THE ENDS REQUIRE THE MEANS


Chapter 2 – Further Discoveries

 

Brian and Justin looked at each other, both stunned into silence. It seemed to them that they were about to become more than “weekend dads” and the surprise couldn’t have been greater. Lindsay began to get concerned by their prolonged silence.

“Are you two okay with this? I really thought that you’d want to be active participants in raising Gus, especially if I would be living out of town for a prolonged period of time.” Lindsay started wringing her hands and pacing.

She walked to a recent painting that had been added to the media room. Justin had painted a very realistic portrait, which he rarely did of late. It was Brian, Gus and Justin all lined up on the sofa, eating popcorn and gazing in the same direction, apparently watching a movie on the TV screen. The object of their viewing was unnecessary, as it was unimportant to the feeling of the painting.

Lindsay continued to gaze at the painting, understanding how much these two men loved her son. She knew that whenever they were together, Gus’ best interest was always at heart and clearly the central focus. This was the place he would be happiest, if not with her.

She turned to look at Brian and Justin. “You have to know that this is very painful for me. I love Gus with all my heart. But I’ve been unhappy for a long time. That can’t be good for either one of us.”

“Gus told us you had been sad lately and hadn’t been going out with friends. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Oh Justin, it’s been much longer than that. I’m sorry Gus has started noticing. If I’d known that, I might have acted sooner.”

Now Brian’s curiosity brought him back into the conversation. “How long, Lindsay? How long have you been unhappy?”

With a firm stance she looked Brian directly in the eye and boldly proclaimed, “Since I watched Sam Auerbach and all my dreams drive away one night in front of my home.”

“Fuck, Linds. Why the fuck did you run off to fucking Canada if you weren’t happy with Mel and your life that far back? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I had to be a grown up and take the high road and set aside my own needs for the needs of my family. I was thinking that I was being selfish wanting to leave and pursue my dreams when I had a pregnant wife and a child. I was thinking that I didn’t have a choice and I was thinking I was trapped.”

Justin turned and snapped, “So rather than admit your own feelings you helped everyone else progressively join you in your misery. You robbed Brian of Gus and convinced him that the only way he could show his true love for me was to send me to New York, when it was you who wanted to go there all along.” Justin turned away, appalled at what he let spill out of his mouth AND at Lindsay’s confession.

Brian approached Justin and spoke softly while tenderly looking into his eyes. “We’ve been over this, Sunshine. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. We’re together and we’re happy now. Let’s move forward and leave those unpleasant times behind us. We found our way. Now let’s help Lindsay find hers.”

Then Brian held Justin as they were facing each other. The two kissed deeply and passionately, wiping away the painful memories. “So, Sunshine, we’re going to be parents. Carpools-R-Us will be open for business from the garage of glorious Britin.”

“Holy shit, I’m gonna be a father. I never thought it would happen.” Then Justin smirked, “I certainly couldn’t seem to get you knocked up.”

Brian snorted, “You haven’t had that many chances.”

“So you’re both willing to help me?” Lindsay chimed in. “Will you also help me tell Gus? I want him to understand that I’m not abandoning him. I’ll visit as often as possible and since you and Justin go into the city frequently for work, I was hoping you’d bring Gus all those times so I can spend time with him wherever I end up living.

It didn’t take Brian long to realize that there were still some unresolved questions especially since none of this had been shared with Gus. “Lindsay, if Gus has no idea what you’ve been thinking, who does, present company excepted?”

Lindsay turned back towards the painting on the wall and whispered something that was barely audible. Justin looked at Brian with a growing concern.

“Lindsay, we didn’t quite catch that.”

“No one, all right. I haven’t told anyone—not even Mel. Isn’t that what you’re asking?”

“And how do you think she’s going to take this news? She’s not known for unselfishly supporting your art, and certainly not known for supporting my involvement in parenting our son.”

“I’ll talk to Mel tomorrow.” Then Lindsay looked at both men, pleading, “I need this. I’ve become a vacuum inside. There’s nothing there. I do what I need to do to take care of Gus, but I have nothing that I truly care about. The only thing I’m filled with is regrets.”

