The thing you need to know about Brian Kinney is it’s all about sex. He doesn’t believe in love, he believes in fucking-- just getting the maximum of pleasure with the minimum of bullshit. I know his ridiculous mantra by heart because I’ve been his best friend for ten years and I’ve been forced to adhere to his rules in order to stay close to him. And that’s always been my deepest desire—to be close to him. It’s a vicious catch-22 really. I had to pretend I didn’t want to fuck him just so I could be near him when he hopefully changed his mind and decided he wanted someone to love. Then I would be the obvious choice, right? Wrong.

It didn’t work out that way at all. If I’d been smarter, I would’ve realized it sooner, but really, who’s thinking about anything but sex when they’re sixteen? That’s right. I was doomed way back then, but just couldn’t read the hand job on the wall. Like I said, with Brian, it’s all about sex and even our friendship is defined by sex—the sex we never had. All the making out and hand jobs that summer ultimately didn’t matter because it was over before it started.

Brian and I had met when we were fourteen. By the time we were sixteen there wasn’t a secret we hadn’t shared. It just seemed natural that the next step was exploring new things together, mainly our sexuality. Okay, yeah, I admit we didn’t make a conscious decision about it, we were just horny. We both knew we were gay, we knew each other was gay, and we didn’t know anyone else who was gay—well, I didn’t. Brian did, and he’d already been with other guys, but I hadn’t, so it was either keep jacking off alone, or start experimenting with him. Actually, it probably was a good thing he’d been fooling around for a while, because I never would’ve gotten up the nerve to touch him first, no matter how bad I wanted to.

That summer Dirty Dancing came out and we couldn’t wait to see it. I swiped Ma’s magazine with a picture of Patrick Swayze in it and Brian and I were up in my room getting boners just looking at him without his shirt off. Then Brian reached over and started rubbing me. I couldn’t believe it! And it felt so good, his hand grinding against my crotch through my shorts…then he slipped his hand inside, right under the waistband, and his fingers wrapped around my bare dick. I thought I was going to die right there. Brian was actually jerking me off!

I reached for him too, I wanted to feel his cock so bad, but his other hand was already there, stroking himself. He knew what I wanted though, so he pulled his shorts down so I could see it. I was so close then, feeling his hand sliding over my dick and watching his fist squeeze the fat head of his cock and making it leak more. I wanted to lean over and lick it, taste him, and just the thought made me start to come—until my mom knocked.

That one hard rap to announce her presence was all I ever got before she blew into my room like a whirling dervish. But I’d never been more grateful for any kind of warning as we jerked away from each other before getting caught. The comics that had been abandoned earlier flew onto our laps and I prayed she wouldn’t notice we were both still sweating and breathing hard.

But she didn’t. She had a basket full of laundry in one arm and the kid from next door in tow with the other. “Michael, look who’s here! Come on in, honey, the boys don’t mind, do you?” she gave us a cutting laser beam stare and started putting my clothes away.

“Hey, Justin,” I mumbled, praying I didn’t need to babysit again. But then if I didn’t, what was he doing there?

“H-hi,” the kid replied softly. He was always so fucking nervous and quiet.

“Where are your manners?” Ma barked, slapping me in the back of the head. “Are you going to introduce them?”

I nodded dumbly, glancing at Brian. The fucker was just smirking back at me, and licking his lips. Christ. I had to tear my eyes away to find my voice. “Brian, this is Justin. He just moved in next door.”

“Ah, the runt you been babysittin’,” he drawled, casting an amused look at the kid.

I winced, hoping the kid didn’t get upset I’d called him that. But, he was a runt. A sickly, gangly ten year old with too pale skin and too blond hair and too big eyes. And right then his eyes were even bigger-- big blue saucers staring at Brian. He looked scared to death and I thought he was going to have some kind of attack.

“Justin, this is my friend Brian. Remember I told you about him?”

He just swallowed hard and nodded.

Now that her job was done, Ma patted my cheek. “Justin came over to see if you boys wanted to go swimming,” she said as she gave him a pat too. “Go on, get outta here before you roast to death. It’s too hot to be inside, you’re sweating like pigs,” she added before leaving the room.

I sagged in relief and nervously looked at Brian again, but he was still looking at the kid.

“Is he for real?” he asked me. He chuffed a soft laugh, leaning back on his elbows as he said it.

Justin was anxiously shuffling his bare feet on the carpet, still staring owlishly at Brian. His eyes moved over Brian’s long, lanky, body, and froze on Brian’s still obvious hard-on.

I couldn’t believe he was still hard. My mom fucking killed mine instantly!

My eyes darted back to Justin, afraid he would freak out, or tell my mom, but he just hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his shorts and wiggled a little. “Whatcha doin’?” he suddenly asked, though his voice belied he knew exactly what was going on.

Brian cocked his head to the side and smiled at him. “Same thing you are, little man.”

Justin’s skin flushed pink, but he wasn’t embarrassed, he was excited, and his head bobbed up and down to acknowledge he’d been caught. He bit his lip coyly, still staring at Brian and I abruptly realized the shy act was a big fucking put on. The little shit was a damn tease!

“Mikey,” Brian said gruffly, “I gotta go.”

“What?” I asked in shock. He couldn’t leave then, not after what had happened—almost happened.

But Brian just patted my back and got up. When he got to the door he paused, looking down at Justin. The kid wasn’t in his way, just leaning against the doorframe he only took up about 6 inches of space, but Brian still picked him up under his arms and lifted him a few feet to move him out of the doorway. When he set him back down, Justin’s knees bent a little, but Brian pulled him back up until he was standing solidly again. He let him go, giving his wrinkled shirt a quick rub to smooth it back down and said, “Later, kid,” before disappearing down the hall.

Justin gaped after him, and I gaped at Justin. Looking at him from the side, I could see his little boner tenting his shorts. His hand unconsciously rubbed it for a second before he remembered where he was. He glanced at me, blushing in earnest now, but then his eyes narrowed when he realized I was watching him. Not just looking, but watching. He suddenly burst into a fit of giggles and ran from the room.

Fuck, was I embarrassed and I flopped back on the mattress wanting to die. My cock was hard again and I thought I was going to be sick. As bad as I wanted to, I wasn’t going to jerk off thinking about Justin! I didn’t even think he was cute, so why did I get hard looking at him? I didn’t want him, Christ, he was just a kid. I wanted Brian.

And then it hit me. It was Brian. Brian made Justin pop a boner, like he’d just done to me. I was just reacting to Justin’s reaction, which was still all about Brian. Fucking Brian. I couldn’t believe the asshole just left. We could’ve gotten rid of the kid and finished what we started. And I needed to fucking finish!

The only thing left to do was whack off so I did. I imagined Brian was still jerking me, but it wasn’t enough. I was still pissed he left like that. Just got up and walked out. Not even a kiss good-bye because he was too busy teasing the kid. He’d been gawking at him like a starving man staring at a big juicy steak. I’d seen that look before, it always made me want him so bad, and this time it made me cum.

***

Craig and Jennifer Taylor moved in next door a few weeks after school ended. They’d just had a new baby and Mr. Taylor had lost his job, so they moved from Albany to Pittsburgh on a tip from a friend to try and get back on their feet.

At first, Ma volunteered me for occasional emergency babysitting when the Taylor’s needed a hand and she wasn’t available herself. Before the aborted hand job in my room, I’d watched Justin for a few hours two or three times when Mr. Taylor was working and Mrs. Taylor had a doctor’s appointment or other errands.

After that afternoon in my room, I didn’t think I could stand to be in the same room with the kid again, so I was really glad when there was an opening at the diner for a busboy and Ma said I could have the job. I didn’t really want to work with my Ma too, but it was just for the summer. Besides, I wasn’t having any luck finding anything on my own and I needed money so I jumped at the chance, especially since it meant the Taylor’s would need to find someone else to watch the runt.

This was all about a week later and I hadn’t seen Brian much since that day either. He’d just started working at the lumber yard with his dad and when he wasn’t there, he was at impromptu soccer practice with some of his teammates. Brian wasn’t any happier working with his dad than I was working with Ma, but it was the only way he was going to save money for soccer camp in August so he did it anyway.

It seemed like our summer was all planned out and I was reasonably happy for a whole day, and then Mrs. Taylor’s father passed away. It was my first day at the diner and Ma and I were about to leave for the lunch shift when Mrs. Taylor called. She needed someone to watch Justin until Mr. Taylor came home from his double shift at the plant. She was taking the baby and flying to Albany that afternoon, but without any help, she couldn’t manage both kids. She wanted to know if Justin could spend the night with us and then her husband would drive them upstate the next morning.

I could hear the baby screaming in the background and Ma clucking and consoling the crying woman on the other end of the line. Of course Ma said yes, and I couldn’t really be mad at her. She said she could handle a day short one busboy, but that poor lady next door needed our help. I wasn’t really looking forward to spending the day with some crying kid, and the pay would really suck because no one tips for wiping snotty noses, but I figured the last thing on Justin’s mind would be me watching him play with his little dick a week ago so it was probably safe. And it made Ma happy to help.

“Now don’t let that boy sit around crying all day,” Ma warned me when I headed out the door. She looked at my armload of comics and sighed. “For Pete’s sake, Michael, you have to take him outside, don’t hole up with those damn things and ignore him. Bring him to the diner for lunch. I bet he’d like a sundae. What’s Brian doing today? Why don’t you boys go to the arcade or something.”

“These are for him,” I said defensively as I waved my new Captain Astro at her. “He likes to copy the pictures.” It was another thing I thought would keep the kid out of my hair. The last few times I’d watched him, Justin had been perfectly happy to draw all afternoon. Though I did feel kind of guilty for wanting to just set him off in the corner and hope he didn’t bother me for the rest of the day. Ma was right, he probably did need to get out and forget his grandpa just died. But maybe he didn’t want to. I’d never had anyone I knew die before so I didn’t know what he’d feel like doing, but I was pretty sure ice cream wouldn’t help much. “No money for the arcade,” I said lamely. “But I suppose--”

“Here,” Ma started digging in her purse. She pulled out some wadded up bills that I knew was her tip money from yesterday. “Take this and get some quarters. Or go see a movie. A matinee should be cheap.” I started to protest, but she pointed her finger at me, right in my nose and gave me her ‘I’m your mother, so keep your mouth shut’ evil eye. I took the money and put it in my pocket and she slapped my cheek. Her version of a love pat.

Turned out the kid was like in shock or something so he pretty much just agreed to anything I said. We did go to the diner for ice cream because watching him just stare into space kind of creeped me out. He let Ma coddle and feed him and when she wasn’t trying to talk to him he doodled on his napkin. I figured the arcade or a movie would just be a waste of money so I took him back to his house and let him draw until dinner.

When Ma came home she made us go back to our house and she fed and fussed over him again before going back to the diner. Another waitress called in sick so Ma said she’d cover the late shift. She gave me a few more bucks and told us to go see a movie, but Justin didn’t want to. He looked a little nervous as the sun set and long shadows started to extend over the yard. Maybe he was thinking about ghosts or something. Instead, Justin stayed at the kitchen table and pulled out a new comic to draw. I left him there to go watch TV and we were pretty much lost in our own thoughts for about an hour before Brian came over.

“Mikey,” he called, letting himself in.

I was in the bathroom and came running down the stairs to find him in the kitchen with Justin. He’d helped himself to a soda from the fridge and wiped the back of his mouth with his hand as he sprawled in a chair across the table from the kid. Justin’s eyes were wide and glued to Brian’s every move. It was the most life I’d seen out of him all day so I was kind of happy to see him react… and kind of not.

