The Gus Diaries

Part 31

Dinner with Parents
 

I’m so glad that Jeff was here with me for the entire weekend. Fuck, I’m glad my Dads were here, too. Normally I’d think of myself as a wimp, being so needy, but this time it’s well-deserved. Last night’s dinner was an experience I don’t want to repeat and I’m still not sure how everything went from nice and polite to insane and surprising.

Yesterday morning, or rather yesterday afternoon, since none of us came downstairs until noon we finally made it to brunch. Jeff and I had a very nice and energetic shower and then we both got dressed and went downstairs.

As we approached the kitchen I could smell the coffee brewing and it was wonderful. While I’d had a great night’s sleep, I knew that there was homework ahead so coffee would be a welcome study-aid. MJ was beginning to crack some eggs for breakfast.

“Hey, Mr. Taylor.”

“Hey Jeff, Gus…did you two have a relaxing evening last night?” I think I detected a note of sarcasm in MJ’s voice but I ignored it.

“Yeah, MJ, we just hung around and did this and that.” MJ had the nerve to smile and tilt his head to one side. What is he, a fucking mind reader?

“I hope this and that is still a safe activity.”

Jeff laughed, “It is Mr. Taylor, totally safe. No other way.”

“Then I’m glad you had a nice evening.”

“What about you, MJ? Did you and Dad have fun?” I did a little smirking myself. After all, even though I’ve never been to one, I think I have a pretty good idea of what goes on at some of the gay clubs Dad and MJ go to.

MJ looked at me and then to Jeff. “Brian and I also had a nice evening doing this and that.”

Then I opened my mouth before thinking. Unfortunately I do that from time to time. “MJ, are you and Dad still safe when you do stuff?”

MJ stopped fussing with the eggs for a minute and looked up at me. “You know, Gus, there’s more than one way for me to answer that question so I’m going to wait until I think about how to answer before I say anything else.”

Jeff shoved my arm and I felt guilty for bringing up the subject while he was around. “I’m sorry, MJ, it’s none of my business.”

“You’re right Gus. For the most part it isn’t any of your business, other than knowing that your Dad and I have a loving and stable relationship. However, I’ve always said you can ask me anything and that includes this.”

I looked at MJ, kind of surprised by his answer, but then he continued, “But that doesn’t mean I’ll answer everything.” Then he smirked and went back to preparing the scrambled eggs.

MJ gave us our eggs and toast and prepared a plate for himself as well. Then he took out a clean, smaller frying pan and started preparing egg whites.

“Mr. Taylor, do you always do all the cooking? Some guys think that if two gay guys live together that one starts being…well…like a wife.”

I shuddered hearing Jeff’s question and thought MJ would get pissed off, but he really wasn’t. “Jeff, some guys joke about playing the wife, but in my opinion it’s just a joke. I cook for us most of the time, because I like to cook and I like quality home-cooked food. It has nothing to do with my role in our marriage. If anything, it has more to do with the fact that Brian can’t cook very well and he doesn’t enjoy it at all.”

“So it really doesn’t have to do with who’s more, oh I don’t know, masculine?”

“No, Jeff. In fact, Ben does all the cooking for him and Michael.” Then MJ snorted, “Otherwise they’d be eating grease and fat three times a day.”

“That sure as shit sounds like Uncle Michael…the Captain Crunch King.” We all had a good laugh and went on with our breakfasts as Dad joined us.

“Well, my young lads, I see you couldn’t stay up as late as the seasoned men of the house.” I rolled my eyes and Jeff snorted.

“Brian, let’s just say we’ve had more practice.”

“At so many important things, Sunshine. And from the looks of it last night, we’re still the masters of our domain.”

“Brian, it’s healthy to keep a few secrets from our son.”

“Oh come on, MJ. What did you two do last night?” Dad didn’t know it but I caught him winking at MJ.

“My, my, Sonny Boy, you are the inquisitive one today, aren’t you?”

