No More Good Guys



 

The only sound in the small room was the hiss of Brian’s cigarette butt as he dropped it into the coffee cup.
 

“I saw the light and knocked but you didn’t answer so I came around. I’m obviously interrupting so--”

“No, we’re done. He’s all yours, professor,” Brian said as he slipped out into the darkness.

Ben stepped inside and faced Michael, who was visibly shaken. “What’s going on, Michael?” His voice was calm, but his insides were jelly. He prayed Michael would tell him anything but what he suspected.

Michael noticed Ben didn’t move any closer to him. His voice was gentle, but his eyes were hard. He was steeling himself for the pain. He’d obviously heard enough to guess what happened. Michael had no choice but to confess and ask for forgiveness.

He realized he was shaking and leaned on the edge of his desk for support. “After I found out about you and Brian I was jealous. You know that.” He studied a crack in the floor to avoid Ben’s gaze. “But what I didn’t tell you was that he came to the shop that night before you and I talked. He told me if I really wanted to know what it was like to fuck him he would do it. And I let him.”

Michael heard Ben slowly exhale and take another deep breath. When he finally had the courage to look at his lover, he saw tears glistening in his eyes. Michael’s heart ached. He never wanted to hurt this man, not after everything they had gone through to be together. Ben had trusted him and he betrayed him. The crushing pain in his chest worsened and he felt as though every breath was a struggle. “I am so sorry. I have never regretted anything more in my life. I--”

Ben cut him off. “What about Justin?”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “Justin left Brian because he saw us. And Brian’s totally fucked for letting him go. They love each other. Just like we love each other,” he was quick to add.

Ben shook his head. “I think Justin has the right idea. You and Brian need some time to work through this.”

Despite his fear of being rejected, Michael rushed over and wrapped his arms around his lover. “I don’t need to work through anything. I want you.”

Ben took Michael’s hands from around his neck and held them to his chest. “And I want you. But you know what your future would be like with me. If you have any chance of happiness with Brian, you need to take it. You already have 15 years together. That’s what you should be investing your time in. Not a few months with me.” Ben gently kissed his hands and let him go. “Good-bye, Michael.”

Ben left but stopped just outside the open door. He leaned against the solid bricks and took deep breaths of fresh air. He told himself he did the right thing. Two hours ago he never would’ve guessed his life would be inside out now, but it would be okay.

He knew things had been strained between Michael and Brian since Michael found out about them at the White Party two years ago. Then he suspected his health was deteriorating. He wanted Michael to patch things up with Brian so he would have Brian’s support if things got rough. When he called Michael earlier, he was at the hospital getting his test results. His T-cells were down and his viral load was backup. That’s why he came looking for Michael. They had to talk.

But things didn’t turn out as he expected, and he was surprisingly relieved. Michael and Brian had a chance to be together, and Michael wouldn’t have to suffer through his illness because he wouldn’t know. Ben knew he could manage on his own, meditation and yoga had gotten him this far. Maybe he would take that trip to Tibet he had always wanted. He needed to re-center himself for the journey ahead and it would be easier now that he didn’t have to worry about Michael.

He heard Michael’s sobs as the evening breeze carried them to the sky. After a few moments, they died down to sniffles and he heard Michael moving around. “Bri-i-an,” his voice cracked. “He’s gone,” Michael mumbled between fresh tears. “Okay,” he said a moment later.

Brian must be on his way, Ben thought. That was good. “I love you, babe,” he whispered through the door before disappearing into the night.

 

***
 

Michael was in the shop a week later when his mother came in. He had been avoiding her since she found out he wasn’t dating Ben anymore. He knew she would be happy, but he couldn’t believe how cruel she was. She wanted to set him up with someone new, and she wanted to know when he was getting tested again. She wanted a play-by-play of every sexual encounter he had with Ben to make sure they had been safe, but she never once asked why they broke up. Or how he felt about it.

He felt like shit. Ben left him because he thought he wanted Brian, but for the first time in his life, he didn’t. He wanted Ben. So he finally got fucked, and he got fucked.

Brian actually told him to go after Ben, again. Who thought he’d be taking relationship advice from Brian? Oh, that’s right. He wasn’t. He couldn’t go after Ben. He couldn’t stand the rejection. And he knew he would be rejected because he already had his second chance with the man. His new nickname should be Fucked Man and Brian could be his sidekick for once.