“What’s he doin’ here?” Brian asked, tilting his head at Justin.

Justin’s face fell.

I shrugged. “Just hanging out.” No point in embarrassing the kid anymore.

Brian laughed and kicked my foot with his under the table. “You and the runt?” he snorted. “Come on, let’s get outta here.” He stood and headed to the door.

Justin’s head swiveled as he watched Brian leave the room and then it snapped back to me and his eyes were wide and kind of panicked. I think he thought I was going to leave him alone. Or behind.

I rushed after Brian. “I can’t. I, uh… I told Justin we would go to a movie.”

Brian glanced over my shoulder and sneered, “Isn’t it past his bedtime already?”

I looked back and saw Justin hovering by the kitchen door, watching us like a spooked animal. He looked like he was about to cry. “Jesus, Brian,” I hissed. “Lay off. His grandpa just died.”

Brian blinked at me. “Why isn’t he at home then?”

“His mom went to Albany today and his dad is working. He’ll take him up tomorrow. For tonight--”

“You’re babysitting,” he sighed, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not a baby,” Justin retorted hotly. His hands were balled into fists and his mouth was a tight line. He was a scrappy runt.

“Whatever,” Brian muttered. “Bring him along.”

“Along where?” I asked warily.

“Swimming.” He called over my shoulder to Justin, “You wanna go swimming?”

Justin started to nod then looked outside into the dark. “Pool’s closed,” he replied disappointedly.

Brian smiled like an oily car salesman and my gut clenched. “We’re going to the school,” he said.

“What? The school’s closed too, Brian,” I pointed out, afraid of his next answer.

“Not for us.”

“What do you mean?” He started to walk away and I grabbed his arm. “Bri--”

Brian jerked away from me and pulled a key from his pocket, dangling it in front of my nose. “Not. For. Us.”

“Holy shit! Where did you get that?”

Brian’s eyes narrowed and he slipped the key back into his pocket. “You coming or what?”

“Yeah,” Justin replied, suddenly standing beside me. “But I don’t have my suit. I can go--”

“You don’t need one,” Brian cut him off.

Justin looked at him for a moment and then blushed a little. “But--” the coy little fucker was batting his eyes.

Brian laughed and tugged on the waistband of the kid’s shorts. “You got undies on?”

Justin bit his lip and nodded.

“There you go,” Brian told him and gave him a little poke in the belly before letting go. He pushed Justin toward the door and looked over his shoulder at me as he followed. “I’ll tell you how I got the key later,” he promised, knowing I’d follow then.

Of course I did, locking up the house behind us as I trailed along wondering if Brian had underwear on.

***

It’s not like I knew Brian didn’t wear underwear or anything. He normally did like most guys, except that day in my room. He wasn’t wearing any then and I figured it was because of the heat. I thought about not wearing any during the summer too, thinking maybe it would be cooler, but it just felt funny. Little did I know Brian wasn’t wearing any for an entirely different reason.

It took a little longer for us to get to the school than normal because it turned out the kid was afraid of the dark. Brian and I usually cut through the park, but without much light I supposed it looked pretty scary to someone who didn’t know his way. And that’s pretty much all it was. The kid had been uprooted and dumped in a new house, then dumped with us, and now we were dragging him around town after dark to another new building that would be dark and scary.

Justin tried to be brave, but his grip on my arm was almost cutting off my circulation. Of course he wasn’t grabbing Brian because then he would be embarrassing himself and since I’d already covered for him once, he knew I’d do it again. I don’t know why, but he was right so I told Brian we should walk around because there wasn’t enough light to see the path.

“What are you afraid of ghost and goblins?” he sneered, but then he looked at the kid and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

As we walked Brian kicked at a rock for a while and then stopped to tie his shoe. When he caught up with us again, he was on Justin’s other side and he started talking about this funny looking guy at the lumber yard and cracking jokes. Once Justin forgot about the park he was fine and I got the feeling back in my arm.

We snuck into the school through the back door and slipped into the locker room. Brian had just been there for practice a few hours earlier, so he poked around to make sure the janitors had already been in. He was satisfied the coast was clear so he led us to his locker and we stripped our clothes off.

Justin was fastest and stood shivering in his underwear while he watched Brian. Brian stripped off his shirt and frowned before going to a cabinet in the corner and pulling out some towels. He tossed one to me and snapped one open before wrapping it around Justin’s shoulders. “It’s just the air conditioning. The pool is warm.”

Brian turned his back to us and kicked off his shorts as he dug around in his locker. He didn’t have any underwear on and I could see them crumpled up in the bottom of his locker with a wet pair of gym shorts. Brian grimaced as he pulled the wet shorts back on.

Justin’s nose wrinkled and Brian laughed. “Come on, runt, you ever been a cannonball?”

Justin shook his head, eyes wide and eager.

“I’ll show you how. Hurry up, Mikey,” Brian called over his shoulder as he flung a towel over the other and steered the kid out. “Hang your clothes up and shut the locker in case anyone comes in.”

I suddenly realized I hadn’t undressed yet. I stripped and slammed the locker, running after them. Justin was already squealing in the water and Brian was jumping off the diving board. When he hit the water the splash was huge and Justin whooped and hollered as he was drenched again.

Brian came up and shook his head as he swam toward Justin. “Your turn,” he said as he nudged the kid toward the ladder. They both climbed out and Brian sat next to me on the side of the pool as Justin climbed onto the diving board. Because he was so small, Justin didn’t bounce much, or make a big splash, but Brian cheered and clapped liked he’d splashed half the water out of the pool. He elbowed me and I joined in and Justin beamed when he popped back to the surface.

“I’m gonna do it again!”

Brian nodded and turned to me. “You’re next, Mikey.”

“Not until you tell me how you got the key,” I replied. I knew he thought I’d forget, but I wasn’t going to. I also suspected I already knew how, but I wanted him to tell me.

“I was swimming earlier,” he said with a shrug.

“Duh.” I figured that much out from the wet clothes.

Justin jumped in the pool again and Brian cheered.

“Brian--”

“How do you think I got it,” he snapped impatiently.

“I think you were ‘swimming’,” I simulated jerking off, “with the coach again.”

“I knew you weren’t as dumb as you look,” Brian joked.

“Brian! You stole his key! He’s gonna report it you and you’ll get in trouble!”

“What’s he gonna say? That I stole it while I was blowing him in his office? He’ll get in trouble too. He won’t say anything. He won’t even ask me about it because he knows if he does, I’ll stop staying after practice.”

Justin was back on the board. “Watch me!” he yelled, jumping back in the water.

Brian was clapping and I grabbed his arm when I saw a light flicker outside in the hall. “Shit, Brian, someone’s outside!”

“Get the lights,” he barked, pointing to the wall. I scrambled to the switches and saw him slip into the water before the room went dark.

I heard Justin whimper my name and my gut twisted. Getting caught was one thing, but it paled in comparison to the kid drowning because he panicked. Suddenly I was terrified in a way I’d never experienced before.

“Justin, don’t move,” I hissed.

Then I heard Brian whisper, “He’s okay… you’re okay.”

I saw a shadow pass the door and pressed myself into the corner. But whoever it was kept walking by and after a moment the light outside was turned off again. I waited another minute to be sure and then turned the lights back on in the pool. “We better get out of here,” I said as my eyes adjusted to the light and I scanned the pool for Justin.

I saw them huddled together at the other end. Brian had one arm gripping the side of the pool to anchor them and the other wrapped around Justin’s waist. The kid was stuck to him like glue, arms and legs wrapped around his neck and back and his face was buried in Brian’s shoulder. Brian was whispering in his ear and rubbing his back.

I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, just that Brian was holding him because Justin was scared, until I walked over to them and saw the look on Brian’s face. It was just like when he looked at the picture of Patrick Swayze. When he remembered I was there, Brian shoved Justin away and pushed him out of the pool. I pulled Justin out, but when I reached out for Brian, he turned and swam away to the other end.

I grabbed a towel and handed it to Justin, turning away when I saw the tent in his underwear. “What’s Brian doing?” he asked, clearly confused he’d been dumped so quickly.

“Taking a cold shower,” I muttered, jealousy burning in my chest.

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” I huffed, pushing him toward the locker room. The sooner I got him home and got rid of him the better.

***

We dressed quickly, no one really saying much. Brian stuffed our wet clothes in his gym bag and I could tell Justin thought not wearing any underwear home was the coolest thing he’d ever done because now he was just like Brian.

“Are you mad at me, Mikey?” the runt asked as I pushed him out the door. His nose was scrunched up and his eyes were wide and he looked like me might cry if I said yes.

If I hadn’t been, I would’ve been then. “Don’t call me ‘Mikey’,” I hissed.

Brian didn’t look up from his locker, but I saw his jaw clench. “Why not? It’s your name, isn’t it?”

It was the first thing he’d said since getting out of the pool and he was defending the runt.

“Hurry up, I don’t want to get caught,” was all I could say as I rushed out into the black hall way.

And I didn’t care if Justin was afraid of the dark.

They followed me a moment later, Brian’s arm slung around Justin’s shoulders and the kid didn’t seem to care if I was still mad or not because he was only looking at Brian.

Once we were outside, I walked a few paces ahead. I wanted them BOTH to know I WAS mad, but I didn’t let myself get too far ahead because then I couldn’t hear them talking. I wanted to know what Brian was saying to the kid, like in the pool.

“Why is Michael mad at me?” Justin asked.

“You got a bigger dick?” Brian offered.

“I do?” Justin gasped.

Brian The Fucker just laughed.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Justin asked.

The Fucker laughed again. “I don’t do boyfriends.”

“Why not? I do,” Justin replied solemnly.

I heard Brian trip over the uneven crack in the sidewalk and I hoped he’d fall, but of course he caught himself.

“What do you know about boyfriends?” he asked, sounding slightly irritated.

“I had one at home, but we had to move. Will you be my new boyfriend?”

I thought Brian would laugh again, but he didn’t.

“How come you didn’t have a girlfriend?”

Justin made a disgusted noise. “Girls are gross. They smell funny and they don’t like to touch my wiener. But Jarrod did. He was my boyfriend. Like you and Michael.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“But I saw you in his room,” Justin insisted.

“We weren’t doing anything,” Brian said and I felt like Superman being zapped with Kryptonite.

It was one thing to know he didn’t ‘do’ boyfriends. We’d talked about it before. If anyone was his boyfriend, it was the coach. But even then Brian denied it. He said the coach was married and he was just teaching him stuff. But it was another thing altogether to hear him say I didn’t matter at all. Sticking his hand down my pants was definitely doing something!

Which was exactly what Justin said, with a demonstration. I heard Brian yelp and turned to see Justin grabbing his dick. Brian shoved his hand away and snapped, “Don’t do that.”

“I thought you liked it,” Justin said, confused. “Are you mad at me?”

Brian didn’t answer and just stormed past me, leaving Justin and his quivering lip behind.

“Come on, Justin,” I said when he froze there. Going around the park was taking even fucking longer than last time now and I just wanted to get home. I certainly didn’t want to hear anymore.

Justin’s eyes widened again, looking over my shoulder, and I turned to see Brian barreling back at us.

“Look kid,” he said impatiently, “just because other guys touch your dick, it doesn’t mean anything, okay? It just feels good, like you and Jerry. But you can’t have a boyfriend. You can only have a girlfriend. Understand?” He glared at Justin. “Do you?”

