The Gus Diaries

Part 33

Trust
 

Sometimes being treated like a kid is good but sometimes it can get old. I’ve been learning lately that growing up is okay, especially when some of the people who are already in that exclusive club respect you.

For example, my dads respect my private time with Jeff as much as I respect their private time with each other. It makes life much easier if no one walks in on each other or if they don’t give arbitrary limitations to our physical relationship. MJ has told me he thinks I’m too young for intercourse and I think he has a point. To be honest I think I’m too young for some of the toys we have, so we just don’t use the ones I’m not ready for. Those beads give me the creeps!

Since it’s only a couple of weeks until the end of school, Jeff and I have less and less homework (except for studying for finals and finishing term papers) and more and more play time.

Last Saturday night Dad and MJ were going out to meet their friends at Woody’s and then maybe move on to Babylon. They told us that they’d be home late and we’d see them in the morning. YeeHaw!!! I love when Jeff and I get the house to ourselves.

We ran up to my room. I kind of thought it would be great if some day we had our own place and could fuck anywhere we wanted. But for now we’d have to make do with what we had.

After we quickly pulled off our clothes and tossed them wherever they happened to land we grabbed each other and started kissing each other really hard. We hadn’t had much alone time all week and most of it was at Grandma Jen’s and just the thought of getting undressed there is too weird.

I looked at Jeff and my thoughts must have been written on my face. “What are you smiling at, Newbie?”

“Nothing…much.”

“Fuck that, ‘fess up.”

“I want to, well I sort of want to…”

“Come on, what do you want to do?”

Jeff was almost laughing and that was definitely NOT where I wanted to go. “I want to cuff you to my bed.”

“I see.” I just nodded slightly and looked at him, hoping he’d understand. “You want to be the one in charge tonight, huh?”

“Yes. Are you mad?” I was ready to tell him to just forget it but then he finally kissed me really hard, again.

“Go for it, Newbie. I’m all yours.” Music to my ears!

I grabbed the cuffs out of my box of toys. There were two sets (I was paying attention during Dad’s sex ed. lectures) and I took them both out. All the while I started simultaneously kissing Jeff and nudging us up towards the head of the bed. He was already getting hard, and so was I for that matter.

I paused briefly and quickly cuffed each wrist to one side of my headboard. Jeff looked so hot and his cock stood at attention and started leaking pre-cum. So, of course, I couldn’t help myself, I had to lick it off.

Jeff began to moan at a very low pitch. “Fuck.”

“Oh God, Jeff, you are so beautiful.” I straddled him and our cocks lined up perfectly. Then I began to touch, graze and kiss every part of his body. I began with each of his captured arms. Seeing them spread out like that was amazing. And it was all for me.

Then I kissed his face and his neck and his ears working my way over his shoulders. My hands would very gently caress each place that I nipped or kissed. Jeff was shivering and moaning and I think I was too, but I can’t remember.

Then I pulled out the plain long dildo. I think that’s my favorite toy.

I lubed it up and I lubed up my hand too. I place my finger at Jeff’s hole and began to circle gently. I climbed off him and lay at his side. His legs automatically opened. I pushed into his hole and he began to murmur, “Oh God, oh God.”

Then I pushed a second finger in and just began to very slowly move them in and out wiggling slightly when they were as far in as I could get them. Jeff was so beautiful lying there, letting me do everything to him. Both of our cocks were leaking and I didn’t want him to cum just yet.

Then I took the dildo and I started inserting it. Jeff arched upwards, “Ahhhhh!”

“Are you okay?” I whispered in his ear. He paused a moment and exhaled then nodded.

I pushed the dildo all the way in and began to turn it. At one point Jeff yelled, “Oh Fuck!” I knew I’d hit that spot.

I slowly pulled in and out and made sure to hit that spot on each and every inward thrust. He was so fucking hot. I’m pretty sure I was moaning and groaning too.

As Jeff started tugging on the cuffs and jerking his body more and more I pushed the dildo all the way in and straddled him again. I lined up our cocks and as our moans grew louder I leaned in enough to kiss him as my hand, still covered in lube stroked both our cocks together as I rutted once, twice and Jeff yelled into my mouth as he began to shoot and I followed. I noticed him shaking a bit from the aftershocks and I gently removed the dildo and wiped my hand on the side of the bed covered by the sheet.

I quickly grabbed the key and unlocked the cuffs, kissing and licking both his wrists. Then I pulled him in close, wrapping him in my arms and entwining our legs, and just held him for as long as I could, kissing him and telling him how much I loved him.

