The Gus Diaries

Part 1

Estrogenland vs. Testosteroneland

It’s hard to believe that I’m going to be 14 in a few weeks. I just hope that my parents will respect that I’m growing up and give me what I really want for my birthday. Sometimes being a kid really sucks, especially when I have to convince 4 parents that I know what’s best for me.

I vaguely remember leaving Pittsburgh when I was only 5 years old, and on the verge of entering Kindergarten. At the time it seemed like we were leaving to take a family vacation, until I realized a few weeks later that we weren’t going home—this was home.

I was thrilled to visit with Dad and Justin every summer, but I hated the fact that throughout the school year I only saw them sporadically – primarily on birthdays and major holidays (and those were with the rest of the family so it wasn’t nearly as enjoyable).

Lots of things have changed over the years. Living in Canada wasn’t so terrible once I got used to it. My moms are okay and I know they both really love me and would never let me down. Mom was lucky enough to get a great job at a really ritzy art gallery so instead of having to go back to work when Jenny and I were little Mem stayed home with us until we were both in school full days.

Mem is what I call Mama now. Mama felt too babyish so I figured I could put together Mom + Mel and get “Mem” – it works for us.

When Jenny and I were both in school full-time, Mem went to all kinds of classes and took some long-ass test and started practicing law again. Both my moms seem really happy with their lives in Canada.

In the meantime, MJ (that’s what I call Justin—when I was little my Mom said that I liked to call him “My Justin” so the MJ abbreviation stuck) spent a couple of years in New York City. I guess he needed to find a way to sell his art and then when he started to get famous he moved home. It was kind of fun having MJ in New York City, because I actually got to see Dad more during those years. Dad would pick me up once a month and we’d have a great weekend in the city. I’m pretty sure Dad visited a lot since he had his own apartment while MJ lived there. In fact, I’d bet that they were living there together, since every time I visited more of MJ’s stuff seemed to fill the place than Dad’s.

After Justin’s stint in New York he and Dad moved out to this humongous estate in West Virginia. Who knew West Virginia was so close to Pittsburgh? That place is the best. Dad said the best thing about the house is that, “Nobody can be in the neighborhood and just stop by with tuna casserole.” I still have no idea what he meant by that but Justin just rolled his eyes and made a snorting sound. Since then, it’s been summers with Dad and MJ in West Virginia.

This summer vacation had been the best yet. I’m finally beginning to look more like an adult rather than a scrawny little kid. The three of us have been able to go on an incredible amount of trips and my dads really seem thrilled to have me with them. Ever since Dad and Justin moved in together permanently, about 6 years ago, every experience with them gets better and better. Although they certainly have their share of arguments (which are usually silent and that’s just really strange to watch) the fun times and peaceful times outweigh the bad ones.

Last year Pennsylvania became the 15th state to approve same-sex marriage, so this summer Dad, Justin, Uncle Michael, Grandma Jen, Grandma Deb and I took a ride to City Hall where Dad and Justin finally tied the knot. (Dad and MJ still own their loft in Pittsburgh, so they still can be considered residents of Pennsylvania.) They said it was to simply protect each of their interests but as Dad was spouting off his usual lines about marriage…even as we were entering City Hall, Justin winked at me and Uncle Michael couldn’t help but snort. Dad and Justin are destined to be together, anyone could see that. So what if my Dad had to rationalize everything. That’s just his way. Besides, if it was just to protect each other why did he wait almost seven months for me to be here to witness the momentous occasion.

After that, the entire month of July was spent “honeymooning”, although neither Dad nor Justin would ever use that word out loud. We went to a whole bunch of different places from sailing off the shore of Key West to the Napa Valley and down the California coastline. Dad even agreed to go camping on Mount Washington. Well, not quite camping—when we arrived at the top of Mt. Washington, I discovered we were booked into a 5-star hotel near the peak. I guess that’s Dad’s version of roughing it.

The summer is half over and soon I’ll be off to high school. That brings me back to what I really want for my birthday…not money, not clothes (although those would be cool too – maybe I am gay), not even a super new motorized bike, but to move in with my dad and MJ.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to broach the subject. I can be quite reasonable. After all, I’m asking now with the intention of moving in with them when I start high school. Dad and Justin are really protective of their space. I think it’s cause they just like to be able to fuck any where they feel like, but I’m cool and I’ll make myself scarce whenever they get “that look”. They get “that look” so often that even Jenny can tell when those two want to be alone. Mem gets pissed off when they act like that in front of us, but she should see the way she behaves around Mom. Sometimes they make me want to gag. They get so lovey-dovey that I could spontaneously hurl.

