The End Justifies the Means

Chapter 10 - Confrontations 2 - Justin and Lindsay

Justin was making great headway with all his contacts. He’d called Daphne and was all set to have breakfast with her the next morning, at which time he planned to tell her about the decisions he and Brian had made, including the fact that he was home for good.

His next call was to Maggie. She was over the moon. She laughed when she told Justin that after a while every time someone purchased another one of his paintings the owner of the gallery contacted her and simply said, “Ka-ching.” The two laughed on the phone as Maggie continued to fill Justin in on the progress of the show. It seemed that the mystery of the evolution of his work intrigued many, and that the revelation of his gorgeous, gay lover was timed perfectly.

The well-to-do liberals of New York City couldn’t grab Justin’s work fast enough. The pieces themselves were outstanding, but the beautiful inspiration added an aura of romance and mystery that they couldn’t get enough of. The cherry on top was that gay was “in” this season. Justin laughed and commented that it was about time he was part of the “in crowd” rather than the ostracized.

He and Maggie chatted more as she told him how much each of his paintings had sold for and what the total came to after her commission and the gallery’s cut. There was no doubt that Justin could support himself now and that was important to him as he entered a relationship with a man who could probably buy and sell anyone ten times over. There was no competition, but Justin never wanted Brian to be mistaken for his sugar-daddy. This was a partnership that had to be on equal footing or it just wouldn’t work for either one of them.

Then Justin asked Maggie the same question he’d asked theoretically before his show, “Can I work from Pittsburgh and still have you as my agent AND be successful?”

Maggie laughed, “Oh dear, Justin. Do you think all my clients live within walking distance of the agency? Puh-lease. We represent clients across the country. Most of them have started in New York City, which is how we found them, but we’ve had referrals from all over. That’s business. It’s kind of like your Brian. If he only had clients from the Pittsburgh area he’d barely be able to make his mortgage payments.

“To answer your question, hon, there’s no doubt that I will continue to represent you. And furthermore, I don’t only arrange shows in New York. There are many high quality art galleries all over the United States that I work with. You can send your work to any of them when I arrange your showings.

“I never understood what you saw in Pittsburgh until I met Brian and your mothers, but the draw is obvious. I have to say, Brian looks nothing like his mother. His dad must have been the dashing one in the family.”

Justin chuckled at that last statement, “We’ll keep that to ourselves. I wouldn’t want to hurt his mom’s feelings.”

“Okay. Justin dear, just give me the address where you want me to send your check. I’ll also send a list of the paintings that have sold and I’ll get back to business. I love chatting with you but I don’t make enough money on the phone.”

Justin filled Maggie in on all the details of his address and that he might change the primary address one more time by the end of the next month so not to put it down in ink. She commented on how fickle artists are and Justin simply smiled into the phone and said, “Good-bye.”

Next was his mom. Jennifer answered the phone on the first ring and she and Justin had a lengthy heart-to-heart conversation about everything that happened with the show, the romance of that first night in the hotel with Brian and all the events surrounding their untimely return home.

Jennifer filled Justin in on all that she and Debbie had enjoyed as Brian’s gift to them and how special she felt knowing that he cared enough about her son to treat Debbie and her to such extremes, to get time alone with him. The only regret was that they didn’t get the time they so deserved.

Justin shared with his mom all the details of the fire and how Michael was trying to cope like an adult. It was strange to Justin that this was really the first time that he ever remembered Michael truly acting his age. Jennifer’s only response was that there’s always a catalyst that propels people to grow to their full maturity. Some find that catalyst early on and others cling to their security blankets much longer than they should, but most find their way at some point.

After they hung up the phone Justin was relaxed. He realized that he’d kept a few choice pieces of information from his mother but that was necessary. No matter how many times someone said they wouldn’t tell another soul, there always seemed to be an exception that caused turmoil and confusion.

It was still too early for Michael to come by and work with Justin, so he took the opportunity to pull out his sketch pad and start drawing. He found himself wanting to express the pain of seeing a good friend’s livelihood go up in smoke through his art. This was his way of dealing with all he’d seen. He also felt the need to draw Ben. It was as if he had to draw him at his healthiest and then again at this weak time in his life. The contrast was staggering and Justin actually experienced pain as he sketched.

Although the sketches were far from complete, he looked at a healthy Ben and then a happy sketch he’d once done of Michael. Then he looked at the shell of the Red Cape Comics store, Michael on the sofa of his home with his head in his hands and Ben, in the weakest state Justin ever remembered seeing him. It was so overwhelming that he slammed the sketch book closed and wept softly until he was able to compose himself again.

That’s when it struck him; he had a new theme for his next series of paintings. Just as he was about to begin exploring his idea further he heard a key jiggle in the lock of the loft and then a knock.

It struck him that the person got in through the main door to the building and tried a key and it didn’t work. He walked over and mindlessly opened the door and was quite surprised when he saw who was on the other side.

There was Lindsay, with Gus in tow standing next to her.

“Hi, this is quite a surprise,” was all Justin could come up with. He was truly taken aback, thinking that Lindsay was in Canada.