“I’m just trying to learn how to be a hot, gay man from the masters.”

MJ started coughing over his breakfast. I guess I laid that one on a little too thick.

“One thing any master knows is when his teenaged son is trying to weasel unnecessary information out of him.” Okay, so Dad is still not an easy mark…and probably never will be.

By this time Jeff was laughing and couldn’t even continue drinking his coffee and I just shrugged my shoulders. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Gus, one of these days…maybe after your fifteenth birthday, your Dad and I will take you for a tour of some of the hottest night spots on Liberty Avenue…”

“No shit!”

“Before dinner time.”

“Oh.”

Sometimes I wonder if my dads were really as wild as my moms have told me. They sure aren’t now.

Jeff and I started clearing the brunch dishes and I think that Dad and MJ thought we weren’t paying attention to them anymore.

“I’m glad we had time to let off steam last night.” MJ rubbed Dad’s shoulder gently.

“Is that what they’re calling it lately, ‘letting off steam’? I remember when it was called foreplay.”

“And then we’d go back to your loft…”

“Our loft.”

“For the main event.”

“Am I still worth going out with at night?”

“Brian, you’ll always be younger than any man your age. And perfect for me.”

Then Dad lowered his voice even more. “Only for you, Sunshine.”

“I love you, too, Brian.”

“No matter how old I get?”

“Don’t you know, you’ll never be too old for me.”

Then they started kissing…enough that Jeff and I decided to leave the kitchen. It was suddenly beginning to seem way too personal.

I wish I thought my moms had a tenth of that love left between them. I was really beginning to wonder if they had anything left at all.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Jeff was finishing up a paper for American History class so I went downstairs to hang out with MJ while he prepared dinner. I didn’t know if he’d let me help but I just wanted to be near him.

“Hey, Gus, did you finish your homework?” He looked at me with this really nice warm smile on his face. Just being around MJ makes me happy. I can’t imagine what life would have been like if something went wrong with his surgery. I must have shivered at the thought. “Are you cold, do you want to raise the thermostat?”

“No, no, I’m okay. Just thinking.”

MJ put down the knife he was using to chop up some vegetables for a stirfry dish he was going to make soon. “Would you care to share?”

“I’m not sure.” I stood at the kitchen island and stared at the vegetables until MJ touched my shoulder. With his soft touch he guided me to the table and we both sat down.

“You want something to drink?”

“No that’s okay, I’m fine. Don’t you have to work on dinner? I’ll help.” I’m not the best at avoidance techniques and MJ can read people like a book.

“I’ll take the help later, dinner can wait. Your father thinks I’m too obsessive compulsive when I host dinners as it is, so I’m sure I’m at least an hour ahead of schedule.” We both huffed a slight laugh at that.

“He calls you obsessive – has he looked in his closet lately? All his suits and shirts are organized by season, color, style, and the shirts that coordinate with them.”

“Ah, the glories of a massive walk in closet. I sometimes think that’s why he bought this house.”

“And I thought he bought it for you.”

“That’s his story.” MJ winked and smirked. “Now, do you want to tell me why I’m getting this mid-afternoon kitchen visit?”

“I guess I’m anxious about tonight. Jeff’s finishing a paper for one of his classes so I just wanted to be near my Dad for support.”

“Do you want me to go get Brian? He’s in his office, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind the interruption.”

“No, MJ, I meant you.” I looked at him and his face had this soft glow to it. I’m not sure if he really understands just how much of a father he is to me.

He gently brushed his fingers across my cheek. “It’s still so hard to believe that you so willingly accept me as your father.”

“Why? You know I love you.”

“It’s just that…well I…I never thought I’d have the privilege of being anyone’s parent. Although there was a time I thought I’d never be anyone’s partner and now I’m married.”

“MJ, you know how much Dad loves you.” I wasn’t sure why MJ seemed so surprised by all this.

