Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 14

Brian sat at his desk at Kinnetik. He was looking at the latest Liberty Air ads in a magazine. They were a crock of shit. Brian couldn’t help but wonder if they were the handiwork of Kip Thomas. The Ryder Agency was still functioning, but Brian knew that Marty Ryder couldn’t be happy about how his business was going. Brian had heard the rumors, as he was sure everybody else in advertising had. The agency was on a downward spiral into the toilet. That knowledge made Brian smile. He would like nothing better than to see the demise of the Ryder Advertising. It would serve Marty Ryder right for choosing Kip Thomas over him.

Brian let his mind wander to the possibilities of what his business might be like if he had Liberty Air as a client. He had spent four years working to build Kinnetik by going after small clients, clients that Ryder wouldn’t even look at. Brian had done well for himself … and his clients, all things considered. His clients appreciated his work. He had helped build many small businesses into successful and larger companies … just like Taylor Electronics.

Justin Taylor! The handsome blond flitted into Brian’s mind. A frown creased his brow. He had let Justin Taylor escape, and all because of Mikey. If only he hadn’t agreed to dance with his friend… Justin Taylor would have been his, Brian was certain of it.

But maybe it wasn’t too late. He flipped through his rolodex and stopped at Taylor Electronics. Maybe it wasn’t too late at all. His fingers hovered above the keypad of the phone. But he couldn’t lift the receiver and dial the number. It went against one of his main mantras – don’t chase after anybody. He wasn’t going to start now. Brian moved his hand back to his desk and looked at the Liberty Air ads again.

After a minute or two another thought crossed his mind. If the Liberty Air ads were as pathetic as he deemed them to be, maybe the company would be interested in making some changes. Maybe they would be looking for a new advertising agency. Maybe they’d be interested in him … again. Brian smiled as he picked up the phone.

A few minutes later he set the phone back on its base and leaned back in his chair. The executive in charge of advertising for Liberty Air had sounded interested in Brian’s proposal as they chatted on the phone. He even seemed to remember some of Brian’s ads from what … five years ago. Brian had done good work back then, and he could do good work for them again. The executive wasn’t the one Brian had dealt with in the past, but he had seemed interested. Maybe Brian could recapture some of the magic he had created when Liberty Air had first been his client.

 

*****
 

Justin Taylor was sitting behind his father’s desk, looking through the files his father had given him to learn more about the family business. Justin wasn’t sure why he was bothering to read them. He knew he would never be able to do this for a living … for the rest of his life. It just wasn’t him.

But first things first! He had to tell his father that he was gay. He couldn’t live like this any longer. He wanted to be open and above board for the first time in his life. He had done everything his father had asked of him. He had turned down PIFA, he had gone to Dartmouth, he had graduated near the top of his class, and here he was working in the family business … well, sort of. His heart certainly wasn’t in it.

Surely all his sacrifices would count for something and his father would forgive him for being gay. Justin had no delusions about being accepted as a gay man by his father. He knew where his father stood on homosexuality – right on a gay man’s balls. If Craig Taylor could wipe homosexuality off the face of the earth, he certainly would do it. The best Justin could hope for was that, maybe, because it was his son, Craig would be able to forgive him and not be too harsh. Justin truly hoped he could make his father understand.

With a deep sigh, Justin ran the words through his head once again. He had worked up a pretty speech to say to his father. Well, he thought it was an okay speech. He wasn’t sure how one was supposed to break this to a parent. But this was the best way Justin could think of to tell his father. He knew his father would go ballistic at first, but maybe after he had time to process it, he would accept his gay son. And then there was his mother. Justin suspected that Jennifer already knew … on some level, that he was gay. He thought his mother would handle him coming out better than his father might. Maybe he should have told her first, but somehow he felt the need to face his father without his mother breaking ground for him. It was time to stand up for himself and be a man, a gay man.

“Justin,” Craig Taylor said as he walked into the office. “Hard at work? That’s what I like to see.”

“Wow! You must have made good time coming back from Philadelphia.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“How did things go in Phillie?” Justin asked.

“All sorted.”

Justin smiled. That would mean his father would be in a good mood. Maybe this was the right moment to tell him. “Dad, could we talk for a minute?”

“I’m always here to talk about the business. Did you run into a problem while I was gone?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Mr. Kinney made his presentation. I thought it was very clever. I left you some notes about it in that folder,” Justin said pointing to a folder on Craig’s desk.

“Good work. I’m glad you handled that for me.”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, Dad.”

“Okay, shoot,” Craig said sitting down and leaning back in his chair.

“It … um … it’s about who I am,” Justin stammered. Suddenly he was having trouble remembering any of his prepared speech.

