The Gus Diaries

Part 155

Hospital Christmas II

I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but after Grandpa was taken into surgery Dad bolted.  He was out of there so fast I barely registered, but more felt the breeze as he flew past me.

“What was that all about, Newbie?  Your Dad looks like he saw a ghost or something almost as creepy.”

I nodded.  “I know.  I don’t get it.  The doctor told us everything should be okay after the surgery.”  I looked around the room at all the concerned faces but I noticed two in particular -- Uncle Michael and Pop. 

They both looked shell-shocked.  Then I listened as Pop leaned into Uncle Michael.  “What should I do?  Should I go after him?”

Why would Pop ask Uncle Michael for advice about Dad?  Pop knows Dad better than anyone else in the entire world.  He proved that when Dad smashed up the car, not to mention himself, when he was avoiding wearing his fucking glasses.

“You know what he was remembering?” Michael whispered back to Pop.

“Of course I fucking know.  That’s why I’m not sure if I’m the one who should go to him.  There may be someone else who he needs more if he’s reliving the past.”

“We both hate these god damned hospital walls.  They bring so much pain and bad memories.”

Uncle Michael looked around and pulled Pop out of the room and into the hallway.  I followed, staying just inside so I could hear what the hell was going on.

“I can’t imagine how you can be so calm.”  Pop squeezed Uncle Michael’s arm.

“Ben’s attitude has rubbed off on me.  I don’t dwell on the times he was admitted over the years, but on all the times he went home in far better shape.  Shit, he had a doctor’s appointment a couple of weeks ago and his doctor told us he was in the best shape he’s ever seen him.  His meds are working and they’re in a great balance.”

“You know Brian.  How am I ever going to get him to think in such a positive way?  He’s not known for being Mr. Optimistic when it comes to our early history.  It was just aggravated when I needed the follow-up brain surgery a couple of years ago.  Ever since then, he’s just a bit more overprotective than he ever has been since we moved to Britin.”

Pop sighed.  “I thought the day we were legally married would have been enough to let him focus on a forever together rather than reflecting back to a time I nearly--”

“Don’t say it.”  Dad must have snuck up behind them because I heard Uncle Michael utter a gasp, clearly surprised.

“I think I’ll leave you two alone.”  Uncle Michael turned to re-enter Grandpa’s room when Dad grabbed his arm.

“Tell him, Michael.”

“Brian, let’s not do this now.  You’re back and Justin understands why you had to get the fuck out of there.  Just leave it alone.”

“No, Michael.  Tell him.”

Pop looked to Uncle Michael, then to Dad and then back again.  “Tell me what, Michael?  What the fuck are you two not talking about?”  I could hear the concern, edging toward panic, in Pop’s voice.

“Justin, Brian had a hard time when you got bashed.”

“No shit.  Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Mikey, I’d tell him myself, but I’m not sure I can without saying it all wrong.  You’ve actually gotten better at this over the years.  Maybe the Professor’s way with words has entered your repertoire as well.”

“Brian, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, but okay, whatever.”  Uncle Michael looked at Pop.  “I hope you’re ready.”

Pop nodded hesitantly.

“You know I was with Brian the night you were bashed.  I joined him at the hospital after you’d already been taken into surgery.  The doctors didn’t know if you’d live or die, and after three long days--”

“I know all this.  Why do we have to go over it again?”

Dad interjected.  “There’s one part you were never told.  Listen to Michael.”

“Even your Mom didn’t want you to know.  At one point on the third day you had a seizure.  The doctors said it was normal after brain surgery, but when they did another MRI they were concerned about something and brought you in for a second surgery.  When your gurney passed Brian and me in the hallway, on the way to the operating room for the second time, Brian sort of collapsed.”

Pop’s eyes opened wide and he gazed at Dad.

“I sort of caught him on the way down and guided him into one of those damn uncomfortable chairs before he ended up on the floor.”

“Brian.”  Pop barely breathed out Dad’s name.  As he looked into Dad’s eyes, Dad looked down.

“Brian said he just hadn’t eaten much since you’d been in the hospital so he was feeling faint, but I was there.  I knew it was seeing you being wheeled back into surgery again.  The thought of losing you completely overwhelmed him.  It was almost the same when you had that corrective surgery a couple of years ago.  Ever since your bashing, he hasn’t been able to get the image of you nearly dying... twice... out of his mind.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay in the room, Justin.  I couldn’t.  Too fucking close to home.  For Carl it’s his heart, for you it was your head, but for me it was the memory of almost losing you and the pain just rose before I could take charge.”

“I’m so sorry, Brian.  I didn’t realize.”

“You didn’t know.  Everyone thought it was better not to panic you and it turned out, at the last minute, you didn’t need the second surgery.  The neurosurgeon was able to run an external drain and release some fucking fluids that were building.”

“I can’t believe Carl’s heart surgery brought all that back.”

“It probably never completely leaves.  Sometimes I still wish I could forget.”

“I wish you could forget that part too.  I wish everyone could.  But then you wouldn’t be you.  My overprotective husband who thinks he can handle even the most horrible trauma happening to someone he loves without batting a fucking eye.”

“I’m obviously not as controlled as I used to be, Justin.”

“I wouldn’t change anything about you.”  Pop wrapped his arms around Dad’s neck and laced his fingers in his hair, kissing him so deeply I’m surprised both of their blood pressures didn’t go up high enough to spontaneously set off some sort of hospital early warning systems.

“Now I’m going to return to Ma and hold her hand while she shames every other drama queen in there until Carl comes back from surgery with his arteries completely cleared.”

