The Gus Diaries

Part 44

Learning
 

This past week was, well, rather eye-opening.

Last Sunday Jeff spent the night since we both had to be at work at the same time. The sex was incredible. Every time we’re together I keep thinking about the future. The future of our sex life.

I know I’m young but when Jeff, well, when he…here’s what happened…

“Gus, you are so fucking beautiful.”

I was up on all fours and Jeff was behind me. It felt amazing. He was stroking my cock and rubbing his dick up and down against my hole. It was all I could do to breathe, let alone hold myself up.

“Fuck, Jeff, I want…”

“What, what do you want?”

He kept thrusting back and forth, rubbing up and down against my ass crack. It seemed like lightning bursts were shooting off in front of my eyes. The intensity and the closeness were incredible.

“Come on, newbie, what do you want?” Jeff leaned down and whispered in my ear and then nipped at my lobe.

“I want, I want, I want you to fuck me.” That was all either of us needed to hear and he started shooting across my back while I shot all over the sheets.

Both of us collapsed in a heap and just lay frozen in place trying to regain a normal breathing pattern.

Jeff rolled off me onto his side. He played with the cum that was rapidly moving from wet and sticky to dry and hard on my back, thanks to Britin’s efficient central air conditioning system.

When we both were breathing evenly I rolled over to face Jeff. He always looks amazing after he has an orgasm. His hair sticks up and he has the most incredible smile on his face.

“You look so beautiful.” I brushed his hair off his forehead just enough to see his eyes staring into mine.

“Why?”

“Why do you look so beautiful?” I was a bit confused.

“Why did you say that…you know, when we were…you know?”

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, that.” I wasn’t sure if Jeff was angry.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Not mad, but confused. I thought you wanted to wait until at least your next birthday.”

“I do.” I was feeling rather quiet and embarrassed all of sudden, realizing just what I had said in the heat of our passion. I always thought the phrase ‘in the heat of passion’ was used by authors or people who really didn’t know better.

“So why say that?” He really seemed confused and concerned. Jeff started stroking my cheek and shoulder.

“I guess it was just a knee-jerk reaction, so to speak.” I smirked realizing what I’d just said but then continued more seriously, “I know that when we’re together I do imagine you pushing inside me and then feeling you, not one of our toys, nudging my prostate.”

“So you already fantasize about us having sex.”

I started blushing and turned away.  “Is that stupid?”

“No Gus, I just thought I was the only one doing that.” Then Jeff leaned in to kiss me. It was a warm and wonderful kiss. It felt so good, so loving.

“You do?” I must have been smiling because Jeff started tracing my lips and started smiling too.

“I think about what the first time will be like, whenever we’re together…and when we’re apart. You’ve become so important to me. It’s weird, because it’s not just about sex. There’s a feeling attached to the fantasies.”

I took his hand in mine and kissed his palm.

“I hope you’re not mad but I still want to wait, even if my mouth sort of got ahead of me before.”

“That’s okay, I kinda want to wait too. This may sound stupid but I think it’ll be much more special if we’re both ready – really ready – and not just jumping into things. I must sound like a moron.”

“No, you sound perfect. When you say things like that it makes me love you more. I know I’m young, but I really do feel that way.”

“Gus, you’re a 20 year old in an almost-15-year-old body. We’ll just have to wait a little while until your actual age starts catching up.”

“You’re, you’re…” There were no words to say how I was feeling so I just grabbed Jeff, held him close and started kissing him with all that I was feeling.

When I think back I can’t believe I actually said that out loud. Any other guy would have totally taken advantage of me with an open invitation like that. I’m still amazed that I have Jeff and I’m going to work my fucking hardest to make sure I never lose him.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Ever since that night I can’t stop thinking about Jeff and me and having it all. I want to have sex with him but something inside keeps telling me that I have to wait -- so we wait. I know MJ’s words keep ringing through my mind from the day he took me to the adult toy store. “You’re too young.”

I know he didn’t say it as an edict or an order. It was more of an opinion based on experience. I know and understand that when I’m thinking rationally, but when I’m with Jeff my mind plays a distant third to my heart...and my cock.

When I was passing a group of giggling cheerleaders one day after practice they were talking about guys and I remember one of them saying, “All guys want is one thing.”

And then some other member of the pom-pom brigade answered, “That’s because they can only think with their dicks.” Then the whole squad did a fucking team giggle -- or maybe that’s gaggle when it’s a team activity.

