Seeing Clearly

Chapter 2

“Hey, Mikey,” Brian said as he slid into the booth in the diner.  “Where’s Tweedledum and Tweedledee?”

“Ted and Emm just left,” Michael replied without blinking an eye.

Brian smiled.  He had waited until he saw the other two leave before entering the diner.  He had been hoping to catch Michael alone.

“I shouldn’t even be speaking to you,” Michael griped with a sour look on his face.  He crossed his arms on his chest and glared at his friend.

“Oh, and why’s that?” Brian asked as he signaled to Kiki to bring him a coffee.  The other bit of good fortune was that Debbie didn’t seem to be working today.

“I left you tons of messages and you never got back to me.  Where the fuck have you been for the last month?” Michael demanded.

“It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

“The only time I’ve seen you is in the park.  You were with that blond kid.  Who is he anyway?”

Brian sucked his lips in.  Was this the time to reveal who Justin was, who he had become in Brian’s life?  That was what he had come there to do.  “He’s my lover,” Brian said his voice little more than a whisper.

Michael’s mouth dropped open.  He looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.  Kiki chose that moment to arrive with the coffee pot.  Michael stared at Brian as Kiki filled the cup.  His eyes blinked several times, looking like he was trying to clear his vision.  He couldn’t seem to believe that Brian Kinney had said such a thing.

If Michael’s reaction wasn’t so important to him, Brian would have laughed.  Michael looked like a fish out of water, gulping for air. 

As soon as Kiki moved away, Michael hissed, “What the fuck do you mean?  Lover?  You mean you’re fucking him.”

“That too,” Brian said with a smirk.

“This isn’t funny, Brian.  He’s a kid, under age, you’re asking for trouble.”

“He’s almost eighteen, and he’s no kid.  He’s pretty…”  Brian searched for the right word.  He could say grown up, mature, helpful, wonderful…

“I can see that he’s pretty, but there’s more to a relationship than looks,” Michael expounded.

Brian stifled his chuckle.  “I was about to say that Justin is very mature and capable for his age.”

“His age is the issue.  He’s way too young for you.  You can’t be serious about starting a relationship with him.”

“It’s already started,” Brian admitted, taking a sip of his coffee.

“This is crazy.  What’s happened to you?  Who are you, because the Brian Kinney that I know would not be having this conversation,” Michael declared.

“Things change.”

“You don’t change.”

“Maybe I have.  Some things have happened.” 

“Like what?”

“I don’t want to get into all that at the moment,” Brian said.  He wasn’t sure he understood the changes himself.  He knew he couldn’t begin to explain them to Michael.  He also knew he didn’t want to deal with the questions Michael was sure to fire at him.

“Brian, what’s going on?” Michael asked clearly mystified.

“I have to go, Mikey.  I’ll talk to you later.”

Brian beat a hasty retreat from the diner.  Thankfully Michael didn’t follow him.  He had accomplished what he set out to do.  Michael knew that he and Justin were together.  It wouldn’t be long till his phone was ringing off the hook, once Michael informed the gang.  With a feeling of accomplishment Brian headed for the loft.

*****

Brian paced back and forth across the loft.  As he reached the windows each time, he’d stop and look out.  He wanted to see the now familiar blond head coming down the street from the bus stop on the corner.  Each time he was disappointed.

Justin had gone to his parents’ house to tell them that he was gay.  He would probably be back soon with his belongings in a duffel bag and his heart crushed because he’d been kicked out.  Either that or he might be locked in his room with his parents refusing to let him out until he changed his sexual orientation.  Brian did another loop of the loft.  Still no sign of Justin.

Brian sat down on the sofa running his hand through his hair.  He shook his head.  What the fuck was he doing?  Was he really crazy like Michael had said, trying to start a relationship with a teenager?  Brian rolled the idea over in his head.  He had avoided relationships all his life.  He knew they were bullshit and led to nothing but unnecessary heartache.  Look at Michael and Dr. Dave.

