The Gus Diaries

Part 154

Hospital Christmas I

I can’t believe this is how we’re spending the beginning of our break between semesters.  Jeff and I had so many great plans in store, starting with cross-country skiing over the grounds of Britin and ending with hot chocolate in front of the fireplace in the front living room.  Maybe even a shot of rum added to the mix if Dad and Pop were willing to turn a blind eye since we made it a policy to never drive when we drank.  Besides, Jeff was already 21.

Instead we’ve spent the past two days sitting on these ridiculously uncomfortable plastic chairs or pacing the hallways filled with the awful and prevailing stench of antiseptic cleaning products.  Like I said, I can’t fucking believe we’re here again!

“What if he doesn’t make it?”

Hearing Jenny’s voice, normally loud and demanding (a lot like Mem’s) sounding so quiet and frightened brought me back to reality.  “Of course he’s going to make it.”

“There’s no guarantee.  He’s been sick before during the past few months, but it always seemed everything could be handled from home.  There was never any need to go to the hospital.”

“So why was this time so different?”  Jeff placed his arm around my shoulder and leaned further to pat Jenny’s shoulder with his hand in support.

“I don’t really know.”  Jenny shrugged.  “All I know is that one minute Mem is on the phone and the next minute she’s telling me we need to head for the hospital to meet Dad and Grandma Debbie.”

“But that was almost two full days ago.  This is crazy.  They should have some information for us by now.”  I looked toward Dad.  He was giving Pop a chaste kiss as he accepted what must have been his hundredth cup of coffee in 48 hours.  Pop also had one for Uncle Michael and Grandma, but I noticed they both spent more time holding their cups rather than drinking from them.  It was as if the warm cups were anchoring them to the ground so they didn’t collapse with worry.

As if creating a chain, experiencing the comfort from Jeff’s arm around my shoulders, I placed my arm around Jenny’s.  She immediately responded by leaning her head against my shoulder.  Even though she used to be a pain in the ass little sister, she’s become more of a friend every day and I hated seeing her so distressed.  I have to admit, I wasn’t feeling much better.  The whole world seemed to be shifting, or at least our whole family’s world was shifting -- and not in a good direction.

Dad and Uncle Michael approached.  Both of them looked exhausted and Uncle Michael’s furrowed brow told the entire story.

“JR, Honeybun, I have some tough news.”

“No Daddy, I really don’t want to hear anything but good news.  Please.”  She leaned forward, pleading with her father, despite the obvious uselessness of her plea.

Looking up, still gaining comfort and strength from Jeff’s touch, I tried to read my father’s unspoken expression.  He either wasn’t sure of the gravity of the situation or was more of a poker face than ever.

Soon Pop walked up and placed an arm around Dad’s waist.  “Michael, Deb really thinks you should get back to the room.”  Uncle Michael nodded.  “I think it’s more for her sake than yours, Michael.”

“That’s okay.  I want to be there even though it’s so hard to look at him lying there with all those tubes attached to him.”

“Michael, you need to go back.  You’ve been strong before, and you’ll continue to be strong.”

“But it’s different this time, Brian.”

“It’s close enough.”

“Not really.  And I hope without the same seemingly out-of-control fears.”  Uncle Ben walked up the corridor in his work clothing, carrying his laptop.

Uncle Michael gave Uncle Ben a big kiss and an even bigger hug.  Leaning against his chest, he whispered just loud enough for me to make out what he was saying.  “I’m so glad it’s not you this time.  Somehow knowing that is making this somehow easier for me.  While it seems selfish to feel this way, I keep remembering when it was you.  I couldn’t bring myself to face the thought of losing you.”

Uncle Ben lifted Uncle Michael’s chin.  It was pretty damn similar to seeing my own Dads and how they touched one another.  “Michael, use the memory of how you felt and support your mom.  She’ll need you.”

Looking at Dad and Pop, he continued, asking, “Any word?”

“Bypass.”

“Single, double?”

Dad shook his head.  “Fucking quadruple.”  He shook his head again.  “When Carl clogs his damn arteries, he does it in the biggest fucking way.”

“Shit.”  Although he was quiet, Uncle Ben’s soft expletive mimicked what all of us were thinking.

Jenny looked directly at Uncle Michael.  “Daddy, please tell me what all this means.”

Uncle Michael sat in the empty chair next to Jenny’s and stroked her cheek.  “Honeybun--”

Jenny opened her mouth, I would guess to complain about her private nickname, but before she could speak Uncle Michael gently covered her mouth with a single finger, silencing her.

He explained Carl’s heart condition and how it builds up over the years.  And also adding that, unfortunately, heart blockages don’t reveal themselves until a heart attack creates an acute crisis.

“Dad,” Jenny turned to face Uncle Ben, “I know this is probably inappropriate, and most definitely not PC, but I’m so happy it isn’t you.”

Uncle Ben wrapped his arms around Jenny and kissed her gently on the cheek.  He whispered just loud enough for our little group to hear.  “You’re right, sweetheart, it isn’t PC, but I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear you say that.  You’re my little angel and I love you.”

Jenny clung to Uncle Ben and buried her face into the crook of his neck.  It was obvious to all of us watching her narrow shoulders shake that she was weeping.

Then Dad did something that caught me completely by surprise.  He turned to Pop and enveloped him in his arms, holding him tight to his chest.  I’m glad it isn’t you, either, Sunshine.  There are some things I never want to experience again.  Hospitals and waiting are the fucking worst.

“I love you too, Brian.”  Pop nuzzled even further into Dad, closer than I thought possible.

Seeing the two couples sharing their feelings for one another was so touching I nearly forgot why we were all sitting in the stark white halls of Pittsburgh General.  Uncle Michael, calling all of us over, brought me back to reality.  “Hey guys, come on over and wish Carl good luck.  They’re not waiting any longer.  The surgeon is available so they’re taking him into surgery in about an hour.”

Uncle Ben looked up.  “How’s Deb?”

“I think basket case describes it best.”

“Come on, Professor, kids, we’d better give Carl moral support, and get Deb to stop freaking out in front of him.”

Dad always knows how to get us moving.  Jeff took my hand and stood alongside me.  We all walked into Grandpa Carl’s room quietly.  I wasn’t sure what we could say, but it seemed important for him to know we were all there for him.

As we approached the room our little mob grew, with Uncles Emmett and Drew joining the parade, along with Mom, Mem, and even Marci and Rick arriving just in time.  With all of us in the room it was even more amazing that Uncle Ted and Blake fit in when they arrived fifteen minutes before Grandpa Carl’s prep would begin.

I’m not sure who said what to whom, but everyone gave Grandpa their best wishes and lots and lots of love.  If there was any doubt about how much he was a part of our family, there would never be again.

Grandma Deb wept at the outpouring of love as she sat at Grandpa Carl’s bedside, holding his hand for as long as possible.  It must have been tough to find love at her age so I really hoped this wouldn’t... it couldn’t be... the end.

[TBC]

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