Anyway, all I know is that when I’m with Jeff it may be a lot about my cock, but it’s much more than that. Maybe straight guys don’t give a shit where, or in who, they stick their dicks, but this gay guy does care.

That’s the other thing. I’m curious about what it would feel like to fuck Jeff -- well in my thoughts it’s really making love. But the truth is, I really want his cock inside me. It’s kind of strange, because I get the distinct impression from MJ that Dad would pass out if he knew that I really had the urge to bottom.

I’ve used a few thin toys to stimulate my prostate while we’re having fun, but I guess even knowing that it’ll probably hurt at first, I really want Jeff inside me. He really is the, what did that book call it...the ‘alpha male’ in our relationship. Now I understand that’s not giving up control, it’s each of us having it in a different way to compliment the other person.

I think we compliment each other pretty damn well.

I was walking from the kitchen to the stairs to go up to my room, I never seem to get truly filled at dinner, at least to last until I go to sleep, and I decided to go up the back steps since they were closer. The screen doors in the kitchen were opened -- the ones that lead to the patio that surrounds the pool and hot tub.

I heard laughing and whispering so I took a peek, thinking I’d say goodnight to my dads. I know I’d told them an hour earlier I was going to sleep but I’d been thinking a lot and decided to watch the news on TV so I gave in and stayed up longer than planned.

Boy, did I get the shock of my life. I jumped back before I said anything and before Dad or MJ could see me.

The two of them were lounging on the chaise lounge, facing each other, totally naked. I almost freaked out. I have to admit, no one wants to find their parents doing it, but this was different -- they weren’t doing it, they were just lying there.

It was a little like the proverbial train wreck analogy, but with a more positive outcome. I had to take a second quick look. Dad was stroking MJ’s hair and kissing him gently all over his face, and MJ was returning the tenderness by brushing his arms over Dad’s shoulders and nuzzling his cheek into Dad’s neck.

I turned away and listened for just a minute.

“You’re still the most...” Dad stopped awkwardly in mid-sentence.

“What Brian, overly romantic, silly...”

“Beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. No one can hold a candle to you. Fuck, even with a god-damned spotlight and stage make-up, no one could compete.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, stud.” I could actually hear the smile on MJ’s face.

“You mean I’m not getting too old for you?”

“Brian, you’ll never get too old for me, not today and not fifty years from now.”

“You think I’ll be around in fifty years?” Dad chuckled.

“I know you will, and you’ll still look just the same to me as you always have.”

“And how’s that, Sunshine?”

“Like the man who told me he loved me for the first time through a dance and a comment about how ridiculously romantic he was being. You were so beautiful that night. I’m so glad I can remember that special moment now.” Dad choked a bit and then I heard them kiss.

“Justin.”

“Yes.”

“You’ll always be my young twink.” Another kiss.

“Good.”

At that point I’d heard enough and slithered up the stairs as quietly as possible. When I got into my room I thought about my dads and their love.

Their bond was stretched to the limit more than once, but they always bounced back to each other. I hoped I could have half of what they have.

I also wished my moms could have had that. It’s kind of sad thinking of how they are now. Although I feel bad for them, I have no intention of ever moving in with either of them again.

To make sure that my mother knew that, I agreed to have dinner with her recently. Jenny and I went together on the same night as soon as I got out of work. Uncle Michael drove us there and MJ picked us up at the end of the evening. It was very quick and simple. We only talked small talk, nothing really important, but at least now I knew where my mother lived.

I want to have a relationship with my mother, but nothing with her feels safe.

This house, with my fathers who have a love that grows, not withers, is safe. Britin is safe. Jeff is safe (and I hope will stay that way). Dad and MJ are the safest.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

The rest of the week went along with no particular difficulties. No trauma from the family, and MJ was beginning to focus on finishing his latest masterpiece, until last night, when the doorbell rang just as we were finishing dinner.

Jeff was over again. He’d had the 8:00 AM - 7:00 PM shift at the diner all week so he’d been going in with Dad and then I’d go in with MJ when it was closer to when I started work. Then depending on what was happening for the evening we’d eat all together in town or go back to Britin, but there always seemed to be someone to drive us home.

“Gus, can you get the door?”

“Sure, MJ.”

I went to the door and looked through the little window near the top. If I didn’t have the door itself to steady me I might have fallen over.

I opened the door. “Hello Mom. What are you doing here?”

She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was almost a reflex reaction but I backed away. “Honey, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were. We had such a lovely evening together a couple of nights ago. I didn’t want it to end.”

I stepped back to let her in and kept my distance when she tried to hug me. “I thought we’d agreed to take this very slow. One step at a time.”

