I Do Again

Chapter 5
 

“Does it bother you?”

Reid was sitting on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, watching a Cubs game. They were losing, but rituals were comforting so Reid didn’t mind too much. “Did you say something?”

Luke sat next to Reid. “It’s the ninth inning and the Cubs are down ten to two with two outs and no men on base. The game’s as good as over, and I want to talk to you about something.”

Nodding, Reid noted the final hit of the game. A fly ball, caught in centerfield. The game was over. He reached for the remote, turned off the television, and turned to face Luke. There were times when his young lover wanted to chat about ridiculously mundane matters, but Reid had a sense this wasn’t one of those times.

“Thank you. I’ve had something on my mind for a few days now and I think we should talk about it.”

“Okay.” Reid hesitated but then decided to take Luke’s hand in his. “Should I be worried?” He hated that at times he still had brief moments of insecurity, remembering the days when someone else was Luke’s one and only.

Blinking, Luke stared at Reid. His eyes widened. “No, no! Nothing like that. In fact, it sort of has to do with the fact that we’re so great together.”

Still holding Luke’s hand, Reid let out a breath. “Good to know. So what’s up?”

“Does it ever bother you that we can’t get married and raise kids as easily as the heterosexual world?”

Reid thought about brushing off Luke’s query with a snarky remark, but one look into the intensity of the eyes peering at him, and he thought better of it. He closed his eyes, measuring his words, knowing the re-marriage of his parents seemed to be bringing up a variety of emotions for Luke. “I’d like to say I don’t give a shit, but then I’d be lying. When we had our commitment ceremony I knew you wished it was a wedding and we could be married legally.

“At least we’re able to protect each other on paper. Let’s face it, all those agreements we signed in Tom Hughes’ office made it pretty damn clear how much we’re invested in one another. Since that’s all we can have for now, I don’t have much choice but to accept it, and make the most of it.”

“What about the kids’ part?” Luke took a deep breath. “Other than a major, miraculous change in human anatomy, it’s nearly impossible for us to have a kid without incurring huge expenses, and that’s only if we can find someone willing to have a kid for us since adoption is still a dicey proposition for gays.”

“I thought we were happy. Is there something you think is missing in our lives and this is your way of telling me?” Reid could feel the hair standing up on the back of his neck.

“It’s just that I love you so damn much. Probably more than Katie loves Chris or my father loves my mother.”

“Good to know.” Reid decided to let Luke lead this conversation and not jump to any conclusions.

“Part of what brings them together as a couple, is the plan to raise a family.”

Remaining silent, Reid saw the distress on Luke’s face.

“I know we’ve never really discussed a family, because we can’t have one, but it really pisses me off because I’m beginning to understand where those feelings come from. Ever since my dad and mom had that conversation with us, all I can think about is how much I love you and how great it would be to have a family with you.”

Biting his lip, Reid thought before responding. He wanted to make sure his feelings were completely clear to Luke, and there would be no misunderstandings. “Luke, we live a hectic life. You and I both work long and inconsistent hours. We’ve shaped our lives that way because we can.”

Luke was about to break in, but Reid held up his hand, indicating he had more to say.

“I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember so the thought of kids never really crossed my mind. It seemed too unlikely, especially with the career path I’d chosen.” Now was the time for honesty -- not just with Luke, but with himself. “The crazy thing is, ever since you and I moved in together I have had fleeting moments where I fantasize about you and me having a kid or two.” Luke’s eyes lit up.

Continuing, Reid was nearly as surprised as Luke by what was coming out of his mouth. “It took me by surprise the first time I thought about it, but the truth is, if I thought there was any reasonable way of having a kid without having to strain our relationship jumping through hoops to get one, I might consider it -- with you.”

Before Reid could say anything else, Luke’s lips pressed against his. “I love you so much.”

“Right back at you, Mr. Snyder.”

Luke kissed Reid again, then rested their foreheads together. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who wanted more. I was feeling pretty selfish and greedy. It didn’t help that I wasn’t even sure you’d ever consider having kids anyway.”

“So now you know.” Reid ghosted his fingers over Luke’s cheek, feeling the warmth as his partner leaned into the touch. “It doesn’t change anything. We’re still a couple of gay men who don’t have a heck of a lot of rights.”

“Who knows? Maybe someday, in the next decade, we’ll have the right to marry and have kids without going through enough paperwork for me to open a new foundation.”

Chuckling, Reid wrapped his arms around Luke. “It’s not a bad idea. Unfortunately not enough people are ready to vote us into equality.”

Luke’s head rested on Reid’s shoulder. He could feel him nodding his agreement. “What about my little brother?”

“What about him?” Reid sat up, letting go of Luke so he could look directly into his eyes.

“We could spend more time with him. I think you’re a pretty good role model for a growing kid. Maybe he’ll want to be a doctor someday.”

“Instead of being a cowboy like his father?”

Luke laughed. “Knowing Ethan, he’d manage to be both.”

“Maybe he’ll want to follow in his brother’s footsteps.” Reid smiled at Luke.

“Get kicked out of school, drop his dreams, and run the family’s company.”

Reid’s eyes narrowed. “If that’s how you see it, give it up. Go back to writing.”

“I have to want to write to do that. I’m still not ready.”

“Look, I know the last thing you wrote was at the beginning of the end for you and--”

Covering his mouth to stop him from saying any more, Luke shook his head. “I don’t give a damn about what happened back then. I just haven’t had anything inspiring to write about.”

“Are you miserable with your work? You can take a partial leave and go back to school.”

“I’m not miserable at work. I sometimes wonder what would have happened with my career had I actually finished college. Maybe I’ll give it a shot someday, but right now I’m happy.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t sound too happy a minute ago.” Reid always wondered how such a young man could live with so many regrets. He hated seeing Luke feel like he couldn’t change his destiny at such an early age. Anything was possible if he wanted it enough.

“I really do love the work at the foundation, but I still miss my creative side. It’s asleep right now, but maybe it’ll wake up again.”

“If it does, don’t shove it on the backburner to do what you think is right.” Reid cupped Luke’s chin, forcing him to look directly at him. “I almost walked away from you because I thought there was nothing, and no one, who could come between you and Noah.”

“You didn’t come between us.”

Reid moved back on the sofa and stared in confusion at Luke.

Smiling, Luke brushed his fingers over Reid’s shoulder, resting his hand there. “Noah and I fell apart without anyone else’s help or interference. I’m just glad I was wise enough to see my true destiny.” Luke leaned in and tenderly pressed his lips to Reid’s.

“It’s strange how destiny works. What we have is so far from the picture I expected just three years ago. And now--” Reid’s voice trailed off.

“And now?” Luke ran a finger over Reid’s jawline.

“And now there’s no place I’d rather be than in our apartment in Oakdale, talking about the what-ifs regarding getting legally married and having kids of our own.”

“I really do love you, Reid.”

“I love you too, Luke. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t.”

“Hey, since we can’t have the real thing, let’s go take the pint-sized Mr. Snyder out for ice cream. The kid’s not so bad to be with and he can eat almost as much as me.”

“Sounds great. I’m sure my parents won’t mind one less kid underfoot with the wedding just a couple of days away.”

Although helping Lily and Holden wasn’t his motivation, if Luke needed to think that was the only reason to take Ethan out for some kid / big brother time, so be it. If nothing else, Reid would get a rich sundae and Luke would get to indulge in his desire to have a kid, with one who could probably use a little extra attention during wedding bliss time.

[TBC]

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