“Of course I know how much he loves me. It’s just that sometimes journeys force us to do things and make choices that aren’t the happiest or the best. For a while I really believed I’d spend my life without a family of my own.”

“I don’t think Dad would ever let that happen.” MJ snorted at that statement and I decided to file that away for a later discussion. “MJ…” He looked at me, “I’ve trusted you with some of my deepest thoughts and secrets. That’s because I sure as shit think of you as one of my parents. Fuck, I changed my name for real. How could you imagine I’d think of you as anything less than my father?”

“I guess all of us have insecurities that we can’t seem to make disappear. I promise to work on it. You do know that I think of you as my son, and I always will. That will never change.” Then he added with a smirk, “Although I’m way too young to have a son your age.”

“That’s what you think. There’s this guy Roger at school and he and Mary Anne got it on after school and guess what -- now they’re gonna have a kid. They’re both fifteen.”

“There are definitely some perks to being gay.” I couldn’t help laughing. Just as I thought, being near MJ always relaxed me.

“MJ, what do think is going to happen tonight?”

“You know, Gus, I’ve thought about it a lot and yet the truth is we won’t know anything until we talk with your moms directly. Guessing can just bring up all kinds of inaccurate conclusions and might cause more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Do you think there’s any chance that they’ll separate or want a divorce?”

“Yes.” MJ and I both looked up when we saw Dad at the entrance to the kitchen.

“Brian, how long have you been there?”

Dad walked over to MJ and draped his arms over MJ’s shoulders from behind. “Long enough to know that I have a very smart and sensitive son and a husband who sometimes needs a little more than actions from time to time.”

MJ tilted his head down, but Dad went around to the front of his chair, kneeled down, lifted MJ’s chin and then leaned in to give him a really loving kiss. When they separated, Dad ran his hand through MJ’s hair and said, “Now that I’ve shown you I’m going to tell you…there is no one in this world that I value as a lover more than you, no one I want to spend time with more than you, no one I love, with all the passion I can possibly muster, more than you. There is certainly no one who has ever brought the sun into my life like you and no one I could ever imagine spending my entire life with other than you. I love you.”

“Fuck,” was all MJ could say. Then the two of them kissed so ardently and held each other so tightly that it seemed like it was more intense than sex could ever be.

When they pulled apart MJ looked at Dad, “Message received loud and clear.”

“Good. Now we can help the lad with his anxiety over tonight’s dinner theme.”

“God, Dad, you sound like Uncle Emmett. I didn’t know we had a theme for tonight’s dinner.”

“Of course we do, Sonny Boy. It’s honesty. And it’s time that everyone, especially you and your sister received some honest words from your mothers.”

“Thanks Dad, I’d really like that.”

“I think we all would. I don’t like all this bullshit and fighting, especially when it ends up involving you and Jenny. There’s no excuse for that, other than selfishness and bad parenting.”

“Brian…”

“No Justin, it’s true. I lived that life and I will not have my son, or his sister, deal with that kind of shit.”

“Brian, you can’t think that Mel or Linds are anything like Jack.”

“No, but I’m beginning to wonder if their parenting and relationship skills rival Joan’s.”

MJ and Dad stood up and MJ leaned into Dad’s chest as he hugged him and whispered, “I sure as shit hope that’s not true.”

“Ahem,” Jeff walked into the kitchen.

“I see the final member of the adolescent duo is here, how about putting them to work, Sunshine.”

MJ returned to his work space at the kitchen island and smiled at Dad. I didn’t want to tell them that distracting me with dinner preparation wasn’t going to help…much, but it was the thought that counted.

“Jeff, Gus, why don’t you two set the dining room table. Take out the dark blue table cloth for tonight; it matches the dishes I want to use.”

“Now you’re sounding much too much like Emmett for my taste. I’m heading back to my office, with the bottle of water I initially came here to get.”