“Who you are? Oh, you mean like a title. I should have thought about that. How about vice president in charge of advertising … and miscellaneous other jobs,” Craig added with a laugh. “We’ll get you a proper title right away. Let me think about it.”

“But, Dad…”

“Don’t worry about it, Justin. I promise it will be something good, and I think it actually will be a good thing for us to divide the work between us. I feel like I’m running all over the place at the moment.”

“You are,” Justin said. He let out a sigh. Maybe the office wasn’t the place to do this. “Can I talk to you about something personal when you get home tonight?”

“Of course you can, Justin. You know I’m always available to talk with you.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll remember that.” Justin stood and walked out of his father’s office.

Joyce smiled at him as he headed to his own small office. It seemed like he was becoming a permanent fixture at Taylor Electronics whether he wanted to be one or not.

 

*****
 

“Erica, get me Taylor Electronics on the phone,” Brian said.

He had decided he wanted to talk to Justin Taylor and find out why he had left Babylon in such a hurry. Brian knew he was still interested in the blond and he certainly had gotten a vibe that told him Justin was interested in him. But Brian Kinney did not beg for attention. He did not pursue conquests, well, except maybe to grab them and drag them into the back room at Babylon. Brian snorted. He had done enough of that over the years, except for the couple of years that Stockwell had been mayor. Brian had managed to work around that while the back rooms were closed. He smiled. He had had more than his fair share of conquests in the back rooms, but this thing with Justin Taylor felt different somehow.

Brian rationalized that if he called Taylor Electronics, he would probably get put through to Justin, and then he could casually find out what had gone wrong at Babylon. Maybe he could put it right without being too obvious about it. He would like another crack at Justin Taylor.

“Line one,” Erica said to him on the intercom.

“Mr. Taylor?” Brian said into the phone.

“Yes, Brian, I like the ideas you showed to my son,” Craig Taylor’s voice came back to him over the line.

Brian groaned inwardly. This was certainly not the Taylor he wanted to talk to. He cleared his throat. “I’m glad that you liked the ads. Should we proceed with them?”

“I don’t see why not,” Craig replied.

“Good.” Brian was about to hang up when he remembered something else. “Oh, Mr. Taylor, Justin suggested that we change the color of the text to purple instead of black.”

“I’ve told you to call me Craig, and yes, I did see that in Justin’s notes. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I’m told on good authority that purple is the new black,” Brian smirked. “I think it would give an added boost to the ads. Make them stand out.”

Craig frowned. Purple was such a gay color. “If you use a dark purple, I suppose it would be all right. But none of that pansy lilac crap.”

Brian bristled at Craig’s pansy crack. “I wouldn’t dream of including lilac crap, Craig,” he said abruptly, choosing to leave out the derogatory reference to gays, and stressing Craig’s name. After all these years Craig Taylor still didn’t seem to have figured out that Brian was gay, just like he hadn’t figured out that his own son was either.

“Okay then, go ahead with the ads.”

“I will,” Brian said coldly. “Um … is Justin in today?”

“Yes, he is. Did you want to speak to him?”

“Yes. … Please,” Brian added as an afterthought.

“Need to check on the shade of purple?” Craig laughed. “I’ll put you through.” Craig pushed the hold button before Brian could respond.

“Justin Taylor,” a familiar voice said.

“Brian Kinney.”

“Hello, Mr. Kinney.”

‘Cold and formal,’ Brian thought. Not a good sign. “Justin,” Brian began, trying to sound casual. “What happened the other night at Babylon? You just disappeared.”

“I … um … I thought it was time for me to leave,” Justin said uncertainly. He really hadn’t thought he’d ever hear from Brian Kinney again, at least not other than professionally.

“Why did you think that?”

“Dad said you wanted to talk to me. I thought this was about our ads.”

“Your father thinks we should pick a shade of purple, as long as it’s not some pansy lilac color. What do you think?”

Justin giggled in spite of himself. “My father does have a way with words.”

“Yeah,” Brian snorted.

“I think it should be a deep purple, no pansy lilac at all,” Justin laughed.

“I agree completely. Maybe a royal purple.”

“That sounds good. Or we could do lilac and drive him crazy,” Justin suggested.

“You do have a cruel streak, young man,” Brian chuckled. “Um … would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I could bring some shades of purple for you to look at,” Brian said.

Justin frowned. Was he being asked out, or was this a business meeting? “I think you’re capable of choosing the right purple,” Justin replied, deciding he didn’t want to be involved in another fiasco like their night at Babylon. It was better to be safe than sorry. That was how Justin had lived most of his life.

“I certainly am capable, but I’d still like your input,” Brian countered, not wanting to directly ask Justin out.

“I…”

“Come on,” Brian said. “You’ll enjoy yourself.”

“Okay, if you can guarantee that I’ll enjoy myself,” Justin teased. “Can I meet you somewhere?”