A few minutes later Jeff looked at me. We both were exhausted and sweaty. I brushed his hair from his forehead. “Gus, I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust you.”

“Thank you for letting me…us…do that. You can always trust me. I promise I’ll never hurt you.”

Jeff and I held each other tight for what seemed like an eternity but was probably just a minute. He whispered in my ear, “I wish that was a promise you could keep, but we’re bound to hurt each other at some point. It’s what we do after the hurt that counts most.”

Jeff had unshed tears in his eyes and I couldn’t hold mine back anymore. It was all so intense. “I love you, and I’ll try not to hurt you.”

“I know, Gus.” The last thing I remember was the two of us holding each other tightly and kissing, small butterfly kisses until we fell asleep.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

The next morning after we played in the shower for a while (blow jobs in the shower are quite refreshing) Jeff and I joined Dad and MJ for brunch. The two of them were obviously still a bit foggy and I never heard them come in the night before (or rather that morning).

“Morning, Dad. You look all bright-eyed and bushy tailed – NOT!”

“Sonny Boy, if you raise your voice above a whisper I may have to cut out your tongue.”

“Hey, Newbie, maybe we should come back later,” Jeff whispered while smiling very broadly.

Then MJ joined in, “You can stay here but please keep it down. Last night we were celebrating a bit more than planned.”

“What were you celebrating?” I made sure to keep my voice soft and even.

“Ben’s blood work came back. His viral load and T-cell count are back where they belong.”

It was hard to cheer quietly. “That’s wonderful news. I bet Uncle Michael was celebrating the most.”

Dad smirked, “You have no idea.”

“Brian…”

“Oh come on, MJ, what happened?”

“The lad should know that when it’s time to celebrate, we can all do it justice.”

MJ took a long gulp of his coffee and then held his head in his hands and leaned over the kitchen island.

“Your dear younger father and Uncle Michael wanted to make sure that everyone knew how happy we all were. I think they were also discussing…what was that Sunshine…who has the most appealing bottom’s bottom.”

Jeff and I couldn’t help laughing out loud. I noticed Jeff glance at my ass and I smacked his arm before my Dad noticed.

“So what did they do, Mr. Kinney?”

“You are inquisitive boys, aren’t you? Well far be it from me to stilt your educations.” He winked at MJ who began to smirk as his coffee was finally doing the trick. “MJ started dancing to the music playing in the background at Woody’s. He was shaking his ass, which for the record is still hot despite his advancing age.”

“You’re one to talk, asshole.”

“Good to know my middle name is still intact.”

“Dad…”

“Ah yes, Sonny Boy, well it would seem that Michael and Justin each wanted to prove themselves, so they each got on a table and started shaking their bubble butts asking for a vote on the hottest ass in Pittsburgh.”

“No fucking way! Uncle Michael AND MJ!”

Then Jeff chimed in, “What did you and Professor Novotny-Bruckner do?”

MJ put in his two cents, “They counted the votes, along with Emmett to keep them honest.”

I couldn’t help myself. “Sooooo, who won?”

MJ held up a big beer mug with the Woody’s logo on it as he laughed.

“So what did Uncle Michael do? Was he upset?”

“If he was, Ben made sure he knew just how appreciated he was by him. I think he took him straight to the bathroom…and not to wash up.”

“Oh my God,” Jeff choked out.

“Dad! Too much information.” Imagining Uncle Michael and Uncle Ben doing it in the bathroom – doing it at all -- that’s just too gross to think about. “I think I need coffee and a new image burned into my brain.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Brunch continued in a relaxed atmosphere. Jeff and I talked about the approaching end of school and all the money we planned to make during the summer. We also talked about the end of summer Basketball Training Camp that Coach runs for the week before school resumes in September. Dad and MJ teased us about them getting the house to themselves for a whole week, but I knew it was all in fun – mostly.

I could tell we were all pretty fucking happy. I also knew that there were some questions that I’d been trying to figure out how to ask for a long time and Jeff knew it too. I nodded slightly in his direction and he excused himself to go upstairs and do some proofreading on one of his term papers. It was a lame excuse, but it served the purpose.

Dad looked at me when Jeff left the room. “Well, Sonny Boy, for a son of mine, that certainly lacked any charisma or tact.”

MJ smirked, “That from the King of Tact.”

“We all know what you’re the King of, or should I say Queen of…”

“Okay, let’s get back to Gus.”

“I was trying to.” These two could side-line any conversation.