Justin walked over to Lindsay and put his hand on her shoulder. “Lindsay, I’ll call Maggie in the morning and set up a phone appointment for the two of you in a few days. That way she can fill you in on the best way to proceed to get your pieces observed by the right people.”

“That’s great, Justin.” Lindsay hugged him, truly smiling for the first time all evening—probably for the first time in weeks. “That means so much to me.”

“Uh, Lindsay, have you thought about where you’re going to stay when you first get to the city. When Justin left, he stayed with one of Daphne’s friends.” Brian looked to Justin and Justin nodded knowingly in return. “If you’d like you can stay at our apartment for a couple of weeks, and just a couple of weeks, until you find a place to rent for yourself.”

“Uhm, well…”

“Oh fuck, spit it out Linds.”

“Well, I do have a place to stay. I’ll be staying with an old friend.”

Justin picked up his most recent copy of Art Forum magazine. “Oh shit, look Brian.” Justin opened the magazine to a huge spread in the center entitled, “Auerbach Returns to His Roots”.

“Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you know what you’re getting into with that guy?” Brian started pacing again.

This time Lindsay went to Brian and rested her hand on his shoulder. “There are only two men I’ve ever been attracted to both emotionally and physically. You and I were not destined for one another; your destiny is with Justin, I see that now, but Sam and I have been in touch lately. He found me when I moved back from Canada.”

“No shit.”

“No shit, Brian. We hadn’t seen each other in person until about two months ago. He came into town for just one night on his way back to New York from a gallery opening in Chicago.”

“So now you’ve gone hetero.”

“No, Brian, I’ve always been drawn to women, but I guess I’m bi, because when I’m with Sam I feel alive. It’s not that he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever met.” Brian snorted at that. “But we have a connection that’s not breakable. When we’re together, well, you know.”

Brian looked to Justin and gave a small grin to his partner. “Yeah, I know. There’s that one person that changes everything.” Justin walked over to Brian, placing his hands around his waist from behind and kissed the nape of his neck.

Lindsay continued, “Melanie doesn’t know any of this has happened.”

“Don’t you think when she finds out there’s going to be trouble? She’s not the one who initiated your break up and she’s the insecure dyke that’s threatened by anyone with a cock. This may send her over the top.”

“I’m hoping that our mutual love for Gus will keep her rational. We were together for nearly ten years before everything really started to unravel. She’s Gus’ other mother and she’s very intelligent. I’m hoping that she’ll understand what’s best for Gus and that will drive her to understand and make the appropriate decisions.”

Brian and Justin looked at each other wondering if Lindsay may just have read one too many fairytales to Gus. Neither man expected to see Melanie just roll over and accept Lindsay’s proposal, but for now they’d keep that to themselves.

“Well, guys, I’d better get home. It’s getting late and I have a lot of preparing and planning to do.”

“Including a call to Sam?” Justin asked. “By the way, Lindsay, why do you need my contacts when you have Sam Auerbach in your corner?”

Lindsay looked knowingly at Justin. “Yes, including a call to Sam, and because I want to do this on my own merit, not because someone owes Sam a favor and I’m the exchange for that.”

“Linds, you also have to prepare to talk to Melanie. Don’t keep this a secret for long.”

“I won’t. Thank you both. I know you’ll be wonderful parents for Gus. Let’s face it, you already are.”

With that, a very happy Lindsay left, leaving behind two very questioning men, filled with concerns and anticipating how to deal with Melanie when Lindsay shared her plans.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Brian and Justin slowly and silently turned off the lights throughout the first floor of Britin. Then they walked upstairs. After checking on Gus, who was peacefully sleeping with Leather-Daddy Bear, the two made their way to the master bedroom, where once inside they secured the lock so seven-year-old prying eyes couldn’t accidentally enter unannounced.

“Brian, I think I must be really stretching my imagination if I truly believe what I just heard. Does Lindsay want us to have 50-50 shared custodial and decision-making responsibility with Melanie when she makes this move to New York City? I know I’m creative, but even my wildest imagination wouldn’t have visited this scenario.”

“Sunshine, would you like a cigar -- we’re having a baby…well, maybe a little older than a baby, but he’ll be ours. Are you okay with this? When you and I made all those commitments and promises parenthood was never part of the discussion.” Brian had a concerned look on his face. He knew that Justin loved Gus, loved spending time with Gus. But this was a whole new deal. Neither had ever wanted or even thought about the option of being almost full-time parents.