Brian debated the ethics of picking Justin up, but decided that would definitely be too much like a date. “How about Pappagano’s at seven?”

“Okay.”

“I … I’ll bring the color samples,” Brian said lamely, refusing to let the words that he was thinking spill out of his mouth. He wanted to say that he was looking forward to dinner with Justin, but he refused to sound so lesbianic.

“Okay, seven at Pappagano’s,” Justin repeated before cutting the connection.

Brian pulled his phone away from his ear, looking at it like an alien item of torture. Justin had basically hung up on him. Brian couldn’t help but wonder where the enthusiastic young man he had taken to lunch a couple of days ago had gone. They had both felt the connection, but now Justin seemed to be totally disinterested. However, he had agreed to dinner. Brian would have to work from there. He set the phone back on the cradle and started planning for his dinner with Justin Taylor.

 

*****
 

“Are you ready to leave?” Craig asked just before six.

Justin had already asked his father twice if he was ready to go home. He was going to grab a ride with his father since his mother had dropped him off in the morning. Justin needed to get ready for his “business dinner” or “date” or whatever the fuck it was with Brian Kinney.

“Yes,” Justin said hastily standing up and grabbing his jacket.

“Let’s go.”

Justin followed his father out to the car and got in the passenger side. He wondered if he should bring up the topic of being gay. They could discuss it in the car, provided his father didn’t go insane when he told him and drive them into a telephone pole.

“Dad,” Justin said gently.

“Yes, son, you wanted to talk to me about something?”

Craig sounded calm, gentle almost. Maybe this was the right time.

“I … I have something to tell you, and I hope you’ll hear me out and not get mad.”

Craig glanced over at his son. “Did something happen while I was in Philadelphia?”

“No, this isn’t about business.”

“Then just say it, Justin. I’ve had the feeling for days that you wanted to tell me something. You’re not quitting the business, are you?”

Justin wanted to say yes, but that wasn’t really the topic he wanted to discuss. “Dad, for a long time now, I’ve known that I … that I’m gay.” Justin held his breath and waited. His father didn’t say anything. “Did … did you hear me?” Justin asked.

“I heard you,” Craig spat out, “but no son of mine is gay.”

Justin glanced at his father and saw the clenched jaw. At least his father hadn’t screamed at him. “I am gay, Dad,” Justin averred.

“I said, ‘No son of mine is gay.’” Craig repeated between clenched teeth.

“Dad…”

“Shut the fuck up, Justin. You’re not gay. You can’t be,” Craig declared. Justin could hear the desperation in his father’s voice.

“I am.”

Craig whipped the car into the driveway and slammed on the brakes. He exited the car grabbing his briefcase and turning his back on his son, who slowly got out of the car. This was not the reaction that Justin had expected. How could he be any clearer that he was gay, but his father refused to believe him?

Justin approached the front door of the house, following behind his father. Craig already had the door open having used his key to unlock it. He wheeled to face his son.

“If you’re gay, you don’t enter my house,” Craig stated with a cold emphatic voice. “Do I make myself clear? Make your choice.”

“Dad, I…”

“Choose, Justin. Come in if you’re … normal. Get the fuck out if you’re not!”

Justin heard the ultimatum with unbelieving ears. “I am gay. How can I say I’m not when I know that’s a lie?”

“Then find somewhere else to live. I have no son, and you have no place in this house.”

Craig stepped across the threshold and slammed the door behind him. Justin heard the lock click, effectively barring him from the place that had been his home for so long.

Justin had a key to the house, but how could he use it after what his father had said? With a sigh he turned and walked down the driveway. He half hoped his mother would rush out and tell him to come in, that she’d make everything all right. But no one came. Justin got to the end of the driveway and looked each way, wondering what the fuck he was going to do now.

After a minute he pulled out his cell phone. Maybe if he called a cab, he could find a cheap motel to stay in for the night. After that he had no idea what he was going to do.

 

*****
 

Brian was on his third scotch, and it was almost gone. He sat at his table with two place settings and stared at the entrance to Pappagano’s, willing Justin to walk through the door. He had been doing that for almost an hour, Brian realized, as he checked his watch once again.

“Would you care for another drink?” his waiter asked as he stood beside Brian’s table. “Or perhaps you would like to order dinner?”

“I’ve lost my appetite,” Brian said draining his glass. He pulled out his wallet and peeled off fifty dollars. He flopped it down on the table and quickly made his way out of the restaurant.

As he neared his Jeep, he cursed aloud. “Fuck!” He had been fucking stood up. If anyone was going to do the standing up, it was supposed to be him, not Justin fucking Taylor.

“Shit!” he said to his empty car as he slammed the door and started the engine. He needed the back room of Babylon, and he needed it now.

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