s going on, Brian?  I can see you’ve changed somehow.”

“Did Michael tell you how Justin and I met?”  Brian drew another mouthful of the sweet smoke before handing the small butt to Debbie.

“We may need another one of these,” Debbie informed Brian.  Brian began to roll one while Debbie finished off the first one.  “Michael didn’t tell me how you met Justin.  Is that important?”

“Very.”

“Care to explain?”

Brian licked the paper and sealed the joint.  He lit it taking a puff and then handed it to Debbie.  “Justin got caught with some pot.  He had to do some community service, so his mother talked him into doing it at the hospital.  He was assigned to me.”

“What do you have to do with a hospital?” Debbie asked confused.  “Brian, you’re not making any sense.  Have you had too much of this?” she asked holding the joint out to him, but only after she’d had another toke.

“I was a patient at the hospital.  Justin was assigned to me.”

“Patient?  What the fuck…?”

“I was mugged, Deb.  Hit over the head and robbed.  I was … blind for a few weeks.”

“B…Blind!  Holy fuck!”

“Yeah, good times,” Brian said sarcastically.

“But you can see now.”

“Yes, there was blood behind the eye putting pressure on the optic nerve.  It finally dissipated, and then I could see again.  Justin helped me when I was blind.”

“Jesus Christ!  Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Very.  And I fell in love with Justin while we were together.”

“But Michael said he was just some kid.”

“He is a kid.  He’s about to turn 18, but he’s smart and funny and strong.  He’s not just any kid,” Brian declared.

Debbie studied this man she had known for so many years.  She had never heard him talk like this before.  “Brian, you’ve changed.  You’re different.”

“Thank you, I’ve been trying to tell my friends that, but they don’t seem to want me to change.”

“Is that why you’ve been so secretive?”

Brian nodded slowly.  “That, and I wanted some time for Justin and me to really get to know each other.  We met under … extreme circumstances.  We needed to find out if we could do the day to day stuff.”

“And can you?”

“I’m pleased to report that we can … at least so far.”

“Phew,” Deb said pulling her T-shirt away from her ample chest.  “It’s hot in here.”

“Too much pot for you,” Brian chuckled taking the joint away from her.

“You got any chips or nuts or chocolate?” she asked.

“I could order in.”

“Only if you have another one of these,” Debbie giggled retrieving the joint from Brian.  She took another draw on it.

“You’re a very bad influence.”

Debbie snorted.  “I’m the best thing that ever happened to that snot nosed kid that Michael brought home one day.”

“Yeah, you are,” Brian admitted.  “That’s why I’d like you … and your son, to accept the changes I’m making in my life.  Justin is the right one for me.”

“Are you sure?’

“Debbie,” Brian began, “when you’ve had your skull cracked and been blind, the world looks very different to you afterwards.  I don’t want my old life anymore.  It was … empty, meaningless.”  Brian shook his head as he thought about all the wasted time.

Debbie squashed the joint into the ashtray.  She grabbed Brian and pulled him into a fierce hug.  “I’ve waited so many years for you to realize that.  I want you to be happy, Brian.  I want a good life for you.”

“Justin makes me happy.  We have a good life together,” Brian stated knowing that it was true.

“You’re a good man.  I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Deb,” Brian said as she finally released him from the hug.  “Shall I order pizza?”

“Pizza?  You?”

Brian laughed.  “I told you I’ve changed.  Justin loves pizza.  If there’s any left when we’re through with it, he can have it when he gets home.”

Debbie shook her head, but she had to smile.  Brian obviously cared about what his Justin liked to eat.  He was ordering pizza more for Justin than for the two of them.  “You order in, and I’ll make us another joint.”

“I better order two pizzas.  If you have another joint, you’ll devour a pizza all on your own.”

Debbie giggled but it didn’t stop her from rolling another one.

*****

Justin slid back the door of the loft.  Loud rock and roll music blasted out at him.  With a frown he stepped inside.  He’d never heard Brian play music like this, especially at this volume.

