The Gus Diaries

Part 35

Lunch
 

As Dad, MJ and I got ready to walk over to the diner, my cell phone started to go off. It dawned on me that this was the first time it had been active all morning and my knee-jerk reaction was to ignore it until I realized it was Jeff’s ring.

I picked up immediately. “Hey, what’s up? We’re on our way.”

“Hey, Gus.” Fuck, he said ‘Gus’, something was up.

“Don’t freak out.”

“Okay, you know by saying that I’m already freaking out already, so spill.” At this point Dad and MJ got wind of the direction the conversation was going so they stood by me and listened. “Jeff, is this private shit, or can my dads hear?”

“Nothing they won’t know in five minutes anyway. Put it on speaker.”

I pressed the button and held the phone out for all of us to listen. “Okay, Jeff, we’re listening. Now what the fuck is going on?”

“Your mom, Ms. Peterson, is here…and so is your other mom.”

“Mem is there!”

Dad started pacing, “Fuck!”

MJ was the only one who seemed to retain the power of speech. “Jeff, do they know you’re calling us?”

“No, I’m in the staffroom in back.”

“Good. Don’t let them know you called.” MJ looked at both Dad and me. We must have looked like quite a pair of pissed off Kinneys. “We’ll be there in five. Just get back to work and keep the sharp objects out of reach.”

“What!”

“Jeff, calm down. Just get back to work. This isn’t ‘High Noon’.”

“Gotcha Mr. Tay…Justin.” Then he disconnected, and we were on our way.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

It took less than five minutes to reach the diner. I don’t think I noticed how fast we were walking but when we approached the door I knew that I was ready to explode.

Dad pulled me to the side. “Gus, look at me.” I stopped and turned to face him, letting go of the door to the entrance of the diner. “If you go in swinging and fighting, no one will hear what you have to say. Take a deep breath and then we’ll go in.”

MJ added, “Remember Gus, you’re not alone. You have Deb, Jeff, your dad and me.”

I did as my dad said and composed myself before entering the diner. I paused and stared at the door, wondering if this was the right move after all. There was still time to turn and run. My dads would take care of me and they’d understand.

Then Dad leaned in behind me and whispered in my ear, “You’re Gus Kinney. You’re the one in charge – the one who’ll come out on top.”

I looked at my dad and then at MJ. “He’s right, Gus. You are in charge. This is your show. Only you can direct how it comes out.”

My dads always know just the right thing to say. I suddenly understood what it meant to feel empowered. I stood up straight and tall, shoulders back and opened the diner door. With my head held high I walked toward the booth in the back of the diner. Jeff had told me he’d make sure it was reserved for us.

As I walked through the diner I gave him a quick kiss and then greeted Deb who insisted she needed a hug. Next stop, back booth.

I offered MJ to file into our side of the booth first. I wanted my dads on both sides of me for support. Then I sat down, and finally Dad, with his legs stretched out a little into the aisle.

Mom immediately opened her mouth. “Gus, lambskin, I’ve been so worr…”

“Shut the fuck up.” I cut her off in a calm, cool voice that threatened, ‘don’t fuck with me’.

“Gus, don’t speak to your mother like that!”

“Mem, the same goes for you, especially since you shouldn’t even be here. YOU were not invited.” I was concerned that I’d already gone too far until I felt MJ pat my leg in support.

The mothers sat back in their seats with shocked expressions on their faces. It might have been funny had I not been so angry.

MJ turned to both women. “I think you need to hear what Gus has to say.”

Mom looked at MJ, “I have no idea why he’s so upset, and considering I wasn’t expecting Brian, I think the reaction to Mel’s presence is unreasonable.”

“Well, maybe it’s all part of the problem. Don’t you think you should listen rather than speak right about now?” MJ’s words were soft but firm and he got the point across crystal clear.

“Okay. Gus, what has you so upset?”

It was show time and I didn’t want to be any less than the Kinney (with an inspiration of Taylor) that I am, so I thought before I opened my mouth. My teachers always said that you win arguments when you think first.

Looking at both my mothers the feelings of hurt and betrayal started to escalate and met the thoughts that were looming behind my voice. “Since you are both here, let’s start with that. I resigned myself to speak with Mom today as she was badgering all three of us with phone calls. I specifically said, when asked, that I did not want you here, Mem. Instead Mom demonstrated her disrespect for me, once again.”