“What are you doing here?” was Lindsay’s knee-jerk response.

“I live here,” he laughed, “What’s your excuse? Hey, pal, how you doing?” Justin addressed Gus this time.

“Hi, Justin, Mommy said we were coming to comfort Daddy.”

“Oh really, and what does Daddy need comforting for?” Justin responded quite amused.

“Mommy told me that Daddy is sad that you’re gone and never coming back and that Mommy would have to fill up the space you left. But you’re here and that’s even better! Maybe we can go back to Mama and Jenny now?”

“Lindsay, I’m not sure what to say. Why don’t you come in?” Justin was dumbstruck by Gus’ rendition of his mother’s reasoning and needed some grown up details, and fast.

“Oh Justin, I know you have limited experience with youngsters, so you can’t always trust their interpretations.”

“Actually Lindsay, my sister is almost ten years younger than me. I remember her and her other six year old friends quite vividly and one of the things I remember most is that they are great, and sometimes quite annoying, parrots. So let me get Gus situated in front of one of the Sponge Bob dvd’s Brian keeps here and then I think you and I need to have a chat. How does that sound buddy?”

“Yay for Sponge Bob and double yay for watching it on Daddy’s great big TV!” Justin smiled and brought Gus over to the TV area and sat him on a futon mat. Then he brought him a bowl of Gold Fish crackers and a sippy cup of apple juice.

Without saying a word he brought Lindsay over to the dining table on the far side of the loft and asked her to sit down. After the niceties of offering drinks and refreshments ended Justin looked at Lindsay and waited for her to start explaining.

“Justin, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to drill a hole through my head.”

“Sorry, sometimes my emotions get away from me. Why don’t you explain first why you and Gus aren’t in Canada?”

“Okay. I haven’t told any of you yet, but Mel and I are still having trouble with issues I thought we had long ago resolved. While moving to Canada seemed like a safe place to raise our children, it also seemed like a place that we could get a fresh start as a couple—away from the distractions of all our well-meaning family and friends here in Pittsburgh.”

“So…”

“So, it didn’t work out so well. And ever since we learned that Prop 14 failed miserably, all I’ve wanted to do is come home. It’s not that Canada isn’t beautiful, it just isn’t home and I was lonely and miserable and Gus missed Brian and…”

“And so did you?” Justin surmised. “Lindsay, I’ve known for a long time that you and Brian had a brief fling in college. He has never regretted it but he also knew that it would be the last time he’d ever sleep with a woman. You may not have noticed, but he’s totally grossed out by talk of lesbian or even hetero sex. It’s not just a joke, Linds, he is 100% gay through and through, as am I.”

“Justin, you’re reading too much into this. I know that Brian would never leave you.”

“You mean would never leave me if I was around. I noticed how you timed your encouragement for my departure to New York City with your departure to Canada. Is that the concept of, ‘If I can’t have him, no one should?’

“Well, I have news for you Lindsay, we survived and thrived and so has my art. I also learned recently that agents will go far and wide to find new talent if alerted to it. I never noticed you sending out the alert when you thought I deserved it. Instead, you sent me away to fend for myself.”

“It’s just that I thought you’d have better opportunities in New York City and that your work would get more exposure more quickly.”

“Well, in that respect you were right. But guess what, Brian and I were both extremely lonely and we finally fixed that problem. So Brian does not need you running away from your problems to become his happy homemaker and live out a fantasy that will never be.

“But I do think you need to prioritize your own life and decide how and where to best raise Gus and stop taking him on the road whenever you and Mel get wanderlust.”

“I agree.” Lindsay and Justin practically jumped when they saw Brian standing at the edge of the kitchen island.

“Daddy, you’re here! I came so you won’t be lonely anymore.”

“I’m so glad you did, Sonny Boy, I was missing you soooo much.” Brian hoisted Gus in the air and gave him a big squeeze. “Now you go back and finish the rest of Sponge Man while I say hi to your mom and Justin.”

“It’s Sponge Bob, Daddy. You’re not nearly as smart as Justin when it comes to cartoons.”

“Yes, well, he was watching them, regularly, much more recently than I was.” Brian put Gus down and patted his bottom gently as he scurried back to his spot in front of the TV.

“Brian, it’s wonderful to see you, and you’re looking so well.” Lindsay said awkwardly trying to change the tone of what Brian walked in on.

“I always look well after I’ve landed a new client in record time. You look well, too. Although I must admit that I’m a bit surprised by the nature of the conversation I just heard.”

“Brian,” Justin interjected, “How long have you been home?”

“Let’s just say long enough. How long have you been here, Lindsay—in town I mean?”

“We arrived yesterday night and since it was so late we just went straight to a hotel.”

“And then you decided to come here today and weasel your way into my life now that you systematically had convinced both Justin and me that he was better off out of my life…oh, excuse me, that his art would suffer if he stayed in Pittsburgh.

“Don’t you ever use me, my son or Justin again to play this little game. I love you, Lindsay, as a friend and as the mother of my son. But I will never be IN love with you and I have no intention of being a full-time dad. What happened to Mel and why isn’t she here?”