“Brian,” he called.  There was no answer, but if Brian was in the bedroom he probably couldn’t hear him over the loud music.

We built this city on rock and roll blared at him from the stereo system as Justin walked over to it to turn it down.  He pushed the stop button and turned around.  His eyes nearly leapt from his skull.

“B…Brian,” Justin said uncertainly.  Brian was asleep on the sofa with some … woman.

“Huh?” Brian groaned as he tried to sit up.  The woman was half on top of him and he couldn’t sit upright.  “Help me, Justin,” he asked.

Justin shook his head in disbelief.  Brian was shaking the woman trying to get her to wake up.  Finally she started to stir, and then she sat up.

“Christ,” she grumbled, “what the hell time is it?”

“Almost ten,” Justin supplied.  He took in her bright red hair and disheveled appearance.  He wondered what the two of them had been doing.  There were two partially eaten pizzas sitting on the coffee table.

“Who…Who are you?” Debbie asked rubbing her eyes and trying to focus.

“I’m Justin.  Who are you?”

“Justin, this is Debbie.  You’ve heard me mention Debbie,” Brian said trying to give Justin the high sign to be nice to the woman.

“Oh.  Oh!  Hello, Debbie.  I’m Justin,” Justin blathered.

“Nice to meet ya,” Debbie replied.  She had managed to get herself together a little bit.  She gave her tits a hike into her bra and straightened her wig.  Then she attempted to stand up.  It only took her a couple of tries to get vertical.  “You are pretty cute,” she said eyeing Justin up and down.  “You be nice to Brian, you hear me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Justin said.

“I should get going.  I can’t believe it’s ten o’clock.”

“You used to be able to stay up till eleven when you were younger,” Brian teased.

“You’re not so old I can’t take you over my knee,” Debbie mock threatened as she found her jacket.

“Ooh, I’d like to see that,” Justin laughed.

“Has he been teaching you kinky stuff?” Debbie asked glaring at Brian.

“Oh, no ma’am,” Justin assured her.  “He’s only taught me the best stuff.”

Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and looked smug.  Debbie smacked his cheek affectionately.  “Keep it that way, kiddo.  I have to run.”

“Thanks for the casserole … and everything,” Brian said.

Debbie raised an eyebrow in surprise then she smiled at him.  “I guess you really are changing.”

Brian nodded and grinned.

“Bye, Debbie, nice to finally meet you,” Justin said.

Brian walked Debbie to the loft door and pulled it back.  She reached up and kissed his cheek rubbing at the non-existent lipstick as she always did.  “You take care of yourself … and him,” she whispered.

“Does that mean that he has the Novotny seal of approval?”

“He’s got mine, and I’ll see what I can do to get Michael to give his,” Debbie promised.

“Thanks, maw,” Brian replied as he kissed her cheek.

“You’re making me so fucking flustered I don’t know what I’m doing,” Debbie muttered as she turned to leave and then turned back and then started to leave again.

“Bye, Deb,” Brian said once he got her safely on the elevator.  When Debbie disappeared from sight, Brian walked back into the loft.

“It smells like a rock concert in here,” Justin said as he was putting all the pizza into one box.  “How much did you two have?”

“I lost count,” Brian admitted.

“Are you sure she’s okay to get home?”

“She’ll be fine.  We slept most of it off.”

“God, Brian, that’s like getting your mother high,” Justin chastised him.

Brian laughed loudly.  “My mother would never even talk to me let alone smoke pot with me.”

“Is your mother still alive?” Justin asked.

“Yes, unfortunately, and no, you can’t meet her.  Not in the foreseeable future.”

“But…”

“Sh,” Brian said, putting a finger against Justin’s lips to shut him up.  “I’m horny as hell, and if you’ll take care of that, I’ll feed you pizza later.”

“Promises, promises,” Justin grinned as he started taking off his clothes.

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