With that Dad left the room, MJ went back to his cooking and Jeff and I set the table. T-minus two hours and counting – I knew the wait would be tough, but it was nice just hanging out with Jeff.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

It wasn’t nearly long enough before the doorbell rang. Dad went to open it as Jeff and I were approaching the foyer. There was Uncle Ben and Uncle Michael. Uncle Ben actually looked like he had a bit more color. That was a relief. I could tell by Uncle Michael’s face that he was feeling pretty good too, so I was pretty certain that the meds changes were beginning to work out.

“Hi, Professor, Mikey, lovely to see you both again.”

“It’s been less than twenty-four hours, Brian.” That got my attention.

“How very astute of you, Mikey,” Dad smirked.

Ben touched Dad on the shoulder gently. “Thanks for pushing us to join all of you last night. I think it was just the thing for both of us.”

“I had a feeling you might enjoy it.”

“We really did. It was great watching Ted play pool. I thought Blake would laugh his head off when he pinched Ted’s ass and the cue ball flew over the side of the table. That was priceless.”

“I don’t know, Michael, I thought Brian’s floor show with Justin at Babylon, followed by a spin around the floor with Emmett was a particular highlight.”

“You two need to get a life of your own.”

“Why, we’re thoroughly enjoying living vicariously through yours.”

“Thank you for the nod, Professor, but I’d prefer to leave Babylon at Babylon.”

“Why, Dad?” I couldn’t help chiming in with a half-smile on my face and Jeff was totally amused.

“Because I’d rather you learn the wonderful secrets of membership at Babylon when you’re old enough.”

“And that will be…”

“When you're forty if I have anything to say about it.”

That did it…Jeff laughed out loud. “He got you there, Newbie.”

Then Dad added pointedly towards Jeff, “Accompanied by you for your first visit.”

That got me laughing. “Nailed!”

MJ soon joined us and brought in some soft drinks for everyone. Although no one said anything, I had a feeling that since the topic of the night was so serious they all wanted to be as capable as possible, and although I’ve yet to have more than a sip of beer or wine from one of my parents’ drinks, I’m pretty sure no one is as alert as they should be after drinking.

Dad, MJ, Uncle Ben and Uncle Michael kept chatting away about some of the antics from the night before. Jeff particularly liked the anecdote about Drew hoisting Emmett over his shoulder and carrying him off the dance floor because he was getting tired of dancing and wanted a drink. One story particularly got my attention…

“Thanks for having your D.J. play a couple of slower songs during the night.”

“Don’t thank me, Professor, I just wanted a legitimate excuse to get closer to Justin on the dance floor.”

“Since when do you need an excuse to get close to Justin?”

“Mikey, you know that since I own Babylon I have to set a good example.”

“Yeah, sure…well, thanks, Brian. Ben and I really appreciated the chance to dance together. It’s been a while.”

Dad walked over to Uncle Michael, kissed him on the lips in the friendliest, most humorous, way I could imagine someone kissing on the lips and said, “You’re so pathetic.” Then he winked at Uncle Michael.

“I am, but I’m happy that way. It seems to be my greatest charm.” Then I noticed Dad look from one uncle to the other and sat back down with MJ.

Uncle Ben took Uncle Michael’s hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. It was such a little movement but it said so much. “Being pathetic is only one of your many charms.” The two of them then kissed gently on the lips.

“And you have many more to learn about, over let’s say the next fifty years.”

“I think that’s a great plan.”

I couldn’t help tearing up a little, and then I looked to MJ who was doing the same. It didn’t take a mind reader to know that even ten years would be a battle for the two of them. Sometimes life really sucks.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Soon the doorbell rang again and since I knew who it would be I got up to open it myself.

“Hi, Mom, Mem.”

“Hey, what about me?”

“If you gave me two fucking seconds, I would have said hello to you too. Hi, Jenny.”

“That’s better.” She’s still as confident and cocky as ever. She’s a lot like Mem, but without all the bitterness that seems to be involved.

