COMA CONVERSATIONS

Chapter 6

Day 7

Door opens and slams hard.

“Look, you little asshole, if you don’t start taking care of yourself I’m going to have two of my boys to visit in this fucking place and that’s two too many!”

Deb’s subtlety never ceases to amaze me. She’s one of the only people who thinks yelling in a hospital, or anywhere for that matter, is an acceptable tone of voice, if that’s what moves her.

“Okay, Ma. I can hear you loud and clear. So can all the other sick people in this entire wing of Allegheny General.”

“Oh, Michael, I’m sorry. I forget that my voice carries.”

“Ma, carries? That’s a fucking understatement.”

“Well forget about my voice. You need some rest on a real bed – not this ridiculous excuse for a cot.”

“Ma, I don’t want to leave Ben alone. He had some strong physical reactions earlier. I think he wants to come back to me and the doctors think so, too. They’re just not sure what the fuck is holding him back.”

“Oh Michael, that’s wonderful! But you’ll be no use to him if you’re passed out from exhaustion.”

“But…”

“No buts about it. I brought my dinner with me and my favorite pillow. Carl and Hunter are at the house with a freshly made lasagna and salad. Your old bed has clean sheets on it and Hunter will be staying in Emmett’s old room. Got it!”

“Ma, you can’t sleep on this thing.”

“I’ll survive one night. Now, Michael…got it.”

“Yes, Ma. But you’ll call me if…”

“I’ll call you the minute anything changes. Scouts’ honor.”

“Goodnight, Ma. Please take care of him. Maybe something you say will get a reaction.”

“Michael, you’re telling me how to act around a patient in a coma.”

“Sorry, that was stupid.”

“Not stupid, but your exhaustion isn’t helping you think clearly. Now go.”

Door opens, door closes. I’m alone with Deb. This should be interesting.

“Now you. What the fuck did you think you were doing?”

Whoa, talk about tough love. No wonder Vic woke up all those years ago. He didn’t want to hear any more.

“Michael tells me that you decided all on your own to take a drug holiday. That’s a fucking reckless thing to do. Why would you do something so stupid? You’ve always been a wonderful and smart son-in-law. When did that change to stupid and impulsive?”

I’m not sure, but I think you may be right. I acted without getting all the facts.

“Oh my fucking god! You did it on purpose. You were committing suicide without anyone knowing.”

Oh shit!

“Killing yourself is never the answer even if you think you had a good reason. My guess is that when you started to remove the meds your fucking judgment went down the toilet with them.”

I remember a couple of years ago when I promised Brian I wouldn’t fuck with my health anymore. Wait a minute. What did Brian say back then? It was something about Michael and me and how much Michael needed me. Shit, shit, shit!

“Ben, this is worse than playing with steroids. If you don’t hold on, you’ll bring Michael down with you. He won’t want to live, and I don’t mean kill himself…he won’t want to have any kind of, what do they call that…”

Quality of life.

“Oh, I got it, he won’t want to have any quality of life worth a shit.”

She’s good.

“I don’t know what brought on the feeling that you wanted to end it all, but fighting is the only answer when you feel that way. Fight like a fucking tiger if you have to, but fight. This is the coward’s way out.”

Quiet. Blissful quiet.

“The funny thing is…”

She must be eating and talking at the same time. It sounds like she’s chewing through every syllable.

“…Michael was so excited about planning your party. Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t have told you. If you remember when you wake up I’ll blame it on the stress we’re all under. Brian and Michael have been like two kids again.”

How much like those two kids?

“They were running off to places that neither you or Sunshine ever go to and were planning the ultimate birthday celebration to let you both know how much you’re loved. Personally I think it’s a waste of money but Brian was going to close Babylon for the night for you two. That’s a fucking lot of cover charges out the window on a Friday night.”

Closing Babylon on a Friday. I’m impressed.

“Brian treasures his Sunshine so much and Michael and you practically have a fucking leash between you…I mean that in a good way.

“Don’t disappoint Michael. Whatever sent you over the cliff, there’s still a chance for you to come back. I’ll keep your secret. Only you and I will know that you really fucked up. Then we can talk about it. I may not be Dr. Phil, but I’d be a good place to start. Then you’d have to get some real fucking help.”

Feels safe, feels…cared for. Holding my hand. Feels good.

“Ben, I hope you’ve heard all this. It’s no time to check out. If you have any inkling that you want to come back let me know. I’ll help you take that step. I did it with Vic; let me do this for you. For you and Michael – you deserve a long, happy life together. Hold my hand.”

She’s moving my hand.

“There, I turned your hand upwards so it’s easy. Here’s my hand. Now all you have to do is try to squeeze my hand just a little…come on, I know you can do it…just a little squeeze to let me know you want to go home.”

I’m trying Deb. I’m really trying.

“Woohoo! You did it! I have to call Michael, I have to call Carl…shit, I have to get the doctor.”

Door opens and doesn’t slam. Deb’s yelling in the hall. She can actually embarrass a coma patient.


[TBC]
 

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