Justin’s little shoulders sagged and his gaze dropped to the ground. He looked like Brian just told him Santa Claus wasn’t real. But he nodded and looked up a little, his blue eyes dark and sad behind the mat of hair hanging over them. “You still mad?” he asked nervously.

Brian sighed and shook his head. “No, and Mikey’s not either, are you?” he asked, staring at me pointedly.

“No,” I muttered. I wasn’t, just… disappointed.

I’d been waiting all week to talk to Brian about what had happened in my room that day. Even had a few chances before, but chickened out. So now I finally knew how he felt about it, though it didn’t make me feel any better.

Brian swung his hip a little and hit me in the ass with his gym bag. That didn’t make me feel any better either, but I managed a weak smile and he nodded to himself, satisfied.

Justin looked back and forth between us for a moment, gauging if we were telling the truth, but once Brian started walking again he rushed to catch up and wiggled between us.

Because he was afraid of the dark.

Right.

I had no idea how symbolic that really was until much later.

***

By the time we got back to the house, Ma was home too. The diner had been really slow so the cook let her go early. I know she wanted the extra money, but she was exhausted so it was better that she could get a full night’s sleep before going back again the next morning.

That also kept us from getting caught later.

“Where you been?” she asked, eyeing us suspiciously over the rim of her glasses as she set her crossword puzzle down.

I was about to lie and say we went to the movie, but Brian told her we took Justin to play tag at the Johnson’s because they had their sprinklers going to cool the neighborhood kids off. Justin nodded in collusion, pushing back his still damp bangs and realized I’d almost ruined everything because I forgot we looked like drowned rats.

Ma snapped her gum at us and told me to get her brush so she could comb the snarls out of Justin’s hair before his father saw him. When I came back, Justin was sitting on Ma’s lap, devouring a piece of pie, while Brian leaned against the counter watching him.

I was suddenly annoyed the kid was so at home… in my home. He was ten, not two, but Ma doted on him like he was her own kid and the runt ate it up. And Brian—fuck, Brian looked like Justin was a piece of pie he was starving for.

He was just a kid!

“Come on,” I said gruffly. “I’m taking you home.”

Justin glanced up, startled. “My dad’s not home yet.”

“Michael’s right,” Ma told him. “You need to get to bed so you’re not full of piss tomorrow on the road.”

“But--”

She stood him up and patted his ass as she pushed him toward me. “Michael will stay with you till your dad gets home.” She turned to me. “Jennifer said she left blankets and a pillow on the sofa for you.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled. As long as I didn’t have to watch Brian and Justin make eyes at each other anymore.

Brian frowned. “Why doesn’t he just stay here?”

“What for?” I snapped.

“I’m sure he wants to sleep in his own bed, don’t ya, baby?” Ma said, shooting a look at me.

Justin shook his head. “I don’t like it.”

“Don’t like what?”

“It’s an ugly house and I hate my room! I want to go home!” Justin blurted.

Ma sighed. “Honey, I know you’re upset, you loved your grandpa and--”

“Deb, you’re not listening,” Brian cut in. “He doesn’t miss his mommy or his grandpa. He’s mad he had to move here, right runt?”

Justin nodded. “I hate Molly,” he replied sullenly.

Ma sighed. “Oh, honey, you didn’t move here because your mom had Molly. It’s just sometimes--”

“I had to move here too,” Brian told him.

Justin blinked at him. “Really?”

Brian nodded, glancing over at me. “It’s not so bad.”

I couldn’t help smiling at him and he smirked back at me.

Ma snorted at him, shaking her head at us, then ruffled Justin’s hair. “Right, it’s not so bad. The summer is going to fly by, and when school starts you’ll make a whole bunch of new friends.”

Justin’s eyes narrowed. “Why can’t I be Brian’s friend?”

Ma’s eyes rolling towards the ceiling. “Everyone wants to be Brian’s friend,” she muttered.

“Ma!” I could feel the color rising in my cheeks and Brian snickered.

“What?” she huffed. She pushed Justin toward the living room and Brian followed so I fell in behind him.

“Why don’t you boys watch TV while I get some bedding. You can have a slumber party,” Ma suggested.

Justin jumped up and down and hugged her. “For real? I can stay here?”

Ma nodded, squeezing him back. “Sure hon. Brian, you want to stay?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“Call your mother and tell her,” Ma ordered as she pulled Justin upstairs with her. “You can help me get the sleeping bag. Brian’ll need the couch for his long legs, and Michael can sleep in the recliner, so you’ll have to sleep on the floor, okay?”

Justin nodded excitedly and bounded up the stairs behind her.

“Brian--” I started as soon as Ma was out of earshot, but he was already in the kitchen calling his folks. He told Claire he was spending the night with us, Brian avoided talking to his parents if at all possible, and hung up.

“Wanna watch The Breakfast Club?” he asked. He’d given me the video from Christmas, but I think he liked it more. We’d already watched it a hundred times.

“Goonies?” I countered.

Brian grimaced. “Got anything else?” he asked hopefully.

“With what?” I pointed out. I couldn’t afford to buy another video until I started my job. And I really wanted to get Ghostbusters.

“Letterman it is,” he groaned, trudging back to the living room.

“Brian--” I tried again, but he ignored me. I don’t know what the fucker was up to, why he was encouraging the kid by being nice to him, but it couldn’t be good.

Brian turned the television on while Ma and I made up the ‘beds’. Justin flitted around the room, chattering about nonsense. Ma laughed and reminded me not to let him have anymore sugar or he’d never go to sleep.

“You boys can watch a movie, but then it’s lights out,” she said before heading up to her own bed.

“We’re just gonna watch Letterman,” I told her, and I was grateful Brian and I couldn’t agree on a movie so now we could just go to sleep and the kid would be gone faster. “What about Mr. Taylor?” I asked, suddenly remembering he expected Justin to be at home. Maybe Ma would decide to send him home to bed after all.

“I’ll call the plant and let him know Justin’s here. No point in him waking you boys up in the middle of the night.” She kissed my cheek and patted Brian’s shoulder. Justin jumped up and hugged her again and she kissed his hair and patted his cheek.

Justin was still pretty wired as we settled down in our spots. He set himself up in front of the sofa and you’d think he’d never been in a sleeping bag before, but when Brian told him to be quiet, he was. We watched the show, it was alright, Dave had Robin Williams on, and then I turned the TV off before the end credits finished rolling.

I turned the lamp by the sofa off and was about to turn the one off by my chair when Justin asked, “What if I have to go to the bathroom?”

“You know where it is.”

“But I won’t be able to see,” he argued.

“Leave the hall light on,” Brian suggested. He was sprawled across the sofa, his arm flung over his face. His other hand was resting on his bare belly because he’d discarded his shirt.

I couldn’t help looking at him, half-naked, his dark tan in stark contrast to Ma’s beige sofa. But then he rolled over, facing the back cushions.

“Fine,” I grumbled. I flicked the lamp off and went down the hall to turn on the light. It wasn’t as annoying as I thought, just casting a strip of light through the doorway and along the wall to the kitchen. It was actually a good idea.

Justin lay down on the sleeping bag, his shirt removed now too, as he mimicked Brian’s position.

I flopped onto the recliner and rolled to the other side so I didn’t have to look at them anymore. Not that I could see them while I was sleeping, but you know what I mean. It was a statement. Turning my back on Brian The Fucker. The Fucker lusting after some kid who barely had a three inch dick.

I almost laughed at myself then. I was being stupid. Brian had the coach and a couple of other guys to fool around with. What did he want with a runty, undeveloped, annoying, motor mouth kid?

Suddenly relieved, it was easier to fall asleep than I expected.

***

I woke up a little while later when Justin started giggling and squeaked, “Boo!”

Then Brian whispered harshly, “Shhh, you’ll wake up Mikey.”

My stomach flip flopped. I figured I had an idea why Brian didn’t want me to wake up and I suspected it was a good thing I did.

“Brian--” Justin started, his voice lowered.

“Stop it,” Brian growled.

Fuck me if the low rumble didn’t go straight to my dick.

I had rolled onto my back in my sleep, so I only needed to turn my head to see them on the sofa, the light from the hall illuminating them just enough. Justin had crawled up and was spread over Brian on his hands and knees, but he wasn’t big enough to reach across Brian’s chest so he was sort of half on and half off. Brian had Justin’s hand pinned to his side, but the other one must’ve still been roaming out of sight because Brian gasped and tried to dump him back on the floor. But the damn monkey managed to hang on, tangling their limbs together.

I opened my mouth to tell them to knock it off, but nothing came out.

“But you said it’s okay,” Justin complained, “long as were not boyfriends.”

“Jesus,” Brian hissed, arching out of his grasp again and pinning both hands above his head.

He rolled onto the kid and glared down at him, but Justin didn’t mind since now he was getting exactly what he wanted. His legs poked out from underneath, one on each side of Brian’s left leg and they wrapped around his thigh as he started wiggling. “Uh… feels…good…” he grunted, rubbing his little dick against Brian’s hip.

I expected Brian to push him away again—okay, no I didn’t—and he didn’t. I think while he was saying ‘no’, he deliberately trapped the kid under him because he really wanted him there. Once Justin started humping his leg, he just buried his head in the kid’s neck and let him. I could see Justin’s knee jutting up between Brian’s legs and I knew he was getting off as Justin squirmed against him.

I could hear Brian panting, like he’d done that day in my room, and my own dick started to throb. I wanted them to stop…I wanted to jerk off…but I couldn’t move. Thank god Justin was almost done. His grunts started getting faster and finally he squealed before going still.

“Was good,” he mumbled.

Brian chuckled and slid down his body, rubbing his face against Justin’s chest and belly. Justin’s fingers curled in his hair and he sighed. “Mmm…good…do it again…”

Brian pulled the waistband of his shorts down a little bit and blew a raspberry on his belly while covering his mouth at the same time. Justin’s laugh was muffled, but he wiggled excitedly and Brian buried his nose in the kid’s crotch.

Justin moaned and pushed Brian’s head away. “I wanna touch you,” he whispered as he wormed his way out from under Brian and scrambled back on top. I saw his hand plunge under Brian’s shorts and Brian groaned. “It’s big,” Justin gasped.

That seemed to bring Brian’s head out of the fog and he pulled Justin’s hand out.

“Brian--”

“Shh. Go to sleep.”

“But you didn’t have no fun,” Justin argued.

“’S okay,” Brian mumbled, catching the kid’s roaming hands again.

“But--”

“Go. To. Sleep.”

I heard Justin’s jaw click shut and then he glanced nervously at the sleeping bag. Brian shifted and I thought he was finally going to dump the kid back on the floor, but instead he maneuvered him against the back of the sofa and lay on his side next to him. I saw a tuft of blond hair sticking up under Brian’s chin and the monkey arms wrapped around Brian’s waist and he locked his fingers together.

I don’t know how long I laid there listening to them breath, waiting for them to fall back asleep, but then I heard Justin start to snuffle in his sleep and Brian carefully moved his arms and slid off the sofa to the floor. And he was looking right at me!

Brian stood up and cocked his head to the side. “Still up, Mikey?”

I blinked and he was suddenly hovering over me. He grabbed my dick and squeezed. “Yep.”

“W-what are you doing?” I stammered when he lay down on top of me.

“Shh. Don’t wake him up, he’ll be all over me again. Damn runt’s an octopus.”