Dad came up behind us, with everyone else following behind. “Why, hello ladies, so glad you could make it on this lovely Spring evening.”

“Hi, Brian, Justin,” Mom gave each of them a tentative hug and a kiss on the cheek. Mem gave MJ a little hug and nodded to Dad. Somehow I think that was pretty damn good for them.

MJ broke the slight awkwardness that seemed to prevail. “Well, everyone, I’ve made a shitload of food and I’d hate for it to overcook so why don’t we all head for the dining room and we can have dinner.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Uncle Ben chimed in.

Jenny, Jeff and I seconded the motion since I hoped that if we’d get the tough stuff over with first then my appetite would return and I could enjoy MJ’s great meal.

MJ prepared a huge assortment of dishes, both vegetarian and chicken dishes so anyone could eat no matter what their favorite. We all put food on our plates but it seemed like everyone was playing with their food rather than eating it, but we all made an attempt.

Finally, Dad let out the elephant in the room. “Mel, Linds, I think you both know why we’re having this little soiree.”

“We have a rough idea, but I’m not sure it’s one of your better ones.” Mom looked at him with questioning eyes.

“Then let me make it quite clear. There’s no need for formal bullshit, we’ve all known each other way too long for that.” Everyone’s eyes were focused on Dad. I noticed MJ place his hand on Dad’s thigh. It seems that they each draw strength and confidence from the other’s touch so I knew exactly what was happening. “It would seem that your children, and ours,” Dad waved his hand towards the four fathers at the table, “are concerned about the escalating level of volume you two are demonstrating on a regular basis…again.” Ouch! He really doesn’t mince words.

Then MJ continued, “The kids have heard you arguing about things that are, let’s say, surprising.” I noticed that Mem did have the courtesy to realize exactly what MJ was referring to and she lowered her head slightly.

Uncle Ben added, “We’d all like to know if there’s anything we can do to help, or if there’s anything all of us, including the kids need to know.”

Uncle Michael got the last word and somehow I think it had a double meaning that I wasn’t completely aware of. “No one likes being kept in the dark, especially if you’re having problems and our children might be affected.” There was an accusation in his tone and it reminded me of an argument I vaguely remember hearing when I still lived in Pittsburgh as a little kid.

Mem and Mom looked at each other. Everyone was suddenly quiet. Even optimistic Jenny had a sullen look on her face.

Mom finally said, “I wish I hadn’t convinced you to change your mind, Brian.”

Dad sat up tall and so did I. “What are you talking about, Mom?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Gus. This was a discussion your father and I had years ago.”

“You told me that Dad and Uncle Michael were happy to let us go and live in nice, safe Canada. Please tell me you didn’t lie.” Jeff took my hand and that’s when I realized it was shaking.

“I’d like to hear more about that, too. I was not happy to let my infant daughter leave me to live over three hundred miles away. I was resigned to her being safer there than here…NOT happy!” Uncle Ben started to rub Uncle Michael’s arm up and down and Dad, not surprisingly rose from his chair and started pacing and rubbing his hand through his hair.

“Lindsay, please tell me that you and Mel were as happy as you professed to be all those years in the great northeast.”

“Brian, you have to understand, we went up there without much planning.”

“No shit! So what the fuck happened and why is this the first we’re hearing about it.”

“Look, Brian, Lindsay and I made our lives work as best we could in Canada. We just had some trouble financially and making friends as lesbian adults wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be.”

“So why the fuck didn’t you come back? There have been no bombs since you left, I can assure you.”

“It wasn’t that simple. We went through our money faster than we thought and our expenses outweighed our income.”

“Spoken like a true lawyer. So what the fuck did you do about it?”

Mom tried to calm Dad. “We worked to make ends meet and you and Michael were great with helping support the kids so that helped, but we just never got truly comfortable.”

