Home Sweet Home


 

Brian slapped at the alarm and buried his head back under the pillow to block out the light in his eyes. His other arm swept over the bed searching for a warm body to wrap around but came up empty. Gone. Shit. Brian rolled onto his back and rubbed his hands over his face. Slowly, he stretched his limbs and got up, heading for the shower.
 

He adjusted the temperature and stepped under the steamy spray. He leisurely ran the soap over his body, unable to stop himself from imagining it was Justin’s hands gliding over his skin. It had been three days since he last woke up alone, but it felt like three years.

“I can’t stay,” Justin told him the night before. “I have class tomorrow morning.”

“So, I’ll drop you off,” Brian murmured as he pulled the boy back down to him.

Justin tipped his head back as Brian’s lips nibbled along his collarbone. “I haven’t done any homework all weekend,” he groaned. “I have to go.”

Brian reluctantly let go and watched as the teen dressed. “Come back.”

“Brian…” the teen shook his head in exasperation. “I won’t get any work done.”

“I meant move back in.”

Justin thrust his head through the neck of his shirt. “No,” he replied calmly.

It wasn’t like it was a big surprise. Brian had been hinting all weekend, making derogatory comments about his neighborhood and apartment, grousing over the annoyance of having to shuttle Justin back and forth for clothes and supplies. Although anyone would’ve thought the teen would be ecstatic, the boy had no interest in backpedaling. If he gave in to Brian now, the balance of power would tilt again and he would be back where he started, as Brian Kinney’s live-in boy toy.

“No?” Brian balked.

Justin made sure his pants were securely fastened before sitting back on the bed. He reached over and ran his fingers through Brian’s tousled locks. As anticipated, Brian’s hands moved to his waist and tried to undo his zipper. Justin gently swatted them away and lay down beside his lover.

Brian rolled onto his side and the two men lay facing each other, their heads inches apart on the pillow. The older man looked at the teen’s resolute expression and felt a sudden urge to flee. He had been perfectly content the entire weekend, but now the real world was closing in on them again and he didn’t want to face it yet. Why hadn’t he kept his fucking mouth shut instead of opening this can of worms?

Justin sensed Brian’s nervousness and rushed to soothe him. “You know it’s not that I don’t want to.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “So you said no because you want to.”

The teen ignored his sarcasm. “Yes, and because I want to stay this time.”

“So do it.”

“I can’t until some things change,” Justin replied.

The older man’s eyes narrowed. “What things?”

“I don’t want you fucking tricks in this bed.”

Brian shot up. “It’s my fucking home,” he roared, “and I will do whatever I damn well please.” He should’ve known the little shit was up to something. The older man thought he had been more than accommodating during their ‘negotiations’ over the past month. He’d given in to all of Justin’s bossy little demands thinking he was helping Justin feel more sure of his feelings, but it was never enough. The conniving twink always wanted more. Fuck that shit.

Justin wasn’t surprised by the outburst, but his expression darkened sadly. “That’s my point. This is your home. Not our home. I won’t live with you again until we’re somewhere that’s mine too.” Justin kissed Brian’s cheek and slid off the bed.

Brian sat in stunned silence as Justin hunted for his shoes. He didn’t know whether to kiss or strangle the little fuck. So, it wasn’t the tricks that bothered him, it was more of that gooey equality shit. Brian flopped back against the pillows. “You’re not in any shape to put a down payment on a house, Sunshine. And I don’t feel like moving anyway.”

“I didn’t mean the loft was totally out of the question, you just need to change your attitude. If you can’t do that, then we may have to look into other options.”

“Don’t even think about that roach motel you call an apartment,” Brian grumped.

Justin sighed. “At least I could pay for my share.”

Brian reached for his hand. “Baby, the money doesn’t mean anything.”

The teen squeezed back. “I know, it’s just…” he felt bad Brian did so much for him financially, but he also knew Brian didn’t mind and he didn’t want to start another fight so he decided to let it go and went back to his original point. “I think we need more time to work out some of this other stuff though. Like, I meant it when I said I don’t want you fucking tricks in our bed. Actually, not in our home at all,” he clarified.

“Unless you want to,” Brian added snidely. Baby was getting pushy again.

Justin nodded. “And I understand that will take some getting used to on your part so I’m willing to wait for you to adjust. If you’re willing to try,” he challenged.