“He’s just a kid, Brian,” I said, finally finding my tongue again. “You shouldn’t have--”

“I didn’t do anything,” he breathed in my ear. “Little shit jumped me when I was sleeping and humped my leg.”

“I saw you, you were--”

“I didn’t do anything,” he repeated, “yet.”

“Stop it,” I moaned when he started stroking my dick. “Fucker…”

“Come on, Mikey,” he purred, “have some fun.” He took my hand and put it on his dick and I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to touch him so badly.

Brian slid his shorts down over his hips and I had both hands on him—and then I was coming. Brian came too and collapsed on top of me. I could feel him puffing hot breathes against my neck and my skin tingled. I turned my head to kiss him, but he got up as fast as he’d jumped me.

He grabbed some tissue off the end table and handed me a few before cleaning himself up.

“Brian--”

“Feel good?” he asked.

My heart sank. I’d let myself think, just for a minute that—“Yeah,” I muttered.

“Go back to sleep, Mikey,” he said as he laid down on the sleeping bad.

I didn’t though and I don’t think Brian did either, but he wasn’t as fidgety as I was. He didn’t move at all until Justin flopped over on the sofa and his hand dangled near Brian’s side. Brian reached over and rubbed the back of his hand for a minute before rolling to the other side and turning his back on him.

The kid was going to get a rude awakening in the morning.

***

I guess I finally did nod off because I woke up when Ma came downstairs.

“Holy crap!” she gaped when she saw Justin wedged between the sofa and Brian on the floor.

“Ma it’s not--” I started, but I couldn’t say it because it was exactly what she was thinking and what other excuse could I make up? It was pretty fucking obvious what they’d been up to—again.

She nudged Brian out of the way and he groaned, rolling onto his stomach, but not waking up. “Honey, you okay,” she asked Justin, gently pulling him up. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. “Did you fall off the sofa?”

The little fucker nodded.

“I thought you were on the floor, what--”

“Thirsty--” he croaked, cutting off her question. Smart little fucker.

Her attention diverted, she patted his head and said she’d get him some water. As soon as she was out of sight, he started kicking at Brian, digging his toes into Brian’s ribs.

“Knock it off,” Brian mumbled, rolling away.

But Justin just scooted after him, both feet now jammed under Brian’s side wiggling away.

“Justin, knock it off,” I told him.

Suddenly Brian rolled over again, towards Justin this time, trapping Justin’s legs underneath him and exposing his feet on the other side. Brian grabbed one in each hand and started tickling him back. Justin squealed and slapped Brian’s back trying to make him stop.

Ma rushed back into the living room, water slopping out of the glass. “What the--stop that, you’ll crush him!”

“He started it!” I yelled, pointing at Justin. “He woke Brian up!”

“Well, he should be up anyway,” Ma replied, pulling Brian off by his ear.

He sat up and pulled Justin with him. “He’s fine,” he told Ma, batting her hand away, “ain’t ya, kid?”

“You butthead!” Justin snarled, launching another attack and landing squarely on Brian’s chest when he knocked him over.

“Hey!” I shouted, but Ma just laughed. I expected her to break it up again, she never let Brian and I wrestle in the house, but she started walking away and asked casually over her shoulder, “Pancakes okay?”

Justin’s head shot up like a pointer sniffing quail. “Pancakes?”

“I take that as a yes,” Ma replied before disappearing into the kitchen.

Justin beamed and looked down at Brian, bouncing excitedly. “We’re having pancakes!”

Brian groaned. “I heard.” He reached up to stop Justin from pressing on his bladder. “You’re gonna get pissed on if you don’t stop,” he warned. He pulled Justin up so he was straddling his chest again. Justin fell forward and used his hands for balance since his legs didn’t quite reach and started wiggling again. “Brian--”

“No,” Brian barked, his hands flying to Justin’s butt and holding him still. “You’ll get in trouble with Debbie.”

Justin’s eyes flashed defiantly, but when Brian shook his head again, the kid caved. “Okay,” he pouted.

But I noticed Brian was still cupping his ass, his fingers tracing along the edge of Justin’s shorts. “Brian!”

His hands fell away and he glared at me. “What?”

I glared back, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” he hissed, shoving the kid off and getting up. He stomped to the bathroom and I heard the door slam.

I got up to follow him and I saw Justin staring at me. “What?” I fumed.

“He’s gonna be my boyfriend.”

“Shut up!” I yelled at him before running down the hall.

***

It felt like forever before the kid left. I don’t know what I was thinking when I followed Brian to the bathroom, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to him then or any other time until Justin finally went home after breakfast.

And then Brian only wanted to talk about one thing.

“What an asshole,” he muttered when Mr. Taylor dragged his son home. The whole scene had been surreal. The disheveled man had burst into our home, pulled his son from his half-eat breakfast, chastised him for not being cleaned up and ready to go and dismissed the artwork Justin proudly tried to show him.

Ma glared at Brian when the door swung shut behind our departing guests and I thought he was going to get his ass chewed, but she just shook her head and went back to wiping down the table. I guess the glare was for Mr. Taylor too.

Brian picked up the discarded pictures Justin had dejectedly left behind to save them from getting wet as Ma angrily scrubbed at a smear of syrup. He stared at them for a moment and then scooped up Justin’s colored pencils. “Come on, Mikey,” he said as he headed for the door.

“Brian, what are you doing?” I asked as he led me down the driveway. He didn’t answer, but I followed him across the street. “Brian?” We walked down the alley next to the Taylor’s house.

“Shh.” He pushed through the bushes lining the house and peered in the first window.

“Jesus, Brian, someone’s going to see you.”

“Shut up or go home,” he whispered.

Mr. Taylor was yelling into the phone in the dining room where we were standing so Brian waved his hand at me to follow and we moved around to the back of the house and looked in the next window. I glanced around to make sure no one saw us, but the other houses seemed pretty still. I assumed they had already gone to work or were still in bed.

The second window was the bathroom. Brian waved to me again and we looked in the window next to it and found Justin’s room. He was naked from his recent shower, his head stuck under the bed looking for something while his little ass waved at us.

“Fuck,” Brian muttered, his fingers clenching the screen. He cleared his throat. “Hey, runt.”

Justin whipped around, hitting his head on the bed frame. “Ow!”

He plopped on his butt, rubbing the bump. “Brian!” he shrieked when he saw us.

“Shh,” Brian snorted, trying not to laugh as the kid covered his mouth with both hands and looked nervously at the door. He crawled over to us, glancing back over his shoulder a hundred times to make sure his dad wasn’t coming.

“Can you open the screen?” Brian asked and the kid’s face fell as he shook his head.

“Relax,” Brian said. “See those gray slidey things on the bottom?” He pointed to each side. “Just put your fingers in them and slide them together, like this,” Brian demonstrated.

Justin did as directed, his tongue poking out in concentration as he struggled with the sliders.

I didn’t realize then how much that little lesson would come back to haunt me later.

“Now, push the screen up,” Brian said.

“I did it!” Justin crowed as the screen slid open and he hung out the window to hug Brian. His bare ass was sticking up again and my dick twitched automatically so I could just imagine Brian’s reaction. I forced myself to look at Brian instead, ready to slap him down if he tried anything, but he just pushed Justin back inside.

The kid pouted when he realized it wasn’t the jailbreak he had hoped for.

Brian shoved the pictures and pencils at him. “Here. Take these with for your mom. My mom likes when Claire draws her pictures and stuff. It’ll make her feel better.”

“But dad said--”

“Just put them your bag,” Brian huffed.

“Okay,” Justin replied, pulling one picture out. He handed it back. “This one’s for you.”

Brian folded it up and shoved it in his pocket. “Uh, thanks.”

Justin frowned. Brian hadn’t even looked at it.

“See ya, kid,” Brian said as he pulled the screen back down.

“Wait! When can we go swimming again?” he asked.

“We’re not going swimming again!” I snapped as I followed Brian back to the alley. I grabbed Brian’s arm when I caught up to him. “Brian, you’re not gonna mess around with him anymore, right? He’s just a kid! Brian, I mean it--”

“He’s just horny, don’t you remember your first boner, Mikey? Getting hard all the time and wanting to just touch it?” He smirked at me. “You’re still hard all the time. You’d rub against a girl if you had to.” Brian shrugged, pulling a smashed pack of cigarettes out of his shorts and lighting one. He handed it to me for a drag. “He’s no different, he’ll stop humping everything in sight once he gets used to it.”

I coughed from the smoke and handed it back as my head began to spin a little. I never got used to smoking. “But you’re just encouraging him. He still thinks you’re going to be his boyfriend.”

“He’ll get over it and get a pretty little girlfriend when school starts,” Brian replied absently.

I didn’t agree, but we were back at my house so I didn’t say anything else.

“So what are you boys going to do today?” Ma asked when she saw us.

I looked at Brian. “Want to see ‘Dirty Dancing’?”

“Can’t. I got practice.”

“Brian,” I moaned. “We still haven’t seen it. You’re always at practice.” Meaning always practicing his blow job technique.

He rolled his eyes at me. “We’ll see it tonight, okay? I gotta go or coach or will make me stay after for being late.”

I knew he’d be staying after anyway, but if he said he’d go to the movie, he would so I didn’t complain anymore.

***

The first time Patrick Swayze came onto the screen, Brian’s hand was grabbing my dick. I half-heartedly shoved him away. “I want to watch this.”

“You do not, you just wanted to see him…now you’re seeing him.” He pulled my zipper down. “Isn’t this better?” he asked. “Seeing him on screen instead of just jerking off to a magazine?”

“Brian, someone will see,” I protested weakly, but there wasn’t anyone around us.

“That’s what makes it so hot,” he purred.

I looked around again as I tried to stifle a moan.

“Your mommy’s not here to catch us again,” he teased.

“I was looking for Justin,” I admitted foolishly. “The damn runt is everywhere.”

“Just watch the screen,” Brian replied tightly, squeezing me harder.

Once again, despite knowing better, I let myself think it meant more than it did. And I wanted him to tell me it did. “I thought you were starting to like him.”

“Don’t be a twat, Mikey,” he growled in my ear. His hand started moving faster.

“Brian, he--” but I didn’t get to say anymore because he was suddenly kissing me. I’d kissed a girl before, on a dare last summer, but I’d never kissed anyone like that. His tongue just dove right into my mouth and I was coming.

When I came back to my senses again, Baby was talking to some guy juggling watermelons, but the only thing I heard was Brian’s zipper.

“Brian, kiss me again,” I begged, reaching for the opening in his shorts.

His hand slid behind my head and he pulled me closer. I closed my eyes and waited, but I only felt his breath on my lips when he whispered, “suck me off,” as he pushed my face down to his dick.

I was instantly hard again. I dreamed about this every night after he told me about the first time he’d sucked off the coach. But that was a year ago and I’d almost given up hope that we’d ever be together because he’d never made a move towards me until the week before.

But as I rubbed his warm hard dick against my lips for the first time, I knew we’d be together forever…and we are, just not the way I imagined.

I’m pathetic, I know.

***

So I had Brian’s dick in my mouth whenever I could. At first, it wasn’t a lot because our schedules were hectic. Like I said, I started working at the diner, he worked at the yard, and he practiced whenever he could too.

But then he sprained his ankle and he was a fucking prick to be around. He was mad he lost time working, he was mad he would lose ground before soccer camp, and he was horny all the time because the coach banned him from practice until the doctor said he could return.

