THE ENDS REQUIRE THE MEANS


Chapter 1 – The Talk

It had been almost two and a half years since Brian and Justin got married. Sometimes Justin still couldn’t believe they had actually made a firm, life-long commitment to one another and sometimes he couldn’t remember when they weren’t married.

The most amazing part was that they really did develop a routine and a comfortable life together. It wasn’t so much that everything was perfect; it was more like everything in their lives was basically normal, without crossing the line to boring and dull.

There were no evil politicians to overthrow, no one trying to tell Brian and Justin what was good for them (except Debbie from time to time) and no one interrupting their lives together with some earth-shattering drama or another. It was just a typical day to day lifestyle…they fought, they made up, they fucked, they fought some more, they compromised, they fucked even more and they also made love…frequently.

One of the best things for Brian and Justin’s relationship was living at Britin. While the loft was a great option when they were in Pittsburgh late at night drinking or dancing at Woody’s and/or Babylon, home became Brian and Justin at Britin. It was like a safe-house away from the prying eyes of family and friends. It was hard to just drop in when they lived 30 miles away from everyone else in their crazy little family.

The only people who had extra keys to Britin or the loft were Michael and Jennifer, both of whom were sworn to use them only in emergencies…or to water the plants and take in the mail when the two were on vacations or business trips.

Lindsay used to have a key as well, but after Brian and she began to speak more frankly about their history and Lindsay’s confused expectations concerning their relationship, Brian asked her to return the key. He realized that she was still having some trouble setting boundaries and found it easy to use Gus as an excuse to drop in unannounced.

Fortunately Gus was not like his father in respect to talking. He was open and honest about everything he heard or observed and therefore unwittingly sabotaged Lindsay’s bizarre rationalizations for her random visits.

Gus. Gus was the shining light (other than each other) in both Brian and Justin’s lives. Justin highly doubted that he would ever be a birth parent, unless one of his female friends decided she wanted a child and asked. And the truth-be-told, Justin wasn’t sure he wanted the responsibility that came along with fatherhood…again. He considered Gus his son, and Brian had verbalized that same interpretation of their relationship more than once and demonstrated such whenever Gus was with them.

One child was enough for both of them. Brian made frequent business trips to acquire new clients all over the country. Kinnetik was no longer a local boutique agency, but had grown in stature as competition to some of the best agencies on Madison Avenue in New York City. In fact, whenever Justin went to visit Maggie, his agent, Brian always made sure to arrange at least two client/prospective client meetings.

On these visits to New York the two would stay at the apartment Brian bought for them, on the top floor of a newly renovated building in the West Village. This enabled Brian and Justin to spend the night comfortably in New York City after any long business day, followed by clubbing and enjoying the vast night life the city had to offer. The two were probably in the city at least 3-4 days a month. Considering the cost of the only hotels Brian would consent to visit, the apartment was probably a savings…not that Brian cared about that. He was more interested in having a place where he could keep his New York City wardrobe without having to haul it back and forth to West Virginia.

However, as life is always filled with surprises, Brian and Justin were shortly going to be more surprised than they’d ever expected.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

About a week before Gus’ usual weekend visit, Lindsay called ahead and asked to sit down and talk with Brian and Justin before she left, after bringing him to Britin. The fact that she actually asked, and specifically wanted to speak with both Brian and Justin, set some alarms ringing, but not nearly loud enough to predict the future.

Gus was still only seven and a half years old, so Brian invited Lindsay to stay for dinner with the proviso that they’d have their ‘talk’ after Gus was put to bed. She seemed quite pleased with that idea and the meal was a calm event. Gus didn’t drop any of Lindsay’s unspoken rationalizations so Brian and Justin were confident that this was all on the up and up.

Lindsay stayed in the media room to watch some news magazine program while Brian and Justin brought Gus upstairs, to his bedroom.

After he brushed his teeth and got into his pajamas he climbed into bed and surprised them both. “Daddy, Justin, I’m worried about Mommy.”

Brian tried to keep an even voice, “What’s worrying you Sonny Boy?”

“Well, Mommy is sad a lot.”

“What makes you think that?”

“She hardly ever smiles when we’re home. She doesn’t go out and have fun with her friends anymore. She used to tell me that when I had a babysitter it was because it was time for her to have grown up fun time.”

