The Gus Diaries

Part 8

The Invasion

T-minus one hour and counting down the minutes. I haven’t seen my moms in 5 weeks but that’s no reason for them to think that I’ve gone nuts or that my dads suddenly morphed into insane club boys. Why would they do something stupid like that? I mean I know my dad still owns Babylon but I don’t even think he even knows how to get there anymore it’s been so long.

Justin keeps telling me that I’m being a supreme drama queen, and that Dad isn’t ready to give up the title yet, so I should cool it. But all I keep thinking about is how this visit is timed with Mom and Mem finding out about Jeff. That’s the last time I trust a 10 year old girl to keep a secret. When I told her not to tell our parents I figured Jenny would be smart enough to know that included her dad. He’s got almost as big a mouth as Grandma Deb, and I’m told she’s calming down now that she’s older.

Fuck this shit! I don’t even want Jeff to meet my moms yet. We’re really working out and pretty soon I may even be able to admit that I just might have a sort-of, kind-of boyfriend, and now they’ll come in here and fuck it all up. Jeff seems to be okay with the visit, but this is one time where he really doesn’t know what he’s in store for. He’s so confident and, well, smart and HOT. Now I want to see him, but I want to see my moms alone first. No use subjecting him to the invasion until it’s absolutely necessary.

Jeff actually volunteered to go with us to the airport to pick them up but I just told him there wouldn’t be enough room in Dad’s Jeep, which is true, but that’s a convenient reason.

This afternoon he was so great. After practice most of the guys go grab a snack at Luke’s, a local diner near St. James. It’s nothing like the diner Grandma Deb works for, but then, most of the guys on my basketball team aren’t like the guys that hang out at the Liberty Diner.

Since my moms weren’t coming in until really late Jeff and few of the other guys convinced me to go with them. It seems like the guys are really cool with Jeff and with me being around them. The best part is that they’re cool with me being with Jeff. I know MJ was worried about that and was relieved to know that I’m not being harassed at all.

Just thinking about the visit significantly curbed my appetite. I just got a soda and fries while everyone else packed away shakes, burgers and fries. Jeff must have noticed I was being quieter than usual so on the way back we let the rest of the guys walk ahead of us. They probably figured we wanted to be alone to make-out but instead we just found a grassy area near Jeff’s car and sat down.

“Gus, you’ve gotta relax. Your moms will think something’s wrong if you act like you’ve broken a law or something,” Jeff started.

“I know you’re right. Sometimes I wonder if they really love me for who I am or just when I’m who they want me to be.” It just popped out, but I realized that’s what I’d been worrying about most of all…that AND them letting me stay with my dads when they found out everything there is to know about me.

“You know,” Jeff went on, “My parents seem cool with me being gay. I get good grades, I’m pretty good at sports and I look okay.” I laughed and nudged his shoulder because he was clearly being incredibly modest. “But the truth is, I’m not sure I’ve ever known what this thing called unconditional love is. Because once it comes down to me demonstrating who I am, they want to turn a blind eye. It reminds me of that stupid rule I learned about in Modern U.S. History – the army had this ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy when it came to gays and lesbians. That’s what it’s like living in my house.”

“Wow, I didn’t know it was that bad.” I can be so profound—not.

“Yeah, sometimes I think that what I’m living with isn’t love…it’s hate.” Jeff really can be profound.

“I think my dads are the closest thing I’ve ever seen to unconditional love, whateverthefuck that is. They make mistakes but they never let it keep them from loving each other and they treat me the same way.”

“You’re lucky. You know who one of my heroes is? He’s this great athlete. Not a basketball star, but a real-life football icon I’ve been following since I was a little kid. While he was still playing the game he came out of the closet. He even gave up his fake marriage and fought hard to stay on his team despite harassment. Then some bigoted jerk on another team made an illegal tackle that killed his career when he lost the hearing in one of his ears. He had to retire from the Ironmen, but my Dad got me tickets to go to the game where they retired his jersey and he announced he was going to move in with his partner. It was so cool. Hey Gus, what’s wrong?”

I couldn’t stop choking and finally I said, “Oh fuck, do you mean Drew Boyd?”

“Yeah, isn’t he cool?”

“He’s definitely cool. He’s also my Uncle Emmett’s partner.”

“No fucking way! He’s part of your crazy family -- I gotta meet him.”

“Sure.”

“He’s someone who knows what unconditional means and about respecting yourself and the people around you. He spoke at St. James during my freshman year and the whole school gave him a standing ovation. I doubt that would have happened 10 years ago.”

“I know it wouldn’t have,” I haven’t told Jeff all the details about MJ yet. Whatever he might know we don’t talk about.

