The Gus Diaries

Part 26

Revisiting the Past
 

Wow, the past couple of weeks have been flying by in both a good way and a strange way.

Ever since Jeff’s prom I’ve been much more relaxed at school. The guys on the team keep saying that we were cheated on prom night. I didn’t tell my dads because I thought Dad’s head might explode, but we were runner-ups for prom King and, well Queen. That’s the part that would have killed Dad.

Personally, I think we were much better looking than the cheerleader whose boobs looked like helium balloons and the class president who looked a little too much like Abraham Lincoln for my taste.

Jeff nearly pissed in his pants laughing when we were called up as runner-up couple. I didn’t think someone could laugh that hard. He looked at all our friends from the team and said, “How many times did each of you fucking assholes vote?”

I’m not really sure what statement any of them were trying to make, but I bet we were a first for St. James.

Anyway, since then Jeff’s left hand seems to have gotten quite attached to might right hand. Whenever he sees me in the hall or at lunch he’s always holding my hand and hardly ever lets go. It makes meal time a bit difficult since I’m a righty, but I’d rather starve than tell him I need my hand back. I figure it could only help to build up my strength in both hands. Strong hands come in handy for a whole bunch of good reasons. Oh fuck not again, well, I’ll take care of that later…it happens a lot when I think about Jeff and his hot hand.

Justin and Dad have been really strange ever since the prom. I know Justin had some more memories of his prom but it seems to be affecting them both in very different ways.

Dad keeps touching MJ and stroking his hair and rubbing his hand all the time. They’re not talking much but they keep looking into each others’ eyes and I can tell that something weird is going on.

MJ keeps getting these far-off looks in his eyes and then they almost glaze over. Sometimes he shakes his head, almost like he’s trying to align his thoughts because they’re all jumbled up.

He’s also spending an inordinate amount of time in his studio at home. He’s basically handed the gallery over to Mom for a while. I know she loves working there but I can tell that she’s worried about MJ. Fuck, I am too.

MJ is the warmest and most communicative person I know. He talks with everyone, but now he’s becoming a hermit. I’m not sure what he’s doing in his studio but the music is on and Dad says to leave him alone.

One night at dinner, MJ worked right through our meal time and Dad didn’t push him to join us. This was my chance to try and put some of the pieces together.

“Dad, what’s wrong with MJ?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Sonny Boy. Why would you say that?” Dad can NOT do nonchalant. It was obvious he was as worried as I was, if not more.

“Don’t treat me like a little kid. I’m not blind. Something’s wrong with MJ, I’m just not really sure what it is or how to help him.”

Dad touched my cheek. “You were always so aware of everyone around you. Maybe it’s because there are so many adults in your life…and most of us are quite intelligent and we passed that trait on to you.”

“Please, Dad, don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not. It’s just hard to explain.”

“Try.”

“You know, Gus, when MJ’s memory of his prom was lost, seemingly forever, a big part of us, he and I, was lost too.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Neither am I but I’m going to try to explain it.”

I nodded my head, hoping that he would go on. I know talking about important shit is hard for Dad, so I was trying to be calm and not push too hard.

“We’ve talked about how hard it was for me to show my feelings.” I nodded again, thinking that if I talked he might stop. “Well, without realizing it, the first year I met MJ I was growing to love him. It wasn’t a feeling I recognized other than with Michael and Lindsay and they’re different. I loved them as the family I didn’t have. But Justin was different.” Dad stopped talking and started looking somewhere else, I couldn’t tell where, and he smiled.

“How, Dad? How was MJ different?”

That helped Dad refocus. He looked at me and smiled again, “Well, Sonny Boy, Justin had balls and earned respect from everyone. It didn’t matter how old they were. Even Michael, who was not too happy with this kid who seemed to plow into our lives and change everything, fell somewhat under his spell. I remember learning much later that he knew that Justin loved me, in a mature loving way, and he realized that Justin and I were, well, something special together.”

“Yeah. I know Uncle Michael had a crush on you, like, forever.”

Dad laughed softly. “Then he met Uncle Ben and the crush became a fond memory, when a real love came into his life. I have to admit that at first I was taken aback by his ability to let go after so long, but Ben’s a good person and he loves your uncle in a way that I never could.”

“And you love MJ.”

“Oh yes, I do love MJ.”

“But back then…”

“But back then I couldn’t face that truth for a long time. Then I did some major soul searching during the time I turned 30.”

“Thirty must have been a major deal. I think it’d be cool to be thirty.”

Dad just laughed, “Aging isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, at least it wasn’t…to me…back then.”

“And now.”

“And now I can honestly say that with Justin and you and the rest of our insane family, growing up together isn’t such a nightmare. And fuck, I’m still the hottest man in the eastern third of the United States.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Well, I hope I take after you in that department.”

“You do, Sonny Boy, you definitely do.” Dad ruffled my hair a little, kind of like when I was little. It felt much nicer than I thought it would.

“But Dad, what about MJ?” I really wanted him to finish what he was talking about.

“Gus, when I finally realized that ‘love’ was the emotion I was feeling when I thought about Justin I decided to act. Only, my actions may or may not have been the catalyst that led to MJ’s bashing.”

“I don’t get it.” This didn’t make any sense to me. “You just went to MJ’s prom.”

“Yes I did, and right there on the dance floor in front of his entire class I led him through a very ridiculously romantic dance.”

“Wow, he must have felt like he was on cloud nine.”

Dad smirked, “Something like that. When the dance ended, I kissed him in front of everyone.”

“Holy shit! They must have fainted or had heart attacks or, or something.”

“Yeah, well, we certainly gave them the surprise of their lives. Unfortunately one of Justin’s classmates had a surprise of his own.”

“The bat.”

“Yes.”