Michael straightened up from the rack he was stocking and waited for his mother to start with the next inquisition.

Of course, Debbie noticed he was depressed, but she refused to acknowledge it. The sooner he forgot about Ben the sooner he would get over it. “Michael, it’s Sunshine’s birthday this weekend and his mother is throwing a surprise party for him at his new apartment.”

“So?” he pouted, slightly put out that he’d been replaced by Justin on his mother’s To Do List.

She jabbed her finger at him. “So, you are going to be there. Sunshine’s had a rough couple of weeks since he and Brian broke up and he needs us right now.” Before Michael could protest she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. “You may be Brian’s friend, but you can be Justin’s too. It’s not his fault he fell in love with that selfish prick. You should be able to relate.” She let go of his chin and patted his cheek. “Saturday,” she ordered firmly before charging after her next victim.

Despite promising Jennifer she wouldn’t interfere with Justin and Brian’s relationship, Debbie couldn’t help herself. She had left them alone to their own devices for the last few weeks but nothing seemed to be happening. She thought the birthday party was the perfect excuse to get them talking again.

When Brian answered the door she thought she had the wrong floor. The man before her had matted hair, bloodshot eyes, several days of stubble, and he reeked of sweat and booze. “Jesus, you look like shit.”

“Then don’t look,” he growled as he staggered to the bedroom for his cigarettes.

She could see every rib and vertebrae outlined on his back as he bent over to retrieve his jeans from the night before. He dug in the pockets and found his lighter. “When was the last time you ate?” she harped.

“I just had a protein shake,” he shot back as he lit a cigarette and sat down on the sofa. He politely gestured for her to join him, and smirked when she grimaced and shook her head. He knew he stunk. He could barely stand himself right now, but he could barely make himself care. “To what do I owe this honor? Let me guess. You came by to tell me you’re going to nominate me for Humanitarian of the Year.” He smiled broadly.

Debbie snorted. “You aren’t getting any prize from me for shoving Sunshine off a cliff.”

Brian looked away and took a drink of whiskey from the bottle on the coffee table. He knew she was there to talk about Justin, but he wanted to talk about Michael. “I meant getting rid of Professor Positve before he infected Michael. Aren’t you going to thank me,” he sneered as he returned his gaze to her face to watch her reaction. He knew it was a gamble that she might actually ask what he had done, but he doubted it.

Debbie stared blankly at him. Brian wasn’t surprised. Michael told him she was being a bitch about the break up. He just couldn’t believe the woman he loved more than his own mother was suddenly giving Joan Kinney a run for her money in the worst mother category. Looked like Jennifer Taylor had Mother of the Year in the bag. Who would’ve guessed?

“Michael is fine. It’s Justin who needs you,” she finally said.

Brian glared at her. “Your son is not fine, and Justin has his own mother, so mind your own business, Deb, and get the fuck out of my home,” he shouted as he pointed to the door.

Debbie flushed red with anger and opened her mouth but no words came out as Brian turned his back to her. He picked up the bottle and took another long drink as he walked to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him.

Debbie slammed the loft door as she left.

 

***
 

The next day Michael stopped by the diner to pick up some lunch on his way to the shop. When Justin saw him the teen whispered to the other waiter and disappeared into the break room. Michael decided it was time to be an adult and patch things up. Not because his mother told him to, but because he knew Brian wouldn’t stop abusing himself until he and Justin made some kind of peace. Michael hoped he could help them out.

When Justin saw Michael had followed him he got up to leave. “Justin, wait,” he pleaded. You have every right to be angry with me, but please let me apologize.” Justin didn’t sit back down but he didn’t move any further so Michael continued. “What I did was wrong. It was disrespectful to you and I am so very sorry.”

Justin snorted. “Right. Like you give a shit about me. You got what you wanted so leave me alone.” He tried to leave but Michael grabbed his arm. “Justin, please sit down and hear me out. Then you never have to talk to me again if you don’t want to.”

Justin grudgingly sat down in the chair Michael offered and crossed his arms obstinately. Michael sat across from him and forced himself to hold the teen’s angry glare. “I didn’t get what I wanted. I thought I wanted Brian, but I was wrong.” Michael smiled slightly. I don’t know how you put up with him. He’s such a dick.”