“Disrespect, what are you talking about?”

“Gus,” Mem inserted, “I had no idea. Mom told me we were meeting; she didn’t say you had specifically asked me not to be here, although I don’t know why.”

“I’m not surprised. It seems there are a lot of things that Mom doesn’t share accurately.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mom was beginning to blush with anger, but frankly, I didn’t give a shit.

I did notice that while MJ was keenly attuned to the conversation Dad was facing the counter and almost seemed to be removed from the entire situation.

“You both know that I’m fairly curious.” They nodded, realizing that I wasn’t playing any games and not wanting to add to my growing impatience with them. “Well, I’ve always wondered why my father didn’t care about me as much as Jenny’s cared about her.”

Dad moved in his seat when I said that and it was my turn to squeeze his shoulder so he would remember that I knew the truth.

I looked at my mothers before continuing and both seemed a bit paler at my last statement.

“You may have thought your answers, which were obviously vague half-truths, satisfied me but they didn’t. You see, I’m not stupid and I do have some memories of my earlier childhood.”

“You’ve always been too curious for your own good,” Mom interrupted quietly.

“What are you referring to?” Mem asked. Mom must have understood where this was leading so she recoiled further.

“I’m referring to all the time my father spent with me when you and Mom were separated, when I was about four years old. All the times he played with me. We must have watched that stupid little set of trains go around in a circle ten thousand times. All the times he met me and Mom at the park or the indoor playscape, where he played with me or just smiled as he watched me play.”

Dad scrubbed his hand over his face and excused himself and headed towards the restroom. “Do you need to follow him, MJ?”

“No Gus, I’m staying with you right now. Your father will be okay.” Then I noticed Grandma Deb head towards the restrooms. “Your Grandma will take care of your Dad.”

“Yeah, but what if he’s in the men’s room?” MJ tilted his head and smirked. “Right, Grandma wouldn’t give a shit.”

Mem looked at me and MJ, then at Mom. “Gus, please go on.”

“I don’t know why, but I never got a straight answer as to why Dad was supposedly so happy to give up his rights to me…or let me leave the country. It didn’t make sense. Every time he’d visit I got the feeling he was as unhappy about leaving as I was about him leaving. And then when we had our summers together with MJ they were the best times of our lives. At least it seemed so.”

Mem softly interrupted, “So you searched for answers. You were born to investigate.”

“Don’t, don’t be cute or sweet.” Mom cringed at my tone and Mem backed off knowingly. “You bet your fucking asses I investigated. Now, when I was within reach of the whole family, I wasn’t about to give up my search for answers.

“But you’ll be happy to know that most of the family respected our privacy and made it difficult. Finally Uncle Michael and Grandma Deb made it clear that I’d have to go to the source, so I did.”

Mom looked up. “Brian.”

“My father, and don’t you ever fucking forget it.”

“What did he tell you?”

“I’m almost fifteen. He told me EVERYTHING!”

“Gus, people are watching.”

“Good, Mom, maybe they’ll learn who’s trustworthy in this town.” MJ put an arm around my shoulder to ground me and keep me in control. “Do you really want to know what he told me?” Mom looked at Mem and they both nodded, trying not to set me off again. “Dad told me about your separation and the French guy that threatened to adopt me.”

“What!” Mem yelled.

“Oh, you weren’t in on that, were you, Mem? Now you know why, after months of not wanting to give me up…something neither of you told me…he finally did.”

I could see Mem’s face getting redder and it gave me some pleasure to know I wasn’t the only one in the dark in that household.

“I learned that Dad always wanted me here. In fact, he originally told you he wouldn’t let you take me across the border. Nice of you to never fill me in on that.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm in my voice.

“I learned, because I’m fucking smart and can infer, that my mother is manipulative and has always wanted to keep my father on a string.”

“Gus!”

“Mom, quiet. I also realized that you never respected me, my father or MJ. And from the look on Mem’s face, I doubt that you respected her too much either.”

MJ looked at me and looked up as Dad walked back to the table with Grandma. “Have a seat, honey; I’ll bring you a cup of coffee.”

“Thanks, Deb. And can you arrange for a take-out lunch. I don’t think we’ll be here much longer.”

“Sure honey, with plenty of lemon bars for the road. You’ll have two growing boys with you.”

“If they grow much more we’ll have to raise the roof.”

