Rules of the Heart

Chapter 5

Emmett waited for Deb to bring Justin’s soda and leave them alone again. "Brian and Michael have been friends since they were fourteen. Michael’s always been in love with Brian, and Brian has always loved Michael like the brother, and Debbie like the mother he wishes he had."

"Lindsay told me a little about Brian’s family," Justin said.

"So you know what I mean. Well, they’ve been inseparable since, but despite Michael’s best efforts, Brian swore he would never fuck his friend. One of the great rules to live by, and a smart one if you ask me. Especially if you consider Michael’s obsession."

Justin thought about sleeping with Daphne and agreed it could’ve been a big mistake if either of them had been harboring stronger feelings than just friendship.

"But," Emmett continued, "that all changed last year when Michael met David. We all encouraged him to go out with the doctor because we knew nothing was going to ever happen between him and Brian, and he did. He even seemed to really like David, until he asked Michael to move in with him. Suddenly, it was perfectly clear what had been going on. He’d been using David to make Brian jealous. And it had worked to some degree, Brian was jealous he wasn’t the center of attention anymore. It wasn’t because he suddenly realized he was in love, it was like he just had his arm amputated, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. So, anyway, when David asked Michael to move in with him, Michael just broke up with him for no good reason. Except of course that he wasn’t in love with him."

"Poor guy," Justin muttered. "Sounds like David really loved Michael."

Emmett nodded. "But, that wasn’t the end of it. Debbie was pissed, and she blamed Brian. Accused him of leading Michael on all those years and demanded he do something about it. She wanted him to convince Michael to give David a chance. So he did."

Justin leaned forward a little, totally engrossed. "How?"

"He did the worst possible thing ever to make Michael hate him and go back to David."

Justin tilted his head questioningly, waiting, but Emmett was taking a break and picked at his pie for a moment. Justin’s mind raced to fill in the blank, and after a moment it hit him. Emmett looked up as the blond’s eyes narrowed knowingly. "Brian fucked him…then dumped him like any other used trick."

Emmett nodded. "You definitely got his number, baby. He made it this huge, extravagant birthday celebration. Michael thought he’d died and gone to heaven. Until Brian threw him out afterwards."

Justin almost felt sorry for the guy, but he brought it on himself. He really felt bad for Brian. The man must’ve been in hell. "So Michael got back together with David. What happened to Brian? It must’ve killed him to lose his best friend like that."

"I have to admit no one really cared how he felt at first. We were all so angry, but then Debbie figured it out. She tried to get them to be friends again, but Michael swore he’d never forgive him and Brian pretended it didn’t matter, but we all knew they were both full of shit. It went on like that for almost two months. Brian even applied for a job in New York and Michael planned to move to Portland with David when he decided he wanted to be closer to his son. We thought that was really it, they were gonna go their separate ways. And then at the last minute, when Michael was supposed to be boarding the plane to leave, he suddenly disappeared. David searched all over town for him and--"

"He was with Brian."

Emmett threw up his hands. "Who’s telling the story here?"

Justin laughed. "Sorry, please go on."

"Turns out, Michael couldn’t bear to leave without one last chance to tell Brian what a shit he was. He went over to the loft to have it out with him, and found Brian hanging from the rafters."

"What?!" Justin cried in shock. Obviously, the man was alright, but what the fuck was he doing?

"He was scarfing. He didn’t tell anyone he’d didn’t get the job in New York and he was depressed Michael was leaving him. It was the day before his thirtieth birthday so he decided he would just end it all while he was still young and beautiful."

"That’s so fucked," Justin spat.

"Not in his mind," Emmett said sadly. "Michael got him down and everything changed. Brian was completely vulnerable and, I hate to say it, I think Michael took advantage of him. Michael said he would stay if they were together. Brian couldn’t handle losing him so he agreed."

"Oh, my god," Justin gasped. "That’s fucking blackmail. How could Michael do that to someone he says he loves?"

"I don’t know," Emmett replied honestly. They’d all been wondering that since they’d found out. But neither man would admit there was anything wrong. "But don’t think Brian is just a victim here. He came around eventually. After David left, Brian made it perfectly clear he wasn’t going to change, and Michael had to accept it or he’d lose Brian too. He threatened to leave again, but Brian doesn’t do ultimatums. Michael had only gotten away with it the first time because Brian was in a really bad place. Once Brian realized life didn’t end at thirty, he returned to his usual charming self we all love to hate."

"So if Brian was on to him, why didn’t he just end it then?"

"Guilt. Debbie blamed him again when things with David fell apart."

Justin shot a dirty look at the waitress across the diner. He really liked her, but he couldn’t believe what she’d done.

Emmett patted Justin’s hand, pulling his attention back. "She was only looking out for Michael, and she realized she was wrong, but it was too late. They’d already agreed to the rules and that’s the way it’s been for the past couple months. Michael is miserable because this is not the relationship he wants, but he’s afraid of losing Brian completely, and Brian is just going along because it’s easier than dealing with the fall out if he ends it."

