Seeing Clearly

Chapter 1

Brian stepped off the elevator and walked past reception at Vangard.  He could feel several pairs of eyes staring at him, but he kept walking.  He had wondered what the reaction to his return to work might be.  Whatever it was, he was sure he could bluff his way through.

“Brian,” a voice said from behind him.  “It’s good to have you back.”

“Gardner,” Brian said turning to face his boss.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Cynthia said you were laid up with…” Gardner hesitated.

“With what?” Brian snapped.  What the fuck had Cynthia told them?

“She said you were contagious.”

“Contagious, yes, I was,” Brian agreed, deciding that he would go along with whatever Cynthia had told them.  What the hell kind of contagion was he supposed to have had?

“But you’re better now?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Not contagious.”

“No, not contagious.”  What had Cynthia cooked up as a cover story for his blindness?

“That’s good,” Gardner said.  “We wouldn’t want you spreading severe pink eye through the office.”

“Pink eye,” Brian repeated trying to keep his mouth from dropping open in surprise.  How the fuck had Cynthia come up with that disease.  “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

“Well, it is good to have you back, although the work you did from home on the cellular account was first rate.”

“Thanks,” Brian said.  “Cynthia was a very big help with that.”

“Yes, she said she worked at your loft a few days.  We were a little worried that she might get infected.”

“We, um, were very careful.”

“That’s good.”

“I better get to work.  I’m sure I have some catching up to do,” Brian replied as he turned and walked towards his office.  As he stepped through the door Cynthia arrived to ask if he wanted coffee.  “Don’t I always have coffee?” he asked.

“Yes, but I wondered if things had changed.”

“Does pink eye affect your personality?” he asked rolling his lips into his mouth.

Cynthia chuckled.  “I had to tell them something.”

“Couldn’t I have had something more glamorous … like bubonic plague?”  Brian smirked.

“Oh yeah, that certainly would have reassured them,” Cynthia said sarcastically.

“Coffee,” Brian ordered.

Cynthia disappeared through the door to get the desired beverage.  Brian was about to sit down at his desk when he stopped.  He scanned the room looking at all the familiar things that somehow seemed … different.  Did getting cracked over the head, lying in a coma for a few days, being blind and having someone try to murder you change you?  Brian stood lost in thought.  Maybe it did.

“Here’s your coffee,” Cynthia said from behind him, breaking him from his reverie.

“Thanks,” Brian said taking the mug and sipping the hot brew.  It was comforting that the coffee tasted the same as it always had.

“Brian, is everything all right?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly.  “Everything’s fine.”

“What do you want to start with?”

“I’d like to see the boards for Carrier Cellular.”

“But … that presentation has already been made.”

“I know, and we got the account.  I just want to see what they look like.”

Cynthia nodded.  Even though the ideas were Brian’s, he had never seen the final product since he had been blind at the time.

“I’ll go down to the art department and get them,” Cynthia said before she left his office.

Brian sat down at his desk and took another sip of his coffee.  He should boot up his computer and get to work, he thought.  He pressed the button to start the computer.  While it came on line, Brian’s mind wandered.  He and Justin had been almost inseparable for the time since Brian regained his sight.  But that had all ended with Justin going back to school today, and him back to work.  Brian felt a strange tugging sensation in region of his non-existent heart.  With a never before felt realization, Brian recognized that he was missing Justin.

Looking at the time on his computer, Brian picked up the phone and hit the familiar number.

“Hey,” Justin’s voice came on the line.  “You have good timing.  I’m heading for chemistry.  I only have a couple of minutes.”

“I’m noted for my timing,” Brian said.

Justin laughed.  “What made you call?  Do you need me?”

‘Always,’ was on the tip of Brian’s tongue.  “I … I miss you.”  There was a long pause, but he could almost feel Justin smiling.

“I miss you like crazy too,” Justin stated.

“I’m sitting in my office wondering what I’m doing here.”

“Um, I think it’s called work.”

“I’d rather be back at the loft with you.”

“But I’m not at the loft.  I’m at school.”

“I know,” Brian agreed dejectedly.

“You’re a big boy.  You can get through the day.  I know you can do it.”

“Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Anytime.”

“Are you at your next class?”

“Yes.”

“Then I better let you go.”

“I’ll see you after work.”

“You better.”

“Try to keep me away,” Justin chuckled.

“I did.”

“And look where that got you.”

“Right where I want to be,” Brian said with a smile.  Then he couldn’t help but wonder what made him say such a thing.  Before he was blind, he would never have admitted any such thing.  He never would have thought such a thing.  He never would have made this call.  It would never have occurred to him to do any such thing.

“Class is starting.  I gotta go.”

“Later.”

“Later.”

Brian set down the phone.  He wondered why he had called Justin and said those things to him.  He knew deep in his soul that they were all true, but it was so unlike him to admit and speak such things.  Could a crack on the head and being blind have changed him into someone who would do that?  It appeared so.

“Brian, I set up the boards in the conference room,” Cynthia said, sticking her head in the door.

“Be right there.”

Brian stood up.  He wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but something was definitely different.

