The Gus Diaries

Part 34

Phone Calls
 

The phone calls started a few days ago. I hadn’t spoken to either of my mothers in a week and they were probably freaking out. It was probably mean-spirited of me but that gave me some pleasure.

A couple of days ago at work my cell started going off again. I’d removed their numbers from my cell so it was the basic ring. No special tune for them. I know it sounds babyish, but that’s how I felt when I removed their numbers.

“Hey Gus, don’t you hear your cell?”

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you going to answer it? I’ve never stopped you from taking a call at work.”

“It’s okay Uncle Michael. I saw who it was and she can wait.”

“She? Is some girl at school stalking you? Everyone must have seen you with your hunky boyfriend by now.” Sometimes Uncle Michael says the geekiest things.

“No, it’s not some girl.”

“I see.” Then he walked closer to where I was placing the new issue of ‘Spiderman’ on the racks. “Anything you care to share. I may not keep a secret well,” we both snorted at that knowing Uncle Michael’s reputation for blabbing, “but I’m a good listener.”

“It’s Mom…or Mem. Take your pick.”

“Oh, you had a fight with your mothers.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “I know they’re trying to work out how to move forward with their own lives so…”

“It’s not that.” I cut him off. He’s my father’s best friend and Jenny’s dad. I knew he’d find out soon enough. The whole family would find out soon. “My mothers lied to me.”

“About their feelings for each other? I think they lied to themselves as well, Gus.”

“Not that.” I looked directly at him. “They lied to me about how, when and why my father gave up his parental rights. I thought he didn’t care about me as much as you care about Jenny because he gave me up without a backwards look.”

Uncle Michael sat on a stool near the counter. “Shit.”

“It’s okay, I know the truth now.”

“I know you’ve asked Gus, but it wasn’t my story to tell.”

“I know; I’m not mad at you. If anything it forced me to talk with my dads.”

“Was Justin there to talk to you too? He was with your dad through most of that shit between him and your mothers.”

“Yeah, he was there. He probably kept Dad from falling apart when he heard the version I’d been told. Then Dad went through everything in detail.”

“How much detail?” Uncle Michael seemed nervous. He was really trying not to divulge anything that might have been skipped.

“Dad even told me about the fucking Frenchman who threatened to adopt me and that my moms were separated, for the first time, and that giving up his parental rights was the only thing that brought them back together. Anything missing?”

“It sounds like you probably got the whole story.” Uncle Michael put his head in his hands and massaged his temples. “I wasn’t there for him, but Justin was. One thing I’ve learned over the years – he never wanted to give you up.” I looked at him, it seemed like there was more. “I was a late-bloomer and didn’t see how much your father was maturing, but looking back I can remember his pain.”

“It’s okay, Uncle Michael.”

“But what about your mothers? Don’t you think you should tell them why you’re not taking their calls?”

“No.” I had no intention of discussing that decision with anyone.

He must have gotten the message loud and clear. “Okay, well let’s finish getting Spiderman in his rightful place on the racks.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

After I left Michael’s store I met Jeff at the diner. He’d been great about not pushing me – probably because I wasn’t pushing him about his mom either. Weren’t we the happy, fucked-up pair.

I grabbed us a booth near the back and as he finished up his shift he put in orders for us then joined me at the table. “Hey, Newbie, what’s up? You don’t look so hot.”

“Thanks a fucking lot.”

“Whoa, it’s not an insult. It’s concern. What’s got you all in knots? Everything was okay when we left school.”

On cue my phone started doing its thing again. I checked the caller ID and put it back in my backpack.

“Are they still trying to reach you? You’d think by now they’d begin getting the message.”

“You’d think.”

“How often?”

“Now they’re calling every hour I’m not in school.”

“Holy shit.” The bell went off for our order and Jeff went to get it. We don’t have to leave a tip if he serves us himself.

“I wish they’d leave me alone.”

“We’re a fucking sorry team. You want your mothers to stop calling and I’d feel like I shot a three-pointer if mine would call.”

We both huffed out a laugh. It was easier than pouting.

We ate for a while in peace and just talked about school stuff. Some time in the next week the school newspaper’s faculty advisor would announce the new editors for the coming school year and I was in the running for two different columns.

One was more about what’s happening in and around school on a day to day basis, and the other was a column that focused on in-depth subjects. Each had its own advantages; I just wanted to be one of the editors.

My phone rang again as we were leaving the diner to meet Dad and MJ for a ride home. They were standing outside the car when I checked the phone and put it back in my pocket.

“Still not letting up?”

“No, Dad, and it’s bugging the shit out of me.”

“Gus, maybe you should…”

“No, MJ! Not yet.” Jeff rubbed my shoulder to calm me down. These were my dads; they were on my side.

“Look, Sonny Boy, it’s your call.”

“What about you? Have you spoken to either of them? They can’t just be calling me.”

“Let’s just say that Cynthia’s been busy.”

“And what about you, MJ? Fuck, Mom works for you.”

“Let’s just say that as her employer, I asked her to respect my private life and then I told her you were healthy and safe.”

I shook my head. This was getting out of hand but I didn’t know what to do. We all got in the car and dropped Jeff off at Grandma Jen’s and went back to Britin.

As soon as we walked in the door and got settled, the phone began to ring. MJ walked over to the nearest landline and picked it up. “Hi, Linds.”

It was pretty clear what she was saying without picking up an extension. “I know, Lindsay. He’s obviously upset about something and would rather not speak with you or Mel…yes, I know what it is…no, it’s not my place to say.”

This went round and round and Dad started pressing his palms against his forehead to reduce the intensity of the headache that was obviously coming on. When he started pacing I realized I had to do something.