Brian’s thoughts then turned to Justin.  He couldn’t put his finger on what it was about the boy, but Justin had definitely done something to him.  Brian knew deep inside that he had changed.  The crack on the head, the coma, being blind, meeting Justin – they were all woven together somehow.  And they were all very important.  With a shock of realization Brian knew that his view of the world had changed.  His priorities had changed.  His life had changed.  Fucking and success in business were all that had been important to him before.  Now, he wanted more.  He wanted Justin’s arms around him.  He wanted companionship and … love.  He wanted the whole fucking spectrum of things that life had to offer.  And Justin Taylor promised to help him find all that.  Brian knew he couldn’t let the boy go.  He and Justin were inextricably entwined.  He had to see this relationship through to whatever waited at the end.

Brian stood and did another loop of the loft.  He stopped by the windows, drawing back the curtain.  As he looked out the window once more, a silver car pulled up in front of the loft.  The blond head he had been looking for jumped out.  Brian’s heart stood still.  Had Justin’s parents agreed to let him be with Brian?  Were they delivering their son to the loft?  That kid had balls, and maybe his parents did too.  Brian saw Justin pull a bag out of the backseat of the car, and then he leaned in to talk to the driver.  When he stood up, the car immediately drove away.

Brian waited for the elevator to come up.  When he heard it, he pulled the loft door open and waited as Justin’s blond locks came into view.

“Hey,” Brian said as Justin lifted the gate.

“Hey,” Justin replied trying to keep his voice level, not revealing any of the emotions he was feeling.

“How did it go?”

“Not good.”

“Oh?  I saw someone let you off.  I was hoping it was your parents.”

“It was my mom,” Justin said carrying his bag into the loft.  “My dad went ballistic when I told him I was gay.”  Justin hesitated to say more.  He set his bag by the sofa and kept his face turned away from Brian.

“What did he do?” Brian asked moving closer to Justin.  There was no response.  “Justin?”

“He … he hit me.  He slapped my face,” Justin managed to get out as his voice started to crack.

“Fuck!” Brian reacted.  He pulled Justin against his body holding him close.

Brian could feel the heaving of sobs coming from Justin even though the boy made no sound.  He buried his face against Brian’s chest and held on for dear life.  After a couple of minutes, Justin drew in a ragged breath.  Brian could feel him relax a little bit.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Justin moaned.

“I … I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Justin said trying to get himself under control.  He didn’t want to be a baby in front of Brian.

“It’s my fault.  I brought you here and started this…”  Brian didn’t know what to call it.

“I wanted you, Brian.  I still do.  I want to be here.  It’s nobody’s fault, except my fucking father.”

“I can’t believe he hit you,” Brian mumbled thinking back to his own experiences with a father who liked to use physical discipline.

“What he said was even worse,” Justin admitted.

“What did he say?”

“He said I wasn’t his son.  He doesn’t have a gay son.  He said that if I was his son, I’d take back everything that I told him.  He denied everything I am.  He hates me,” Justin said tears in his eyes as he leaned back to look at Brian.

Brian was about to say that it would be all right as time went on, but he knew that was probably not true.  Instead, he said, “Justin, you could go home and tell him you’re not gay.  I’ll understand.”

“Fuck no!” Justin replied adamantly.  “It took me long enough to get the courage to tell him I am gay.  I’m not taking it back.  I want to be here with you.”

Brian kissed the tear filled eyes, and then his mouth found Justin’s lips in a kiss filled with longing and heat and love.

The next thing either of them knew they were in the big bed recovering from a round of spectacular sex.

Justin turned to look at Brian who was still gulping air.  “That was great,” he gushed smiling at his lover.

“You’re wearing me out,” Brian admitted.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’

“Yeah,” Brian agreed.

Justin’s face grew thoughtful.  “Brian, how is this going to work?  Are you okay with me staying here?”

“Yes, I want you here.”

Justin smiled and then his bright shiny face got cloudy and sad.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I … I don’t know what to do about school.  I guess I can’t go to university.  I’ll have to look for a job.”

“You’re going to university,” Brian declared.

“But my dad won’t pay.  He’s disowned me.”

“I’ll pay, and don’t even think about refusing.  You’re going.”

Justin opened his mouth to protest, but the look on Brian’s face made the words die on his tongue.  “Are you sure?” he asked in a small voice.

“I’m very sure.”

“Can…can we call it a loan?”

“A loan?”

“Brian, I don’t want your money, but I do want to go to school.  I’ll pay you back when I get a job.”