“I repeat, why the fuck didn’t you come home!” Dad was nearly yelling and MJ got up and put his arms around Dad’s waist from behind. At least it stopped him from pacing.

“Because I didn’t want to ask for any more of your fucking money to raise my son. Everyone else seemed to make it on their own, and I couldn’t admit to failure. Fuck, even Justin was successful in one of the hardest fields to break into. Is that what you want to hear; are you happy now?!?” Mem practically spit out. It was pretty scary watching her.

“Don’t you dare put words into my mouth. I don’t give a shit whether you’re a success or a fucking failure unless it involves OUR son and his sister. You denied Michael and me frequent access to our children out of some fucking sense of pride.”

Then Uncle Michael jumped in, “That’s totally fucked!”

I felt numb learning all this and I could see that Jenny was close to crying. How could our mothers keep us from our fathers because they were embarrassed that they couldn’t make it? This made no sense. Jenny and I both had plenty of friends. I knew our gifts were usually small from our moms, but I just figured that knowing our dads spoiled us they didn’t want to add to the glut.

MJ moved slightly away from Dad and returned to his seat and holding Dad’s hand encouraged him back to his, as well. “I think we’re all pretty clear on Canada, but you’re back in Pittsburgh, so why is there still a problem.”

Mom lowered her head and I think she may have been crying just a bit. Personally, I was more interested in the answer than her emotional breakdown. Mem, once again, took the lead, “Because we now know that we’re just not happy. It wasn’t Canada, it wasn’t the money, it wasn’t some of the other issues that both of us have wandered into.” I know Mem was trying to be careful how she spoke in front of Jenny, since I already knew about the cheating…although it sounded like it happened more than once which I definitely didn’t know about.

Mom finally spoke up, “It’s us. We’ve run out of excuses. We just don’t know what to do next.”

Uncle Ben tried to lend a hand. “Have the two of you explored couples’ therapy? There are some great therapists in town that I could refer you to who are affiliated with CMU.”

Mem and Mom both laughed, “We’ve been in therapy, both together and separately, for the better part of twelve years.”

“Wait a minute. You two were in therapy when we were expecting JR?”

“Yes, Michael, it helped us focus on each other,” Mom explained.

Then Mem couldn’t seem to help herself. “A fucking lot of good that did.”

Dad was quietly listening for a period of time as all this played out, until that moment. “So now that you two have fucked up your lives by staying in a bullshit relationship, what are you going to do about it? There are two incredible kids sitting here wondering that right along with the rest of us…and no more bullshit.”

“I don’t know,” Mom practically whispered.

Then surprisingly Jenny stood up and slammed her hand on the table. “Well that’s fucking fabulous!” she said in a frighteningly angry tone that I’d never heard before.

“I trusted you both all my life and you kept me and Gus from our fathers because of your fucked up pride. Now you tell us that your fucked up relationship has been lousy since before I was born and you don’t know what to do, despite twelve years of therapy. That’s total bullshit!”

I finally found my voice. “You both know what to do, so just fucking do it. I just keep thinking about all the times I missed my Dad and MJ while you pretended that they were happy to have me in Canada. I don’t know if I can ever forgive either of you. I love you both, but right now I feel like I could write you out of my life in a heartbeat if I had the chance.”

“Gus!” MJ yelled. “Don’t ever say that about your mothers. They obviously have to make some important, grown up decisions, but don’t ever threaten to write them out of your life. I’m sure Jeff would agree that’s not a good option.”

“Oh fuck.” I looked at Jeff. He’d been silent through all of this, holding my hand and just being there for me. “I’m so sorry, Jeff. I didn’t mean it like it sounded…and you too, MJ, I know that writing off a parent you care about is impossible.”

“As much as I wish I could, it’s an impossible task…at least for me,” MJ continued.

“And me,” Jeff softly added. I hugged Jeff and he squeezed me back and I knew I was forgiven for mouthing off stupidly.

