Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 24

Saturday morning Justin and Brian were in the Jeep heading towards the Munchers’ house. Justin had completed his first week of work at Kinnetik. He was loving every minute of it. Debbie had rumbled and grumbled when he told her he wasn’t coming back to the diner. Finally she had given in and put the Help Wanted sign back in the window. She had also allowed him to keep his room at her house. However, Justin hadn’t spent much time there. Brian had kept him very occupied at the loft when they weren’t at Kinnetik.

“Do you think your son will like me?” Justin asked as they drove along.

Brian shrugged. “I’m not even sure he likes me.”

“Briian!” Justin said with an accusatory tone. “He’s your son. He loves you.”

“Justin, I’m little more than a stranger to him.” Brian hated to admit that, but he knew it was true.

Justin frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that. “When was the last time you saw him?”

“A little over a month ago.”

“That’s not so long,” Justin said hoping to make it sound better than it was.

“I told you that I don’t really have any rights as a father. “Maybe we should turn around and go back home.”

Justin smiled at the use of the word home. “No, I want to meet him. How old is he?” he asked as they pulled up in front of the Munchers’.

“This is it,” Brian said. “And he’ll be five in a few weeks.”

They walked to the door and Brian knocked.

“Oh, what’s your son’s name?” Justin asked. “I never asked.”

“Gus … Abe … Gus … no, Abe,” Brian sighed.

“What?” How many kids could there be with the names Gus and Abe. Justin felt his heart pound in his chest. Could it be? The door opened and Justin stared at… “Lindsay!” he said in shock.

“My God, Justin, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me, after all this time.”

“How are you?” she asked, and then her face drew solemn as she saw Brian standing beside the young man that she remembered from the GLC all those years before. “Brian? How…?”

“Justin’s with me,” Brian said trying to look nonchalant, but clearly affected by the fact that his son’s mother and his lover knew each other.

“Come … come in,” Lindsay stammered.

“Care to explain how you two know each other?” Brian asked as Lindsay ushered them into the living room.

“Lindsay’s the first person who ever encouraged me with my art,” Justin said as he sat on the sofa beside Brian.

“You bought one of his sketches,” Lindsay said to Brian, as she remembered that night of the GLC art show so many years ago.

“Yeah, with my last hundred dollars,” Brian snarked.

“Really?” Justin asked with a huge smile for Brian.

Brian barely nodded, but it pleased Justin nonetheless. “Where’s my son?”

“He and Melanie are playing in the backyard,” Lindsay said.

“Should we go out there?”

“They’ll be in in a minute.”

Just then a little whirlwind came careening in from the kitchen. “Daddy!” Gus shouted. “You came!”

“That I did, Sonny Boy. I always come when I promise.” Brian gave Justin a little wink before Gus climbed up on his lap.

“Can we go to the park?” Gus asked his father.

Justin watched the interaction between father and son, waiting to be introduced to the little boy. It didn’t seem like Brian was a stranger to his son at all.

“Abe, I told you not to run in the house,” Melanie Marcus said as she entered the living room. “Hello, I’m Melanie,” she said extending her hand to Justin.

“Hi, Melanie, I’m Justin. You have a beautiful son, both of you,” Justin said feeling slightly awkward.

“Thank you,” Melanie said.

“Mel, you’ll never guess,” Lindsay said. “This is the Justin who drew the sketch of me and … Gus.”

“You mean Abe,” Melanie said flatly.

“Gus has told you that he wants to be called Gus,” Lindsay said with a frown.

“What sketch of you and Gus?” Brian asked, adding fuel to the fire between the two women. Somehow, Justin knew that Brian intended to do just that.

“It’s up in Gus’ room,” Lindsay said, happy to have support for her efforts to have her son be called Gus.

“I’d like to see it, after we come back from the park,” Brian said setting Gus down and standing.

“Yay!” Gus crowed as he slipped his hand into his father’s.

“Let’s go, men,” Brian commanded and they were quickly out the door before the two women had a chance to protest or stop them.

They started along the sidewalk with Gus holding onto Brian’s hand. Justin was on the other side of the little boy.

“Hi, Gus. My name is Justin.” Justin smiled at the boy.

“I know,” Gus said looking up into Justin’s face.

“How do you know?”

“I heard you intro…introduce yourself to Mama.”

“Oh, right. You have a very good vocabulary for someone your age,” Justin told the boy.

“I know. I like words.”

“Just like your father,” Justin said with a smile.

