The Gus Diaries

Part 110

L.A. Days




 

Lately every time I walked into a room Dad and Pop have gotten really quiet. I thought maybe they were worried about me, thinking I was lonely now that Jeff had gone back to school, but I assured them we were better than ever. It’s almost scary knowing how great things are between us. But that’s another story, and I’m trying not to over-think our relationship.

A few nights ago I was heading down the back stairwell toward the kitchen when I heard my dads talking again. This time I was far enough away to remain undetected. I sat on one of the upper steps and listened. Normally I’d feel guilty, but the way they kept clamming up, they left me no choice but to eavesdrop.

Shit! The truth is, I was getting worried.

“Brian, why do you keep bringing this up? It happened over a decade ago.”

“I don’t give a shit if it happened before Orville and Wilbur got a fucking plane off the ground. We need to discuss this.”

“I can’t believe you keep harping on the past like this. Why can’t we just let it rest?”

“I can’t believe you think I could let this rest... or that you didn’t tell me sooner.”

“It’s not like I was keeping it a secret on purpose. We weren’t exactly the kings of communication back then. All this happened a long time ago, when I made some stupid choices.”

“Stupid is a pretty mild description for this one.”

“Jesus Christ, Brian. I thought it was my ticket to finally letting go of the past.”

“Justin, nothing can ever match what that asshole did -- that is unless you had ultimately decided to pull the fucking trigger.”

“But I didn’t. I heard Cody egging me on, and then saw myself reflected in his insane behavior. I saw what I was doing as if it was happening to somebody else. I stopped. I walked away.”

“And that fucker could have had you arrested for... I don’t know -- attempted murder.”

I inched my way further down, remaining just out of sight. This was about the time Pop held a gun on that asshole, Chris Hobbs.

I glimpsed Pop walking toward Dad, who was sitting at the kitchen table with his back to me.

Pop actually sat on his lap -- they never do anything like that. “Brian, I know you’re angry -- just like you were angry when you learned about Kip Thomas.”

Pop cupped Dad’s chin, forcing him to look directly at him. “I’m here. I didn’t get hurt either time... and I’m not that foolish kid anymore; the one who thought he could take matters into his own hands whenever he wanted to.”

“I can’t believe I almost lost you. It wouldn’t have mattered if it had been to an accident with that fucking gun, or to jail.” Dad placed his hands on both sides of Pop’s head. “If anything had taken you away from me at that point, I wouldn’t have gone for the cancer treatments.”

What!

Dad drew Pop in for a fierce kiss. Pop nearly fell off Dad’s lap, but Dad had him in such a tight embrace falling would have been impossible.

“Fuck!” Dad lowered his head. “I shouldn’t have said that, but it’s true.”

“Brian, no matter what stupid, dangerous, or foolhardy things I’ve ever done, I’ve always loved you.” I could see Pop swiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I can’t imagine a world without you as my center.”

“Then promise me -- tell me everything from beginning to end, and then promise me there will never be another incident where you take a risk like the one you took with Hobbs. That piece of shit isn’t worth it -- never was.”

Pop sighed. “We’ve gone over this a thousand times. Everyone takes risks when they’re younger.”

“Not risks that might include the phrase armed and dangerous.”

“No, you’re right. But we both know I did other stupid things.”

“That must be from Craig’s side of the family.”

Pop tilted his head, and I think I noticed him roll his eyes.

“Is there anything else that I might learn about in the future that might make me want to tie you to our bed and never let you go?”

Pop smirked. “Yum. That sounds more like a promise than a threat.”

Dad crashed his lips against Pop’s again. “You’re fucking scaring me, Sunshine. What the hell are you hiding?”

“What makes you think I’m hiding something?”

Now it was Dad’s turn to tilt his head. “While the whole goddamn world thinks I’m a totally self-involved narcissist, they forget that there’s only been two others I’ve considered more important than myself.”

“Brian, I love you.”

“I love you too, Justin, but I’m sick of hearing things accidentally. Fess up. Is there anything else that can come back to bite either one of us in the ass?”

Pop turned away. “I should get dinner going.”

“Stop avoiding me -- you’ve been doing that for days.”

“This is so hard.”

“I can arrange for us to both get hard once everything’s out in the open.”

Pop bit his thumbnail. “After you hear what I have to say, you may not want to get that close.”

“Is it something that just happened, or more old news?”

“Old news -- most definitely old news.”

“So it can’t hurt us now.”

“But I lied to you, and I also broke a promise. I’ve never forgiven myself for doing either and I’m not sure you’ll be able to forgive me. I’m afraid to lose you. Can you promise me I won’t lose you?”

“When did you break this promise?” I could tell Dad was hesitant to promise Pop anything, and that worried me.

Pop lowered his voice. I almost couldn’t hear the next words. “It was in California -- when I went to work on Rage - The Movie. I made a mistake that nearly destroyed me... us. I knew it would hurt you, so I never said a word, especially since I acted out of anger.”

“Anger?”

“Yes, you fucker -- you never visited me.”

Dad nodded and looked away from Pop. I could see his lips roll inward. That must have been a really fucked up time for both of them.

I needed to cough, but I wanted to hear more, so I swallowed it, covering my mouth. I’d never heard my dads this upset before. I needed to know what the hell Pop did.

Dad took a deep breath -- it was so deep I heard it from my place on the stairs. “So tell me, Justin. I’m listening.”

“It’s too bad you weren’t listening back then.” Pop choked on his words. I could hear the pain.

“That was a long time ago. I didn’t think you were coming back and I wanted to make it easier on both of us -- not prolong the agony.”

Pop tried to stand up but Dad held him in place. “We’re together. Nothing can separate us. Tell me.”

Lowering his head, Pop looked out the sliding glass doors toward the patio. “I missed you, you asshole.”

“I missed you too.” Dad’s voice remained soft and even. “And you’re right; I was an asshole not to visit you. I almost did once -- had the ticket in my hand.”

“But you didn’t go. I know. Michael told me.”

“Fuck!”

“You should have come, Brian.”

“I regret that decision -- if it helps.”

Pop nodded and turned back to look toward Dad. “A little.” Pop’s eyes were red and I could see the light reflecting off unshed tears.

I was beginning to feel nauseous.

“Brett hosted one of his usual parties. Some actress was celebrating her birthday.”

Dad remained silent. He brushed wisps of hair from Pop’s forehead.

“Connor was there. He showed up with an entourage -- he always showed up with an entourage.” Pop snorted.

“So you decided that a repeat trick was okay since I’d fucked you over.”

“Something like that... but there’s more. I just don’t know if I can even say the words, Brian.”

“Nothing will make me walk away. You’re stuck with me, Sunshine.”

“Sunshine... that name is such a joke.”

Dad shrugged. “It fits. You wear it well.”

“Well your Sunshine went skinny dipping after dark, in Brett’s pool. I had taken some E and it was pretty potent.”

“And you had a fuck-fest with Rage.”

“That was the plan, until we discovered there were no condoms on the pool deck and everyone was either too lazy or too horny to go get some.”

Dad suddenly sat up straighter in the chair. Pop almost fell to the floor but Dad had a strong grip on his shoulders. “What the fuck!”

My sentiments exactly, Dad.

[TBC]
 

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