Little fucker. Brian suddenly felt like a frog in boiling water.

They had just watched that Pierce Brosnan movie, Dante’s Peak the night before. In one scene, Brosnan was telling the others how if you throw a frog in boiling water, it’ll jump out. But if you place it in cold water and slowly turn the heat up, it’ll boil to death. Brian saw himself sitting in the pan while Justin turned up the heat on him. And he knew he wouldn’t jump out either.

He scowled at his lover. “Fine,” he muttered, “but don’t hold your breath.”

Justin smiled brightly. “Don’t worry, I’m not.” He ducked from the flying pillow hurled at his head, but couldn’t keep his balance when Brian jerked on his arm and sent him sprawling across the mattress.

They tussled a bit, playfully jockeying for the upper hand, then simultaneously agreed on a truce and ended up back in the same position they started at. They again lay side by side with their faces inches apart, panting hot air on each other’s skin. Brian reached over and pushed stray tufts of golden hair away from the boy’s eyes. Fuck, he wanted those beautiful blue eyes to be the first and last thing he saw everyday.

“I want to come home to you,” he said softly in one last effort to sway the boy.

Justin felt his resolve slip a little, but forced himself to remember the last time Brian had said that. What a fucking disaster. “You are,” he assured his lover, kissing him soundly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Brian shook away the reverie before the memory progressed to Justin staying a little longer while they made love again. The man willed his growing hard-on away and got out of the shower. A lot of good Justin’s silly romantic promises did him when he needed a blow job to start the day.

 

***
 

Justin tentatively approached the comic store. He really didn’t want to see Michael, especially after the scene at Woody’s the other night, but he needed to drop off the sketches he promised last Friday. He steeled himself for the oncoming attack and entered.

The teen looked around the storefront, but didn’t see anyone. “Michael?” he called as he walked to the back.

Vic appeared from behind a display. “Hi. Michael’s not here so I’m filling in.”

Justin noted the man’s melancholy tone. “Is something wrong?”

“Michael got a call from the hospital this morning. Ben’s been admitted.”

“Ben called him?” the surprised teen asked.

“No, the hospital was calling his emergency contact list.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “Michael was still on the list?”

“Apparently.”

“How is he?”

Vic didn’t know which man he was asking about so he covered both. “Ben collapsed at school and was taken in by ambulance. They couldn’t or wouldn’t give Michael any more information so he was obviously upset. He went over to check on Ben and here I am in his place. What can I do for you?”

Justin pulled out the sketches. “I just wanted to drop these off so I’ll leave them on Michael’s desk.”

Vic followed him to the back and pulled out a couple styrofoam containers from the minifridge. “Deb sent over some lunch. Are you hungry?”

Justin nodded happily and sat down at the work table as Vic laid out the ham sandwiches, chips, potato salad, and lemon squares Debbie packed for the entire block.

“What did Deb say about Ben?” Justin asked around a mouthful of chips.

Vic frowned. “Her usual mother hen routine. She ranted about warning Michael Ben would get sick as she packed him chicken broth to take over.” Vic smiled slightly. “I told her to take it herself.”

Justin smiled back. “Do you think she will?”

Vic shrugged. “We’ll see.” He scooped more potato salad on his plate. “So how was the rest of your weekend?” he teased to lighten the mood.

Justin’s smile brightened. “Amazing.”

Vic grinned. “I would expect nothing less from two hot studs. Tell me every dirty detail,” he urged with a playful wiggle of his eyebrows.

Justin giggled and shared the less intimate moments of their weekend. He knew Vic understood Brian better than anyone because Brian confided in him, so he valued the man’s opinion about their reunion. The teen knew Vic would listen without judging and be honest about his opinion. It was how he imagined a relationship with his own father should be.

 

***
 

Brian found Michael in the hall outside Ben’s hospital room. Michael was crying against the wall and Brian wrapped him in a hug.

His friend jumped and turned to face Brian. “What are you doing here?”

“Justin stopped at the shop, then called me.”

“He shouldn’t have bothered you at work.”

“No, he shouldn’t have.” Brian bumped his head against Michael’s. “You should have.” He nodded to the door. “How is he?”

“He has pancreatitis. They don’t know if he’s going to make it.” Michael sobbed and clutched Brian’s jacket. “I don’t want him to die.”