“I know, but I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you’re giving your mother a second chance.”

Something just wasn’t right about any of this. Maybe it was my imagination, but Mom didn’t even seem to care about me. She kept looking down the hallway and into the front living room.

“Hey, Sonny Boy, who’s at the d...” Dad’s voice trailed off as he entered the entrance way to Britin and spotted Mom. “Why, Gus, you didn’t tell me your mother was coming over tonight.”

“That’s because I didn’t know.” I didn’t realize what I was doing, moving closer and closer to Dad, until I found myself so close to him that I was able to grip his wrist. It was obvious that I felt uncomfortable with the situation.

By now MJ and Jeff had made their way into the front hall. MJ immediately went straight over to Dad’s other side and Jeff stayed in the background. I can imagine how uncomfortable he must have felt, since he knew everything that had been going on between me and my mother.

“Lindsay, what a surprise. I had no idea you were coming over.”

“Well, Justin, I just had an urge to see my son.” She seemed to be talking to MJ between gritted teeth. “Weren’t you supposed to be working in your studio all night? That’s what you said you planned to do when you left work tonight.”

“That was the plan, but I decided to have dinner with my family first. What does that have to do with anything.”

“Nothing. I just thought Gus would have some time to spend with me...and maybe Brian. It’s been a long time since the three of us did anything together.”

“That’s because we’re not a family, Linds. I do things with my husband and Gus, and, on occasion his boyfriend, if I’m feeling magnanimous.” Dad ran his hand over his face. That was definitely NOT a good sign.

“Why did you really come here, Mom? We’re just finishing dinner and then Jeff and I were going to watch a movie with Dad while MJ worked on his painting.”

“Oh, that would be lovely. What do you say, Gus? I could stay and watch with you for a little while.”

I glanced at MJ and Dad. MJ was obviously pissed off and Dad had a horrible, pained look on his face. Something was going on that I wasn’t sure I wanted to know more about.

“Lindsay, I have plans with our son, in my home. If I want to have family time, I’ll have Justin join us. But at this time, and I never thought I’d ever say this to you, you are not welcome in my home.” Dad paused and ran his hand through his hair. MJ was holding his arm and squeezing his shoulder. “Gus, if you’d like to go out with your mother I won’t stop you.”

I looked from Dad to MJ to Jeff. Jeff looked at me indicating that this was my show, my decision. Then I looked at MJ, who was focused only on Dad and then I looked at Dad, again. His face demonstrated an expression of, almost grief. Somehow, Mom’s motives, whatever they were, had nothing to do with renewing a relationship with me. This was clearly something between her and my Dad, maybe even both my fathers.

“Mom, I’ll visit you again soon. But please don’t come here unannounced. I told you that I love you, but when you do things like this it just messes things up. Please understand.”

“Oh I understand. I understand just fine sweetheart.” She sounded fine but she was looking at Dad and then her focus landed on MJ as she spoke. Mom leaned in, despite the distance I tried to make between us, and gave me another kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow, honey, and we can set up another time for you to visit.”

“With Jenny again. I really liked the three of us being together.” I didn’t know why, but the thought of seeing my mother alone suddenly made me shiver.

“Okay, lambskin, that sounds nice. Brian, Justin, next time when you pick Gus up maybe you’ll come inside for a drink first.”

My fathers remained silent. Dad was glaring and MJ lowered his head slightly.

“Goodnight, Mom. We’ll talk tomorrow.” My polite side almost automatically thanked her for coming out this way to visit, but that just didn’t seem appropriate.

I looked at my fathers and knew that we’d have to sit down and talk about this. There was definitely some feelings that they were experiencing that had to do with my mother and I had no idea what they were.

After the door closed and we heard Mom’s car drive away, MJ pulled Dad’s head down for a kiss. When they separated MJ ran his hands over Dad’s cheeks gently and then brushed his hand through Dad’s hair.

“Brian, it’ll be alright. We’ll find a way to come to terms.”

“I don’t see how, Sunshine.”

“Why don’t you go watch the movie? I need to get to my studio.”

“I know.”

“I love you, you know. And I’ll always stand by your side.”

“I know that too.” With that they ran their hands over each other’s arms as they moved apart to go their separate ways for the remainder of the evening.

“Okay, Jeff, Sonny Boy. What’ll it be? Detectives, Cops, Cowboys or Aliens.”

Dad was obviously done with the subject of my mother for the night but I had every intention of bringing it up again...before I saw her at her apartment again.

[TBC]

 

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