“You’re the lucky one.” MJ added, “Both of your mothers love you, even if they did make some questionable choices.”

“Mel, Lindsay, I do want to know what your plans are as soon as you know.” Then Uncle Michael turned briefly to Uncle Ben who nodded to him. “JR, Dad and I love you very much. While your mothers work out their problems, we’d love it if you’d stay with us.”

Mem spoke up, “No fucking way!”

Uncle Ben, ever the quiet voice of reason spoke up much firmer than I thought was possible. “Need I remind you that Michael does have joint custody of his daughter and has fulfilled all his obligations, and then some. I wouldn’t cross him right now if I were you. I do believe he has the best interests of his daughter at heart.”

Everyone was silent for a moment. “Well said, Professor.” Then Dad looked at me. “Sonny Boy, you are and always will be my first priority…you and Justin. This is your primary home and we intend to keep it that way.”

Not that there was any question in my mind that this was true, but I had to get up and hug my Dad. He actually hugged me tighter than Grandma Deb. I looked at him after we both pulled back. “I’m staying with you and MJ.”

Mom looked at everyone and then rested her eyes on Mem. “Maybe with the children both staying indefinitely with their fathers you and I can actually talk to each other openly.”

“Wouldn’t that be refreshing.”

“Mel, please.” Mom was pleading and in some ways I thought it was really pathetic – not like when Dad calls Uncle Michael pathetic, but really, truly pathetic.

Mem nodded her agreement although she was clearly not happy about looking towards their future at all. Sometimes she seemed so harsh, almost mean, but I think it’s because she really loves Mom and they just don’t seem to know how to love each other.

I wish they could take lessons from all the dads. They’ve all had loving and supportive relationships for years. Even when Dad and MJ weren’t living together full-time, I remember them always seeming so together.

Uncle Michael finally turned to Jenny. “Honeybun.” Jenny grimaced. “I know you don’t like that name, I’ll try to cut down. JR, would this arrangement work out for you. I don’t want you to live anywhere that you don’t want to.”

JR put her arms around Uncle Michael’s neck and hugged him. “I love you, Daddy. It would be great to live with you and Dad for a while. We’ll just see how it goes.”

“That sounds great, Honeyb…JR.”

“You can call me Honeybun when we’re at home, but nowhere else.” She smiled for the first time since dinner started.

Mom looked at Dad. “Brian, Justin, can we have a moment with Gus and JR before we leave?”

“Why don’t you use my office; it’ll be very private.”

“Thank you, Brian. We won’t be long.” Then Mom turned towards MJ. “Justin, dinner was lovely, I just wish we could have gotten together under better circumstances.” Mom always has the best manners.

“No problem, Linds, there’s always time for celebrations and family time in the future…whatever the future holds.” Mom tried to half smile as she began to walk towards Dad’s office.

Jeff leaned over and kissed me softly then he whispered in my ear, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” I understood the complete meaning of those words and was happy to know I had Jeff with me.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Mom finally allowed her eyes to visibly water in Dad’s office. “You both know we love you, don’t you?”

“It just hurts to know that you weren’t completely honest about how our fathers felt about the move to Canada,” I said, more in control this time.

“We thought it was in your best interest, we didn’t do it to hurt you,” Mem offered.

“You know, I still remember a lot about that time. I was almost five. I remembered wondering why Dad wasn’t as excited as you both were; now I know.”

“Mommy, did you really think it was good to hear that my Daddy was happy I lived so far away from him. That’s pretty fucked up.”

“Oh, JR.” Mem went over and hugged her. “I really do love you so much and I just thought it would be easier.”

“I know, Mommy, I really do.”

“Mom, Mem, I hope you guys can fix all the shit between you, but if you can’t, don’t stay together for us…right, JR?”

“Right. My friends who have parents who stay together for the kids are always miserable.”

Mom looked at JR and gently brushed her hand through her hair. “Kind of like you, huh?”