Anyway, so step one is to make sure that Dad and Justin know that this house is definitely big enough for the three of us. After that, my guess is the hard part will really start. How am I ever going to convince my Moms that it’s important for me to live with my dads because…I can’t survive living in Estrogenland for the next five years?!? And to be totally honest, I really want to be around the men in my life because I have LOTS of questions about a whole of strange feelings I've been having. Maybe I’ll let my dad do all the "convincing" work, once I get him in my corner. Anything is possible, right?

Sure I’ll miss the Moms and my friends, but more than anything I want to spend the next few years with the guys in my life. Let’s face it, gay or straight (I still question who I’ll be more interested in – both girls AND guys look pretty good right now) I need to be with my dad while I’m in high school.

I feel like I’m beginning Mission Impossible 23, but here goes…

Justin was an easy mark to start with. He’s always been really indulgent of me, even when I was younger and used to fuck things up in his studio. I know part of it is that he would never want to mess with Dad’s son, but part of it is that he really is a natural at being a caring, loving dad. He once told me that his dad was okay until Justin was 17. I think he tries to remember what his dad was like before they had a falling out and treats me the same way. It kind of sucks that he never had his own kid…but I guess I sort of am his kid. I think of him as a dad so that would make sense.

I told Justin that more than anything I wanted to live with him and my dad, at least through high school. He asked why and when I told him I wanted to learn how to be the best man I could possibly be, he start to get all weird and misty-eyed. I wasn’t sure why, but all I know is that he hugged me, told me that he was behind me 100% but that the last word in their home would be from Dad on this decision. I certainly understood that and began to think of the best way to approach Dad.

The next day I asked Dad if we could do dinner and a movie; just the three of us. He agreed and even let me pick the film. I decided to help my case by picking something he might like and that I heard was a classic, On the Waterfront. Instead of ordering in I decided to have fun and we made homemade pizzas. Dad decided to forego the crust on his pizza and basically had tomatoes, cheese, shrimp, mushrooms and onions on a bed of pesto sauce. Oh well, there’s no accounting for some people’s taste. Justin and I each had normal pizzas, WITH crusts to hold the all the good toppings.

As we were finishing dinner I decided it was time. Here’s how it went:

“Dad, I’ve decided what I want for my 14th birthday.” I thought about saying, “And it won’t cost you anything,” but I know that the price-tag means nothing to a man with tons of bucks and is living on an estate. I may not be a genius but I’m not stupid.

“So, enlighten me Sonny Boy.”

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.” Justin nodded his encouragement and I’m pretty sure dad noticed.

“Do you know what he wants?” Dad asked him.

“Just since yesterday.”

“Well then, spill,” he said, turning his attention back to me.

“I want to live with you and MJ and go to high school here.” Suddenly I seemed to have diarrhea of the mouth and couldn’t stop talking. “I know that will mean that you have to get guardianship of me and that this is a different country so some stuff might be different in school and all, but I just know that this is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. I really want to be with you and MJ now, more than you can ever imagine.” Then I shut my mouth—mostly because I ran out of breath.

Dad looked at me and seemed to really think about my request. He looked to Justin and it was amazing how you can actually see them say volumes worth of stuff with just a look or twitch of an eyebrow. It’s like they have their very own version of sign language that only the two of them can decipher.

Then Dad asked two questions. The first was of Justin, “Do you think child rearing styles are in any way hereditary?” What a weird question.

Justin simply shook his head and touched my dad’s hand. It was all sort of surreal watching them.

Then Dad asked me the second question, “Why?”

I responded as clearly as possible since I was so nervous my voice may have been cracking more than usual, “I really want to be with you and MJ because, more than anything I want to learn to be the best possible man that I can be.”

“You think I can teach you that?” Dad asked.

“I’m sure you can.”

“I know you can,” Justin added wistfully.

At that critical moment, Dad leaned in and gave Justin one major whopper of a kiss. They looked like they could be giving each other tongue tonsillectomies.

Then my Dad turned to me and said, “I’ll talk to your mothers and we’ll work something out.”

I don’t know how he did it, but two weeks later my Moms came to visit and they and Dad, with Justin along for support, visited some lawyer’s office and worked out some sort of temporary shared custody agreement.

I guess being an Ad Man gave Dad the ammunition to sell himself. You’d think he’d had to sell himself before.

All I know is no one will ever be able to top this birthday and I hope I won’t let Dad down. I really do want to be the best man I can possibly be, just like him and MJ.

 

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