New Addition

Chapter 8

“Hey, Noah, how’s it going?”  Luke walked around the large office at WOAK.  A shelf in the office was filled with many statuettes representing awards to Noah for his body of work. His films had been recognized at several prestigious festivals, and he had also won some regional awards for his local TV productions.  “Looks like you’re doing well.”

Noah tilted his head.  “I was curious about your motives when you made a formal appointment to meet me here.  Now I’m convinced something’s up.  You’ve seen all those before.  Hell, you were there when the film about you and your parents won a Best Film award at Sundance.  You’ve also never been good at hiding your feelings.  I was the one who was never paying attention to them.”

Luke turned to face Noah, his hands in his pockets to keep them from fidgeting.

“I’m paying attention now, Luke.  What’s up?  Did I do something?  Did Reid or Ethan do something to upset you?”  Noah’s eyes narrowed.  “Oh damn!  Is something wrong with Molly?  I heard from Mark that you’re expecting twins.  Is she okay?”

Biting his lip, Luke approached Noah.  Pulling his hands out of his pockets, Luke set them squarely on Noah’s shoulders to calm his friend, and at the same time, to steady his own nerves.  “Everything’s fine with Molly.  In fact, she’s healthier, and in better spirits, than my sister ever was when she was pregnant.”

“So why all the formality and polite small talk?  If you’re mad at me about something, just tell me.  I thought we’d got past all the old hiding of emotions.”  Noah was clearly anxious.  His body stiffened and his face wore a grimace Luke remembered from many years earlier. 

Although he knew he was skirting the issue, Luke had agreed to speak with Noah and wasn’t about to chicken out.  Returning to old patterns with Noah Mayer wouldn’t get anyone anywhere.

A few days earlier, after they had eaten a quiet dinner at home, Luke and Reid had shared their experiences lunching with two of their closest friends.  Reid was more amused than concerned with Casey’s predicament.  Luke had to admit, he had also thought there was a side of Casey that could jump the fence if given the right set of circumstances.  He realized those circumstances finally presented themselves.

Mark’s revelation about Noah’s attitude toward parenthood was significantly more disturbing.  Luke had always known there was a tender side to Noah, as well as a lighter playful side rarely seen or enjoyed.  The Colonel had set Noah on a path that led to him bottling up all feelings that might stem from his creativity or individuality, or result in simply acting on something for the pure pleasure of the experience.

Noah had changed so much since he met Mark.  Somehow with Mark, he finally began to lower his guard, to show the side he had kept hidden for so many years. Luke now knew he had been far too young, all those years ago, to help Noah overcome the Colonel’s influence.  Watching the two together, it was evident Mark was Noah’s soul mate, and vice versa.  They balanced each other perfectly... until now.

“Did you know Mark and Reid had lunch at Al’s a few days ago?”

“He did mention it, but they have lunch together pretty often.”  Noah was staring at Luke.  “You’re asking for a specific reason, aren’t you?”

“Well, I just didn’t know if Mark had discussed with you what they might have talked about.”  Luke knew he should just open up, and say what he came to say, but he couldn’t seem to get the words to form on his lips.

“Mark mentioned the twins, and that Reid had some ultrasound pictures of both babies.  He also told me they talked about a couple of surgeries... oh, and Ethan’s reaction to learning you’re having two more kids.”  Noah paused.  “Look, Luke, I know there’s something you’re trying to tell me in just the right way, so out with it.”

“Why don’t you think you’d make a good father?  I think you’d be amazing.”  There, he said it.  Looking into Noah’s eyes, he hoped he hadn’t hurt him in any way.

Noah remained still for a moment, then moved past Luke pulling down the statuette awarded for the film they had worked on together.  “You know, Luke, I’ve always thought of my films as my babies -- the legacies of my life that would last beyond my days.

“When I fell in love with Mark, I thought his successful surgeries were his babies.  The concept worked for a while, especially since having kids was never something that came up in conversation before, or after, we were married.”  Noah gripped the award in his hands, his knuckles beginning to turn white.  “I don’t ever want to leave a legacy of pain and abuse in my wake.  Whether you follow the theory of nature or nurture, I’ve got the profile to do just that.”

