The Gus Diaries

Part 125

Feeling Raw II


 

When Jeff and I finally got out of bed on Sunday morning we were wide awake and completely sated. I love waking him to a morning blow job and this time he surprised me by turning and blowing me at the same time. Wow! That was totally hot. I was so turned on I didn’t realize until I entered the shower, with Jeff leading the way, that I’d left half moon imprints on his ass from my fingernails gripping him so firmly. He didn’t complain. Jeff loves when I mark him unintentionally because I’m so into it.

After we finished dressing, I looked at him. “Are you still willing to talk to my dads about doing it raw?”

He looked up at me and bit his lip. “Do you really think we’re ready? I mean, I’m willing to wait. I’m not going anywhere Gus, except back to school after the mid-semester break. You know how I feel about you. Throwing away the condoms won’t make me love you any more.”

“So you don’t want to take this step with me.” I couldn’t help pouting. Looking away I pretended to retie my sneaker even though the knot hadn’t loosened.

Jeff placed his arm around my shoulder and drew me into a tight embrace. “I know this means a lot to you. Hell, maybe I’m just scared because I don’t want to lose you. I’m behind you one hundred percent when we talk to your dads.”

“Really?” I didn’t want to sound like a kid who’d been begging for an ice cream cone and finally been told he could have one, but I may have at that moment.

“Really.” Jeff kissed my cheek and then whispered in my ear. “You’re it for me. If you think we’re ready to take this step, we probably are. You’re better at the relationship stuff than I am. I didn’t think I even wanted another relationship until I met you. You’ve changed everything in my life for the better -- you and your family.”

“So you want this as much as I do?” I suddenly felt the need to make sure we were on the same page.

“To feel you without anything between us -- of course I want that! Let’s go have breakfast and talk to your dads. Maybe we can shoot some baskets when we finish.”

“Sure, sounds great. I could use some practice around the key. Coach thinks I should practice my three-pointers.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

When we reached the kitchen, Dad and Pop were having coffee at the table. The days had gotten too cool to eat on the outside deck so we had to look out the floor to ceiling windows and sliding glass doors to enjoy the fall scene developing behind the house. I have to admit, living at Britin is beautiful. Leaves changing color and beginning to coat the grass looked incredible from our kitchen. Pop must have thought so too since he was sketching, his coffee off to one side.

“Good morning, Sonny Boy. Glad to see you and your beau decided to emerge from your sex induced comas.”

“Dad!”

Jeff started laughing out loud. I poked him in the ribs with my elbow. “Hey, what? He’s right.”

“I’m a mind-reader, Gus. It comes with parenthood.”

Pop snorted. “You can just sense anyone having sex, especially gay sex, from a mile away.” He never glanced our way as he kept sketching. It was great to see him in action. The way he moved his special pencil around the paper and created an entire scene in minutes.

Pencil still in motion, Pop continued talking. “Coffee’s in the pot, eggs are in the pan, bacon’s draining on the paper towels.”

I scratched my head. “Didn’t you two stay out late last night at Babylon? How do you have so much energy to get up and go the morning after?”

“Years of practice, Gus. For my part, I’ve been doing this since I was seventeen. Your father initiated me, so to speak.” A big smile spread across Pop’s face and I tried to block out the complete meaning of his statement.

Dad grinned and took another sip of his coffee. He held up the cup. “Years of practice and plenty of caffeine the next day are great antidotes for a night at Babylon. Besides, we were toasting Theodore’s sobriety. Not like the alcohol-laden nights we used to have. We came home stone cold sober.”

Putting down his pad and pencil, looking satisfied with his work, Pop planted a loud kiss on Dad’s lips. “We came home sober and extremely satisfied.” He winked.

“Gross! You two really need to keep some things behind closed doors.”

Jeff had the nerve to laugh again. “Hey, Newbie, don’t you think this would be a good time to tell your dads what we’ve been thinking about?”

He was right. My dads were both relaxed, and clearly just as sated as Jeff and I were. Somehow, that thought was a little unsettling, but it would probably work to our advantage.

“Got something on your mind, Sonny Boy?” Dad lowered his cup and put his Sunday newspaper to the side. “What have you two got on your mind?”

Pop looked at both of us. “This is serious, isn’t it? You’d better start talking. Brian, give me your cup. Something tells me we’ll both need more coffee.”

 

*~*~*~*~*
 

As soon as I finished telling Dad that since Jeff and I were a monogamous couple, we had decided that we weren’t going to use condoms anymore, he totally flipped out, yelling, “What the fuck could you be thinking, Gus!” He paced for about five minutes straight, brushing his hand over his face and repeating the same damn mantra. “What the fuck could you be thinking, Gus!”

“Dad, I heard you the first time and I answered you.” I sighed and repeated myself for the third time. “Jeff and I love each other. We don’t cheat and we know we’re in it for the long haul. Isn’t that what commitment is all about?”

“Do you believe this, Justin? Do you believe what our kid is saying? He’s spouting nonsensical, romantic rhetoric. It’s all bullshit!”

Pop hadn’t said anything, but he wasn’t smiling or grinning like he usually does when Dad queens out for no concrete reason. That worried me; and what worried me more was Jeff’s lack of input.