Brian pushed his friend back and shook his shoulders. “He’s not going to die.”

Michael nodded feebly and wiped at his eyes. “Look at me, I’m a wreck. Ma was right. There’s no way I could handle this. I’m not strong enough to help him through this.”

“You’re mom doesn’t know shit. You are strong.”

“No, I’m not,” Michael whimpered as the tears started again.

Brian turned his chin up and held his gaze. “Listen to me.” He held his friend tighter. “Are you listening to me?”

“Yes,” Michael squeaked.

“The night Justin was bashed and I called you, you were about to get on a plane. But you came here and sat with me for three days waiting to see if he was going to live or die. If it hadn’t been for you, I never would’ve made it. It was because of you. You’re strong enough for both of us, and you can be strong for Ben if you want to.”

A nurse poked her head out the door. “Mr. Novotny? He’s coming around if you’d like to see him.”

“Thank you, he’ll be there in a moment,” Brian politely dismissed her. He handed Michael a tissue and waited. His friend dried his face and blew his nose, then leaned against the wall again for a moment. Brian could tell he was shoring himself up and let him be. He sat down in one of the chairs and picked up a worn issue of Good Housekeeping. Always a good idea to check out the competition’s ads. And they occasionally had really handy cleaning tips. And recipes--for Justin, of course.

“Bri?” Michael sniffled.

“I’ll be here,” Brian replied as he continued to flip through the magazine.

Michael walked in and stood next to the bed. The nurse had removed the oxygen mask off and Ben looked like he was asleep again. Michael didn’t want to disturb him but couldn’t resist taking his hand. Ben’s eyes fluttered opened and he blinked against the bright light. He slowly focused on Michael holding his hand.

“Michael?” he gasped hoarsely.

Michael tried to smile. “I—the hospital called me.”

Ben looked confused for a moment. “Contact list,” he whispered. “Didn’t change it.”

Michael squeezed his hand. “I’m glad.”

Ben looked as if he wanted to say more but it was a struggle to stay awake.

Michael rubbed his shoulder to calm him. “It can wait, just rest now.”

Ben seemed to relax and was soon asleep again. After a few minutes the nurse returned to check on him.

“The meds will knock him out for a couple hours. You should get some air and some lunch,” she suggested.

Michael nodded and reluctantly left. Brian was flipping through a People magazine when he returned.

“Are you hungry?” Michael asked. “The nurse said he’d be asleep a while so I thought I’d go eat.”

Brian dropped the magazine on the table and stood. “Sure. Where to?”

Michael led his friend outside. “There’s that deli across the street, and the Irish pub down the block,” he suggested.

Brian deliberately turned away from the deli, since it was where everyone brought carryout from while they waited for Justin to wake up. He never wanted to see their ridiculous pig surfing on a loaf of bread logo again. “I feel like a corned beef salad,” he replied as he rounded the corner to the pub.

Once they placed their orders with the waitress, Brian stretched his legs under the table and leaned back to relax. He figured Michael would need to just talk his ear off about Ben so he was ready, but his friend just sat silently. Brian flung his coaster at Michael’s chest. “Earth to Mikey.”

Startled from his thoughts Michael looked up. “Huh? Sorry. What’d you say?”

Brian smirked. “I asked Justin to marry me. Will you be my best man?”

Michael’s mouth sucked air like a guppy and Brian laughed. “You’re pathetic. What were you thinking about?”

“The store. Vic can’t stay there all day, and I don’t know--”

“Relax,” Brian interrupted. “Justin said he would take over for Vic after his class.”

Michael rankled at the suggestion. “He doesn’t have to do that. I’ll just have Vic close up and hang a note.”

“You can’t afford to do that, and Justin doesn’t mind,” Brian argued.

“I mind,” Michael huffed.

Brian glowered at him. “What the fuck is your problem now?”

“I don’t want to owe him anything else,” Michael hissed.

Brian tried to keep his temper in check. He understood his friend wasn’t himself right now. “You don’t owe him anything. And he doesn’t expect anything.”

“You’re the one who told me to watch out or he’d tell everyone we fucked. I don’t need to piss him off right now.”

Hospital trauma aside, Michael was still annoying him. “He’s not the one you need to worry about,” Brian leveled coolly.