*****

“I’m home,” Brian called as he entered the loft.

A blond bundle threw himself into Brian’s arms.  “I’m glad you’re back.  I cooked dinner.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” Justin said genuinely.

Brian kissed him hard.  He had never had anyone welcome him home.  He liked the reception.  Could he get used to this every night?  He thought maybe he could.

“Do you want to change before we eat?” Justin asked.

“Yeah,” Brian said releasing the young man and walking up to the bedroom. 

He changed into jeans and a wifebeater.  As he was about to return to the lower level of the loft he stopped at the top of the steps and looked into the kitchen.  Justin was stirring something on the stove.  He seemed so content in what he was doing, so engrossed.  The sight made Brian smile.

He came down the steps and stopped beside the table.  It was set meticulously with a bottle of white wine open and in an ice bucket on the table.  Brian picked it up and poured wine into his glass.

“Pour one for me too,” Justin said as he brought two plates of what looked like a chicken stir fry to the table.

“Are you old enough to drink?” Brian asked with a smirk.

“Just pour,” Justin ordered with a scowl.

Brian filled Justin’s glass and then sat down.  “That smells … good.”

“Thanks, it tastes good too.”

“How do you know?”

“A good chef always tastes his food to be sure it’s properly seasoned,” Justin explained in his best professorial voice.  “And I was hungry.  I’ve been nibbling.”  Justin grinned.

“Ah, a secret nibbler.”

Justin laughed.  “I guess you could call me that.”

“I just did.”

After they sat down, Justin began stuffing food in his mouth then looked up and smiled at Brian.  Brian took a taste of the food which was quite good.  He watched Justin eat hungrily.  The boy was still so young.  Brian felt a strange uneasiness as he thought about where their lives could go … together.  Could they be together?  Everyone he knew, and certainly Justin’s family, would have a fit if they found out.  Maybe he was making a big mistake.

“Why are you not eating?” Justin’s voice broke into Brian’s thoughts.  “Don’t you like it?”  His face showed a worried expression.

“I like it very much,” Brian told him, earning a smile in return for his kind words.

“What were you thinking about?” Justin asked.  He had stopped eating to study Brian’s face.

“Nothing.”

“You were.  I can tell.”

“You can, huh?”

“Yep, so you might as well tell me.”

Brian considered his options.  He could tell Justin to fuck off, like he would have told any other person who questioned him like that.  But he didn’t want to hurt Justin’s feelings.  He liked the boy too much for that.  He could remain silent, but he didn’t think Justin would allow him to do that.  Justin’s tenacity had become apparent very early on.  Or he could tell Justin the truth.  Somehow that seemed like the best option.

“Are you sure you want to know?” Brian asked.

“I want to know,” Justin averred.

Brian sucked his lips in thinking about how to broach this subject with the young man.  “Do you have to go home after dinner?”

Justin smiled.  “Do you want me to stay?”

“I asked first,” Brian stated.

“I told my mom that you still needed some help with things, because your vision wasn’t completely clear.  I can call her and tell her that I’m staying.”

“You’d be lying.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“But that doesn’t make it right.”

“Brian, I thought you wanted me here.”

“I do,” Brian admitted.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t like lies.”

“I don’t see how else we can be together, especially if we’re trying to keep it secret.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“You…you want to tell everyone.”

“I don’t know,” Brian said shaking his head.  “I just don’t know how we can make this work.”

“We can make it work … if we want it to.”

“It should be so easy,” Brian said sarcastically.

“I don’t really understand what the problem is,” Justin said rather mystified about what was troubling Brian.  Justin was ready to lie or do whatever was necessary so he could be with Brian.  Apparently Brian wasn’t willing to do the same.

“There are a million problems.”

Justin tried to think of something positive to say.  “Don’t you want us to be together?” Justin asked.  He felt his heart wrenching in his chest as he waited for Brian’s answer.

“You’re so young.  I … I’m not relationship material,” Brian said.

“Yes you are!” Justin contradicted.

Brian shook his head.  “You don’t know me.”

“I do know you, all I need to know.  I want to be here with you, and I thought you wanted me here.”

“It won’t be easy,” Brian said.

Justin looked at him hopefully.  That sounded like maybe Brian was willing to give it a try.  “You weren’t easy when I found you in the hospital, but we got through it.”

“You weren’t easy either.”  Justin smiled at him.  “And yes, we did get through it.”

“Then we can do this, Brian.  I’ll tell my parents if you want me too.”

Brian stared into the blue eyes.  “Let’s finish dinner then we have a lot to talk about.”

Times were really different when Brian Kinney was volunteering to talk about relationship issues.  He wasn’t sure who he was anymore.

*****

As the evening drew to a close, some important decisions had been made.  They had decided that they would wait until the weekend to start telling their families and friends about what was happening between them.  Justin knew that his father might very well kick him out when he learned what was going on.  Brian had promised that Justin could move in with him if that happened.  They had discussed how to tell Brian’s friends, and had finally concluded that the best way was for Michael to be told.  He would spread the news in no time flat.  With all those decisions made, they were only too happy to retire to the bedroom, after Justin called and told his parents another lie.

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