“Did that ever upset you?” Justin wondered.

“Oh no, Jus, Mommy was always happy when she went out on her play dates and that made me happy.” He smiled at the way Gus referred to Lindsay’s dates and realized that she must be doing something right if he wasn’t threatened at all by her dating. Hell, he remembered being threatened when his own mother started dating after the divorce.

“So, Sonny Boy, then what’s the problem now?”

“Mommy stopped going out to play with her friends. She doesn’t smile very much except when I tell her about stuff that happened to me that she’s happy about…like when I got a hundred on my spelling test and when I found out I was the tallest in my class for school pictures.”

Brian and Justin both smiled, hearing the important achievements in Gus’ life, and understanding that Lindsay was acknowledging them. But the fact that she was otherwise self-isolating and unhappy was definitely not a good piece of information. Brian and Justin only hoped that they’d learn more when they talked to Lindsay later.

“Okay, Gus, thanks for letting us know. Now, who’ll do tonight’s bedtime story?”

“I like when you both take turns reading. Here’s my new book from the school book fair. Jus, can you be Charlotte?”

That got Brian laughing. “Ah, Sunshine, relegated to a lady spider. Gives a whole new meaning to femme.”

“Shut the f…shut up.”

“Oh, and Daddy, you be Wilbur.”

Justin snorted, trying to hold back his own laughter. “Yes, Brian, I see we’re both being typecast. I’m a lady spider and you’re a big fat pig.”

“Sunshine, I’ll deal with you later.”

“Can’t wait.” Then Brian turned to Gus and started reading Charlotte’s Web.

After the two men reached the end of the first chapter it was obvious that Gus could barely keep his eyes open. With Brian on one side and Justin on the other, they tucked him in, handed him Leather-Daddy Bear, kissed him goodnight and turned out the light. Justin made sure the intercom in the room was set for one way listening so they could hear Gus, but he could sleep peacefully, not hearing anyone outside his room.

“What do you make of Gus’ little bedtime concerns about Lindsay?” Justin broke the silence as he and Brian approached the stairway.

“I don’t know Sunshine, I just don’t know. She’s been behaving where we’re concerned, so I can’t imagine why she’s not enjoying life with whatever gender she’s interested in at the moment.”

Justin swatted Brian lightly on the arm, despite the fact that he had been thinking the same thing. “I just hope that we’re not going to get screwed, figuratively speaking of course.”

“My thoughts exactly. Let’s go brave the talk with my son’s mother.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Brian and Justin walked down the stairs and headed for the media room. When they arrived they found Lindsay, not watching the television or listening to music, but rather looking at the paintings and sketches hanging on the walls. Almost all were Justin Taylor originals, with the exception of a few Gus Peterson Marcus Kinney originals, added for good measure.

Lindsay turned around and looked at the two men as they entered. There was a tear streaming down her cheek that she left there to fall or dry on its own.

“You know, Justin, I always knew how talented you were from that first sketch you made of me nursing Gus. Your sketches and paintings, and your overall style have certainly matured over the years, but I always knew that you had a real gift.”

Justin was quite taken aback by that unexpected outpouring of admiration. “Lindsay, I’ve seen some of your work, including that painting of Sam Auerbach. When you’ve been inspired, your work has an incredible depth. It’s different than mine; but then it should be.”

“I thought I had talent, but I feared my talent.” Then Lindsay gave a half-hearted laugh. “I feared my talent because I feared being alone even more. The answer for me seemed to be to teach art, have a family and paint or sketch when time permitted.”

Brian slowly approached Lindsay and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. “Now, what do you think the answer is?” Brian glanced at Justin with clear concern in his eyes, Justin’s concern easily matching. Neither man was prepared for, or aware of, where this conversation was leading.

“Lindsay, Brian, why don’t we sit down.” Justin tried to get everyone to relax a bit in anticipation of a significant confession. “Lindsay, you said that you needed to talk to us and now you’re taking a walk down memory lane – a not so pleasant walk at that. What’s going on? Brian may not get anxious, but I’m getting a bit nervous about where this is all heading.”

Lindsay huffed a tiny laugh. “No need to worry. I’m not taking Gus out of town again.”

Brian and Justin both physically relaxed somewhat in automatic response to that announcement. But there was still the ultimate question in the air.