Brian almost told him no, but he could see the sincerity and the worry on Justin’s face.  “Okay, it’s a loan.  You can pay me back when you become rich and famous as a…”  Brian hesitated when he realized how little he really knew about Justin and his hopes and dreams for the future.  “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Justin glared at his lover and then answered honestly.  “I know what I’d like to be, but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“What does that mean?”

“I…I want to be an artist.  I love to draw.  You’ve seen my sketches.”

“Yes, and they’re very good,” Brian told him, earning a bright smile in response.  “So be an artist.”

“My dad wanted me to take business courses.  I’ve applied to Dartmouth to do that.”

“A businessman … and an Ivy Leaguer.”

Justin frowned.  “What I’d really like to do is go to PIFA.”

“What’s that?”

“Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Art.”

“Then go there.”

“But … it’s really hard to get in.”

“Have you applied?”  Justin shook his head.  “No, my dad wouldn’t hear of it.”

“Is it too late to apply?”

“I don’t know,” Justin admitted sadly.  “Probably.”

“Find out, and if it’s not too late, apply.”

“You mean it?” Justin asked with a big grin.

“You should be the best you can be at whatever you decide to do, and no offense, but I don’t see you as a businessman.”

Justin chuckled.  “Me either.”

“Good, then that’s settled.”

“If you say so,” Justin replied with a grin.

“What are you grinning at?”

“You, you’re pretty amazing.”

“I am?  Why?”

“You’ve been through so much, Brian, but you take the time to listen to what I’m telling you, and you actually help with the solution.  That’s pretty special.”

Brian frowned as he thought about what Justin had just said.  He never would have listened to Justin’s problems in the past.  He would have used him and tossed him aside.  He certainly never would have asked the boy to live here with him, and never would have taken on responsibility for Justin’s schooling, for Justin’s life even.  He knew things had changed somewhere deep inside him, but he was just beginning to realize how much.  The odd thing was that the changes weren’t troubling him.  He actually liked them.  He wished his friends could feel the same way about what was happening to him, but he knew that was highly unlikely.

“Brian, where did you go?” Justin’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About you, about me, about us … here … together.”

“And it troubles you?”

“Yeah, a little bit.  It’s way out of character for the man I used to be.”

“Used to be?”

“The one I was when you first met me in the hospital.”

“You seemed okay to me.”

Brian laughed.  “Yeah, you were infatuated with the blind, gay man who was totally dependent on you.”

“Well, yeah, there was some of that.”

“That’s what I like about you – your honesty.”

“Is that all?”

“No.”

“What else?”

“Fishing for compliments?”

“Maybe,” Justin said batting his eyelashes at Brian.

“I think I started to … love you when you let me trace your face with my fingertips.”

“That was pretty intense … intimate.”

“Yes, and I knew you were the one after I did that.”

“What did you see with your fingertips?” Justin asked taking Brian’s hand and placing it against his cheek.

Brian closed his eyes and let his fingertips caress the soft skin of Justin’s face.  He began to recount what he remembered of that experience.  “I knew you were good looking,” he said.

Justin sighed.  “What told you that?”

“Your nose wasn’t huge.”

Justin laughed.  “I’m glad I don’t have a huge honker or I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Yes you would,” Brian said softly, and he knew that was true.  What he felt for Justin had little to do with looks.  His fingers traced along Justin’s nose then across his cheeks and over the eyelids.  “I could feel gentleness around your eyes.  You never seemed to be frowning or mad.”  The fingers slid across Justin’s brows, briefly caressing the temples.  “And your hair was so soft and easy to touch.”  Brian’s fingers tugged gently at Justin’s hair.  “And then there was your mouth.  It was so … full and firm and I just wanted to kiss it.”

“You can kiss it anytime you want,” Justin offered.  He had gotten hard again as soon as Brian had started to touch him.

Brian slowly opened his eyes, remembering and reliving that wonderful moment when he had regained his sight and had seen Justin standing in front of him.  He rolled towards Justin, gently wrapping his arms around him. 

“I love you.  I love who you are, and I want you around for a long, long time.”

“That’s what I want too,” Justin whispered before Brian’s lips captured his, and the world melted away into heat and passion.

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