The Gus Diaries

Part 10

Thanksgiving Preparations

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is almost here. Mom, Mem and Jenny are all coming in for the entire weekend. I think it’s great that I can get two Thanksgiving celebrations each year, one in Canada and one in the U.S.

We used to all come in and celebrate the holiday with the whole family at Grandma Deb & Grandpa Carl’s house, but since there’s so many of us, and Dad and MJ are really married and settled in at Britin the dinner is going to be here.

Mom, Mem and Jenny will all stay here with us on Wednesday night and then help prepare the dinner on Thursday morning. Then after dinner Jenny will go home with her dads, and Mom and Mem decided to take a little weekend holiday and booked a room at a nearby bed and breakfast for two nights.

I love them all but I’m kind of glad that they won’t be staying the whole weekend. I’ve kind of gotten used to living in a house with just my dads and if I plan to have any alone time with Jeff during the weekend it’s going to be here.

Things are going great with Jeff, which is probably why I haven’t written any updates in a while. When I’m not in school, at practice or at the school paper, or doing homework I’m with Jeff. The cool part is it’s usually his idea. He seems to really like being around me and I’m totally hooked when it comes to him. I can’t imagine either of my dads being so out of control with their feelings. I wish I could be more like them. They really know each other so well. I bet neither of them got all tongue-tied around each other when they were younger.

Maybe I’ll get some advice from my dad about how to talk to Jeff more comfortably. In fact, I’d better ask soon, because Jeff and I will be spending part of Thanksgiving Day together at each other’s houses.

His parents have their dinner at like 2:00 PM and my family doesn’t even sit down to eat until 6:00 PM. Jeff asked his parents if he could bring a friend and they were fine with that.

I have to admit I’m really nervous about going, since everything Jeff has said about his parents leads me to believe that they aren’t really supportive of him being gay. They think it’s a phase and he’ll grow out of it. Fuck, he’s 6’3” already, if he grows any more he’ll be a giant…or maybe go into professional basketball. But he certainly is NOT going to stop being gay.

Every once in a while I still think about what it would be like to date a girl and then I think about Jeff and the thought disappears. I wonder when my dads knew for sure they were gay, especially now that I know Dad and Mom hooked up in college. I have to admit that it sort of grosses me out thinking of them together, especially since I was conceived far from the old fashioned way.

Anyway, a few days ago Jeff and I had a talk about his family.

“Do your parents know about us?” I started.

“About us, what about us?” Well that worked well. I guess I really need to say what I mean.

“That we’re boyfriends, dating, not just friends.” That should make it clear.

“You know, Gus, I’ve talked about you a little.”

“And…” I guess neither of us are known for our chatty nature.

“And my parents seem to wear some sort of gay filter.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I tried to stay calm, but the prospect of visiting them was making me more and more nervous.

“I’m talking about the fact that my parents don’t get angry at me for being gay but they don’t want it talked about in their house. They seem to block out that I’m almost 17 and haven’t dated any girls or brought anyone home. It’s like living in the fucking military. It’s okay for me to be what I want to be there, as long as it’s don’t ask, don’t tell.”

“But they know you’re gay, don’t they?”

“Sure, I told them about three years ago. It seems to have gone in one ear and out the other. They thought it was a phase, maybe they still believe that.”

“So why do you want me to come over?”

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but this is the longest I’ve gone out with someone and I want to spend time with you…not just at school and your place, but at mine, too.”

“I understand.” Then I thought for a moment, “If you want to just act like we’re friends at your house, it’s cool.”

“Okay.” Then Jeff pulled me close and kissed me. Whenever he kisses me the whole rest of the world vanishes. It’s really amazing.

I’m glad my dads are cool about Jeff. I’m also glad that MJ was willing to teach me how to use the washing machine. Ever since I’ve been with Jeff, I’ve had a whole lot more laundry to do. Funny how that happens. I used to be okay wearing the same jeans two or three days in a row and I wouldn’t think twice about it and sheets…I never really cleaned sheets. That was Mom’s job, but now it seems like I clean them, well let’s say, a lot. But at least living with my dads I noticed that they seem to clean their sheets a lot too. Ewww, that’s just too gross to think about!

