The Way It Should Have Happened…

Chapter 6

"The baby's....gone?" Bella asked, almost too quiet to hear.

"I'm so sorry. I should have been here. I should..." He couldn't think of anything else to say to her.

"What was it?" she asked.

"A girl," he answered, still unable to meet her eyes.

"A daughter. I was so sure...."

"Carlisle says you should heal just fine," Edward told her softly.

"How soon can we try again?" she asked in a stronger voice.

Edward stared at her, meeting her eyes for the first time. She still wanted a baby, even after everyone told her what would happen, after everything they'd just been through. He was beginning to believe that maybe he didn't know her after all. Maybe she didn't even know herself. She was only eighteen, after all.

"We can't," he finally answered.

"You just said I'll be fine. So we can try again," she stated.

"No, we can't," Edward repeated.

"Why? Because you all think it would be too dangerous? I was doing fine. I`m just clumsy, you know that." Her eyes suddenly grew wide and she jerked her hand out of his grasp. "You could have saved her but you and Carlisle decided to make the decision for me, didn't you?"

"No, of course not," Edward said, shocked that she could think he or Carlisle would ever do such a thing. Maybe it was an after-effect of the anesthesia, that she just wasn't thinking straight. "I told you. Carlisle did everything he could The fall..." He saw the look that crossed her pale features.

"You didn't want to save her, though," she said, a frown forming between her eyes as she studied his face. "I don't believe you."

"Bella, how can you say that?" he asked, stunned by her statement. "Carlisle would never purposely do something to harm you. And, surely you know I wouldn't, I couldn't do something to hurt you."

"I . Do . Not . Believe . You," she repeated.

He sat back in his chair, not knowing what to say. How could she say such a thing? Didn't she know his heart was breaking the same as hers? He wanted to give her everything she wanted from life, even giving immortality though it pained him to do so but it was what she wanted or what she'd said she wanted. How could she think he would have allowed their child to be destroyed? That he would have agreed to that?

Tears were gently rolling down her cheeks, soaking into the pillow below her head. He reached out to comfort her, to hold her but she rolled on her side, away from him.

"Leave me alone," she said, in a flat voice. "Just go."

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, touching her lightly on the shoulder, trying to connect with her. She twitched herself away from his touch.

"Leave . Me . Alone."

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said and he sat on the couch, watching her. Maybe she didn't want him here, but he'd stay here just the same. Where was he supposed to go? He didn't want to be with his family right now. He couldn't look at Rosalie, not now. Not ever if he had anything to say about it. But that would wait for later.

Carlisle came quietly in the room.

"Is she sleeping?" he asked, so quickly and quietly that Bella's human ears couldn't pick it up.

Edward shrugged. Carlisle put a hand on the boy's shoulder and gave a small squeeze, sitting beside him.

"Has she been awake?" Carlisle asked, too soft for Bella`s human ears to pick up.
Edward nodded.

"You told her about the baby?" Carlisle questioned, gently, not wanting to bring up the subject but needing to know to properly care for his patient.

Edward nodded again, then turned his anguished eyes to Carlisle. The shock and hurt were so evident on his son's face that he felt an almost physical reaction to it. Edward had been devastated when he'd left Bella, after the fiasco of the birthday party but, even then, he'd never seen such utter despair on his son's perfect features. The loss of the child was a great loss but he thought there was something else here, something he didn't understand.

"Let's take a walk. She'll likely sleep for awhile and we can talk without disturbing her or any of the family hearing us," Carlisle suggested. Edward watched Bella sleeping for a moment, sitting motionless, then, nodded and followed him down the stairs and outside, ignoring the curious glances of his family. A silent message, born of years of being together and reading one another's expressions, passed between Carlisle and Esme and after a moment she followed them out.

Carlisle and Edward trod silently through the woods together. Carlisle could see what an effort it was taking for Edward to hold his emotions in. He was able to treat any ailment of the body but he wasn't sure what to do to mend the heart. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Son, what is it? Bella's going to be fine, I assure you. She's young, strong," Carlisle asserted.

