The Gus Diaries

Part 111

L.A. Days II




 

I sat frozen in my secluded place near the top of the stairs that lead directly into the kitchen. Pop in a swimming pool with that over-the-hill actor Connor James... and no goddamn condoms. None of this made sense.

Dad had pushed Pop off his lap and was pacing. His teeth were clenched and he kept brushing his hand over his face. Pop sat back on the chair and held his head in his hands.

“See, this is why I never told you, Brian.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You never told me because you knew I’d want to shake some sense into you... and kill that fucking faux-straight actor? That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“No! Because I knew you’d blow it out of proportion, insist I come home... or come and visit me to protect me, not because you loved and missed me.” Pop turned to face Dad, his fair complexion blotchy and his expression grim. “I didn’t do it. He wanted to, but I wouldn’t let him near me without a condom.”

“Fuck!” Dad stopped pacing and gripped the center island. I was glad he didn’t look up or he might have seen me. “So why the fuck didn’t you tell me when you came home?” Dad’s voice was fading -- he sounded defeated.

“Do you remember that time?” Pop pressed the heels of his hands against his eyelids. “We were happy for the first time. I’d just moved in and things were going great. When I finally decided to tell you what had happened you told me about all the problems associated with getting Babylon up and running. And then, on top of everything else, you confessed you had contracted syphilis. What was I supposed to do, Brian? It wasn’t the best time to tell you--”

Dad cut Pop off. “I told you I had syphilis the day I found out. Don’t you think you should have told me you were at risk from whatever the fuck?”

“Brian, I didn’t let him fuck me without a condom!” Pop choked. “I thought about it and then somewhere in the back of my mind I heard this voice whispering, Don’t ever let anyone fuck you without a condom. I want you safe, I want you around for a long time.”

Dad spun around to face Pop. I knew Dad had to be relieved that Pop didn’t forget about the condoms, but something more changed at that moment.

Standing up, Pop waited as Dad crossed the kitchen and grabbed him and held him tight. I could see Dad’s fingers tangled in Pop’s hair. Stepping back, they briefly looked into each other’s eyes, and then Dad crashed his lips down onto Pop’s.

This kiss seemed more painful than pleasurable, but neither one pulled away.

“Justin.” Dad’s voice was husky, needy. It wasn’t about sex, there was something much more than that -- there was an intensity.

“I’m here, Brian. I wouldn’t risk leaving you or losing you -- not now, not then. Never.”

The two began to kiss so hungrily I buried my head in my hands to keep from looking. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people kiss like that. It was more than lust, or passion, or love -- there was a power to their kisses.

“Justin, I have to ask... did you ever? I mean, what about the fiddler?”

Pop pressed his forehead to Dad’s. “Only with you, I never wanted that with anyone but you -- when we were ready.”

“I would understand if you had. Most men succumb to the desire to experience sex raw.”

“You should know by now -- I’m not most men.”

Dad kept running his hand over Pop’s cheek and then back over his hair. “You’ve always been special.”

“I know.” Pop grinned. “I still remember the first time you claimed, Justin’s not just anyone.”

Smirking, Dad moved to the refrigerator and pulled out the orange juice. “Do you remember everything I ever said to, or about, you?”

“It’s a hobby.” Pop snorted.

“Is there anything else I should know -- especially something I did that pissed you off so much you almost took a risk you shouldn’t have?”

Pop waited for Dad to look at him and then shook his head. “I think we’ve pretty much cleaned out all the skeletons in my closet.”

The two moved around the kitchen quietly as the atmosphere began to return to normal.

“What about you, Brian? I’m sure you haven’t gotten around to telling me everything about your sordid past.”

“My sordid past is an open book, as much as I hate to admit it.”

Pop nudged Dad’s shoulder as he walked by him. “Come on, there’s got to be something.”

“Don’t beg for trouble, Sunshine.”

Pausing next to Dad, Pop put his arm around his waist and leaned against him. “There was a lot of hurt and confusion back then. I couldn’t understand your decisions, especially after all we’d been through together.”

“Fighting the inevitable takes a lot of energy. It took me a long time to realize that.”

“I think I like that name better than Sunshine.”

“What name?” Dad looked confused, and so was I.

“The Inevitable.”

Dad chuckled. “I get the feeling The Inevitable is going to be an alter ego for JT. Do I detect an upcoming meeting with Michael in the near future?”

“You do bring out my creative side.”

Smiling, Dad pecked Pop on the cheek. “You’re still a clever devil.”

Pop paused, and then a broad grin crossed his face. “I learned from the master.”

Stilling, Dad turned toward Pop and pressed their lips together. This time I turned away because it was such an intimate kiss.

“No matter how badly I fuck things up...” Dad took a deep breath and continued. “... and you know I will from time to time; don’t ever do anything that could hurt you. I do want you safe and around for a long time.” I could see Dad close his eyes, his lips rolling inward.

“Brian, I--”

“Wait, I need to finish.”

Pop remained silent and waited until Dad opened his eyes. I could see, at that moment, nothing else but the two of them existed in their world.

“Justin, I love you. I don’t want you around for a long time -- I want you around forever. I can say it now -- admit it. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself... I need you to promise.”

“Okay, Brian -- I promise.” Pop’s voice cracked. He pulled Dad down for a hungry kiss.

I stealthily went back upstairs. My stomach could wait a few more minutes before I joined them in the kitchen.
 

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