 

*~*~*~*~*
 

Tonight I wanted to talk to Dad and MJ about Jeff and his parents after I finished my homework. They were sitting in the media room watching some black and white movie that Dad likes. I think it starred some dead guy named James Dean. He only made a few movies, but Dad seems to think he was great.

“Dad, MJ, when your movie is over can we talk?”

They looked at each other and immediately turned off the dvd. How do they always know what they want to do without talking? It’s so weird.

“What’s up Sonny Boy?”

“Well, in two days it’s Thanksgiving.”

“See, Brian, and you thought he was getting behind in his math.” MJ poked Dad. Dad just smirked back at him. Then Justin touched Dad’s cheek and kissed him. They really are kind of corny together.

“Hey, I’m still here. Remember, kid with a question.” That got their attention and a good laugh from both of them.

“Sorry, Gus, now you have our attention,” Justin apologized.

“Anyway, I’m supposed to go to Jeff’s house to share Thanksgiving with them first, remember?”

“Sure, we know. Dinner at the Martin’s at two, dinner here at six. See, you get those great math skills from your dear, young dad.” I laughed at Dad’s antics.

“Good, I’m glad we’re all set with that.”

“Gus, why do I get the feeling that this is NOT about scheduling at all.”

“That’s because you’re a genius Sunshine, haven’t I told you that plenty of times.”

“Brian, it sounds like Gus is trying hard to say something without saying it.”

“Okay, Sonny Boy, out with it.”

“Well, I think Jeff’s parents might be, might be…”

“Might be what?”

“I think they might be homophobes.” Okay, that got their attention. While Jeff may have hinted from time to time that his parents weren’t as liberal and open-minded as our family, we’d all avoided asking the important questions. Now that I let the cat out of the bag I wondered how my dads would react.

“Well, if that’s the case you’re not going there.” Dad stood up and started pacing and then rubbed his hand through his hair. Now I know he was agitated. That’s what he always does when he’s beginning to boil.

“What! If I don’t go Jeff will be pissed at me. And I want to be there for him.”

“Brian,” MJ walked behind Dad and just put his hands on his shoulders and gently massaged him, “Don’t jump to conclusions and make rash decisions. We need to listen to Gus,” he added quietly.

Then he continued, “Gus, what makes you think the Martins are homophobes. That’s a pretty strong statement. You need to back it up.”

“Well, when Jeff and I were talking yesterday, after practice, he told me that he lives in an atmosphere like the military. You know, don’t ask, don’t tell, and that his parents still think he’s going through a phase that he’ll grow out of. I really felt bad for him, because I got the idea that he’s not happy in his own home.”

“That explains why he’s always willing to drive all the way out here to have dinner with us and then do his homework with you.” Justin continued in a soft voice, “You know, Gus, I almost ended up living in a house with rules like that.”

“But MJ, Grandma Jen is super. She’s got almost as big a mouth as Grandma Deb.” Then I realized what I said and blushed. “I mean she’s really outspoken about equal rights for all. I remember the video of her marching to the state capitol right before same sex marriage was legalized in Pennsylvania.”

Justin walked over and sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and had a sort of faraway look. “But I once had a dad, too.”

“I’m sorry, did he die when you were young? I know Aunt Molly has a dad, was that Grandma Jen’s second husband?”

Dad snorted and turned away from us and I think I saw a tear run down MJ’s face.

“Did I say something wrong? What did I say?” Now I was getting alarmed. I can be such a fuck-up sometimes. That’s why it’s better to sometimes keep my mouth shut.

“No, Gus, you said NOTHING wrong. When I came out my father behaved atrociously. The person who I thought would always be there told me that if I were to live in his home I would have to have a gag order on talking about my lifestyle, and that I couldn’t go out to gay clubs and I couldn’t see the person I cared about most in the world.” Justin looked towards Dad and I understood.

“Gus, the dad I grew up with is sort of dead. My birth father, however, is still living and breathing and is the same person that Aunt Molly visits from time to time.”

“Oh fuck!” was all I could think of to say.