"And the irony is this just proves Brian’s bullshit theories about love and relationships."

"You’ve already had that lesson, huh?" Emmett asked. "So, now it’s your turn. Tell me--"

"You didn’t tell me about the rules," Justin reminded him.

"Oh, right. Well, the three big ones: no names, no repeats, no staying, have always been in play as long as I’ve known him. As far as I know, that goes back to his fucked up relationship with his family and not wanting to let anyone get too close. For him fucking is pain management, so why complicate it with emotions and invite the pain in? Defeats the purpose. Now the other two, no kissing and no Friday nights, suddenly started when they got together. Which is a shame. Brian Kinney is the best kisser this side of the Mississippi."

Justin’s eyebrows rose, as he tried to quell the jealousy that rose as well.

"I had the pleasure once, before we were friends," Emmett quickly explained, intrigued by the boy’s obvious envy. "It was just a quick grope in a dark backroom as we passed each other, but I’ll never forget that kiss. Anyway, like I said before, fucking is pain management, or all business, with Brian. He can detach himself and fuck like a machine, but even he can’t deny how magical a kiss is." Emmett slumped back, looking a little irritated. "I didn’t mean that to sound so nelly, but you know what I mean, don’t you?"

Justin nodded. He did. And it surprised him that Brian tacitly admitted such a weakness as well. "So you’re saying Brian can fuck Michael because it’s just fucking like anyone else, but he imposed the phony no kissing rule because he can’t handle being that intimate with someone he’s not attracted to."

Emmett looked at him suspiciously. "How old are you again?"

"Eighteen," Justin mumbled, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Emmett sighed and smiled. "Out of the mouths of babes. That’s exactly right, Princess."

"Christ, you’d think that would’ve been a big enough sign to Michael that Brian didn’t want him."

"You could parade every trick Brian’s ever had in front of him and Michael would only see circus clowns. He’s completely delusional when it comes to Brian. Brian fed him some bullshit line about protecting him from spreading dangerous body fluid because of his promiscuity and Michael turned it into another example of how much Brian loves him."

Justin laughed. "Well, there aren’t any tongue condoms available." Shit, he’d want one if he had to kiss Michael. "So what’s up with Friday nights then?"

"That’s the one night Brian gets to himself. He can go to the baths or where ever else he wants and Michael leaves him alone."

"Michael negotiated one night a week for Brian to trick?" Justin asked in shock. No wonder Brian fucked him all night.

"No, no. He still tricks all the time, but again, that’s normal. Friday is his night off from Michael’s dog and pony show. Michael likes to be seen with Brian to prove to everyone they’re together."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Jesus. That explains why he was hanging all over him at the loft this morning."

Emmett chuckled ruefully. "No, that’s normal. But that explains why he was so rude to you. I think he suspects something’s going on with you two. And I KNOW there is, so dish—and don’t leave anything out!"

Justin looked around the diner nervously. He didn’t want anyone else listening—like Debbie. "He picked me up outside of Babylon, took me home with him, and we fucked. I…It was my first time with a guy."

Emmett blanched. "Oh, baby, I’m sorry. Are you okay?"

Justin stared at him blankly. "I’m fine, why?"

Emmett reached over and squeezed his hand. "The first time is never very good and--"

"It was great," Justin quickly corrected.

Emmett’s mouth rounded in surprise. "Really?"

Justin nodded. "Brian was so sweet and--"

"Brian KINNEY?" the other man gasped.

"Yes, Brian Kinney," the blond retorted rolling his eyes.

Emmett realized he was getting a little short with him and held up his hands defensively. "It’s just I never would’ve thought…" he trailed off, then brushed it all aside to focus on the more important details. "So, he knew, right, or did you bluff your way through?"

Justin smiled shyly. "I thought about bluffing for two seconds and then realized he’d never buy it so I just confessed. I think he respected that because then he was a totally different person."

"What do you mean?"

"At first he was the guy I expected, the king stud I’d seen around in the club—which was fine. I knew who he was before he picked me up. I was hoping he would pick me up because I wanted him to be my first. I wanted the best. But then when he found out, he just dropped the act and became this really nice guy I totally didn’t expect."

Emmett stared at him in disbelief. When he realized the blond had stopped talking, he waved his hand at him impatiently. "Go on. Then what happened?"

"Um…we took a shower. No, wait. First, he undressed me. Real slow, like he wanted it to last a long time. And his eyes are amazing. The way he looked at me made me feel like he was going to eat me alive, and I wanted him to!" Justin thought he would be embarrassed to tell anyone what had happened, but he was actually happy to finally share it with someone and he could feel his body heating up a little just thinking about it all again. "Then he had me undress him, the same way, real slow, but I was so excited I could hardly undo the buttons because I was shaking so bad. I thought he was going to laugh at me, but he just put his hands over mine and helped me." Justin hadn’t realized he’d been staring at his hands as he talked and he looked up at the other man, wondering if he would laugh. He knew he was just being a nelly queer, but he couldn’t help it.