At least I could help with that part. I thought if I was the one to take care of Brian when he needed me, he would finally realize he didn’t need anyone else but me. I went over to his house every night after work and we’d go out to the backyard and pretend we were doing a few drills to keep his strength up… until the ball rolled into the bushes lining the vacant lot next door and we’d have to go look for it. That ball got lost a lot.

It had been two weeks since Justin went to his grandfather’s funeral. Mr. Taylor came back after the first weekend, but Justin stayed in Albany with his mom. When they finally did come back, I didn’t even care because I knew the kid wouldn’t be getting anywhere near Brian while he was cooped up at home. And Brian had completely forgotten about him.

Knowing what would happen a few weeks later, if Ma hadn’t butted in, we would have been rid of him forever.

No, I didn’t get that wish either.

“I’m sorry, honey, but he’s working today and I just can’t spare him,” I heard Ma tell Mrs. Taylor the next morning. “But you know Brian is home with a sprained ankle so Justin could spend the day over there. I'm sure he would like the company after being cooped up alone everyday for the last week.”

I grabbed her arm, shaking my head. “I think Brian’s going to be at practice today,” I lied.

She frowned. “Maybe he can take Justin along. He’s a good kid, he won’t cause any trouble.”

“No, he can’t! She should watch her own kid once in a while instead of always dumping him off on us.”

“Michael Novotny!” Ma slapped my face. “You sit right there and shut up before I wash your mouth out,” she hissed. She put the phone to her ear again but Mrs. Taylor had hung up.

Ma slammed the phone down and glared at me. “I am ashamed of you. It was nice ladies like her who helped me when I couldn’t make ends meet after you were born. It’s only fair that we return what we can when we can. Do you understand me?” A long red talon was jabbing in my face and I was afraid I would lose an eye if I breathed. But she didn’t want an answer from me anyway. She grabbed my ear and dragged me out of the house. “Now you’re going to apologize. And give her Brian’s phone number to call and ask if he can kindly spare a few hours of his time. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. He seemed to like Justin fine enough.”

Yeah, that was what I was afraid of.

Brian grumbled about his foot, but he said Claire would be around so I walked Justin over to the Kinney's twenty minutes later. He was so excited he didn’t notice I didn’t say anything the entire time. Justin was doing more than enough talking for the both of us since he wouldn’t stop babbling about the birthday party he had while he was gone. He was eleven now and you’d have thought he’d just turned eighteen and found out he could vote.

Claire let us in and we found Brian lying on the sofa watching TV. He only had a pair of sweat pants on and his hair was sticking up in all directions since I’d gotten him out of bed when I called.

“Hi, Brian!” Justin gushed as he ran towards the sofa, but I caught him by the back of his shirt before he could dive onto Brian.

“I told you he has a sprained ankle,” I reprimanded.

Justin jerked away from me, scowling. “I wasn’t gonna hurt him.” He knelt down by Brian’s wrapped foot, chubby fingers curiously feeling the bandage. “You okay?” he asked.

“I’ll live,” Brian replied, wiggling his toes in Justin’s face.

“Hey,” Justin giggled, pulling back, “you stink!”

Brian lurched forward, grabbing at him, and Justin darted away squealing, “No!”

“Would you two knock it off,” I huffed.

“Aw, shit,” Brian groaned when his foot hit the end table.

“See?” I demanded.

Brian only moaned a string of obscenities.

“Brian?” Justin asked nervously. He reached for the pillow Brian had propped under his foot before and tentatively placed it on the table. “Will this help?” Brian nodded and put his foot up again. Justin gently patted his leg like a good little nurse. “All better now,” he said assumingly before scooting onto the sofa next to Brian and starting the tale of his birthday all over again.

“Justin, Brian’s not your babysitter, Claire is. Leave him alone so he can rest. Claire is in the kitchen.”

Claire poked her head in the living room. “I’m leaving now.”

“What?”

“Jesus, Mikey,” Brian whined rubbing his ear like my voice pained him. “Go,” he waved Claire off.

“You said Claire would be here--”

“Relax,” he sighed. “She’s only going to be gone for a couple hours.”

“A couple of hours,” I gaped, imagining what Brian and Justin would be doing in the meantime. “Maybe I should take him to the diner with me,” I suggested anxiously.

“What the fuck for?” Brian asked. “He’s fine here, aren’t ya, runt?”

Justin nodded excitedly. I knew what he was thinking.

“Brian--”

“Go on, Mikey, or you’re going to be late for work.”

“But--”

“Go, we’re just gonna sit here for a while. Maybe later Justin can roll some balls to me and I’ll practice a little. Give you a break from babysitting me.”

“I can,” Justin chimed in.

“No!” I blurted, but that’s all that escaped before I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from hurling my cereal. Visions of Justin and Brian in the vacant lot made my gut twist.

They were both staring at me so I swallowed the bile burning my throat and shook off the nausea. “H-he doesn’t know the drills. I-I can come back--”

“It’s not that hard to roll a ball, you do it all the time,” Brian smirked.

I didn’t even feel the sting of his barb. “Then I’ll bring you some lunch in a little while. You won’t have to try and cook anything--”

“Mom left sandwiches for us. Since Claire isn’t here, he can eat hers.”

“What kind?” Justin asked, his nose wrinkling. “It’s not tuna, is it?”

I prayed Brian would say it was tuna.

“Bologna.”

Justin thought about it for a minute. “No peanut butter?”

Brian turned up his nose. “I don’t eat that shit… but if you can make your own you can have it.”

Justin snorted. “I can do it. But bologna’s okay I guess.” Then he turned to me and waved. “Bye, Michael.”

Brian imitated his perfunctory wave. “Bye, Mikey.”

I couldn’t think of another excuse and I didn’t need Ma boxing my ears again if I was late so I gave up. “Mrs. Taylor doesn’t know when she’ll be done, so if she’s not back when I get off, I’ll come by to get him.”

“Whatever,” Brian mumbled dismissively as he started flipping channels again.

“Hey, that one,” Justin demanded, reaching for the remote to turn the station back.

I left them wrestling for control and I refused to look back when Brian yelped in pain again. I had my own to deal with.

***

You know I went back during my break anyway, right?

I just let myself in because I didn’t want Brian to have to get—okay, I wanted to surprise them. I was sure they were up to something.

I walked through the kitchen and noticed the table. Obviously Justin had tried to make himself a sandwich and the project had been a disaster.

I followed their voices to the living room.

“Come ooon,” Justin wheedled. “Just one little--”

“I said no,” Brian grumbled, but he didn’t really sound mad.

“It’s just my wiener,” the kid giggled,” kiss it.”

OH.MY.GOD.

“Get off me.”

“You said you done it before.”

My knees turned to jelly and I lurched into the room. Justin was sitting on Brian’s chest, his still-covered, round little ass swinging back and forth playfully as he taunted Brian.

Suddenly I heard Brian roar and there were chomping sounds as the kid squealed and fell back. Brian caught him and pulled him upright again, still slobbering on his hand.

I blinked. Justin was clutching a hot dog.

“Michael’s here,” he told Brian when he saw me.

Brian looked over and swallowed the large piece of bun protruding from his mouth after the attack. He wiped the smeared ketchup from his lips with the back of his hand and struggled to sit up. But Justin wouldn’t be dislodged so Brian just shifted him so he was sitting on his lap. “What’s up, Mikey?” he asked, as if it was a perfectly normal scene.

I numbly held up the bag I’d brought with me. “Lemon bars,” was all I managed to say.

To my surprise, Brian didn’t jump up and snatch them like he always did. Well, he wasn’t jumping anywhere with that foot, but he didn’t even ask me for the bag and he loved the diner’s lemon bars.

“Mom made a cake before she went to Gran’s,” he replied.

But Brian hated his mother’s cake!

“It was good,” Justin mumbled around a bite of hot dog.

Justin offered Brian some more, but Brian shook his head. The kid shrugged and ate what was left himself before leaning against Brian’s bare chest and staring at me with his beady little eyes.

Brian looked down at him. “Don’t get anymore of that shit on me,” he warned, wiping a mustard stain from Justin’s cheek with his thumb before licking it off.

Justin swatted at him. “You’re messier.” He didn’t bother using his finger and just licked Brian’s neck where some of the ketchup had dribbled in the tussle.

Brian caught his chin and turned his face up so they were looking at each other. He stared at Justin for a moment and I think my heart stopped. I swear he looked like he was going to kiss him, but then he whispered in his ear.

Justin started to pout, glowering at me, but then he smiled and hugged Brian as he whispered something back. Brian returned the smile and something inside me broke.

“What the hell happened in the kitchen?” I demanded. “Get in there and clean it up right now!”

Brian’s smile froze. “Claire will take care of it,” he said icily. He pushed Justin off his lap. “Get me a shirt.”

Justin nodded and ran down the hall to-- “How does he know where your room is?” I exploded.

Brian rolled his eyes at me which just made me angrier. “He helped me take a shower.”

I hadn’t noticed before that Brian’s hair was damp and combed and he was wearing a pair of shorts now. Then visions of them in the shower together, wet and soapy filled my head. You—you—didn’t—he--”

Brian just smirked at me as the phone rang.

***

“You’re jealous,” Brian said to me, ignoring the phone.

“Of him?” I asked incredulously, cringing as my voice trembled.

“Of me,” Brian leered.

“What? I—uh—aren’t you going to answer it?”

Brian leaned back against the cushions and laced his fingers behind his head. “It’s just for Claire anyway. I’ve seen you looking at his cute little tush, Mikey. I don’t blame you. It is…cute.”

“Oh, my god!” I gaped. “Brian!”

He threw back his head and laughed. A boisterous belly laugh that had tears rolling down his cheeks. “You should… see,” he panted, pointing at me, “…your face.”

He suddenly quieted down when Mrs. Taylor’s voice filled the room. “Uh, Brian? Er, Claire? This is Mrs. Taylor. You have my son, I mean I’m home and I’ll come get him. Please call me back when you-ah-return. Thank you.”

Where the hell was the kid anyway? I headed towards Brian’s room. “I’ll take him home on my way back to work.”

“Wait!” Brian grabbed my arm as I passed. His fingers caressed the inside of my wrist. “I’ll call her to come get him. He’ll be gone in ten minutes and you can stay.” He glanced down at my growing erection, an automatic response to him touching me. “What time do you have to be back at the diner?”

Just because my dick was responding doesn’t mean I wasn’t still furious. I jerked my arm away. “After what you did? Don’t touch me!”

He blinked at me. “What did I do?” he asked curiously. “Did I hurt your widdle feelings because I laughed at you? Mikey, your face…” he paused seeing my scowl deepen. “What?”

“What did you do to him?” I demanded, hands on my hips. I wasn’t moving until I got the truth.

“Nuthin!” Justin declared as he popped up behind me. “He looked back and forth between me and Brian, sidling closer to him. “What’s wrong?”

“Justin, did Brian… hurt you in the shower?” I asked nervously. I hated to think my best friend would stoop so low, the kid was eager and all, but he was just a kid. And unfortunately, I knew Brian thought with his dick instead of his head, especially when Justin was around!

“What the fuck?” Brian shouted.

I couldn’t look at him so I kept my eyes on Justin as my heart sped up.

Justin looked at Brian, then back at me again. “W-what do you mean? Am I in trouble?”

“Jesus, Brian,” I hissed, turning my fury back at him. “What the hell were you thinking? What if he tells someone?”

“I won’t!” Justin cried.

“Justin,” Brian reached for him. “Come here.”