Michael was taken aback by the sudden chill. “What’s with you? I’m just being nice to your boyfriend like you said,” he whined.

“You’re being an asshole,” Brian corrected.

“What’d I do now?”

“You two were thick as thieves until you found out we were back together. Now the kid’s just trying to help and you’re being a dick. What’s going on, Mikey?” As if he didn’t know, but evidently they needed to review the friendship bylaws.

Michael folded his arms like a petulant child. Why were they even talking about that obnoxious twink when Ben was in the hospital and could die? “I don’t trust him,” Michael griped. “You shouldn’t trust him.”

Brian’s face became expressionless, but as he leaned closer to Michael, his friend could see the hazel eyes had hardened to a dark steel gray. “It’s not your call.”

The waitress appeared with their orders and Brian just as suddenly morphed back to the handsome and charming executive. She gave him another flirtatious smile with his extra coleslaw before leaving them again.

Brian thoughtfully ate a few bites of his salad before acknowledging his friend again. “So, speaking of trust, what do you think is going to happen with Ben?”

Michael flinched at the loaded question and nervously swallowed the fry he was chewing. At least they weren’t talking about Justin anymore. “I don’t know. I hope we can talk and maybe he’ll give me another chance.”

“Do you really think that’s a wise choice?” Brian gently chided.

“What?”

“I know you feel bad about the break up, but you got lucky. He gave you an out before you had to get involved with him being sick. We all warned you not to date him, he’s positive for Christ’s sake, but you didn’t listen and now you want to get involved with him again? I think you should walk away now.”

Brian could see the red flush of rage creeping up Michael’s neck and over his cheeks. He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at how easy his friend was to bait. Brian glanced around the room and was glad it was relatively empty since it was well past the lunch rush. He made a mental note to leave a large tip for the waitress since Michael was about to cause a scene.

“Who gives a fuck what you think!” Michael exploded.

“Keep your voice down,” Brian snapped.

Michael rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He leaned closer and snarled in Brian’s face. “I don’t care if he’s positive, I will date whomever I want and it’s none of your fucking business. I love him and I want to be with him.”

“So do I.”

Michael recoiled as if he’d been slapped. Brian was in love with Ben? What? Oh shit. Shit… Justin. Fuck! Brian Kinney just admitted he was in love with the twinkie nightmare. Oh, God. He stared at his friend and saw the ‘cat that just ate the canary’ smirk. Fucker. Okay…okay, you smug bastard! I get it! It’s none of my business. Can’t tell you who to love. Christ, when did Brian become the queer Mr. Rogers? Today’s lesson, boys and girls… ‘Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!’ his mind reeled in a continuous loop while his mouth just hung open in a frozen O.

Satisfied he’d made his point, Brian stood and dropped his money on the table. “I have to get back to the office. Call me, or Justin, if you need anything.” He bent down and closed Michael’s slack jaw before giving him a chaste kiss and leaving.

Brian knew he was the master of shoving people off cliffs, but Justin had finessed it into an art form by conning people into jumping on their own. The older man was still reeling from his little fall the night before, and he had to admit, the kid’s way was actually more effective because you had no one to blame but yourself. He would be sure to thank baby for the tip later.

 

***
 

When Ben woke later, he thought he was alone. He licked his dry lips and reached for some ice on the table.

Suddenly, Debbie was by his side. “Let me help you.”

She spoon-fed him a couple of chips and he savored the cool liquid as it melted in his mouth. “Thank you,” he rasped.

She gave him a motherly smile and patted his hand. “I brought you some homemade chicken broth. It’s in that thermos there for whenever you feel up to it. Guaranteed to cure all ills.”

Ben smiled weakly. “Looking forward to it.”

Debbie fussed with his blankets for a moment. “You should rest some more. I’ll just sit quietly in the chair here until Michael gets back. The nurse said he just went to get some lunch while you were sleeping.”

Ben coughed a little to clear his throat. “I’m sorry for putting him through this, Deb. I tried to keep it from him, but I forgot about the contact list. I just wanted you to know.”

Debbie studied him for a moment. It was just too bad, this whole mess. She had to admit she only came because she wanted to keep Michael from getting involved with this man again. And to check on Ben, of course. She wasn’t a total bitch. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, if he wasn’t positive he would’ve been perfect for Michael.

