The Gus Diaries

Part 69

Trust
 

This week has been really busy. Everyone in the family is getting ready for the wedding, and Hunter has been working with Jeremy.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to keep up with my classes, my work on the school paper and the team. We have one more big game for the division championship. It’s in just a couple of weeks.

Normally, I’d be really excited, but Jeff seems to be too tense for words. He keeps bitching at me about Jeremy. I’ve just been trying to be nice to him ever since we found him New Year’s Eve, but it seems that no matter what I do, Jeff feels threatened by our friendship. I can certainly understand why, but I’ve told him over and over that there’s nothing between us -- I just hope he believes me.

A couple of days ago while I was stocking the shelves at Red Cape, Uncle Michael turned over the sign on the door to indicate we were closed.

“What’s up? Are we closing early today?”

“Come here, Gus.” He patted the seat near his towards the back of the store. I stopped what I was doing, wondering if I’d done something wrong, and sat down.

“Is everything okay? Did I screw something up?”

“No, everything is fine in the store, other than it’s a slow afternoon... and you look like someone who just lost his best friend.”

I lowered my head. “I guess I’d better not become an undercover cop.”

“I’d say that’s an understatement. Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you? I haven’t seen you smile in several days.”

“It’s Jeff.”

“I’m not surprised. He hasn’t come by to visit in awhile.”

“You noticed.” He nodded. “He’s pissed off about my friendship with Jeremy.”

“Isn’t that the kid who tried to blackmail you into a date?”

“Yeah.”

“So, how did you, two, get to be friends?”

“I assume you heard about New Year’s Eve.”

“A little.”

“Well, it just seemed to me that Jeremy could use a friend to help him get past some shit he was dealing with.”

“I thought Hunter was working with him.”

“He is, but I kind of feel like... well since we found him and all... I’m not sure why, but I get the feeling he needs a friend and since I see him regularly at school...”

“You thought you’d take on that role.”

“Something like that.”

“It doesn’t sound like Jeff supports that decision.”

“Not in the least. He thinks that Jeremy’s trouble and that just because we found him, doesn’t make us responsible for him.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“I don’t know what I think.” I turned to look directly at Uncle Michael. “I just figure that Jeff should trust me no matter what.”

“I see.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think that trust is hard-earned.”

“Jeff and I have been together forever. I think I’ve earned his trust.”

Michael huffed, “Trust is also very emotionally connected. Once we earn someone’s trust, it’s an ongoing process to keep it going. When Ben and I got together, we had to learn to trust each other under some pretty crazy circumstances. But we did and we keep renewing that trust through our actions. Your fathers know that better than anyone.”

“My dads?” I looked at Uncle Michael and thought a moment. “Oh, you mean when Pop went out with that violin player for awhile.”

“That, and a few other things over the years.”

“Like what?”

Suddenly Uncle Michael looked uncomfortable, “I think that’s a topic for you to discuss with your fathers -- it’s not for me to tell.” He paused briefly, “And look at you and your mom -- you two, are finally beginning to visit with each other again. It took you a long time to trust her.”

“I’m still not sure I do, fully, and I know that Dad doesn’t.”

“I know. It’s too bad. Those two were almost as close as I am to Brian. At least he’s not stopping you from working to renew your trust in your mom.”

“But how can I show Jeff that he shouldn’t stop trusting me. I still love him more than anything, and Jeremy is just a friend -- barely.”

“It might take making some hard choices on your part to show Jeff how you feel.” Michael looked at the door. “Hey, we may have a couple of customers. I’m going to reopen now.” As he walked to the front of the store he turned back to me, “I think you should talk to your dads about this. Are you ready for me to open the door?”

I nodded and we were back in business, but I had some thinking to do.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

That night, I asked Pop if I could help with dinner. He was more than willing to have me join him in the kitchen.

“It’s been awhile since you had the time to help me.” He looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Why do I get the feeling there’s more to this offer of assistance than a mere desire to revisit your culinary skills?”

“Maybe because you’re pretty intuitive where I’m concerned.”

“Okay then, let’s start cutting up the vegetables for the stir fry, and you can tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Trust.”

“Trust? Is there something more specific regarding trust that you’d like to discuss?”

“How did you and Dad learn to trust each other after you had a fling with that violin player?”

Pop put down the knife and looked at me. I could almost see a pained expression on his face.

“Forget it. I’m sorry I said anything. It’s your business and you don’t have to tell me anything.”

“No, Gus. I’ll be happy to talk with you, but I’d like to know what brought this up. That’s a pretty painful time for Brian and me. The truth is we’ve had a couple of run-ins with trusting each other over the years.”

“I had a feeling.”

“You did?”

“I was talking about this with Uncle Michael and when he said you and Dad had to earn each other’s trust more than once, he wouldn’t say anymore.”

“I’m almost sorry he said that much.” Pop paused again and looked directly at me. “Why don’t you start by telling me what’s going on.”