JR hugged Mom. That was all the answer she needed.

We all exchanged hugs and then as I was giving Mem a hug and a kiss I remembered something I thought might help Mem know how much I really did love her. “You know, Mem, I’ll return some words you used to say to me every night. They really did send me off to sleep happy. I’ll say a little prayer for you, too.”

She looked at me stunned, “You remember that.”

“You sang it to me every night until I was around seven. That’s when I told you I was a big boy and could put myself to bed.” Mem gave me one last hug.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

Uncle Michael and Uncle Ben took JR in their car and followed Mom and Mem as they left, so they could get some of JR’s things. Britin was finally filled with a welcome calmness.

I guess all the dads had all cleared the table while JR and I were in with our moms.

Dad and MJ were in the front room sitting together on the sofa. They were just waiting for me to decide what I wanted to do. “How are you doing, Sonny Boy?”

“I’ll be right there, Dad.”

Jeff pulled me to the side and kissed me. “You were so great tonight, Gus. I was really proud to be your boyfriend.” We kissed some more. “Now I’m going upstairs and I’ll wait for you…as long as it takes.”

I went into the front room and sat on the armchair opposite my fathers. “Thank you both.”

“For what, Gus, we didn’t do anything but make dinner.” MJ always underestimates what a great person he is and how much he does for me.

“For arranging all this so JR and I could hear about our moms in a safe place with all our dads around us, and Jeff.”

“Well, Sonny Boy, if there’s one thing that you should know by now, MJ and I always want to keep you safe.”

“We love you, Gus, and that’s what you do for the people you love.”

“I just hope my moms can figure out their shit and maybe even stay together.”

“That may not happen. And take it from someone who knows, two people who stay together when the relationship is dead start to destroy each other and all those around them.”

“It almost happened in my family too, but Grandma Jen took a stand and divorced my father. Look how happy she is now.”

“What about your father?” I knew I was treading on rough ground.

“He wrote me off.” Then MJ looked at me. “But I’d really like to talk with you about it…just not now.”

“That’s okay, MJ, whenever. Dad, do you think you would have been happier if your parents divorced?”

“You know what, I don’t know if I would have been happier, but I would have felt safer and more secure.” I nodded, understanding all that Dad had told me in the past about his father.

“I’m really glad that I have you both. I’m kind of tired and I’m not sure what to say just yet, but if more shit comes up you’ll be the first two that I go to.”

“That’s all we can expect, Sonny Boy.” Then Dad got up and hugged me and kissed me, followed by MJ doing the same.

“We love you, Gus, and we’ll always be here for you…and we’re very proud of your very mature behavior tonight.”

Then Dad added, “You’re getting closer and closer to being a man.”

“Thanks to you guys.” I turned to leave the room. “Goodnight.”

I paused in the hallway outside the front room and heard MJ first, “Brian…”

“Yes.”

“Do you think it’s possible for Mel and Linds to work out all their problems?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.”

“I’d rather be honest than live in fantasy land.”

“I know. It’s too bad we can’t have fantasy land every once in a while.”

“The kids would like that.”

“But then it wouldn’t be real.”

“No more real than if you went to Dartmouth for a business degree.”

“Oh shit, I haven’t thought about that for years. Thanks to you I didn’t make that terrible mistake.”

“It was just advice that I supplied, Sunshine, but it was your decision.”

“Thank you, Brian.”

“For what.”

“Never giving up on me.”

“Then I would have lost everything.”

The room became silent at that point and I went upstairs to be with Jeff. I wasn’t sure about a lot of Dad and MJ’s conversation, but one thing was certain, this was a marriage that was solid.

When I got upstairs Jeff was in bed with just his sweatpants on. I closed the door, stripped down to my underwear and crawled in next to him. He and I both got under the comforter and Jeff wordlessly told me, by holding me and gently kissing me, that he was there for me and we would get through whatever our parents threw at us…together.
 

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