But Emmett only smiled back, wishing his first time had been with someone half as considerate as Bri—he shook his head again. Damn. Brian Kinney.

"Then we got in the shower and we washed each other while he asked me what I had done with guys before. I told him about the guy I used to give blow jobs to at school and he told me to give him one so I did. He said I was good too. Then he gave me one and it was unfuckingbelievable. I though I was going to just melt down the drain."

Emmett had to tear his mind away from two schoolboys playing slap and tickle behind the bleachers, he’d get the rest of THAT story later, and affirmed he was sure Justin gave good head if Brian said so.

Justin beamed proudly before continuing. "Then we got out and dried each other off. That was the coolest part of the whole night. Everything he did to me, he let me do to him—except for the fucking. I know he doesn’t let anyone fuck him, although I don’t know why not, it feels so good."

"Some people are just control freaks that way, they’re not as secure in their themselves as you and I are," Emmett said. "Given what you know about Brian so far, is that really any surprise?"

Justin shook his head. "No, I just think if—never mind. So, anyway--"

"What?" Emmett pressed. He had a feeling Justin was about to share something very telling.

"Do you want the rest of the story or not?" Justin feigned irritation. He’d almost slipped up and let his feelings out, but he wasn’t ready to do that yet because he wasn’t sure what they meant.

"Of course, please continue," Emmett replied contritely. He’d let it slide now, but he’d get the boy to share whatever he was hiding eventually.

Justin grinned. "So that’s when he took me to the bedroom and I got my first lesson in rimming. Rimming 101. Brian said he was running a twink training academy and I was his best and only student." He laughed. "And that’s when I realized why we had been in the shower. I had no idea!"

Emmett laughed too. "Cleanliness is next to horniness."

"And was I horny. I thought I was going to die. Until he put his fingers in my ass. That hurt. But he was patient and gentle and he helped me relax and let him in until I was stretched enough to fuck. Now that REALLY hurt until I got used to it and he started moving. Oh, my god, Emmett, it was just the most incredible feeling, like, um…like—shit, I don’t need to tell you," he said conspiratorially.

"I know what you mean, baby," the other man agreed.

"Right, so afterwards, I thought he was going to throw me out like he normally does, but he just crashed. We both did, and the next thing I knew it was morning—well it was already morning—but it was light out, and the phone was ringing. It was Michael. And I asked Brian about him, but he got all pissy and gave me the big spiel on love and fucking. I thought he was definitely going to throw me out then, but we took another shower and fucked some more. I rimmed him, we fucked again, and then we were getting dressed when Lindsay showed up."

"And that’s when Brian found out you knew each other."

"Yeah, I know he was surprised, but he was cool about it. Especially when he found out I painted the two pictures he bought from the GLC exhibit last month."

Emmett’s mouth gaped open. "That gorgeous blue swirly thing? You painted that? I just hated him when he bought that, not that I could afford it, but still. I hate him."

"Em, I’ll paint one for you."

The pouting man perked up. "Really?"

"Really, in fact I have one that I’m almost finished with now. I’m calling it ‘Purple Passion’ and I think it was just meant to be yours."

"Like fate," Emmett insisted excitedly.

"Right, fate," Justin happily agreed.

"And speaking of fate," Emmett added. "Why don’t you come to Babylon with us tonight? It’s obviously destined to be your home away from home."

Justin frowned. "I don’t think so. Brian’s going to be there and I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him. Besides, Michael doesn’t like me a whole lot, I think it would just be awkward."

"That’s right, he showed up at the loft too," Emmett suddenly remembered. "What happened then?"

"Michael wanted to know who I was and if Brian fucked me. Brian introduced me and told him no."

Emmett’s eyes widened. "What? He LIED?"

Justin shrugged. "Technically, no. Michael obviously suspected something and he was really pissed when he found out Brian knew my name, like he was about to accuse Brian of breaking the rules. Which Brian never did, except for the accidental sleeping over, but like I said, it was already morning anyway so technically…

"So Brian didn’t know your name until Lindsay told him, which he counts as not fucking? That’s still a lie."

"No, if Michael had asked did you fuck ‘him’, Brian would’ve said yes, but Michael gave him the loophole when he asked if Brian fucked ‘Justin’. He was being a total ass and stressing my name, which Brian didn’t, he fucked the no-name twink in training."

Emmett sighed. "Okay, Mr. Clinton, you win."

Justin giggled, then added, "I know it’s weak, but I could tell he did it to spare me any more of Michael’s shit. Especially if he’s gonna see me around Liberty Avenue or babysitting Gus. You saw how he reacted when he found me here."

Emmett rubbed his brow. "Yeah, you’re probably right. But since Michael didn’t find out, and Brian seemed okay with knowing you’re going to be around, come out with us tonight. For me, please? They’re going to be together and my usual cohort, Teddy, is out of town so I don’t want to be the third wheel. Be my date."

Justin suspected it was a bad idea, but he did like Emmett and he wanted to go out again, although he’d never admit it had anything to do with Brian. No, that was out of his system now.

"Okay, Em, it’s a date."