He shook his head. “You told! You promised,” he accused.

“Justin--”

Justin threw Brian’s shirt at him and ran for the door.

“Justin!” Brian and I shouted.

Brian tried to chase after him, but only managed to limp a few feet. He whirled on me and snarled, “Go get him.”

“Let him go,” I begged. “Brian, you have no idea what you’ve gotten into! What if he tells his mom?”

“TELLS HER WHAT??”

“THAT YOU’RE FUCKING HIM!!”

Brian paled and took a stumbling step back. “Get. Out.”

“Brian--”

He sank onto the arm of the sofa, his knuckles white as he squeezed the cushion. “If you don’t go right now, I’ll never speak to you again. Find him. Take him home.”

I ignored him. The kid could find his own way home. “I don’t even know you anymore. How could you?”

“Me?” he barked. “I didn’t just accuse my best friend of being a pervert.”

“You said you showered with him!”

“I said he HELPED me! I slipped and fell.” He glared at me. “But I didn’t touch him.”

I wanted to believe him, but Justin sure had looked guilty when he ran out. “Then what was Justin upset about?” I asked cautiously.

“He wan--” Brian shook his head. “I promised I wouldn’t tell.”

“Brian!” I cried desperately. “If you don’t tell me, I can’t believe you!”

He stood again. “Fuck you,” he snapped and hobbled over to his crutches.

“I’m your best friend, Brian! We don’t have any secrets!”

He leaned on his crutches and stared at me for a moment. “It has nothing to do with you.”

There was a knock at the door and we glanced nervously at each other. “Shit. It’s probably his mom,” Brian hissed. “Go out the back and find him! I’ll tell her you walked him home.”

I nodded and ran down the hall as Brian opened the door. I was just about to let myself out when I heard Justin.

“I-I don’t know how to get home.”

“Don’t cry,” Brian huffed, wrapping his arm around the kid’s shoulder as he pulled him inside. “Mikey!”

“I’m right here,” I admitted, adding guiltily, “I heard.”

Brian gave me a cutting glance then squeezed Justin’s shoulder. “Mikey’s going to take you home. Your mom’s there.”

Justin eyed me warily and wiped his nose.

I tried to smile at him, but he looked away, shuffling his feet.

“Go get the bag of lemon bars,” Brian told Justin. “You can have ‘em.”

Justin brightened and bounced to the living room in search of the discarded bag.

“Brian, I’m sorry,” I said.

He waved me off, staring out into the yard.

“I can come back,” I tried again. “I’ll tell Ma you fell, you need me, she’ll let me stay.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know, I just meant—you know. You said you wanted me to come back.”

“Forget it,” he said brusquely, the small window of opportunity I may have ever had with him, to really be with him, slamming shut.

Justin came back, carefully skirting past me. He had one bar stuffed in his mouth and held the bag out to Brian. “Want one?”

Brian shook his head shoving the bag away. I knew he really did, I saw him licking his lips as Justin shrugged and closed the bag. He was really pissed at me if he wouldn’t even take a fucking lemon bar I brought.

But then Justin reconsidered and took one out and left it on the counter. “You might want it later.”

Brian looked at it and gave him a little shove, much more gently, almost reluctantly, than before. “Go on, mommy’s waiting.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes as it suddenly hit me. Brian may not be fooling around with the kid, but he really cared for him. Like he did for me before I hurt him.

But I could fix it. He would forgive me and forget about the kid. I really didn’t have anything against Justin, but he was too young to be hanging around with us. The sooner he gave up on Brian and got some friends his own age the better.

The opportunity I was looking for came sooner than I dared to hope.

***

Justin was in a better mood as we walked back. But clearly something was on his mind because I kept catching him looking at me.

Finally, I’d had enough. “What?”

“What?” he parroted, startled by my outburst.

I figured the fastest way to get Brian to forgive me would be to make up with Justin first. If Justin liked me again, he was sure to tell Brian. “I’m not mad at you,” I started.

He stopped, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk, and looked up at me through his long lashes. “You mad at Brian?”

I sighed, trying to feel my way around the conversation. “I was. He’s my best friend and he has a secret he won’t tell me. But I understand you don’t want him to so I won’t be mad if you’re not. He didn’t tell me.”

“I know. He promised.”

“I’m your friend too, Justin. If you want to tell me, I promise I won’t tell either.”

He studied me for a moment, then dropped his gaze back to the sidewalk.

“Is it about Brian?” I prodded.

He shook his head. “You like girls?” he blurted suddenly.

My heart lurched. Was this the big secret? He liked girls now? Could it be that fucking easy to detach him from Brian? “Do you?” I asked eagerly.

“No,” he guffawed, wrinkling his nose. “Jarrod has a girlfriend now. I saw them. She likes to… touch his wiener and kiss it. You do stuff with girls too?”

I shook my head. “Justin--”

“Brian said I should have a girlfriend too, but if you don’t have to I’m not,” he declared.

“Brian’s right,” I said, seizing my chance. “Girls are okay. I would have a girlfriend if I liked one,” I lied. “And you should have a girlfriend. You’ll have lots of girlfriends in school.”

“I like Brian,” he said stubbornly. “He’s gonna be my boyfriend.”

I hadn’t realized we stopped walking only a block from Brian’s house. I could see his driveway and as I listened to Justin a car pulled in. Brian hopped out of the house on his crutches and threw them in the backseat. As they drove past us, I recognized the driver. It was his coach.

Brian didn’t see us because he was already all over the guy. In broad daylight. On his own street, where anyone could see them.

I started walking again, hoping Justin didn’t notice. I wouldn’t think about Brian throwing me out and calling the coach, choosing him over me.

“Who is that? Where’s Brian going?” Justin asked, his brow creasing as he stared after the car spiriting Brian away.

I saw another opportunity, hoping this time I got the point across. “You know how you like Brian?”

Justin nodded.

“Brian likes him.”

Justin glared at me. “No,” he replied defiantly.

“You know all that stuff you want to do with Brian, but he won’t? Sex and stuff? He does it with him because he’s a grown-up.”

Justin watched the car stop at the corner and turn left. As it drove out of sight, I saw the determination in his eyes fade when he realized what I was really saying. His lower lip trembled and I felt bad for crushing him like that, hell, I knew how much it hurt, but it was for the best.

I walked Justin home and went back to the diner. The afternoon was agonizingly slow as I watched each minute pass on the clock. I just wanted to finish my shift so I could go back to Brian’s and make things right again.

He wasn’t there. I asked Claire to have him call me when he got home, but he never did. I tried again the next day, and no one was home. The day after that, Claire said he was at a doctor’s appointment. He didn’t call me when he got home that day either. It was almost a week later before he showed up again.

And I should’ve known, given half a chance, Justin wouldn’t be far behind. No matter what I said, that wasn’t going to change.

But a lot of other things did that night and I only have myself to blame. I know that now.

***

It was ten o’clock. Ma had just gone to bed and I was debating whether to watch the news or go to bed myself when there was a knock at the door. I looked out the kitchen window and saw Brian.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked nervously when I opened the door. I was trying to be casual and not let on that the last week had almost killed me.

Brian was smoking a cigarette and offered it to me.

I shook my head. Ma chewed me a new asshole the last time she smelled smoke on my clothes.

Brian shrugged and walked away. I panicked, thinking he was just going to leave again, but he only went to the end of the porch and sat on the railing.

I followed the red glow until I was standing by his side again. “Brian--”

“You wanna go see a movie tomorrow?” he asked.

Clearly we weren’t going to talk about what happened and that was okay with me. As long as he’d forgiven me I would never accuse him of taking advantage of Justin again. “Sure, I have to work until three though.”

“Me too. And I have practice till five. After supper?”

I nodded and then suddenly perked up. “Your ankle! You can play now?”

Brian stubbed out the cigarette under his shoe and kicked the butt into the hedge. “Yeah. Coach has been helping me strengthen it again as much as possible before camp. It’s only two weeks away now, but I’ll be good.”

“But the doctor said--”

“He doesn’t know shit.”

“Brian!” Justin called from the sidewalk. He ran across the yard, but stopped short of coming onto the porch.

Brian seemed genuinely happy to see him. “Hey, runt. What are you doing out of bed? Out in the dark?” he added, his voice more concerned.

Justin pulled himself taller. “I’m not scared. I been watching till you came.”

Brian looked down at him. “What for?”

“I’m mad at you,” Justin replied hotly.

Brian’s grin faltered. “What for?” he repeated.

“You been with that guy?”

Brian glanced from him to me and back again. “What guy?”

“That guy we saw you with. Michael said he’s your boyfriend.”

“I never said that!”

“What did you say, Mikey?” Brian asked, his demeanor cooling considerably.

“We saw him pick you up the other day,” I explained. “I just--”

“You tell me, Brian,” Justin insisted, poking Brian’s leg. “Do you like him?”

Brian stood up, moving out of his reach and closer toward me. “Justin, go home. Michael, what did you tell him?” His face was hard and I instinctively took a step back.

Justin came up onto the porch, standing behind Brian. “He said you do stuff with him. Because you like him more than me. You don’t like me no more?”

“Jesus, Michael,” Brian hissed. “I trusted you to keep your mouth shut. Who else have you told?”

“No one! You can trust--” I didn’t get any more out before Brian punched me.

I fell to the ground, immediately tasting blood around the pain blooming in my cheek.

“Brian!” Justin cried.

I rolled over in time to see Brian reach for him. “Shh… it’s okay. Come on, you need to go home.”

But Justin dodged him and I could see his eyes as big as saucers in the moonlight. “You mad at me too?” he asked tensely.

Brian shook his head, holding out his hand.

Justin took a step towards him, but still hesitated. “You still like me?”

Brian’s hand dropped and he looked down at me, but the shadows obscured the expression on his face. Then he nodded, holding out both arms.

Justin dove at him. “I knew it! I did!”

“Shh…” Brian warned him again. “You have to go home before your mom realizes you snuck out.” He frowned. “How did you get out?”

“I opened the screen,” Justin said proudly.

Brian huffed a laugh, slinging his arm around Justin’s shoulder. “Come on, runt, back to your cell.”

“No,” Justin protested. “I’m gonna stay with you.”

Brian hesitated, rubbing Justin’s shoulder. “Justin--”

“Please?”

Brian looked up at the stars for a minute and then back at the kid’s eager face. “Okay, just for a little while.”

“Yay!” Justin cheered, bouncing up and down as he hugged Brian’s waist.

I saw Brian’s face twist a little as he pushed the kid back a bit. Justin tried to snuggle up to him again, but Brian was keeping him at arm’s length. After a short struggle though, Justin won and as they walked off I saw Justin wrapped around him and Brian was holding him close, his hand under Justin’s shirt. And they were headed toward the park where no one would see them... except me.

***

I figured Brian would hit me again if he knew I was following them, but I couldn’t just let him screw around with Justin. He punched me because he was mad I betrayed him, like I was the one in the wrong. Fine, I promised not to say anything and I did. But Brian’s the one sneaking around with his coach, and now he’s fucking around with a kid who isn’t even old enough to shoot a load yet. I grew angrier as I thought about the last week spent in hell because I felt guilty for accusing him of being a pervert.

I hung back far enough so they wouldn’t know I was following. I knew where Brian was headed anyway. There was a secluded hill at the back of the park where a small grove of trees hid anyone lying in the tall grass. Once they were there and Brian made his move, I could get close enough to catch him in the act and then the fucker couldn’t deny it anymore.