“You got that right Sonny Boy. Craig Taylor was a big, hateful, fuck and he gave up knowing how great a man his son would become.”

Justin stood up and Dad wrapped his arms around him. MJ practically disappeared into Dad’s skin. It must be great to love someone that much.

I dared to open my mouth one more time, “MJ, is that when you moved in with Grandma Deb?”

He and Dad both laughed, although I have no idea why. “Well, at first my knight in shining armor rode in on his charger, and asked me to live with him. He knew he needed to get me out of that house, and fast.”

Then Dad translated, “After listening to Craig spout all those homophobic things at his son I couldn’t leave Justin there, so I asked him if he wanted to go with me or stay home and he left. My Jeep was parked outside and we left. Then within just a few short weeks it became obvious that I was definitely NOT ready to live with anyone…yet, and Justin moved in with Deb.”

“Grandma Jen was grateful for the compromise and supported me living with Grandma Deb. It wasn’t long after that, that for a variety of reasons, my mom and dad divorced.”

“That was one fucked up family. I’m really glad you turned out okay.”

“Well, your father had a lot to do with that. The support of good friends is also irreplaceable.

“I hope that Jeff is okay and that he’s exaggerated his home life experience. I hate to think of anyone living like that.”

“I hope so, too.” I got up and walked out of the room. As I was about to head upstairs to my room something caught my attention. MJ started talking to Dad.

“I’m such a fucking, silly little faggot sometimes. How can he do this to me? It’s been years since I’ve seen him.”

“Justin, listen to me. Are you listening?”

“Yes, I’m fucking listening.” Then things got quiet for a moment and I peaked around the edge of door and saw Justin look directly at Dad.

Dad wiped some stray tears from MJ’s cheeks. “The last time you saw that asshole he had you arrested for standing up for your own rights. And if I remember correctly, he also accused you of being the cause of your parents’ divorce.”

MJ just nodded and then curled into Dad’s chest and placed his arms around his back. It was almost like he was holding on for life or something.

“He never deserved you. Do you remember that he smashed my Jeep with his car, using it as a weapon and then nearly beat the crap out of me?”

“Yes, I remember. I didn’t recognize him after that. It was like the first seventeen years of my life I’d lived with this hidden stranger who played at being a father.”

“I just hope I never disappoint Gus like our parents did to us.”

“Brian, you had two abusive parents. They didn’t even know you were gay until you were around thirty. They were assholes.”

“Well, now they’re both enjoying hell together if there is a real God.”

“And my father will join them someday.”

“I know you’ve never truly let go. It’s okay to love what you once had and mourn its loss. Did you ever really do that?”

“Do what?”

“Mourn the loss of your father.”

“He’s not dead.”

“If you’re dead to him, then you know that to go on, the reverse has to happen.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Now the two of them were clinging so closely that they were like one person. It was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.

“Whenever you’re ready Justin, just let me know and I’ll be there.”

“I love you, Brian.”

Then there was no more talking as the two began to kiss and touch. I made a fast exit, because this was definitely private time and I had no interest in watching.

All of this gave me a lot to think about. Do I need to take over the role of Kinney Knight in Shining Armor? Somehow, I don’t think that would fit at all. I’d just stand by Jeff and do whatever he needed to support him.

I really wanted something to cheer me up so I picked up my cell phone and called Jeff. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, Jeff, are you busy?”

“No, I just finished that essay for Nessler. She must be a 100 years old. I wish she’d retire already. I think she’s been at St. James since the school opened.”

I laughed at that. “You, know what?”

“What newbie?” I still love when he calls me that.

“I was just hanging around, lying here in bed and I started thinking about you.” Oh my God! I can’t believe I had actually said that!

“Funny you should say that. I was just getting into bed and thinking about you, too. What do you think we should do about that?” I could practically here the smile on Jeff’s face.

“Maybe we could be creative over the phone and think of something new.”

“Now that’s the first time I ever heard it called creative but I definitely could use some creative thinking…and action.” Jeff is sooooo cool!

A little while later, after Jeff and I said our goodnights, the only thing I could think of was how nice it was to be able to have Jeff in my life and my dads and…to be able to do my own laundry.

 

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