“But now that MJ had his surgery and his hand is working great and he’s been remembering all sorts of stuff from that night shouldn’t he be feeling great.”

“You know, I think he does feel good, but he’s also remembering the parts of that night that were truly special to us alone. He actually told me that night, right before the bashing, that it was the best night of his life.”

My eyes got large as I remembered what I said right before Jeff’s prom. No wonder MJ was freaking out that night.

“Now, Sonny Boy, he’s reliving, savoring, and coping with the moments when I told him through my actions, all those years ago, that I loved him and was ready to nurture our relationship.

“You see, after the bashing I couldn’t let myself get that close for a long time. Have you learned about the emotional effects of violence on the witnesses?”

“Yeah Dad, they usually have just as many after-effects as the victim, but it also includes guilt because they weren’t the ones that got hurt.”

“That’s basically right. I couldn’t love again; or rather admit to loving again for what amounted to four more years. My inability to share my true feelings with MJ almost broke us up for good.”

“The violin player?”

“Yes, but in other ways as well.”

“And now MJ is dealing with everything that his bashing cost both of you.”

Dad lowered his head and nodded. “That just about sums it up. I’m not sure if he’s painting his memories right now or his emotions, but whatever it is, he’s working it out in the best and healthiest way he knows how.” I looked at Dad and there must have still been some doubt written on my face. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure and take care of Justin. Taking care of the two of you is the most important part of my life.”

“No, Dad.”

“No?”

“Loving us is, the rest just comes along with that.”

Dad smiled this really soft half smile. “When did you become so smart?”

“When I got your genes.” I smirked.

“I’m not raising your allowance.”

I just laughed, gave Dad a kiss on the cheek and brought my dish to the dishwasher. I turned to look at him as he played with his food a bit. “Thank you.”

He looked at me. “For what?”

“Talking to me like an adult and telling me the truth.”

“I quit bullshit years ago.”

I smiled and looked away. “I’m going into the media room for a while.”

“Okay.”

Then I heard Dad get up and walk over to MJ’s studio. After he knocked the music was turned off and I heard him go in. They must have left the door opened so I stopped writing the essay I was working on, on my laptop.

“Gus is worried,” Dad started.

“Gus? Not you?”

“I’m beginning to get worried too. Care to share?”

“Soon. It’s all so new. Remember how I painted like a maniac after the bombing.”

“Yes.”

“Another bomb just exploded in my memory bank. I need to do this. But I’m almost there. Please wait and I’ll share everything with you…and Gus.”

“Okay, I’ll wait.”

“I knew I could count on you. You really are amazing.”

“And we’re not even in bed.” MJ started laughing and I somehow knew that I could be patient, like Dad, and wait until MJ was ready to share with me, too.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 

A couple of days later I was working at Red Cape and Uncle Michael needed to go make a bank deposit. He asked if I’d mind if he kept the store opened since a new issue of Spiderman had just come in and we had lots of customers all afternoon. I had no problem with that. Hell, I love working the front counter; it means no lugging boxes.

The bell over the door rang and a really hot guy walked in. He was between my height and MJ’s and had a swimmer’s build. He had dark hair but fair skin. I’d never seen him before but after he scanned the room and saw me behind the counter, he smiled and came directly to me.

“Hi, you’re Gus Kinney, right?”

“Yeah, who’s asking?”

“Hey, hey, I’m unarmed. I’m a senior at Allegheny High. I saw you play basketball this season and I was pretty fuckin’ impressed.”

That made one of us so far. “Thank you. We have a great team at St. James Academy.”

“You guys are great. I play soccer; I don’t have the height for basketball.”

“I don’t usually catch too many of the other sports at school. I’m pretty busy.”

“I hear you’re a shoe-in for center next year.”

“We’ll see. I’m still not the tallest on the team by a long shot and I’ll only be a sophomore.”

“Whoa! You’re only a freshman. Boy can you kick-ass for a freshman…and you’re pretty hot too.”

“Thanks, my boyfriend thinks I’m pretty hot, too, and the feelings between us are mutual.” This guy was beginning to get on my nerves.

“I get it; you’re not on the market at the moment. Well, maybe we can just have a soda and fries one day.”

I gave him a look to show that I was losing my patience with his come on.

“As friends, Gus. As friends. You seem nice and I hear you’re really smart. I’m trying to put together some articles for my school's final paper of the year and I thought maybe I could pick your brain.”

“I’m not sure. I’m pretty busy most afternoons, but if you want to come back here we could work in the back employee’s room whenever I have short breaks or there’s a lull in the flow of customers.”

His face lit up and I have to admit he was kind of cute, but there was something about him that just didn’t seem, well, right. I had no intention of doing anything to threaten my relationship with Jeff, so this guy was out of luck there, but I still wondered why he sought me out.

Hell, Allegheny is fucking huge; there are plenty of good writing students there, gay or straight. He didn’t need to go looking for gay guys with such a lame excuse as that…especially not a freshman.

“Hey, how did you find out I wrote for the school paper?”

“Our faculty advisor on our school paper gave all of us a copy of some of your articles, and basically said that just because we were in public school didn’t mean we couldn’t write like a fucking freshman in private school.”

I laughed and blushed a bit at the thought of someone using my articles as an example for another school’s paper.

“Okay, I’m cool with helping you out a bit.”

“That’s great, thanks Gus. I don’t live far from here so when you’re busy I can just head home.”

“You live near here?”

“Yeah, I live with my uncle in a big apartment. My parents died in a car accident when I was a kid.”

“Wow, that totally sucks. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s not too painful to remember them now. Besides my uncle’s the best. He’s always taken amazing care of me and I’d do anything for him.”

“That’s how I feel about my parents too. By the way, you never told me your name.”

“Oh shit. Sorry. My names Ken, Ken Thomas.”

[TBC]

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