“You be cool with your moms and stand your ground.” And with that he leaned in and kissed me. I think my body may have gone a bit limp—except for one crucial body part. After giving me one amazing blow job, (much neater than a hand job) I tried to return the favor but Jeff cupped the back of my neck, kissed me and said was, “That was for you.”

“Jeff, I think…” he put his finger over my lips to quiet me.

“I think so, too.” Then he drove me to MJ’s Pittsburgh studio to wait to go to the airport.

After that I felt like I could believe anything is possible. Even my moms being relaxed about everything and listening before speaking.

Mom and Mem have to see that Dad, MJ and I are one little, happy, STABLE, family. Then I can bring Jeff into the picture. I hope Mom can muzzle Mem—she can get a bit out of hand when her mouth gets ahead of her brain. She’s one of those people who sometimes speaks without thinking and then it gets her (and everyone around her) in a shit-load of trouble. Actually she’s a lot like Dad in that respect but I don’t think I’ll share that with either of them.

 

*~*~*~*~*
 

The big welcome at the airport went smoothly. Mom and Mem each gave me a huge hug and a kiss and told me how much I’d grown. Jesus, it’s only been 5 weeks. But I just rolled my eyes and shut my mouth. Jenny gave me a huge hug and whispered, “I’m sorry,” in my ear. Well it least she knows where to lay the blame for this stupid visit. I can’t stay mad at her though, she didn’t do it on purpose.

It turns out that my moms rented a car so space wasn’t an issue after all. They figured if they wanted to visit the family they didn’t want my dads to have to act as chauffeurs.

“Like that would ever happen,” was all that Dad chuckled. And then he added, “I could have arranged a car and driver for you if you’d just asked.”

“We can take care of ourselves,” was Mem’s response. Well, I see we’re off to a great start. Blast-off.

 

*~*~*~*~*
 

When we arrived at the house MJ showed my moms to their room and I showed Jenny where she’d be staying. They were in two bedrooms that were joined by a shared bathroom. Mem grumbled something about having all this space and sharing a bathroom and Mom reminded her that this wasn’t a hotel; it was a modernized, early 1900’s home. At least Mom knows how to shut Mem up…most of the time.

I’ve always had the feeling that Mem wishes she was a guy so she, “Could have it all.” She must have gotten that chip on her shoulder at some point, I just don’t know why or when.

After everyone was settled we sat down to a late, light meal. Everyone was polite and fairly quiet. We talked about my grades (which are good, except for Algebra) and about living in the country and spending time in the city every day and about MJ’s next art showing. We talked about everything and it seemed like we talked about nothing at all.

Finally Mom opened her mouth and said, “I heard some interesting news from Michael.” I swallowed hard. “He seems to be under the impression that my little boy left Canada and grew up very quickly. Is there anything you want to share with us?”

“Not particularly,” I really have that eloquent response thing down pat, don’t I? “Mom, I’d rather not talk about my private life with you. I hope you understand but it’s personal and I’d like to keep it that way.”

I guess that was the wrong thing to say. “No, it’s not alright with me. Could you and JR please go upstairs? Mem and I would like to talk with your Dad and Justin privately.” (I hate when they call her JR—it makes it sound like she’s someone’s junior.)

“No, if this is about me I should be able to stay.” At that point I came close to stamping my foot but then Dad came up to me and said that if they discuss anything that I should be involved in, they’ll end the conversation, so I agreed. Of course that didn’t stop me from listening in from the top of the stairs. Jenny sat with me and we both covered our mouths so no one could even hear us breathe.

“Brian, what the fuck have you been teaching Gus? He leaves us and then one month later he’s dating—and it’s a boy no-less. What could you have been thinking allowing this to happen?” Mem practically yelled.

“Mel, let’s try to stay in control so we don’t say or do anything rash.” Mom is always trying to be the voice of reason.

Then Dad finally spoke up, “Our son has a mind of his own. He also has his own genetic make-up which happens to include the gay gene somewhere in his DNA. It should be obvious to you that he’s quite capable of making his own decisions and choices. The only involvement I had was to make sure that if he was interested in dating he would know all the facts and be totally safe with either sex.”

Dad took a deep breath, “If you must know, he’s still not even sure if he’s gay or bi and I have no intention of asking him to decide how or what he feels now. Each person develops at his or her own pace.”

MJ added, “Why are you so surprised that he’s dating? He is in high school. You knew he’d start soon.”

“I just wonder if being around two gay men led him to believe that was the way to go. Maybe if he’d stayed with us he would have been more likely to seek out a girl.” When Mem said that I nearly fainted.