“Dad, MJ.” They both finally quieted down. They probably saw that my face was more serious now. “There’s something I’ve wanted to know for a long time. I’ve gotten little mini-versions of the story but it always seems that everyone’s afraid to tell me the truth. I’m older now, and I want to be trusted with information about my life, and my sister’s life.”

“This sounds pretty serious. Do you mind telling Justin and me what you’re talking about, or should I say talking around, because I get the feeling you’ve asked everyone but us?”

“You’re probably right about that.” I looked at both of them and took another sip of my coffee. “It’s about parental rights and custody.”

Dad and MJ looked at each other. I could tell they were confused and nervous about where I was taking this so I just plowed ahead. “I know that Dad signed away his parental rights to me when I was a baby. Mom and Mem both have slightly different versions of that story and I’m pretty sure both are telling me the abridged version.” Then I looked directly at my Dad. “I know Uncle Michael stirred up some shit when Jenny was born, although I don’t know the details yet, but did you, even for a minute, think about not giving me away.”

I looked down at the table and sipped more coffee trying to stem the tears that I knew would fall if I wasn’t careful. I love and trust my Dad, but I could never understand why he just signed me away like he was giving away a car or a pet.

MJ sat back in his chair and looked kind of stunned, and Dad stood up and faced the glass doors that led to the back deck from the kitchen. He held his coffee cup and just seemed to gaze out the window.

I wanted to say something, to tell them to forget I asked but my thoughts were interrupted by MJ. “Is that what you’ve been told? Who told you that?”

“I asked Mom and Mem a few times while I was growing up, especially the year before I asked to move here. I also asked Grandma Deb, although she wasn’t much help and then I asked Uncle Michael who said I needed to talk to Dad and that no one else could answer for him.”

“Sometimes Michael surprises us with his moments of clarity and wisdom.”

Dad finally turned around and faced MJ, his eyes somewhat reddened. “Ben must be rubbing off on him over the years. That happens.” MJ got up and went to Dad. He brushed his hand through Dad’s hair and then softly kissed him. “What do I say?”

“The truth…the whole truth.”

Dad sat down at the table again and MJ sat next to him and rubbed his upper back gently. “Sonny Boy, how much do you know about your mothers at that time?”

“Not much, they don’t share much about themselves.” I had a feeling that I was finally going to hear some truths that made the bigger picture of our lives make sense.

Dad hesitated. “Go ahead, Brian, he needs to hear everything so he understands.”

Dad nodded very subtly. “Okay, but I would ask that you please don’t share this with your sister until she’s at least your age.”

I nodded my agreement realizing this must be bigger than I ever imagined.

“When you were conceived I had no interest in being a parent. The objective was to donate sperm to impregnate your Mom, so she and Mel could have a kid. Mel and I never got along that well.”

“I could tell.” Dad huffed.

“You’d have to blind not to tell. I was surprised that she’d agreed to have me father their child. The only explanation was that your Mom still had more feelings for me than she was willing to admit. She knew I had no interest in her as a physical partner, although I always loved her as a friend.

“Ironically that was the same night I met Justin, and during the night I was called to the hospital to meet you. I took one look at you and held you and it was all over. The entire concept of turning away and letting them raise you without me went out the fucking window.”

“Gus, I was there. It was love at first sight. Your Dad was totally hooked when he looked at you. That’s the picture he keeps on his nightstand.”

“I know the one. Uncle Michael took that picture, right?”

“Yes. Go on, Brian, tell him the rest.”

“I spent the next few months inserting myself into your mothers’ lives so I could spend time with you. At one point you got sick. It ended up being nothing, although I did predict you’d be a drama queen someday because you caused quite a raucous. When your mothers took you to the emergency room only Mom and I could go back with you. Mem was left out in the cold not knowing what the fuck was happening until we came out later. That’s when she knew she needed parental rights to you, so she could care for you and be a mother as she’d planned.”

Then MJ took over. “The two of them asked your Dad to sign over his rights, despite my objections. He set aside my opinion as childish and youthful and told them he would but when the time came, he couldn’t do it.”

“But I thought…”

“It was a few months later, Sonny Boy. Your mothers separated for a while. I think that was the first time, and your Mom asked a fellow teacher to move in with her, platonically, to help pay the rent. He wasn’t very interested in having any of the family around because his goal was to stay in the United States. He was from France. His purpose was to get a permanent visa by marrying your Mom and then he threatened to adopt you out from under me to make his little happy family image complete.”

“What the fuck was wrong with her!” I stood up and started pacing.