“Mel is still in Canada. We never actually got married there so we won’t need a divorce, but we are going to both move back to Pittsburgh so the kids can be close to each other and the rest of the family.”

“It’s a shame you both couldn’t decide to stay and fight like every other fag and dyke when the going got tough. They won the battle for you here and all their votes counted. Just like with Stockwell, the gay community came out in droves.” Those words stung but the message came to Lindsay loud and clear.

“Brian, I think I should go. I need to look for an apartment.”

“Again.”

“Yes, again.”

“Is your ex going to help support you and Gus or is that out of the question?”

“Melanie plans to return to her law firm and they’ve assured her the position of Associate, so she will be able to help support us, but you know that Gus has always benefitted from your support, too.”

“Oh, I will continue to support him but now I think I’ll do it directly.”

“Brian,” Justin cautioned.

“It’s okay, Sunshine. I love Gus and he’ll be well cared for.”

“What are you talking about, Brian?” Lindsay couldn’t help feeling a bit anxious. Everything had blown up in her face just when she thought she was about to have it all.

“Whenever Gus needs clothing, I will take him shopping. Whenever a school needs tuition, I will be sent the bill directly and if Gus drains your food allowance he will always be welcome to dine any meal of the day with me and Justin.”

“Holy shit,” Justin whispered.

“When Justin is visiting, that is.”

Good cover was all that Justin could think of at that moment. He was shocked at what Brian was saying. This was the Brian that spent most of his time putting Lindsay on a pedestal. He must have heard quite a bit of their conversation…or suspected as much anyway.

Then it struck Justin like a lightning bolt, Brian didn’t just realize all this now. Justin nearly gasped with the realization that Brian had already put the pieces together and was just waiting for the moment when Lindsay would leave Mel. Justin got up, went over to Brian and gave him a supportive hug and a kiss on the cheek and then left to sit with Gus. This was now between Brian and Lindsay and Justin knew when he needed to retreat.

“Brian, why are you being so pig-headed? You know how much Gus and I depend on you.” Lindsay quietly pleaded.

“Linds, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. You have plenty of qualifications to get a great job that will amply support you and our son. If you need me to put in a good word with a prospective employer, I’ll be happy to do that. But I’m not your husband or your ex-boyfriend or a relative. I’m the father of your child, so my responsibility lies with him.”

“What about me?”

“Lindsay, I think it’s time for you to start to look at who you are and what you really want out of your personal life. I’m gay and I always will be. I’m in love with Justin and I always will be, whether he’s in Pittsburgh, New York or Timbuktu. If you are bi-sexual and want to follow the need to have a relationship with a man, you’re barking up the wrong dick. Mine is taken.”

“You don’t have to be so crass.”

“Imitating my mother will get you nowhere.”

At that both Brian and Lindsay were able to actually laugh. “Brian, I think I have a lot of thinking to do…about my life and where I want to take it. My one glowing moment was giving birth to our son and it’s the one thing in my life that comes with NO regrets.”

“I also think that when Mel and you talk next you better decide how you want to move forward. Both of you need to remember that you wanted kids and that means they have to come first.”

“Thank you, Brian. I know where I stand with us and I’ll keep my expectations in line. Come on, Gus. Let’s go visit Grandma Deb at the diner and then we’ll look for a brand new apartment close to your old school. I know how much you’ve missed it.”

“Okay, Mommy. Bye Justin, bye Daddy. When will I see you again?”

“Gus, I can honestly say that I’ll see you in a couple of days. I promise!”

Gus hugged his father tightly and smiled. “I missed you, Daddy, I’m glad we finally came home.”

“Me, too, Sonny Boy.”

“Justin, will I see you, too? I missed you, too, you know.”

“Gus, I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.” Justin gave Gus a big hug and smiled at Brian’s version of Mini-Me and just smirked at the thought of how often he’d get to see Gus in the future.

“Good-bye to both of you. While this visit started out for all the wrong reasons, I’m actually feeling better than I have for a long time. I know it’s not much now, but I’m glad you two are still together.” With that Brian huffed softly and Lindsay helped Gus on with his jacket and the two left.

“I’m sorry, Brian,” Justin said after the loft door was closed behind Lindsay.

“Justin, in this case sorry is definitely bullshit. You opened the door for a discussion that was more overdue than I’d like to admit.”

“Brian, when did you grow up?”

“When you blasted away the wall that was keeping me locked in Club Boy Land. Speaking of which, I was going to go visit Babylon to check on the books and make sure that the bar is stocked.”

“Going to check the bar yourself?” Justin laughed, realizing that it was obviously getting way to emotional for Brian at this point.

“Nah, but maybe I’ll bring home a souvenir from my visit. We’re low on Beam.”

“Have fun Brian, and by the way, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Changing the loft lock. Lindsay tried to use her old key and this way we didn’t have to go there with her.”

“Any time, Sunshine, any time.” Brian gave Justin a very passionate kiss. “See you later, honey.”

“Shut up.”

As Brian walked out the door the buzzer rang. Michael had timed his entrance perfectly. Neither Justin nor Brian wanted to deal with Michael learning about the girls breaking up again right now. He had enough on his plate.

 

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