Justin almost smiled too, but caught himself. But not before Michael saw it. Relieved he made a little progress he leaned back in his chair and relaxed a bit. “What I did cost me my relationship with Ben, but it doesn’t have break up you and Brian. You love each other, so work it out.”

Justin sighed. “I’ll always love him, but I don’t like him anymore.”

Michael laughed. “I can relate to that.”

Justin raised an eyebrow. “Why do you even care?”

Michael shrugged. “You’re part of our family, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I did.”

Justin scowled. “I’m not going to pine away for him for the rest of my life.”

Michael frowned. “No, you’re going to lose him by being stupid, like I lost Ben.”

“Who are you calling stupid, comic boy,” Justin huffed.

Michael sighed. “That was mature, Boy Wonder.” He emphasized the nickname and laughed when Justin grimaced. “Look, I just meant you two should be together. God knows nobody else can deal with him. So he fucked up again, but that’s never kept you away from him before.”

Justin shook his head. “This is different,” he replied sadly.

“He cheated on you.”

“It isn’t cheating when you have an open relationship,” he echoed Brian's words.

Michael touched his arm. “You don’t really believe that, otherwise you wouldn’t have left.”

Justin nodded. “Thank you, Michael,” he said with a small smile.

“For what?” Michael asked shocked.

“You’re the only person who understands.”

“I think Brian understands too, he’s just too stubborn and proud to admit it. It’s a mask he wears to hide his true identity.”

Justin snorted. “Superdick can fly off somewhere else for all I care.”

Michael laughed. “I like that. Ever since Captain Astro was killed off the comic world has needed a new gay superhero.”

“Great. Immortalize him in a comic book. That’ll help Superdick’s super ego.”

“Oh, no. I know Brian’s super powers are only imaginary. That’s what makes him the best ad exec in town, but a shitty boyfriend.”

Justin finally laughed and Michael felt better than he had all week. “So, you going to Babylon tonight? Emmett’s threatened to drag you out by your hair if you don’t show up.”

Justin thought about it for a moment. He hadn’t been out since he had left Brian and he wasn’t looking forward to seeing the man, but he couldn’t hide forever. He tried to look bored to hide his apprehension. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Debbie was at the counter when they reemerged. She was startled to see the two of them together but happy they weren’t fighting. “Hey, no quickies in the break room,” she teased.

The men looked at each other and grimaced. “Gross!” they laughed in unison.

Debbie smiled. “Get that bubble-butt back to work, Sunshine,” she ordered.

When he disappeared in the kitchen she gave Michael a tight bear hug. “I’m proud of you,” she said before letting him go. Michael could only gasp for air in reply. While he was still speechless, she gave him his next order. “You get Brian to come to Sunshine’s birthday party Saturday night or you’ll wish you had been cancelled with Captain Assman.”

 

***
 

Michael, Ted, and Emmett were already at Babylon when Justin joined them. He nervously scanned the crowd but didn’t see Brian.

“Sweetie, I’m so happy to see you,” Emmett gushed as he hugged the teen. “Ready to shake your groove thing?”

“Yes!” Justin cried happily as he followed Emmett onto the dance floor.

They moved easily to the music and Justin felt the weight of the last few weeks lift off him. He giggled delightedly as Emmett pointed out the rampant fashion faux pas surrounding them. He even flirted with a couple of men who tried to steal him from Emmett, but he never actually let his friend’s side.

After several songs, they rejoined Ted and Michael at the bar for a drink. He began to feel slightly self-conscious again as he looked around the bar wondering if Brian would show up. Gratefully, the other three kept up the conversation and he eagerly immersed himself in Ted’s latest tale from the cyber world. “This guy was completely smooth and hairless, even on his head, except for his crotch. I swear it looked like an out of control chia pet. I was afraid to send him onto the shower set. What if it began to grow from watering? I’d have to send the guys into the bush with machetes.”

“What are you complaining about?” Emmett asked. “You’ve always wanted a jungle playroom.”

Justin was caught taking a drink and choked as the burning liquid entered his airway when he laughed. He sputtered for a moment and felt a hand soothingly rub his back as a bottle of water was handed to him. He looked up and found himself face to face with Brian.