COMA CONVERSATIONS

Chapter 3

Day 4


“What do you mean he must hate you? That’s bullshit Michael and you know it.”

A new voice. Sounds pissed.

“That’s what you think. Every time I tell him how much I love him all those fucking monitors go off like a three alarm fire.”

“Maybe that’s his way of responding.”

“By going into cardiac arrest!”

“No Michael, by his body’s reactions and elevated blood pressure when you’re near and he thinks about leaving you.”

This guy really is reasonable. I still can’t make out who it is.

“I told him about you and Brian.”

It’s Justin, it’s got to be. But that makes no sense. They sound too friendly.

“What about me and Brian?”

“Brian told me recently that you two, well, you two…”

“Spit it out, Michael.”

“You two haven’t been using condoms.”

“He did, did he?”

Michael’s trying to put a wedge between them. I see it now. This I understand.

“Yeah. Don’t be mad.”

“At least you two aren’t discussing the specific intimate details, just the general ones. Did he tell you how long?”

“It sounds like it’s been since you came back from New York. I have to admit, I’m kind of jealous.”

“What! Of me and Brian. I thought that was history…ages ago.”

So did I.

“I’m jealous of both of you, not just you, asshole.”

“Huh?”

“I thought you were the smart, successful artist and comic book designer.”

“Still not following, Michael. Explain yourself before I get pissed off more than I’m feeling right now.”

“Keep your cool. I just meant that I’ve always wished I could experience doing it raw once in my life.”

Soon, Michael, soon.

“I see.”

“But looking at Ben, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“What!”

“I don’t mean about him being sick. It’s like a crazy trade. I gave up fantasies about Brian and me and the option of ever doing it raw for something, or rather someone, much better for me.”

“Shhhhh, he’ll get better, Michael.”

He’s crying again. Good actor.

“I almost wish I’d done it with him before he got sick. I’m not sure if I’d want to go on without him.”

Michael, stop it. Now you’re getting overdramatic.

“Fuck that shit. Ben’s only going to survive this knowing you’ll be here to love him at the other end. He doesn’t want you to share his pain but rise above it.”

“Wow, waxing philosophical are we.”

“Michael, I know what I’m talking about. Remember when Brian was sick?”

“How could I forget? I was such an asshole when I told him we knew.”

“You were an asshole...but I’m not talking about that.”

“What then?”

“I’m talking about the feeling of not wanting to go on but then I did. I learned how to love him more than dwell in self-pity. I didn’t baby him and give him the opportunity to think I was coddling him. That would have gotten me another one-way ticket out of his life. Instead, I loved him more, the way he needed to be loved.”

“I remember seeing you with Brian and knowing that only you could have cared for him properly. I would have wanted to do everything for him.”

“That’s one of many reasons why you and he were destined to never be together.”

“Don’t I know it. We could never live under that same roof, let alone try to carry on a relationship.”

Yes, you could, Michael. You and Brian would have continued playing without me in the scene.

“I wasn’t destined for that lifestyle for the long term and Brian was beginning to grow out of it from the moment Gus was born and you met him.”

Michael, what are you doing? Touching my hand. Stroking my arm. Feels good, feels familiar.

“Michael, I think he’s smiling.”

“It’s probably another reflex reaction. He has them a lot. Coma patients can do shit like that.”

“I know, or at least that’s my understanding from first hand accounts.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so insensitive.”

“I know, it just comes naturally.”

Soft laughter, “Shut up, asshole.”

Quiet. More stroking. This feels so good. Tell me, Michael. Let me know you really want me.

“I brought my sketch pad. Have you thought about working on a new story?”

They’re laughing softly. Dying guy here.

“You’re incredible.”

“I know, I am.”

More laughing, “You really are Brian’s other half.”

“You’re just figuring that out now.”

“I figured it out a long time ago. I’m just saying it out loud now.”

“Welcome to reality, Michael. We’re both lucky to have found the loves of our lives. I’d hate to waste my life trying to find someone and never running across him…or even worse, being like Linds and Mel and realizing after over ten years that I found the wrong person.”

“I know. I’m just glad Mel decided to come back and stay in the Pitts. Having JR near is the best. When Ben and I are with her it feels…”

“What, Michael?”

I’d like to hear the answer to that as well.

“It feels complete.”

“It feels the same way whenever Gus is with Brian and me. I’d never thought either of us would settle down to family life…and now.”

“And now three to four days each week you and Brian are the best fucking family in town – well, tied for the best.”

Another hand brushing against my forehead.

“Hey Ben, did you hear that. Michael needs his happy family and it’s obvious that’s for shit without you. Get better already.

“So, Michael, any ideas?”

“Oh, yeah…how about the famous paleontologist, Dr. Ken Kirshner is bitten by a diseased rodent sent in the form of a man by Iced Tina.”

“Sounds great. This idea has promise.”

Silence.

“Will the famous doctor survive the infection?”

“With the support of Rage and JT, Zephyr will figure out the antidote and bring his doctor back to complete and full health.”

“Too bad we can’t do that in real life.”

Kiss on the cheek. Not Michael.

“Yeah, but I’ll try to get as close as possible.”

“That’s how I felt when Brian was throwing up from the radiation shit. I couldn’t stop anything, but if I could I would have. Thanks to the support of you, Ben, Deb and Ted, Brian and I both came through and we were even closer than before.”

“I love Ben as much as you love Brian.”

“I know.”

Kiss on the lips. Michael. Why was he spending so much time alone with Brian? I just can’t compete forever. Why were you with him all those times...alone, having fun?


[TBC

Return to Coma Conversations