“Brian, you’re right. This isn’t what we signed on for, but in some ways it’s better.” Justin approached Brian, held his face gently in his hands and brought him down for a kiss. Then Justin placed his arms around Brian’s back and held him tightly, leaning his head into his chest. His emotions were overwhelming him.

“Brian, a long time ago, after you were diagnosed with syphilis, Daphne asked me if I ever wanted kids. I laughed at that and reminded her of who I was living with.” Brian snorted and held Justin tighter. “But the truth was that I was only about 21 at the time and I wasn’t thinking about kids. My life, our lives, didn’t allow for kids.”

“And now?” Brian pulled back needing to see Justin. When he saw a few stray tears streaming from his eyes, Brian wiped Justin’s tears away and kissed him gently.

“And now, all I can think is that I’m going to have a chance that not too many gay men get, to raise a child with the man I love. I think, in many ways, I’d just shoved that option aside as ludicrous because I couldn’t see either of us playing Mr. Mom and changing diapers, but Gus isn’t a baby, and well…”

“Well…”

“I already love him so much. This would really be like Lindsay giving us, me, a gift I never thought I could have.”

“You know it’s funny you call it that. When I signed over my parental rights to Mel, I told her she should consider it a very generous gift.”

“Brian, you’re a great father. Gus loves you so much, but do you think I can do this? I don’t want to let you, and more importantly Gus, down.”

“Sunshine, you’re a natural. You should be a father. You’ll be much better at it than I ever could be.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because you can teach him something that took me over thirty years to learn and I’m still working on.” Justin looked confused, “Justin, you can teach him how to love and express it, as a man. You’re a natural. You’re the most loving man I know, and you’re no more a fucking dyke than I am.”

Justin grabbed Brian and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. They continued to kiss and touch, removing no clothing, simply expressing their feelings wordlessly. When they broke away briefly Justin looked at Brian. “Thank you. I can’t wait until Father’s Day.” The unspoken knowledge that Justin had hated that day since he left home was transparent.

Justin took Brian’s hand and brought him to the end of their bed. He ran his hand gently through Brian’s beautiful hair. Then Justin began to unbutton Brian’s shirt slowly, removing it gently as the two continued to silently stare into each other’s eyes. Justin removed his own shirt tossing it aside with Brian’s. He then motioned Brian to move to the head of the bed and had him lay back on the pillows. He removed his own pants and underwear and then slowly removed Brian’s, gently brushing his hand over the hair on his legs as he pulled down his pants and underwear together.

Justin placed himself over Brian and then finally leaned down as the two kissed deeply. It was as if they’d been apart for a month. The expression of newness in their world ahead brought a freshness to their kisses. They held each other as Justin began to rub his cock against Brian’s. Soft moans could be heard, but it was unclear whose utterances grew needier first.

Brian and Justin began to touch each other everywhere. There was a tenderness to each touch combined with a growing need and the heat of passion escalating. Finally, Brian opened the nightstand drawer and handed the lube to Justin. “You want to watch me prepare myself.” But Brian just shook his head slightly and Justin understood and smiled.

Justin put a liberal amount of lube on his hand and as he approached Brian’s hole he began sucking Brian’s cock. Brian began rubbing and grabbing Justin’s hair as Justin simultaneously worked Brian’s cock with his tongue and opened him with his hand, until Brian grabbed his hair and pulled him off, too close to risk going any further.

As Justin positioned himself between Brian’s legs, Brian spread his legs wider and when Justin pressed his cock inside, Brian wrapped his legs around Justin’s waist to hold on for dear life. Their love was passionate and powerful and it didn’t take many thrusts for both to reach beautiful, blinding orgasms.

Justin looked down at Brian and there were tears in Brian’s eyes. “Oh God, Brian, did I hurt you? Did I go too fast?”

Brian shook his head and pulled Justin down for a deep and loving kiss that seemed to go on and on. When they separated, Brian stroked Justin’s cheek with his thumb. “Happy Father’s Day, Sunshine.” Justin’s smile was so beautiful and warm that it alone could truly generate more heat and light than the sun.

 

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