I interrupted MJ, “Tell her I’ll meet her for lunch at the diner on Saturday…with you there. Is that okay?” I knew Jeff was working Saturday so I figured I’d be pretty comfortable with him in the background and MJ seated next to me.

MJ made the offer and then came back with, “She wants to know if you want to have Mel there too.”

“No.”

“She heard you and she’ll be there at one o’clock on Saturday.” MJ and Mom said their goodbyes and then I noticed Dad looking at me.

“Sonny Boy, is this what you want?”

“I might as well. It’s gotta happen sooner or later.”

“Do you want me there?”

At first I thought he felt like I’d left him out and then I looked deeper and realized he would go if I asked, but he wanted no part of being near either of my moms.

“No, Dad, MJ will be a good buffer.” Then I gave him a big hug which he returned more than enthusiastically. “I love you, Dad, and I can handle Mom. I’ll be honest. It’ll be refreshing.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

On Saturday we all drove into Pittsburgh together. Jeff had to finish a project for one of his classes, so he stayed at Grandma Jen’s but after work he’d go back with us. I kept focusing on that, rather than lunch with Mom. I still didn’t know what, if anything, I was going to say. Maybe MJ would carry the conversation so I could just sit and pretend to eat. My appetite wasn’t behaving either.

We drove in early since Dad said he had a lot of work to do at Kinnetik. I sat in the outer office but then I got thirsty and wanted some of the bottled water Dad keeps on his bar cart. When I got there I stopped short hearing Dad and MJ close to arguing.

“Brian, this can’t go on.”

“Why the fuck not? I’m a busy man. I don’t have time for her anymore.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“What the fuck do you know? Where do you think all my money comes from? It’s not from socializing with old friends.”

“Fuck you! She’s not an old friend. She’s the mother of our son and until recently one of your closest friends.”

“Not anymore.”

“I know she hurt you and what she did, or allowed to happen, was unforgiveable, but I’m not worried about her, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Sunshine.”

“You’re not fine. You’re distant and angry and you’re taking it out on me. I didn’t betray you; she did.”

“So how will contacting her make a fucking difference.”

“Because you’ll deal with it. Even when we’re fucking, it’s just fucking lately. I love you enough to wait, but this is eating you up inside and damaging our marriage.”

I looked inside the door to Dad’s office and I saw something I’d never seen before. Dad put his head in his hands and started crying. I’d seen him cry when he was worried about MJ dying but this was different.

MJ walked over to Dad and the two of them sat on the sofa holding each other while Dad just kept sobbing. I could hear it and it scared me. Was this my fault? Why did I start all this stupid bullshit? I should have just left well enough alone.

I was brought out of my own pity-party when I heard Dad. “Justin, no one is more a friend to me in the world than you, but Lindsay held a special place. Yes, she orchestrated her secure niche by giving birth to my child, but the reasons don’t matter now. What matters is that when I finally decided that I would allow her to take Gus to Canada, it was under the assumption that he’d always know how difficult that was for me.”

“I know, Brian.” MJ just kept holding Dad.

“No, Justin, you don’t know,” Dad pulled back a bit so they were facing each other. MJ seemed confused and, to be honest, so was I. “If you and I had gone through with the wedding back then and you’d stayed in the Pitts, I would have insisted that Gus stay.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not a good father on my own.”

“Bullshit!” I agree, MJ.

“At least I didn’t think I could be. But I knew that with you by my side we could make it work. You have the ability to love openly.”

“Fuck that, so do you. And you show it every day.”

“Now I do, but back then it was new to me, but I knew you’d be an amazing father. Why do you think I always insisted you come to Britin during the summer months that Gus was with me? Having you there gave me the confidence to know WE could take care of him adequately.”

“Brian you’ve always cared for Gus, superbly. You didn’t need me. Do you mean to say you would have stopped them from taking Gus to Canada if I’d stayed?”

“Yes. Are you angry?”

“That you didn’t tell me.”

“You couldn’t stay for me OR my son.”

MJ stood up and started pacing. “How much of this does Lindsay know?”

“I’m not sure but I have a feeling that she surmised some of it, which is why she and Mel were so anxious for me to encourage your departure for New York.”

“No!” MJ banged his fist on Dad’s conference table. “That can’t be. How could they? They owe us. They owe us three fucking years! And they owe you ten with your son!”

“Our son.” MJ smiled and I saw Dad try to smile a little.

It’s funny, but those smiles told me this wasn’t my fault. Fuck, when they talked about me, they smiled. How many parents can go from angry to smiling just by thinking of their kid?

I knocked on the open door.

“Come in, Sonny Boy.”

“I just wanted some bottled water.” I walked over to the bar cart as if I’d heard nothing.

When I stood up to go back out Dad said, “How much did you hear?”

I lowered my head. “More than I should have, but I didn’t know how to interrupt.”

MJ came over and squeezed my shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m not ashamed to love you and your father that much, and I don’t think he is either.”

Dad looked up. “I think it’s time to head to the diner.”

“You want to go?” I couldn’t believe my ears.

“No. But I love Justin enough to know that he deserves my positive attention. Obviously my anger at your mother is getting in the way of that, and that’s not acceptable.”

MJ walked over to Dad and put his arms around him. He leaned into his chest and Dad clung to him tightly. MJ looked up and the two began to kiss. It wasn’t hot or passionate, but those kisses screamed ‘I love you,’ more than any statement could ever express.

A few tears escaped my eyes watching them. Not because it was sad or embarrassing but because I’d never seen so much love shared between two people before. I didn’t think it was possible.

I know Dad would be sacrificing something to go to this lunch. Sacrificing for me and MJ. I guess that sacrifice and love can go hand in hand.

 

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