MJ turned towards Mom and Mem. “I don’t know when, or if, Brian and I will have you visit us or even talk with us next. But, I can honestly say, don’t hold your breath.”

“Justin, don’t be unreasonable.”

“Lindsay, I am nothing if not reasonable. You still have a job because you’re good at what you do. However, I’m smart enough to know who my friends are, and I don’t believe you qualify. If you’ll excuse me, my husband, son and his boyfriend are ready to leave.

“Oh, and don’t continue harassing Gus will phone calls. I’d hate to have the inconvenience of changing his phone number.”

With that Dad, MJ and I got up and left the diner. Jeff came up behind us a few minutes later, apron gone and backpack in hand.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

The drive home started out in silence until I finally spoke up. “Dad, you didn’t say a word.”

“I know, Sonny Boy.”

“Why? They were awful and so hurtful to you.”

“This was your time, not mine. I have the faith in you to know that you could handle this yourself.”

“But what about what they did to you? Aren’t you pissed off?”

“More than you’ll ever know. But that’s something I’m not ready to deal with. However, hearing you made me extremely proud and renewed my faith in myself as a parent. Justin and I must have done something right to see you stand up for yourself as a grown man.”

I sat back in my seat next to Jeff and held his hand. I had been a man, and Dad and MJ knew it. Jeff squeezed my hand and then brought it to his lips for a kiss. I guess all three men in my life were proud of me.

It was strange feeling, both proud and empty at the same time.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

We were due to watch a movie with MJ and Dad later that night but I got restless. After Jeff tried to calm me with an amazing exchange of blow jobs he fell asleep, so I got up to go downstairs. I was finally hungry and wanted to check out those lemon bars Grandma sent home with us.

That’s when I heard MJ and Dad talking in the front living room.

“She’s dead.” That caught my attention.

“Brian!”

“It’s true, Justin. My Wendy is dead.”

“I know.”

“I always thought…”

“That time and life wouldn’t change things, change her.” I saw Dad nod in the shadows of the two of them looking at each other at arm's length.

MJ continued, “Brian, we all change. Look at me, look at you. You went from being a one-trick-minimum-per-night club boy to the man you are today.”

“And who the fuck is that? Who the fuck is that, Justin?”

“It’s the man I fell in love with and married. It’s the man who’s raising his son and leading him to manhood. It’s the man who runs more than one business that earns him enough money to buy and sell Pittsburgh several times. It’s the man who made the commitment to marry me, challenging all his youthful beliefs, and added monogamy to the mix to underline that commitment. It’s the man I know I can count on for the purest and most honest love that exists in the world.”

Dad huffed, “So how much do I make, since you’re clearly keeping track?”

I could hear the smirk forming on MJ’s face. “Enough to keep me in canvases and you in Armani for the rest of our lives and have a little left over for Gus to do whatever he wants as he grows up and goes out on his own.”

Silence took hold and I heard them kissing and could hear the rustle of clothing as they held each other.

“Justin, will the pain ever truly pass? I couldn’t even speak to her. The right words just wouldn’t come.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know that I can ever forgive her for robbing you and Gus of the security you both needed while you were apart. I still haven’t forgiven her for New York City and the way she manipulated my departure and derailed our wedding.” What the fuck! Derailed. This was news to me.

“She was my confidante in school. When I finally got out of the Kinney torture chamber that was my family’s house, we immediately connected. We only had sex one night, several months later but how can that have affected her so?”

“Look what irrational longing did to Michael for the longest time. It wasn’t until Ben that he learned what real love is all about.”

Dad nodded. “That seems a lifetime ago. So what the fuck kept Lindsay so bottled up. It’s as if…”

“It’s as if the only way she could be happy was to know that you weren’t without her. She couldn’t deal with the fact that your happiness was dependent on two people and neither of them was named Lindsay Peterson.”

“So she became bitter and settled.”

“With the wrong person.”

MJ continued, “At least she gave Gus all the love she reserved for you. He’s clearly well-adjusted, happy and knows how to give and receive love.”

Dad walked over to the sofa and sat down; he leaned over and rested his head in his hands. “I don’t know that I ever want to interact with her again. I’ve forgiven and moved past a great deal, but not this.”

“If the time is ever right, you’ll know. I don’t know when Gus will talk to her again, either. And while it seems that Mel was blindsided by some of today’s revelations, she was a party to most of it, too.