“Do you like words, Daddy?” Gus asked.

“I guess so. I use them every day.”

“Silly Daddy, we all use words every day.”

“He’s got you there,” Justin chuckled. Brian made a face at him. “How old are you, Gus?” Justin asked.

“Four and three quarters.”

Justin gulped and coughed. “How do you figure that?” he asked Gus.

“My Mommy told me that when I asked about my birthday.”

“I see,” Justin said with a smile. Brian’s son was one smart little cookie.

“Swings or slide?” Brian asked as they entered the small park not far from the Munchers’.

“Swings,” Gus replied immediately. “You always ask me that, Daddy, and I always say swings.”

“I know, but I like to check.” Brian smirked at Justin.

“Push me real high,” Gus ordered as he climbed onto the swing.

“Right you are, Sonny Boy.” Brian started his son moving and increased the force with each push. Soon Gus was giggling excitedly.

“For someone who’s a stranger to his son, you and said son seem to be having an awfully good time,” Justin observed. Brian smirked and shrugged.

“Justin, did you draw my sketch?” Gus asked.

“What sketch, Gus?”

“The one that’s in my room. It’s me and Mommy.”

“I guess I did, because I gave one like that to your mother a long time ago.”

“Did you know me when I was that little?”

“I didn’t know you very well, Gus, but I thought you were a beautiful baby.”

“I’m handsome,” Gus corrected making Justin laugh.

“Just like your Daddy,” Justin said looking fondly at Brian.

“Do you want a couple of slides before we go back?” Brian asked as he caught the swing and brought it to a halt.

“Don’t want to go back,” Gus pouted.

“Slides or home?” Brian declared.

“Slides,” Gus replied as he ran across the grass and climbed the ladder to the top of the slide. “Watch me, Daddy, Justin.”

Justin and Brian watched the little boy slide down with a happy giggle and then run around to climb back up.

“For someone who claims to never see his son, you know him pretty well, and you handle him beautifully.”

Brian merely shrugged. “I seem to know him better than I know you,” Brian said thoughtfully.

“What does that mean?”

“I didn’t know you had met Lindsay.”

“It was a long time ago, and if you had come to the art show a little earlier that evening, I would have been there,” Justin said gently.

“Yeah, maybe, but would I have been ready for … this?” Brian asked feeling a little light headed at what he was saying.

“And what do you think this is?” Justin grinned.

“You keep telling me this is love.” Justin frowned. “What?” Brian didn’t like that look on Justin’s face.

“Do you feel it?” Justin asked after a pause.

“Feel what?”

Justin let out a weary sigh. Getting an answer out of Brian Kinney about anything related to feelings was nigh unto impossible. “Love!” he said abruptly.

“I’ve told you…”

“I know…that you don’t know what love is. But aren’t you figuring it out even a little bit?”

“Am I?”

Justin shook his head and smiled. “I might as well talk to that sandbox over there. It’s less of a quagmire than talking to you.”

“Then why do you … continue to talk to me?” Brian asked pulling Justin against his chest.

“Because I’m a glutton for punishment.” Brian shook his head. “Because I’m too stupid to go pester someone else.” Brian snorted and shook his head again. “Because I’m as tenacious as a bulldog.” Brian perked up at that for a moment and then shook his head once again. “Because I love you, you big dope.”

Brian laughed and picked Justin up swinging him around. They both laughed and looked into each other’s eyes.

“Spin me, Daddy,” Gus begged suddenly appearing beside them and pulling on the leg of Brian’s jeans.

Brian gave Justin a quick kiss on the lips and then set him down. “Your turn, Sonny Boy.” He took Gus’ arms and spun around lifting Gus off the ground. The little boy giggled and yelled for more. After several spins Brian set Gus down gently.

“More, Daddy,” Gus pleaded.

“I’m getting dizzy,” Brian laughed.

“More.”

“How about if I spin you, Gus?” Justin asked.

Gus looked up at Justin studying his face. “You really made my sketch?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, spin me.”

Justin grinned as he took hold of Gus’ wrists and began to spin the boy. He laughed and giggled just like he had when Brian had spun him around. That made Justin feel really good for some reason.

When Justin started to feel a little dizzy himself, he slowed and let Gus gain his footing.

“Thanks, Justin,” Gus grinned.

“You’re very welcome.”

“Time to go home, Sonny Boy,” Brian said.

“’Kay, Daddy.” Gus held up his hands so that Brian could take one and Justin the other.