“To give your Mom some credit, I think she thought she was doing a good deed. She didn’t know his plans for you.”

MJ got up and gave my shoulders a squeeze and directed me back to the table.

“Anyway, with your future on the line, and knowing that Mel and your Mom were miserable without each other, I used my parental rights to get them back together and remove the French guy from everyone’s lives. I really thought you’d be better off with them. I wasn’t a particularly good role model back then.”

“I tended to disagree, but I understood and supported your decision. It was made out of love, not convenience or disinterest.” Then MJ touched Dad’s cheek, leaned in and kissed him.

I took a few minutes to sip some more coffee and then I got up again to add a bit more to reheat it. I paced slowly, fully aware that MJ and Dad were watching me patiently, and then I returned to my seat at the table.

“So basically, you got my mothers back together by signing over your rights to me so they could parent together equally. Am I right?”

Dad looked at MJ. “I know your father won’t admit it, but that’s exactly right.”

“I know there were other times they separated. I learned that recently. Was one of them when Jenny was born too? I seem to remember living in an apartment with Mom.”

“You have a good memory, Sonny Boy.”

“Dad, what about now?”

“I only have two regrets in my life. One was that I waited so long to tell Justin I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and two was signing my parental rights over to your mothers.”

I stood up and paced again. I couldn’t seem to sit still. “Thank you so much for finally letting me learn the truth.”

“I would imagine that more questions will arise very soon but the one thing you must always remember is that I never stopped loving you, ever. I don’t think your mothers did either, but they just lost their way.”

I hugged both my dads and gave them each a kiss and a look that I hope made it clear that I understood what happened so long ago and that I believed every word that was said.

When I left the room to the quiet, darkened haven of the foyer leading to the front door and stairs, I leaned against the wall and just slumped down to the floor to catch my breath. It didn’t occur to me that the conversation between my dads would continue.

“Brian…” MJ seemed to speak just above a whisper.

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Maybe because you just found out that the people you trusted to love and care for your son forgot that should include telling him how much you love him.”

“I guess I can’t resort to the old line, ‘I don’t believe in love’.”

“Only if you’re trying to make a joke. That line was old the moment you said it.”

Dad huffed, “You’re probably right.”

“Are you going to say anything to Lindsay?”

“What can I say? You begged me to father your child, never let me forget that you never stopped being attracted to me. Or how about you tried to remove the love of my life by manipulating me into thinking he was better off without me in another state. Or how about this little ditty, you robbed me of my son and told him I supported your move out of the country when I fought you to stay close? Which of those scenarios should I start with, Sunshine?” The sarcasm and pain, combined with bitterness in Dad’s voice was almost frightening.

“Brian, how about, ‘You should have told my son I loved and missed him every day I wasn’t with him,’ for starters, and then continue with all the rest?”

“What use would it do?”

“It might make you feel like you finally had your say. It might alert Lindsay that her ability to get away with all her bullshit manipulations won’t ever work again. It might also let her know that she needs to be up front and honest from now on, starting with making retribution to our son for lying to him for nearly ten years.” I could tell that MJ had more to say but stopped when his obvious point was made.

“I don’t know if I can ever sit in the same room with her again. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust in the worst way possible.”

“You’ll move past this, Brian, you always do.”

“But I’ll never be able to forgive her.”

“I know.”

Then it became quiet and I was sure that MJ was comforting Dad physically. I could imagine them kissing in that special way they have and touching each other’s hair and cheeks, speaking volumes without saying another word.

I finally was composed enough to head upstairs and was happy to see Jeff sitting at my desk working peacefully at his computer. He looked particularly beautiful at that moment and I knew that finding him was a fate that I was fortunate to fall into.

He realized I was in the room and looked up smiling hopefully, “How’d it go?”

“I know the truth…at last.”

“And was it any different than the rest of the stories you’ve been picking up along the way.”

“You have no idea.” Jeff’s eyes opened wider as soon as he heard my tone.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll either speak to my mothers individually and force the truth out of them or…”

“Or…”

“Or I may never speak to them again for the rest of my life.”

I tried to hold back the tears but they started silently flowing down my face despite the struggle to keep them in check. Jeff stood up and pulled me into a tight and comforting hug. I felt truly protected from everything outside his arms.

“You can always trust me,” he whispered.

“I know.” Then we kissed and the comforting feeling spread through my body and I leaned into him and just cried. I was never so grateful to have Jeff in my life than I was at that moment, when I knew the relationship between me and my mothers would never be the same, if anything, again.

 

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