But halfway to the park, Brian suddenly changed directions and started back towards Justin’s. The kid was pouting and making a fuss, but Brian calmed him down and they kept walking. The guilt chewing at my gut was almost as painful as my swelling eye when I thought I’d misjudged him again. I decided to follow them back and after Justin went inside I would try and talk to Brian.

They walked down the alley and pushed through the bushes lining the Taylor house. Justin had tossed his garbage can out the window to use as a stepping stool to get back inside. There was a streetlamp right next to the house and the alley was lit up like broad daylight. I was amazed no one had seen the kid’s great escape.

While they’d struggled through the hedge, it became obvious again that Brian was tempted and I doubted he was going to leave the kid anytime soon, especially if Justin had anything to say about it. I hid myself in the shadows next to the dumpster by the garage so they wouldn’t see me and I prayed I was wrong. If Brian did anything, I didn’t know what I was going to do.

Once they had slunk around to Justin’s window, Brian lifted Justin up onto the can and Justin took advantage of the boost in his height and flung his arms around Brian’s neck.

“Kiss me, Brian.”

Brian traced his thumb along Justin’s jaw before leaning in and kissing his cheek.

“No, a real one,” Justin pouted. “Like boyfriends do.”

“Just--” Brian started before the kid smashed their lips together.

Brian’s hands came up and gently pulled Justin’s head back.

“Nooo,” Justin groaned, trying to kiss him again.

Brian’s fingers spread over his cheeks, holding him still. “Stop.” His finger rubbed over Justin’s jutting lower lip. “Stick your tongue out.”

“Huh?”

“Just do it.”

Justin stuck his tongue out and Brian touched it with his. Justin’s hand flew to his mouth as he jumped back giggling. “Why’d you do that?”

“Do you want me to kiss you or not?” Brian huffed.

Justin nodded and gingerly stuck his tongue out again.

“Don’t move,” Brian whispered as he leaned in and rubbed his tongue against Justin’s again. Then his lips closed around it and he started sucking. He swirled their tongues together and nibbled on Justin’s lips until the kid started to swoon and moan.

Brian pulled back and looked at him, but Justin didn’t want him to stop. He flung himself at Brian once more. “Do it again.”

Brian did and this time Justin kissed him back, capturing Brian’s tongue to tease him in return.

While Justin was clinging to his neck like a drowning cat, Brian’s hands were gliding over Justin’s back, rubbing his shoulders and arms before moving back down and cupping his round little ass. I gasped along with Justin as Brian’s hands slid underneath Justin’s shorts. He squirmed against Brian, rubbing his stubby dick on Brian’s leg.

Justin moaned and grunted until he was spent and sagged against the window sill behind him. But he didn’t let go of Brian. His hands skimmed down Brian’s chest to the bulge in his shorts.

Brian caught Justin’s hand before he unzipped his zipper. “That’s enough. Time to go inside.”

“Don’t I kiss good?” Justin whined. “Don’t you like doing stuff with me?”

“Jesus,” Brian hissed as Justin pawed at him again.

“Let me touch it,” Justin begged.

“Get inside,” Brian groaned, scooping him up and shoving him through the window.

Justin landed on his butt in his room, but quickly bounced back up. “Brian--”

“Move,” Brian ordered as he glanced around the alley for anyone who might see him. I held my breath as he looked past me before climbing through the window.

***

I was impossibly hard after just watching them kiss so it wasn’t much of a decision to continue spying. In the back of my mind I knew it was wrong, but it was like I was running on auto-pilot.

My dick led me out of the shadows and over to the house. I ducked behind the bushes when Brian’s head popped out to grab the garbage can and pull it inside. I held my breath once more, certain this time he had seen me, but he disappeared again and I heard Justin gasp and giggle through the open window.

The kid’s obvious excitement shot bolts of envy straight to my dick and I didn’t care if Brian caught me. I needed to see him. I needed to know.

I crept over to the window and saw Brian sitting naked on Justin’s bed with his clothes discarded beside him. The kid’s nightlight illuminated the trepidation on his face as Justin kneeled between his legs. But Justin wasn’t feeling any such apprehension as he eagerly wrapped his fingers around Brian’s cock. He had both hands on it, just touching everywhere, and Brian let him. His fists were clenched in the bedspread as he resigned himself to the careful examination.

Slowly Brian relaxed and his expression mirrored the rapt fascination on Justin’s face.

Justin felt drops of precum smear his hand and pulled it back, studying the slick liquid. He looked at Brian, his brows furrowed questioningly.

“It’s okay,” Brian assured him, “just makes it slippery, like spit, so it feels better.” He ran his thumb along the underside of his dick, using a little pressure to milk more out. When it bubbled from the slit he spread it over the head before replacing Justin’s hand with his again.

Justin stroked the glistening tip a few more times before seeming to lose interest and moving down the shaft. He was again enraptured by the dark hair curling around the base. “I’m gonna look like you, right?” he asked curiously.

Brian tugged at his blond bangs. “No, you’re gonna look like you.”

Justin frowned for a moment, but then his mouth formed a surprised ‘O’.

Brian’s chuckle was cut off abruptly as he drew a sharp breath.

Justin’s attention had again been diverted and he was pressing his fingertips against Brian’s balls, testing their firmness. He squeezed them in his small fist and Brian groaned, grabbing his wrist.

Justin looked stricken, freezing as he barely breathed, “Sorry.”

“’S okay,” Brian mumbled, his heavy-lidded eyes struggling to keep the kid in focus through the pleasurable haze. “Like this…” His hand slid under Justin’s and cupped the sac, gently rolling it in his palm.

Justin mimicked the movement, his tongue poking out absently as he concentrated. His lips curled in a satisfied grin when Brian moaned from his minstrations. “Feel good?”

“Mmm…” Brian hummed, the added sensation of Justin’s breath on his skin increasing his enjoyment. His eyes popped open when he realized the kid’s face was just inches from his dick. “Justin--”

“I wanna kiss it,” he said, eyeing the long column seriously.

Brian shook his head, trying to clear the fog. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to!” Justin insisted. He quickly pecked the side and pulled back, waiting for Brian’s reaction.

Brian bit his lip, the absurdity of the situation finally seeming to get to him, but he couldn’t contain the deep rumbling laugh that bubbled from his chest.

Justin’s eyes fell, his cheeks flushing as he felt Brian’s ridicule. I never thought I’d see the little shit cowed at last. My own neglected aching dick was forgotten as I reveled in his disappointment and mortification.

But it was too short lived as Brian hooked his finger under Justin’s chin and pulled his head up, smiling at him genuinely. “Do it again.”

Justin beamed at him and pressed dozens of little kisses over the length of Brian’s dick and Brian’s fingers twined in Justin’s hair as he guided the kid’s enthusiastic lips from base to tip.

My erection flagged momentarily as I felt the bile rising in my throat. Brian had never been so… content with me. I had been given a dozen lessons from the coach’s prodigy on how to be a good cocksucker, but never once had I been that cherished.

I turned away, hot tears burning my eyes as the final veil fell away. I stumbled over a hose left in the yard and fell on my face, the hard earth painful against my already bruised cheek. But it was a pain I welcomed in place of my aching heart.

Stifling a groan, I rolled onto my back and tried to suck air back into my lungs. The previous breath had been driven from me on impact and as I inhaled deeply, another groan was ripped from my chest.

But it wasn’t me.

“Fuck,” I heard Brian pant, “that’s good…just lick it like th--ahh…”

My dick twitched and I ignored it, balling my fists in the grass.

“You gonna shoot?” Justin asked gleefully.

“Not…yet…” Brian grunted. “Come here.”

I knew he wasn’t beckoning me, but I crawled back to the window anyway.

Brian had pulled Justin up onto the bed and laid him out on his back. His shirt was already off and Brian yanked off his shorts and shoes so the kid was naked too. Brian kissed him softly, his hands running over Justin’s pale torso, until Justin started to squirm.

“Tickles!” he squealed when Brian brushed his ribs.

Brian’s hand shot up to gag him. “Shh!”

They lay still for a moment, waiting for other noise in the house to signal his parents had heard, but Justin quickly grew impatient and peeled Brian’s hand away. “Brian--”

“Quiet,” Brian reminded him as he gave in and started moving again.

He avoided Justin’s belly, assuming it too would be ticklish, and grabbed hold of the kid’s writhing hips. Pressing his face against Justin’s thigh, he kissed the smooth skin as his fingers rubbed over Justin’s little stick jutting up again.

Justin’s head shot up to see, but he frowned when he saw Brian staring at his peanut dick, assuming he was comparing. “I don’t get none of that slippery stuff,” he said glumly.

“Then use this till you do,” Brian instructed, spitting on his fingers.

He rubbed the spit over Justin’s sensitive slit and the kid’s eyes rolled back into his head as he started to tremble. Brian bent his head and licked his lips, about to suck Justin’s dick, but he thought better of it and rolled Justin onto his stomach. Pushing his knees under himself, Justin’s pert little ass was elevated and exposed. Brian patted the kid’s shoulder to reassure him when he looked back.

“W-what are you doing?” Justin asked anxiously.

“Relax, kid. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Brian kissed Justin’s neck, rubbing his hip soothingly as he spit on his hand and smeared it on his dick before sliding behind him. He pressed his dick against the kid’s crack and Justin bucked away.

“Don’t touch my butt!” Justin gasped in shock.

Brian pulled him back, lining himself up again. “This is what boyfriends do. It feels good.”

Having heard the magic words, Justin pursed his lips together and let Brian thrust his dick against his hole a few more times before his reluctance melted away. “It…it feels… funny,” he stammered in awe, “but I…ooh…ooh, I like it.”

“Oh, yeah…” Brian moaned, watching his dick slip in and out of the tight crevice.

“I like it…Brian…”

Watching Brian jerk himself off between the runt’s butt cheeks, his head thrown back and his hands roughly squeezing Justin’s soft skin, I pulled my dick out and beat off with him.

Justin really started wiggling against him, keening into his pillow as he stabbed his little chubby against the mattress. Just his muffled wailing and Brian’s wild grunts would’ve been enough to make me come in a matter of minutes, but when I saw Brian shoot his load on Justin’s back I bit my cheek so hard it was bleeding. I came too, a barely audible moan escaping as I ducked down to avoid being seen if Brian heard anything.

But I couldn’t let him out of my sight for long and soon risked being caught again as I peered over the sill once more.

Brian reached into the pile of clothes and found his t-shirt. He used it to clean Justin up as the kid spun around like a dog chasing his tail trying to see what was going on. Brian tossed the shirt aside and hooked his arm under Justin’s waist and flipped him onto his back.

Justin stared up at him, a wide grin on his face as Brian leaned down and kissed him. Brian stretched out beside him and Justin burrowed into his side, his head buried in the crook of Brian’s shoulder. “We really boyfriends now?” he asked sleepily, his energy suddenly drained.

Brian just stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead as the kid nodded off.

Brian held him for a few minutes, his eyes drifting shut as well and I panicked thinking he would fall asleep too. But he roused himself and carefully untangled his limbs from the runt’s grip. He dressed quickly and I hurried back to my hiding place behind the dumpster before he crawled out of the window.

I ducked out of sight just in time as Brian emerged from Justin’s room and started down the alley, lighting a cigarette. But then he stopped by the dumpster and leaned against it, flicking his ashes in the gravel just a few feet from me.

I held my breath, my heart pounding in my chest. I knew he knew before he said anything.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he finally sing-songed ominously.