I finally poked him. “Say something, Jeff. Tell them they don’t have to worry about anything happening to tear us apart.” I was beginning to understand what it was like to be alone on a sinking ship.

Dad quickly spun around and slammed his hand on the table. It was a good thing the coffee cups weren’t full, because they would have splashed over their brims from the force. “Yes, Jeffrey. Tell me, tell Justin when the hell this brilliant idea unfolded and how you feel about it.”

Jeff seemed almost too calm. He sat back in his chair and bit his lip. At least he wasn’t totally relaxed. “The when is easy. This idea has been coming up on a regular basis the closer Gus and I get, especially right after we... well, you know.”

“Have sex?” Dad glared at Jeff.

I chimed in, “Make love.”

“Of course.” Dad turned to Pop. “Why is it making love when they want to prove a point?”

Pop remained silent, which was making me more and more uncomfortable.

“Go on, Jeffrey. Please continue.” I didn’t like hearing my Dad use Jeff’s full name. He hadn’t done that since we first started dating and he wanted to sound threatening while making sure Jeff wasn’t using the new kid on the basketball team.

“To be honest, Brian... can I still call you Brian?”

Dad nodded.

“I have to admit I have mixed feelings about the idea.”

I nearly fell off my chair. “What?”

“It’s not that I want the option to be with anyone else, it’s just that, well, you saw what happened with Matt a few months ago. And Steve totally screwed things up with Marci. It’s easier to forgive a mistake that doesn’t put our health at risk. Stuff happens to people our age and I don’t want to move forward until we’re ready to live together.”

“We practically live together now!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“When I’m home we’re always together, but when I’m at school there are still weekends when we can’t visit each other. You have games, I have games, or one of us has a big project to finish. Anything can happen and I don’t want either of us to have to deal with more than we bargained for.”

“So you think I’d fuck around on you, or are you planning to fuck around on me?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to scream or cry, but both options were still in the forefront.

“No! I don’t think or plan on either one of those things happening. I just don’t want to break up if one of us fucks up and misjudges. That’s what being young is all about. It’s the time we mess up and learn from our screw-ups.” He looked directly at me. “Isn’t that what happened with Matt?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, gazing into Jeff’s eyes. “But I learned from it and nothing like that will happen again.”

“I believe you. But why add a risk factor that can wait until we’re together, really together, all the time.”

“So why did you agree to this when you really didn’t want it?”

Dad sat in his seat and thankfully kept his mouth shut.

“Because I do want it as much as you, and I thought maybe I was wrong about waiting. You’re smarter about this stuff than I am.”

“Maybe we should just forget about any promises we made. After all, I wouldn’t want you to be concerned about breaking a promise I had to coerce you into.” I stood up, ran out of the kitchen, grabbed my jacket, which was still in the front hall from the day before, and returned to plow past the table and leave through the sliding glass doors. As I walked out I threw over my shoulder, “Jeff, don’t follow me. I don’t want to see you. Have a good trip back to CMU.” I slammed the door behind me.

Looking back, I can definitely say I have the Kinney knack for the dramatic outburst.

I didn’t know where I was going and I could barely see. After the altercation in the kitchen, my eyes were blurred by tears just waiting to fall. They stung from the bite of the autumn chill.

Not sure how long I had been walking for, I found myself on the shore of the lake at the base of our property. Even though Dad and Pop had yet to buy any boats, they kept the dock intact for possible future use.

Sitting on the dock I tried to block out the entire world, but random thoughts about a life without Jeff ripped through me. We were so much a part of one another the night before and now I felt like we were worlds apart. How could he do that to me, say those things -- especially in front of my fathers?

The wind was whipping around me, but I didn’t move. It felt good to feel something other than pain and regret.

I nearly fell off the dock when I was surprised by a voice right next to me.

“Gus, I’d like to help you. Can we talk?”

“Pop, what are you doing here?”

“I’m one of your fathers and I love you. Isn’t that reason enough?”

“How can you possibly help? You and Dad have no idea how I feel. Hell, you two have probably been doing it raw forever -- you’re both so together.”

Pop huffed. “I think I may know a bit more about how you feel than you’d like to imagine. I’ve also made some mistakes that nearly destroyed my life with your father, all in the name of love and romance.”

“You mean that violin player?”

Nodding, Pop continued. “Him and one or two other foolish ideas I spouted as a young man. Are you willing to listen?”

“Couldn’t hurt.”

“Consider it a bedtime story for grown up gay boys only.”

I laughed. “It’s not bedtime.”

“The story needs more thought than a sleepy person can give it.”

“Okay, Pop. I’m listening.”

“Good.” He put his arm around me and the two of us sat close. “First I need to ask you, Gus, do you really want to break up with Jeff?”

“Oh God, no!” I covered my face with my hands. “I hope I haven’t totally driven him away.”

Shaking his head, Pop continued. “No, you haven’t. I asked him to wait until I returned before leaving and he agreed. He’s pretty shaken up and your dad is trying to talk with him.”

“Will Dad fuck it up?”

“Not this time. He learns from his mistakes too.”

“So, what about my story?”

“Okay. Here goes...”

[TBC]

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