“What the fuck are you talking about? You, two, of all people should know that we don’t pick and choose which sex we’re attracted to. Haven’t you always believed that it’s nature not nurture…unless pressure is involved? He should have a better opportunity to be himself than any of us had.” I love when MJ gets behind a cause. He’s so smart and so dedicated. It’s even more important now because I’m the cause.

“How dare you!” Why’s Mem so upset? “Of course I know it’s nature not nurture and I welcome whatever Gus wants to be I just don’t want being with a man to ruin his life.”

“What,” both my dads yelled.

At this point I couldn’t help myself. I ran downstairs and into the den. “How can being with a guy ruin my life? It’s like you only love me under the condition that I want to be with a girl, which is what YOU want for me. I don’t understand, Mem. It’s like you feel like you have to compete against guys in general and I’m one of them.”

“Oh Gus, I’ve loved you from the first time I felt you kick in your Mom’s belly. It just seems that being with a woman will keep your life more stable and less dramatic. I know what I’ve seen your dads go through over the years. Men are less disciplined and are more willing to take what they can get from anyone.” What the fuck???

If Justin hadn’t touched Dad’s arm I think he would have come close to smacking Mem. I couldn’t understand where any of this insanity was coming from. Then I saw Jenny poke her head in the room but she figured she better stay in the background. It was clear something was not right and then out of the blue something possessed me to ask, “Mem, it almost sounds like you’re jealous of men. Have you or Mom ever been with a guy?”

All of a sudden the room went silent and everyone looked at Mom. “Oh shit, did you date guys before you met and married Mem?”

Then Dad jumped in, “Just like you, your Mom’s personal life is her own business.”

“Not when it affects me! Well, Mom?”

“Gus, I did go out with a few men before I realized I was a lesbian; so did Mem. But we both knew we were lesbians by the time we met and fell in love. That has nothing to do with it.”

And then it happened. I thought I’d seen everything, but at that moment a tear seemed to get away from Mem and roll down her cheek. She turned away but it was too late and I guess in some ways I’m better at addition than algebra because I put two and two together.

“Mom, you’ve been in love with a guy before.”

MJ tried to shut me up, “Gus, please…” but my mouth got away from me again.

Looking around the room it was like the biggest light bulb in the world turned on, “You dated Dad before Mem. No wonder Mem gets upset whenever Dad is around. She’s jealous. Did you ever date anyone else?”

“Gus this is uncalled for.” Mom said. “I think this discussion is over.”

“Oh my God, you have!”

Then I heard Mem say, “Fuck!” as she tried to stay calm but I saw how upset she was and then I knew. Call it intuition or just a fucking good educated guess but I knew.

“You’ve been with a guy AFTER you two were married! No wonder Mem hates men, or is at least really jealous of them.” Looking at my dads I asked (although it was obvious), “You both knew about this didn’t you? Is that why they took me away from you when I was 5, so I wouldn’t be able to have any guys to influence my life? Is it?”

Dad ran his hand through his hair and MJ gave me a hug and said, “Your moms took you to Canada to give you a safe, tolerant and healthy atmosphere to grow up in. Your Dad and I were living in two different states at the time and it took all our time and effort to maintain our careers and our relationship. We weren’t ready to actively be parents.”

Dad took over the hugging and said, “Your moms love you and Jenny more than anyone in the world and whatever they did, it was always with your best interest at heart. Unconditional love isn’t perfect but I know that’s what they’ve got for you.”

Then Mem laughed, “I never thought it would take Brian Kinney to teach Gus about the attributes of genuine love. Gus, your Mom and I have had our ups and downs and maybe that’s colored my view of men.” Dad snorted at that and Justin smirked at Mem. “Okay, it’s obviously colored my view of men. But if you really feel like this is right for you, then go for it.”

“Mem and I mended our relationship a long time ago but I guess some hurts resurface when something triggers the same feelings.” Then Mom went over to Mem and planted a major league kiss on her lips. I don’t remember ever seeing them do that in front of me before.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Dad snarked.

“Fuck off, Brian,” both moms said together and then we all laughed.

“Gus, do you feel comfortable enough to ask Jeff to come over and meet your moms and your sister tomorrow?” MJ asked. “I’ll invite Michael & Ben, too, and we can serve Ben’s famous low-fat chicken casserole.”

“And then he can ask you for the recipe,” Dad added. Justin just tilted his head, smiled and then nudged Dad’s shoulder.

I looked at my moms, “Are you cool with me AND Dad & MJ’s influence on me?”

Mem answered, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t think of two better people for you to live with at this time in your life.” Mom just smiled that really sweet smile of hers.

“Thank you. MJ, let’s plan dinner—Jeff will love the floor show.” Maybe I am a supreme drama queen, but it sometimes gets the job done.
 

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