"She doesn't believe me. She thinks we purposely didn't save the baby. She thinks... she thinks..." Edward dropped to his knees, head in his hands, and tearless sobs tore through his body. Carlisle knelt by his side, saying what he could to comfort him, hoping Esme might hear them and feeling relief when he heard her quick light tread on the forest floor.

"Edward," Esme said, dropping to her knees beside him and cradling him in her arms. She sat with him, rocking him slowly, speaking softly, giving him what comfort she could, her youngest and oldest son at the same time. He finally quieted, sitting limply against a tree truck.

"What can I do?" he asked, hoping there was something that would make everything okay again, something that would bring back the girl he'd known before... was it only yesterday??? Before the baby that shouldn't have even been created. It was all his fault.

Guilt and sorrow warred within him. He shouldn't have come back, no matter what his brothers said. He knew he must stay away from her now, more than ever. He knew how stubborn she could be and she wanted another baby. He had told her he wouldn't touch her again while she was human and he would keep that promise but he knew he would have to get far away from her to keep it. As soon as she was well, he'd leave or he'd insist she went away for awhile, maybe to visit her mother and when she came back, they`d all be gone. And this time, it would be a clean break. She could go to college, resume her life. If she didn't want him anymore, then he'd do what she asked. He'd leave her alone.

"Edward," Esme said, wiping the hair back from his face, "just be there for her. Care for her, talk with her. She isn't herself just now."

"But that's just it," he said, trying to explain, "she told me to leave her alone. I've never seen her like this, since she became pregnant, she's behaved like someone I don't even know."

"She's just lost a child she wanted very badly. It will take time to heal," Esme said, a faraway look in her eyes. She was thinking of her own lost child, imagining holding it in her arms, feeding it, singing to it. Edward wondered if Carlisle realized how very badly she still missed her child.

Edward raised his eyes to his parents, not wanting to tell them the rest but knowing he had to tell them.

"She wants to try again," he said, disgust clear in his voice.

"No, she mustn't do that," Carlisle said. "I'll speak to her. As a doctor, surely
she'll listen to me."

He stood up and began pacing. Carlisle and Esme watching him closely, aware that he was near the edge, knowing he would take all the responsibility for Bella's pain and heartache on himself.

"I don't think so. I've never met anyone as determined as Bella once she makes up her mind. She wants another baby.......of mine!!" he whispered, anguish flowing through his taut words.

"You can't," Carlisle began.

"I know that!" Edward said, his long stride carrying him back and forth. "I'd already decided before she lost the baby that I wouldn't.....that we....... until after she's been changed." Had he been capable of blushing, his face would have been scarlet red, he was so embarrassed to have to discuss this subject with his parents but he wanted them to know how determined he was to keep his wife safe, even from himself.

He stopped still, a frown creasing between his brows. He didn`t know how he would survive it but if she wanted a child more than she wanted him, he`d find the strength to let her go. He squared his shoulders, decision made.

"I'm going back in to sit with her," he said, voice calm but with a note of despairing finality. He turned and walked, dejectedly, back through the trees.

Although they couldn't read each other minds like their son could, a silent communication passed between Carlisle and Esme. Their lovely family was fracturing. It was even now possibly beyond repair. Although Bella had fallen, the upset that precipitated it had been all Rosalie's fault. With Edward's ability, he likely already knew the circumstances of his wife's injury and who knew what was going to happen when he confronted Rosalie.

Emmett had been trying yesterday without success to get Rose to leave before the newlyweds arrived home. Edward's phone call had brought out a rage in Rosalie that they had not witnessed since she had awakened as a newborn and taken her vengeance on those who had killed her.

Not able to convince her to leave, they had been assured by Rosalie and Emmett as well as Alice, that Bella would be safe here with them. Maybe it would be best if they could get Emmett and Rose to go away for a week or a year or a decade and do it quickly but Rosalie was insisting she had to talk to Edward first, to explain what had happened. Alice, with her foresight, was quick to point out what a very bad idea that was.

Why hadn't Alice seen it happening? Because it had been a split-second decision on Rose's part. She'd seen Bella walking past and had suddenly wanted to confront her. By the time the vision appeared to Alice it was far too late to change anything.

The two of them looked at their son`s retreating back, took one another's hand and walked slowly home.
 

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