Dad looked up from the kiss for a moment.  “Bye, Mikey.”  Then Dad looked into Pop’s eyes.  “And thank you.  I could never have told him myself, especially since I’d promised Jennifer years ago that I wouldn’t.”

“Anytime, Brian.”

As Uncle Michael returned to the room, I didn’t leave my spot at the door.  I didn’t even try to cover up my obvious eavesdropping.  Uncle Michael glared at me and then Jeff.  Jeff just shrugged and tilted his head in my direction.

“So, Gus, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“It’s good to know that one set of my parents are so damn in love they’ll never get divorced.”

Uncle Michael nodded and smiled.

“And that I have faith that if Dad and Pop could get through all the hospital bullshit they’ve been through, and you and Uncle Ben have gotten through all the crap you’ve had to endure, then Grandpa Carl will get through this with flying colors... and with Grandma always by his side.”

Uncle Michael’s smile broadened.  “I never would have guessed it nineteen years ago, but Brian must be one hell of a father to have raised an amazing kid like you.”

“He didn’t do it all alone.”

“No he had Justin by his side.  Rage and his JT are insurmountable.”

I snorted.  “By the way, when’s the next issue coming out?  Jeff and I both love that comic, even though it sometimes requires a brain bleach chaser for me.”

We all laughed and Uncle Michael placed a hand on my back, guiding me and, in turn Jeff, back into the room.  “Let’s give your fathers some space.  I’m sure they’ll be back in here soon enough.”

*~*~*~*~*

Later that night when we all returned to Britin I decided not to wait until Christmas Eve to give Dad and Pop the special ornament I’d found for them.  It somehow meant more now than it ever had before.

At first I thought it was pretty damn unlikely that Dad could still be so affected by Pop’s bashing over eighteen years ago, but then I thought of Jeff.  I couldn’t imagine facing a life without him.  And it would be worse if I had actually seen someone hurt him so brutally.  Nothing in my life would ever be the same.  It would all be about what happened before that day and what happened after that day.  One thing for sure, I would value Jeff even more that I did before. 

I can’t imagine how much my Dad and Pop love each other, but one thing’s for sure, I don’t think any two people could be more devoted, although I’d never say that to them.  They’d laugh it off, but underneath they’d know the truth.

Dad’s always said the day he met Pop, the day I was born, was the best day of his life even though it took him years to admit it.  He admits it now, to both Pop and me, in so many ways I can’t count them all.

Grabbing the small package, wrapped carefully with Jeff’s help, we both joined Dad and Pop in the kitchen for a light supper.  After all the day’s events none of us was into a big dinner in the dining room.

Pop threw together some deli sandwiches and a green salad.  It seemed just enough to satisfy before we all crashed.  Too many emotions led to exhaustion for all.  Even Jeff, my partner (I love that term), understood and absorbed the impact of everything that had happened throughout the day.

“What’s that, Sonny Boy?”

“It’s a little pre-Christmas gift for you and Pop.  I hope you don’t think it’s too corny.  I couldn’t resist when I saw it.  The second I saw it, I instantly thought of both of you.”

Pop glanced at Brian and smiled.  “I’m not sure if we should be anxious or excited about opening it.”

Dad snorted.

“Go ahead.  Open it.”  I held Jeff’s hand under the table.  I have to admit, I was suddenly a bit stressed with the thought that I’d made a huge mistake.  He squeezed my hand and nodded slightly.

“You open it, Sunshine.  This is more your domain.”

“What?  Gifts.”  Pop shook his head.  “You’ve been well past the I only celebrate achievement stage for years now.  Don’t bullshit me, Brian.”  Without missing a beat, Pop took the small package and gently tore it open.

Putting their heads together, Dad and Pop looked at the little ornament.  It was two guys in leather jackets hugging one another.  One of the benefits of working at Red Cape is the proximity of all the shopping available nearby on Liberty Avenue.

“Turn it over.  I had the clerk write something on the back.”

Dad glanced quickly at Pop, who turned it over.  Pop covered his mouth and Dad, although clearly choked up read aloud, “9/1/2000 - The day we met our destiny.”

“Fuck, Brian.  I don’t know what to say.”  Pop was tearing up and I was hoping it was reflecting all the good memories.  “I don’t know that you’ve ever given us a better gift, Gus.”  Then Pop looked at Dad.  “You raised one hell of an amazing kid.”

“We did, Justin.  We raised one hell of a kid.”

Pop nodded, gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek, followed by Dad.  “You did good, Sonny Boy.  This will be a front-and-center ornament on the tree as soon as we get up.”

Jeff leaned close, whispering in my ear, “Go, Newbie.”  I squeezed his hand again and kissed him chastely.

After we finished our sandwiches, we all walked into the front room.  The Christmas tree lights were glowing and as promised, Dad hung the ornament in a prominent location where it would be seen by anyone who even gave the tree a quick glance.

Dad turned to Pop.  “I know it wasn’t the best day of your life, but--”

“Shut the fuck up, Brian.  Every day with you is the best day of my life.” 

Mirroring the ornament, Dad and Pop clung to one another completely revelling in a major lip-lock.

Smiling at Jeff and holding his hand, I led the way out of the room, heading up to my bedroom, our bedroom, leaving my Dad and Pop to do what they do best -- show each other how much they love each other.

Before we got to the top of the stairs I got a text from Jenny.  Grandpa Carl is doing great! It’s going to be a great Christmas!!!

I couldn’t agree more. 

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