Yes, she understood the irony of what she felt. She knew she was no different from Joan Kinney and her bible thumping cronies in this instance. She used to scoff at the church’s ludicrous directive, ‘Don’t hate the man, hate the sin.’ Being gay isn’t a sin. And getting HIV isn’t a punishment. She knew that, yet her new mantra was she didn’t hate the man, she hated the disease. And she feared for her son so she prayed this man would get out of his life. She knew it was wrong, but you were allowed certain liberties when you were a mother. She truly believed that. She had to or she wouldn’t have been able to sleep at night after Ben and Michael broke up. She knew her kid was suffering and she couldn’t fix, didn’t want to fix it. No, she wasn’t a total bitch. She knew he was in pain and would’ve done anything to fix it for him, except what he wanted.

Looking at Ben’s handsome face, still beautiful despite the gauntness from being sick, she saw a sadness that had never been there before. She supposed it was to be expected under these circumstances, but something in his tone stuck with her and she replayed what he just said in her head…one phrase chilled her and she paled…sweet Jesus. She pulled her chair closer to the bed and took Ben’s hand. “There’s only one thing I want to know. Ben, do you love my son?”

The man looked away from her, but not before she saw the pain flicker across his face. “He’s better off this way.”

Debbie turned his head so he had to look at her. “How do you figure that?”

“Not having me around to worry about.”

That’s what she thought. “So you’re doing him a favor. That’s why you broke up with him, isn’t it?”

Ben didn’t bother to deny it. “He deserves to be happy.”

“So you made him miserable?” she barked. If he wasn’t lying in a hospital bed she would’ve boxed his ears. She knew it didn’t make any sense to be mad at him for breaking her son’s heart when she wanted him out of the picture anyway, but it was just another right a mother had.

He sighed. “I thought he’d be better off with Brian. They have a history.”

“What the fuck does Brian have to do with anything?”

Ben blinked at her. She didn’t know? “I know Michael loves him,” he hedged.

She nodded slowly, praying to God for the strength they’d all need to get through this. “He did, until he finally fell in love with someone else. I never would’ve believed it myself if you hadn’t broken up with him, but my kid has been fucking miserable without you. He’s been suffering in ways even Brian Kinney hasn’t mastered over the past fifteen years, and that bastard is a really sadistic son of a bitch.” She patted his cheek reassuringly. “If you love him give it another chance. You both deserve to be happy.”

He eyed her wearily but she just continued to smile and squeezed his hand until he fell asleep again. She didn’t blame him for doubting her sincerity. She had been a bitch from hell. But even she couldn’t deny such a noble act of self-sacrifice for her son. All mothers were a sucker for it where their kids were concerned. It was the only reason she hadn’t killed Brian a million times over the years.

 

***
 

When Michael returned he found his mom nodding off in the chair next to Ben’s bed. The man was asleep as well, and their hands were joined at his side. He went around the bed and gently shook Debbie.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered.

“I brought soup,” she replied with a look that stated it should’ve been obvious. She got up and pushed him down in the chair. “I need to go relieve Vic at the shop so he can rest.”

“Actually, Justin’s going to, so why don’t you go home and relax. It’s your day off, you and Vic should rent a movie or something.”

“Maybe we will,” she replied with a smile. “You be sure to get some dinner later and go home at a decent hour. You don’t need to torture yourself in these awful chairs, he’s gonna be fine.” She took his hand and placed it over Ben’s. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

 

***
 

Justin rubbed his eyes and shut his Art History book. Finally caught up on the reading he didn’t get to that afternoon because he was at the comic store, he thought about calling Brian but decided against it. As much as he wanted to cuddle up to the man, he wasn’t some pussy faggot that couldn’t sleep alone once in a while. The last thing he wanted to do was smother the older man by clinging too tightly. He wanted Brian to consider him his partner, not his Warden.

He pushed Brian aside in his thoughts and got ready for bed. Justin gratefully slid under the sheets, suddenly more exhausted than he realized. He was just dozing off when someone knocked on his door. The teen quickly slipped on a pair of sweats and hurried over. Peering through the peephole, he saw Brian leaning against the doorframe. The surprised boy opened the door and wordlessly stepped aside for the man to enter.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” Brian drawled as he strode down the hall, pulling his young lover along to bed.