The Gus Diaries

Part 153

Summer Revelations V
 

Jeff arrived soon after Pop and I had cleaned up from our pizza dinner. One thing about Dad being out of commission -- we could eat whatever the hell we wanted without him making snide comments about our awful eating habits.

After exchanging greetings, Pop looked at both of us. “I get the feeling there’s something important you two need to discuss. I’m heading upstairs to bed since I want to get an early start for the hospital in the morning. I want to be there when the doctor does his rounds and visits Brian.

I knew Pop really wasn’t that tired, but appreciated the time to speak with Jeff in a room other than my bedroom. This would keep any distractions, like my bed and its overriding allure, out of the picture.

As soon as we heard the master bedroom door close, Jeff spoke up. “So what’s up, Gus? Are we doing this or not? I’m getting tired of us pretending to be in this for the long haul and then finding out we’re still just playing house, pretending to be in a permanent relationship. We both agreed it was time. What’s changed?”

I looked at the fireplace, the sofa, out the front window, everywhere but at Jeff, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Finally, staring out the window, but searching for his reflection in the glass, I found my voice. “I want to live with you more than anything in the world, but I think we should live on campus at least one more year. It’s the most sensible option and will give us a lot of the benefits of dorm life without having to live apart. The best part is we could still be college kids for a little while longer without having to deal with landlords, transportation issues that might come up in the winter, getting to and from school if one of our cars breaks down, practice, and all the other shit we do.” I dared to turn around to face Jeff directly.

My dads didn’t raise a coward, and the more I spoke, the more I realized this wasn’t Uncle Michael’s influence coming through, but what I really did want. “Maybe the reason I haven’t spoken to my dads was that I wasn’t completely convinced we were making the best choice, but this sounds like it’ll be just what we both want. We can start a life together in one of the on campus apartments and still get partial meal plans, be on the campus bus line, and have our housing paid for and supported with our college funds. It wouldn’t be right to use those if we were truly moving off campus to start a life together.” I took a deep breath. “I know you’re probably mad at me for suggesting we change our plans, but I truly think this is the smart choice.” I paused. “I love you more than anything, Jeff, and I hope this isn’t a deal breaker.”

Stepping closer, feeling more confident with every word, I found myself directly in front of Jeff. I didn’t touch him. The next move had to be his. I just hoped he could find his way to agreeing to change the plans we had spent so many late nights working out before the spring semester ended.

The ensuing silence filled the room more than my voice had.

Jeff sighed. “I hate when you’re right, especially since it sounds so much more intelligent than our original plan. It makes me feel like I’m the younger guy in this relationship.”

“I think we’re both young adults, making life-changing decisions for ourselves for the first time, and that’s all that counts.” I took a deep breath, relief completely blanketing me. “If I’ve learned nothing else during the past couple of days, it’s that age has nothing to do with making good decisions. Sometimes it takes the love of a great partner to help guide someone to the right end result.”

Wrapping his arms around my waist, I felt Jeff’s warm touch relieve any remaining tension I’d been holding onto. “Is that what we are, Newbie -- partners?”

The word rang in the air. We’d said it casually before, but somehow it sounded more significant at this important moment. The moment we chose to take steps to back away from a grand, and maybe somewhat rash and ill thought out, decision. This was the time I knew Jeff was more than a boyfriend. The word partner was the only true description of our relationship.

“Jeff.”

“Yeah, Gus?”

“I think I finally understand why my dads still use the word partner to describe what they mean to one another. Being husbands or spouses is great and has a lot of security attached to it, financially and emotionally, but being someone’s partner takes on a meaning of complete dedication to the other person. It implies an agreement to take on the big decisions, along with the small ones, as a team that works best when it’s united.”

“You know, Gus, you really get into using words much more than I do.” He was so close I could feel every breath warming me. “You write for the school paper, and Pittsburgh’s local newspaper.” Jeff kissed my cheek. “Sometimes I feel like you hide behind some of the fancy words you use to make your point.”

I looked into Jeff’s eyes. There was no other way to describe the depth of meaning behind his gaze other than loving and sincere. “And how do you feel about the words I used today?”

“Like I’m pretty fucking lucky to have someone as smart as you in my life. You can find a way to express things I’d probably mangle.” He shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to keep you around to make sure I’m never misunderstood.” Brushing his hands up and down my back I leaned closer to Jeff.

We kissed in a way we had never kissed before -- and we’ve kissed a zillion times by now. Something had changed. I wasn’t sure whether it was a word or a feeling, or the significance and depth of meaning of that one specific word. In that moment I became someone’s partner and was ready to move forward with our plans, and share them with anyone, and everyone, who needed to know.

 

*~*~*
 

Walking into Red Cape Comics the day after Pop and I brought Dad home from the hospital was a pleasure. Even if I had to haul boxes for Uncle Michael and do a shit load of stocking, it was good to get back into a normal routine that didn’t include the stress of visiting a hospital, or the stress of silence and building tension.

“Hey, Gus.”

“Hi.”

Uncle Michael was organizing the shelf dedicated to Rage. “I heard you’re going to be sharing a campus apartment with Jeff.”

“Yeah. I guess sometimes an idea has to be presented by someone outside to make it obvious to those involved.”

He nodded and smiled.

I went back to unpacking the newest issue of Spiderman.

“Brian’s glasses look pretty damn good.”

“Pop helped him pick them out.”

“Sometimes it does take someone wiser to help us make the right choices. Ben and I talk about that from time to time.”

“You do?”

“It’s funny, when we first got married I thought it was all about me listening to his wisdom. But Ben seems to think there’s a balance in a healthy partnership and both people bring important components into the relationship.”

“Do you agree?”

“I don’t know that I did all those years ago, but I do now. Age, education, awareness of the world all have an impact, but none have as much influence as the balance the two right people can bring out from each other when they listen and work as a team.”

“You’re pretty wise sometimes, Uncle Michael.”

“Maybe, but Ben is the wise one in our household.”

“It’s nice that you let him think that. Pop lets Dad think he’s the wise one most of the time, but the balance shows through when it’s necessary.”

“You may be right, Gus. I guess you’re getting wiser as you grow up too.”

“I’d like to think I have a lot of great examples to follow.”

“Get back to work, kiddo.”

“Uncle Michael, what are you and Pop planning for the next issue of Rage?”

“I think JT will have to save Rage from making rash decisions that could destroy the way he sees Gayopolis and its future survival.”

“Great idea. I can’t wait to read it.”

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