He slowly replaced the statuette and then moved to take a seat in one of the two armchairs in his office.  When Noah raised his head, Luke could see that his eyes were glistening with unshed tears and, wanting to comfort his clearly upset friend, sat next to him in the second armchair.

“Noah, deep down I know, and more importantly you know, you are not like your father.”

“I know I’m not a psychopath or sociopath, but I just can’t imagine exposing a kid of mine to the lessons I learned, and experienced, about being a father from the Colonel.”

“You once told me you wanted to be like my dad.”

“Holden was amazing.  You were really lucky to have him.”

“I was lucky, and you were lucky to have him for a while too.  Use him as your role model when you’re ready to be a dad, but don’t just assume you could never be a good father.”

“Luke, I hate denying Mark anything, but this isn’t something I can risk screwing up.”

“Then don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t screw it up.  Embrace the idea of parenthood; channel my dad, Dr. Bob, or any of the other people whose parenting abilities you’ve admired over the years.”

“Mark wants to be a father before he’s forty.”

“So?”  Luke could finally see a glimmer of brightness return to Noah’s eyes.

“I love him, Luke.  There were so many years I used my anger at the rocky end of our relationship to avoid loving anyone.  But now I understand the difference between what we had as kids and what I have with Mark.  I really love Mark more than I thought one person could love another.”

“That’s how I feel about Reid.”

“I know.  He’s a lucky man.”

“So am I.”

“Me too.”  Noah took a deep breath.  “It’s scary.”  Luke barely heard the words as Noah lowered his voice to a whisper.

“What’s scary?  Tell me.”

“Loving Mark isn’t scary, it’s easy.  But the thought of having a child while I have almost no faith in myself as a parent -- that’s scary.”

“Noah, do you trust me, and more importantly, do you trust Mark?”

“Of course I do.” 

“Then trust us.  We both know you’ll be a great dad.  You’ll be the one trying the hardest to do it right, because you’ve experienced the results when it’s done wrong.”

“It’s kind of sad.”  Noah looked away from Luke.

“What is?” 

“Whenever I think back to my childhood, my father, how I was raised, all I feel is hate.”

“And when you think about meeting my dad, Maddie, or even me?”  Luke felt his face heat up, but he had to make Noah see what he was capable of.

Noah huffed.  “When I think of you, Maddie, Holden, Lily, I only remember love, although it took a while to get there.”

“Welcome, Noah.  It’s good to know you’ve arrived.  How about sharing some of that love with Mark by expanding your family?”

“We’d make quite a scene if we started the first play group with all gay parents in Oakdale.” 

“You could film it as a documentary.”

“First we’d have to find at least one more gay couple in this town.  There really aren’t that many.”

Luke’s recent lunch with Casey flashed in his memory.  “You may be surprised.”

“What else are you keeping from me Luke Sny-- I mean Luke Oliver-Snyder.”  Noah chuckled.  “It’s tough getting used to your new name.”

“I can understand that, but I like it and it’ll make life easier for both Reid and I to have the same last name as the babies.”

“I’m not sure I’ll want to go quite that far, although keeping the name Mayer isn’t something I’m particularly proud of.”

“You should be proud of Noah Mayer.  He’s achieved a lot, against some pretty shitty odds.”

“Facing who I really am being the most significant.”

“And learning how to love unconditionally.”

“That’s probably a skill I could pass onto a child.”

Luke smiled.  “So, you want to have lunch together?”

“No.  I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to arrange to meet Mark.  We need to talk.”

“I think that’s a great idea.  I’ll go see if I can pry the Chief of Staff away for a few minutes.”

Noah snorted.  “Good luck with that; although knowing it’s to spend time with you, he’ll make time.”

“Yeah, he will.”  Luke gave Noah a tight embrace, patting him on the back.  “Let me know what happens.”

“I will.”  Noah lowered his head then raised it, looking into Luke’s eyes.  “Thank you.  I don’t know if anyone else could have broken through, gotten me to see things from a different angle.”

Luke nodded and left without saying a word.  Both he and Noah would always have emotional ties that ran deep.  Sometimes they would bring out the worst in one another.  In this case they worked for the better.

[TBC]

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