“But Brian, what about us? Can you let go of it enough to let us go on? I’ve missed you.” MJ sat next to Dad and began rubbing his back.

“Today, when I left the table and went into the bathroom I vomited.” Oh shit!

“I had a feeling, but I thought you’d want me to stay with our son.”

“I did, and I’m glad you didn’t come.” Then Dad made a very small laughing noise, “But Deb showed up.”

“I knew she would.”

“She told me it was okay to be angry at Lindsay and Melanie. They deserved it. But that it wasn’t okay to make myself sick because then it would hurt you and Gus.”

“Ahh, the wisdom of Debbie Novotny Horvath strikes again.”

“She makes a lot of sense for a woman who barely graduated high school and has since spent her life slinging hash.”

“She’s become a full-fledged on-the-job psychologist, with better advice than most of them give.”

Dad nodded. “Somehow it was as if a movie of my actions over the past couple of weeks played over and over in my head and I realized that I was taking my anger out on everyone but the target of that anger.”

“But you never spoke to Lindsay.”

“Lindsay has always wanted my attention, what better way to get my anger towards her across than to ignore her, not even recognize her presence.”

“I see…and us?”

“We are going to go upstairs where I can show you just how much I love you and know that the direction my life took was worth every moment of the pain.”

They began to kiss and I started to walk away smiling until I heard MJ ask, “What about Gus?”

“Gus will form his own opinions about his mothers. He and I will sit down and talk in a few days. Maybe I’ll take him to the park and we can watch the kids like I used to watch him. Then we can share our feelings and some of the moments we wished the other knew how much he was missed.”

“You really have grown up, Mr. Kinney…I think you should do that with him alone.”

“I think so, too, Sunshine. Are you angry?”

“Far from it. I’m proud. I’m proud to be Gus’ father, I’m proud to be able to support both of you, and most of all I’m proud to be Brian Kinney’s husband because I know how much we mean to each other.”

“How about horny?”

“What?”

“Are you horny too?”

“Whenever you’re near.” Too much information.

“I think it’s time we head upstairs.”

“You’re even a mind reader.”

I ducked into the media room and thought about all I’d heard. The next few weeks would be tough, but I’d learn to deal with my mothers…I just didn’t know how yet.

It’s funny, but after all this I had the urge to investigate. I wanted to learn more and more about Pittsburgh, my life before Canada, my family (the whole weird lot of them) and especially my fathers. It was like some insane fire burning inside and it wouldn’t let go.

My mothers used to say I was always asking so many questions, sometimes too many. But I thrived on the questions and loved discovering the answers.

I went upstairs and Jeff was still dozing. He’d worked since six in the morning so I couldn’t fault him.

I opened up my laptop and checked my e-mails. There it was, from the St. Jamesian faculty advisor. I opened it and was shocked by what I read:

Hello Gus,

I know you wanted to be editor of one of our two standard columns but you have a gift for discovering the undiscovered. You ask the right questions, the students and faculty like you and your maturity shines through.

After discussing this with the newspaper’s new Chief Editor we felt your talents would be best suited as the new “Hard News Editor” of the St. Jamesian. This position is usually awarded to a junior or a senior, but you’ve earned it.

E-mail me back and let me know if you’re interested.

Sincerely,

Mr. Harry Randall
Faculty Advisor – The St. Jamesian

Holy shit! I immediately hit ‘Reply’. I couldn’t believe it.

Hi Mr. Randall,

Thank you for considering me for the position of Hard News Editor of the school paper.

My answer is a resounding, YES!

Thank you,

Gus Taylor Kinney

“Hey, Newbie, what’s got you all jumpy? The room is practically rocking with your energy.”

“Sorry I woke you.”

“No sweat.”

I told Jeff everything that had happened, including some of the things I learned from listening to Dad and MJ earlier. Then I showed him the e-mail form Mr. Randall.

“This calls for a celebration.” He grabbed me and kissed me. “How about we start and end with a shower and experience some creative improvisation in between.”

“Jeff, I love how creatively you think.”

The day didn’t turn out to be the sucky disaster it had started out to be. I still had shit to deal with but at that point it was time to celebrate.

I wonder what my dads will do when I tell them.

Oh well, that’s a story for another day. It’s time for Jeff and me to head back to school. I think I’ll make my first stop the St. Jamesian office. I can’t wait to get my hands on my Student Press Pass.

 

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