“I’d like to try my hand at creating again. I want to give my painting a chance. I know that it’s rough to start this late in life but I’m not that old and there are plenty of ways to pay the bills while I’m working on redeveloping my art.”

“Wow, Lindsay, that sounds great! What are you planning on doing? Are you going to ask Sidney for a recommendation as to where to find studio space? I’m sure he’ll be able to help you find something inexpensive but useful.”

“Linds, can you really afford this?” Brian added cautiously. “I don’t want to put a damper on your renewed interest in developing your talent, which for the record I thought you should never have undermined in the first place…but no regrets. What about health insurance for you and Gus if you give up full-time work at the gallery?”

“Well I’ve thought about a lot of those things, but the first is that I realize I could use some guidance.” Lindsay paused briefly, “Justin, as you know, I talk a big game…or at least I used to. But the truth is I’m not sure how to truly get my art career off the ground. Unlike you I don’t have an upcoming showing that I can invite an influential critic to attend.”

“Well, Lindsay, there’s a whole lot of ways you can proceed. I know you may not want to hear this, but you’re just going to have to paint your heart out and try to get your stuff into a rising artists’ show or two. The more you show your work and put it out there for scrutiny, the sooner someone will notice.”

Lindsay thought about all that Justin and Brian were saying to her. These thoughts had all been going through her head all along. She knew that she had to tell these men that loved her and Gus the complete truth about her plan of action. It was just so hard to defend what she wanted to do without a solid plan to accompany it.

“Justin, what do you think about putting me in touch with Maggie?”

“My agent? Lindsay, I’d be happy to put you in touch with her, but she won’t come all the way to Pittsburgh unless you’re part of a show. The fact that she found me in my studio was a fluke, and one I’ll always be grateful for, but that wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t in New York City. She doesn’t do studio visits out of state unless they’re with established artists.”

Brian stood up and glared. “Oh shit, Linds, you said you wouldn’t move Gus away. You’re not thinking of hauling your ass and his to Manhattan, are you? You just said…”

“Brian, Brian, calm down.” Lindsay spoke softly and stood up, looking directly at Brian, “No, I’m not thinking about moving Gus to New York, but I am thinking about moving myself there. If I could recommend it for Justin, I should take my own advice.”

“But what about Gus?” Justin couldn’t help ask the obvious question that was looming as large as the proverbial elephant in the middle of the room.

“You are NOT going to have him live with Melanie full-time are you? She already gives me plenty of shit when I have to pick him up from her place and that’s rarely.” Brian began pacing. He looked at Justin, as if to ask ‘what the fuck could Lindsay be thinking’. It was obvious that neither Justin nor Brian had an answer to that.

Giving Lindsay the opportunity to reinvigorate her artistic talent and flourish in New York City might be a dream come true for her, but not at the expense of Gus’ time with his father and Justin. They’d learned to love and look forward to his visits, and with a home the size of Britin, there was plenty of space to preserve privacy when it was desired by either adult or both of them together.

They’d even volunteered to take Gus overnight on weeknights from time to time. Since Brian went to Kinnetik daily for work, bringing Gus to school was never a burden, just added private time for father and son.

“Look, Lindsay, I can talk to Maggie, but I just don’t know what good it will do if you’re here and she’s there.”

“Thank you, Justin, but I do plan to get to New York City, and I do have a plan for Gus that does not include him living with Mel full-time.”

Justin instinctively got up from his seat and walked over to Brian. He put his arm around Brian’s waist as they awaited Lindsay’s suggestion for Gus’ future.

“Brian, I want you to have 50% physical rights and guardianship of Gus. You probably should have that anyway, as you’re with him more and more. I checked -- it’s just a matter of getting paperwork signed by all the parties involved.

I’d also like to give Justin rights when it comes to decisions regarding Gus, particularly in the areas of health and school issues, as he does have the most flexible schedule when compared with you and Melanie. This would also enable you to place Gus, legitimately, on your medical insurance plan at Kinnetik, as you would truly be one of his parents, or at least a guardian, in the eyes of the law. This way, I won’t have to give up my parental rights to make this happen.”

There, she had said her peace. Now she just had to wait for the reactions from the two men who seemed to be standing in front of her in shock.

 

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