“Can I see your sketch when we get to the house?” Brian asked. Justin beamed at him.

“Sure, Daddy. It’s hanging in my room.”

Justin looked at Brian. “You never noticed it?” he asked, rather disappointed that the sketch had made no impact on Brian. Justin had thought it was one of his best ones.

“Daddy never comes to my room. We always go out,” Gus said. “Or we play downstairs or in the backyard.”

“I see,” Justin said glancing over at Brian who shrugged. Justin thought there had been far too many of those shrugs of resignation that he had witnessed.

When they returned to the house, Gus took Brian’s hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “Come see my sketch, Daddy. You come too, Justin.” The two men went upstairs with the little boy.

Justin was interested to see the sketch once again. It was hanging on the wall where Gus could easily see it from his bed.

“I see it first thing every morning,” Gus informed them.

“That’s good, Gus,” Brian whispered as he stared at the image of his friend and his son. It was beautifully done. “I think I might like to look at those sketchbooks of yours, Sunshine.”

Justin smiled warmly. “I’ll be sure to dig them out.”

“Can you draw me now?” Gus asked after a moment.

“I think that could be arranged,” Justin replied.

“When?”

“How about when we visit next time?” Justin proposed. He stressed the “we” to see what Brian’s reaction would be.

“That sounds like a fine idea,” Brian said and Gus nodded in agreement. Justin was rather pleased that he seemed to be invited for the next visit.

“Let’s go downstairs and see if Mommy has some milk and cookies for you,” Brian suggested.

“For you too, Daddy.”

Brian snorted, but smiled at his son. Justin slipped his hand into Brian’s as they followed Gus down the stairs.

“Would you like tea or coffee?” Lindsay asked as they came into the living room.

“Coffee for me,” Brian said and Justin nodded that he’d have the same. They sat down while Lindsay poured the coffee. She poured tea for herself and Melanie. Gus got a cookie off the plate before Melanie passed them around. Justin took one when Melanie held the plate before him. Brian refused.

“You could use some meat on your bones,” Melanie said rather caustically.

“My bones are just fine,” Brian retorted.

“Don’t start, you two,” Lindsay warned.

“Abe, wipe your mouth,” Melanie advised holding a paper napkin out to her son.

“I’m Gus, Mama,” he replied.

Melanie heaved a sigh. “It seems that you’re all conspiring against me about his name.”

“It’s the name he wants,” Lindsay said pleasantly.

“He wouldn’t know anything other than Abe if you all wouldn’t call him Gus.”

“I like Gus, Mama,” the boy piped up.

“I know,” Melanie replied eyeing them all suspiciously.

“Anyway,” Lindsay said, looking at Justin. “Are you keeping up with your art?”

“I’m working at Kinnetik as a graphic artist,” Justin explained.

“Oh? Is that how you two met?” Lindsay asked, fishing for information about how Justin came to be in their home with Brian.

“Sort of,” Brian said evading a direct answer.

“Did you go to art school?” Lindsay asked Justin.

“He went to fucking Dartmouth,” Brian snorted.

“Dartmouth?”

“I thought maybe you’d get into PIFA.”

“I did get in, but I decided not to go,” Justin explained. “Dartmouth was where my father wanted me to go. I took art courses there along with business courses.”

“Did you paint?” Lindsay asked.

“Some for classes, but I went through a rough patch where I painted my heart out afterwards.”

“I’d love to see what you produced.”

“They’re all in storage,” Justin said. “It’s quite a few.”

“Do you think we could have a look sometime soon?” Lindsay continued.

“I guess so,” Justin said hoping Lindsay would forget about the paintings before he needed to do anything about it. He wasn’t sure he wanted anybody to see the canvases. They were his pain and sadness, not meant for public viewing. Maybe some of the later ones where he was coming out of his funk would be okay for her to see.

“I’m always looking for young artists for the Sidney Bloom Gallery where I work. I know you’re talented.

Justin wrinkled his nose. He liked to be told that, but he still wasn’t sure about showing his paintings to Lindsay.

“Well, we better get going,” Brian said.

“Come visit me tomorrow, Daddy?” Gus begged. “Pleeeeease.”

“I…”

“Please, Daddy.”

“We’ll be here, Gus,” Justin said as he stood to follow Brian out.

Brian scooped up his son and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek, making Gus giggle. “See you tomorrow, Sonny Boy,” he whispered.

“You too, Justin?” Gus asked.

“I’ll be here.”
 

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