I told him how Jeff was acting; that he didn’t seem to trust me where Jeremy was concerned. It just didn’t make any sense. I thought I’d been pretty good about showing Jeff he was still number one in my life -- without question.

“Well, let’s start with that. Has Jeff still been number one in your life, or has he taken a backseat to your concern for Jeremy?”

I thought about Pop’s question for a minute. “Well, there was that time last week when all the guys on the team wanted to go out at night to celebrate our winning season.”

“And...”

“And Jeremy asked if we could work on some shit for the school paper. And there was... Fuck!” I rested my head in my hands.

“I had a feeling if you really looked at things clearly, you might understand where Jeff was coming from.”

“But how did you know?”

“Because that’s some of the stuff I did with your father, only worse.”

“Worse, what do you mean?” I was beginning to feel like I’d unwittingly abandoned Jeff. How could Pop have done worse?

“It was an even bigger issue for us, because I knew what I was doing when I would tell your father why I wasn’t participating in stuff with him.” Pop inhaled, “Oh God. I remember the bowling tournament -- that was the most awful night of all.”

“What happened?”

“Let’s just say that when a person screws up often enough, it catches up with him. That was the night Brian knew I was fucking around on him.”

“But I thought you two were in an open relationship?”

“We were, but it didn’t include being in an actual relationship with someone else. It was a mistake I never made again. Your father is everything to me.” Pop’s gaze wandered. I could tell he was remembering a time he wished he could blot out.

“Pop,” I whispered. He startled. “It’s okay, that’s history.” He nodded and then grabbed an onion to start chopping. It was obvious he was covering the tears that the memory brought about.

After a minute or two of chopping, he turned to me. “Just so you know, there were other times that distance left us empty and confused, but I never did anything like that again. Your father never had to question whether I was with someone else in that way, other than him.”

“Then why did he have other times that trust was an issue?”

Pop laughed, “Because Brian Kinney can be a drama queen with the rest of them. He couldn’t imagine that he was worthy enough of being loved even when he wasn’t nearby.”

“You mean like when you went to New York?”

Pop nodded, “Then, and before that time. There was a period of about four to five months that I was working on a film that ended up getting shelved.”

“That was the Rage movie, right?”

“Right. Anyway, your father never thought I’d be able to leave the glitter and glamour of Hollywood once I’d had the taste.”

“I get it, he didn’t trust your love for him.”

“Exactly, Gus. My guess is that with the few times you’ve already said no to Jeff, he’s feeling insecure. You have to admit that your previous encounters with this Jeremy haven’t been so stellar.”

“I see what you mean.” Then I wondered about Dad and Mom. “What about Dad trusting Mom again? Do you think that will ever happen?”

Pop stopped working, took out the large skillet and then turned to me, “I don’t know. Your father deeply loves your mother as a dear, dear friend -- right up there with Michael.”

“That’s what I thought, too.”

“Except she betrayed him in the worst way possible. She simultaneously manipulated our lives so that he would lose the two people that mean the most to him in the entire world, because she couldn’t be with him herself.”

“I know.”

“She also led you to believe that your Dad didn’t want to take the time to see you as often as he would have liked. Can you see why it’ll be hard for him to redevelop any type of trust in her again?”

“I guess. It’s hard enough for me, so that must make it doubly hard for him.”

All of a sudden Dad walked in. “You’re a smart boy, Gus.”

“Dad!” I had no idea he had arrived home.

“Brian, I didn’t hear the garage go up.”

“That’s because it didn’t. I parked out front so I could go back to Kinnetik and pick up some contracts that are going to be faxed there later tonight.”

“How long have you been here?” Pop seemed almost nervous.

“Long enough to know that it’s about that time to let you know that there is no one on the earth I trust more than you.” He wrapped his hands around Pop’s waist and pulled him into a whopper of a kiss. When they pulled apart, Dad held Pop close and quietly spoke, “History is just that. It’s worth sharing to avoid the same mistakes, but I know it’s in the past.” Dad smirked, “After all, I’m marrying you again -- because I want to.”

Pop seemed to have trouble finding his voice, but he finally choked out, “I love you so much, Brian.”

“Right back at you, Sunshine.” They kissed one more time. “Now, I’d like to trust that you chefs will have dinner ready soon. I really do have to go back to Kinnetik in about an hour to pick up some important papers.”

I gave Dad a lame salute. “Aye, aye, captain.”

“We’re gay, let’s not have any military talk in this house,” he snarked back.

“Yes, your majesty.”

“Now, that’s better.”

“Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes, Brian.”

“Thanks, Justin -- and not just for dinner.”

Pop nodded and we got back to work.

I now understood just how important my actions towards Jeff and Jeremy had become. The next step was to make sure Jeff knew exactly where he stood. Obviously assurances weren’t enough -- it was time to really show him, and at the same time, make it clear to Jeremy that our time would be limited to when it didn’t interfere with what was really important in my life.
 

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