***

There was no point in hiding anymore so I stood up, carefully keeping the dumpster between us so he couldn’t reach me if he decided to take another swing. Not that it would’ve mattered much if he really wanted to. I’ve seen him rundown opponents before.

But he didn’t make a move. Instead he just raised his arms out from his sides as if exposing himself for an attack and looked at me expectantly. “Nothing to say? No lectures? Don’t want to tell me what a pervert I am?”

His tone was harsh, but I could tell his own nerves were floating close to the surface when his voice cracked.

I shook my head, my throat tight with emotions I didn’t understand. “Brian--”

His hands flew out in front of him to warn me to stay back when I took a step closer.

“What if someone finds out?” I asked desperately. I didn’t know how to make him understand how much I cared. I didn’t want him to get into trouble.

“How would they?” he asked icily. “You going to tell?”

I felt his eyes boring into me and I shamefully ducked my head. I deserved that. “N-no. I--” The promise died on my lips. That would definitely get me another black eye.

“That’s good, Mikey,” he drawled, coming a little closer and I relaxed a bit. I felt his breath on my cheek and I closed my eyes hoping he wouldn’t kiss me, not after he’d been with Justin, but yet at the same time, I wanted him to so badly anyway. His bare chest rubbed against my arm and the hairs stood on end at the contact and made me shiver.

“Because if you told anyone,” he hissed in my ear, another shiver running down my spine as I realized I wasn’t forgiven as I’d foolishly hoped, “you’d have to tell them you did it too. You liked it.”

I recoiled, pushing him away. “I didn’t do anything! You’re the one who--”

He grabbed my shirt and shoved me against the dumpster. His eyes flicked over my crotch and under the streetlamp the large wet spot was obvious. He dropped the cigarette in his other hand and reached down to squeeze my dick. I moaned in spite of myself, feeling it get hard.

“When did you come?” he asked, his deceptively soft voice an electrical shock to my balls. “When he sucked my dick?” He started stroking me, his fist rough and tight. “When I humped his ass?” I could only whimper incoherently. “When I shot on his back?” he scoffed at me, jerking his hand away. Brian wiped it on the shirt tucked in his waistband. “You got off watching him,” he sneered in disgust. “And I’m the pervert?”

Horrified, I realized he was right and my stomach churned. Not that I’d wanted Justin, but that I’d let it happen. I couldn’t ever tell anyone because I’d have to admit I didn’t stop him.

I took off and ran home as fast as I could. For the first time since I’d met him, I didn’t want to be anywhere near Brian Kinney.

I got my wish. For the next two weeks, I didn’t see him or Justin. But I was a constant bundle of nerves, especially when I woke up from a wet dream, my mind watching them together over and over in my sleep. Or imagining what else they might have been doing.

I know Ma knew something was wrong. She bought my story about tripping in the dark to cover for my black eye, but when Brian totally disappeared, I think she figured we’d finally tired to be boyfriends and it didn’t work out. I got really tired of her shaking her head and clucking her tongue behind my back. I wanted to scream I could hear her, but then she would’ve tried to talk about it so I continued to pretend everything was normal and thankfully, she let me. That was really so unlike her and looking back I still don’t understand, but I guess that’s another story.

Finally, Brian left for soccer camp. The day I’d been dreading a month ago was suddenly a relief. I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him again for three weeks.

But I still couldn’t look at the house next door without getting nauseous and every time the phone rang my heart dropped to my shoes. I was pretty sure Claire was babysitting Justin regularly now, but what if she wasn’t available? Would Mrs. Taylor fall back on calling me again?

Then one day my prayers were answered. The Taylors moved back to Albany.

***

A week after Brian came back from camp, I finally saw him for the first time since that night in the alley. Well, I saw his shadow lurking around the empty house across the street as dusk slowly settled.

I had decided before he came back, after the Taylor’s left, that I would talk to him again, if only because school would be starting again soon and it would be really awkward if we didn’t clear the air. Okay, and Ma was starting to cluck a little more loudly, like a time bomb ticking off until she blew and wasn’t able to mind her own business anymore.

I followed him into the alley and found him sitting on the dumpster across from Justin’s window. I know he heard me approach, I could tell by the stiffening of his shoulders that he knew it was me without even looking.

“They moved back to Albany two weeks ago,” I explained to break the silence. “They’re going to live with his grandma to save money while his dad looks for a better job. They didn’t really like it here.”

“I know.” He still wouldn’t look at me. “Claire told me.” He hopped down and a letter fluttered to the ground. I automatically picked it up and noticed, even in the minimal light remaining, it was from Justin, but hadn’t been opened. Brian snatched it back and stuck it in his pocket with a couple others.

“You miss him,” I said before I could stop myself. I mean, I had been so wrapped up in my own anger and pain and guilt and fear for the past six weeks—I couldn’t believe it had been that long already—that I had totally blown off his feelings. Some best friend I was.

But then I was torn again because he hadn’t exactly been—

“I miss you,” he replied, finally turning to face me and I could tell by the quiver in his voice and the pleading look in his eyes that he meant it. He bit his lip and stared at me, letting me see the wet lines slowly streak down his face.

I couldn’t say anything, my own throat felt dry and raw as I swallowed hard to loosen my tongue, so I just hugged him and started to cry myself when I felt his arms wrap around me and the tension ran out of his body.

After a few minutes he pulled away, wiping his face on his t-shirt and I did the same, avoiding the urge to look at his hard tan stomach when his shirt was lifted.

“I got something for you,” he said breaking the silence.

“What?” I asked, thrilled he bought me a present even when we were fighting. Pathetic, I know.

“Captain Astro…Attack of the Zealots,” he grinned.

“What?” I cried in disbelief. I’d been trying to find that one forever! But even if I could, I would never be able to afford it unless I worked everyday and saved all my tips for months. “How? Where?”

“It was in this story in Philly. It’s huge, Mikey, even better than Buzzy’s.”

“But it had to be expensive,” I protested. “How did--”

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled, looking away. “Wanna go get it?” he asked, fishing in his pockets for a cigarette.

“Brian, how did you pay for it?” I asked again, dread knotting my stomach. I knew he wouldn’t steal it, but there was no other--

“I didn’t do nuthin’ I didn’t want to,” he huffed. “He was hot.”

“Jesus, Brian.” I shook my head wondering once again how he always ended up fooling around with someone—and getting them to do stuff for him!

“You want it or not?” he barked.

“Yes!” I hollered, slapping his arm for teasing me. “Let’s go!”

We walked over to his house and he told me about all the new things he saw in Philadelphia and he showed me some of the new skills he mastered on the field. I in turn told him about all the funny drag queens I saw at the diner.

When we arrived at the house, Mr. Kinney had already gone to the Union Hall and Mrs. Kinney and Claire were putting together a puzzle in the dining room. They didn’t seem to notice us as we walked by and went to Brian’s room.

Brian pulled the comic out of his drawer and we flopped on the bed, side by side, to look at it. “Did you read it yet?” I asked.

He shook his head. I smiled and opened it to the first page so we could read it together.

While I was flipping back to start again when it was finished, I noticed he pulled the letters from his pocket and slipped them into his nightstand when he thought I wasn’t looking. I caught a flash of a drawing in the drawer and I knew it was Justin’s.

“Brian?”

“Hmm?” He flipped onto his back and stretched out with his eyes closed, one hand tucked behind his head and the other across his stomach. He looked so… peaceful. I couldn’t remember the last time he seemed so relaxed and I wanted to believe it was because I was with him again. And I really think it was.

But I had to know, so I took a deep breath and plowed ahead. “Why’d you do it?”

“I wanted us to be friends again.”

“No, I mean Justin. Why did you… you know.”

He turned his head toward me and I could see a flicker in his eyes, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared and I didn’t know what it meant. “I didn’t want anyone to--He’s too… sweet. Now when he has another boyfriend he can teach them stuff instead of someone else…” He trailed off and looked away.

It didn’t make any sense. “But you told him to get a girlfriend. You always said we have to be careful, not let anyone know. He probably would’ve too, eventually, if you hadn’t--”

“He doesn’t like girls anymore than we do,” Brian snapped. “And why should we hide, so we can sneak around on our wives and fool around in alleys and cars like scared faggots?” His eyes flashed again, but his voice softened. “He knows what he wants. But even if he does change his mind, so what? He can still teach her how to give him a good blow job.”

“Jesus, Brian,” I laughed, blushing as I remembered him teaching me. Maybe someday I’d even get to practice again… with someone else.

As if reading my mind, Brian rolled to his side and pressed his forehead to my temple. I turned so we were face to face again and he flung his arm over my hip. We were sort of hugging, but only our arms and foreheads were touching. I think for the first time, I didn’t want any more than that either.

“It hurts, Mikey,” he said softly. “The first time. I didn’t want anyone to make him—to hurt him.”

I gaped at him. “You didn’t--”

“No!” His own face was so shocked at the thought that I believed him without a second thought.

“When did you do it?” I asked, assuming it was the coach, unless it was that guy from the comic store. My stomach rolled as I thought about the price of the crumpled pages underneath us.

“After you took Justin home that day. I called the coach to come pick me up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my voice slightly accusing, before I remembered we weren’t talking to each other after that.

He looked at my strangely, then closed his eyes. “I just did.”

“What was it like?” I couldn’t help asking. “Was it real bad?”

Brian sat up and shrugged. “It’s okay, after a while.”

“Brian--”

He stood, evading my reach. “I don’t want to hu—anyone to hurt you either. You know that, right?” he asked the closet door.

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Yeah.” I’d gotten the message and it was understood. Brian never had the same feelings for me, not like that, and it was okay. He was still my friend. My best friend.

And so ended our summer of sex—whatever--together. But it wasn’t like we never touched each other again. We still hugged and kissed innocently enough. But despite my occasional lapse into still wishing he would be my boyfriend or his developing need to use sex as pain management and sometimes trying to use me if no one else was convenient, we managed to keep sex out of our friendship.

We slowly rebuilt our trust in each other again. It was hard, but by the time we graduated from high school, we’d weathered another crisis, the coach leaving Pittsburgh—for someone who didn’t want a boyfriend Brian sure acted like he’d been dumped-- and I seriously doubted anything would ever come between us again.

Not even the return of Justin Taylor eight years later.

***

So after graduation, Brian went to Pitt U and I tried community college for a while. Eventually, I quit and became the manager at the ‘Crap Emporium’, as my friend Emmett calls it, and Brian graduated with honors and got a job with one of the top ad firms in the city. Everything was pretty good for both of us.

“Morning boys,” Emmett gushed as he sank down in our usual booth for lunch.

Brian looked up over his cup of coffee and snorted. “Same stunning ensemble as last night, I see.”

Emmett flopped against the bench and tried to flag down Ma to place his order. “I know… isn’t love grand?”

Brian rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. Yes, we all know his thoughts on love and since Emmett falls in love at least twice a week, he doesn’t bother wasting his breath anymore. But we all know it’s actually because he likes Emmett and secretly wants him to be happy.

When we met Emmett a year ago, he was crying in his cosmo over catching the boyfriend he followed north from Mississippi in the backroom of Babylon with a trick. Because of an ugly scene afterwards, he was homeless, jobless, and moneyless. He’d only gotten the drink because the bartender took pity on him. So did we. I let him stay with me until he got on his feet and he’s still my roommate. And Ma gave him a job waiting tables until he got hired at Torso. Even Brian helped him out by fucking a smile back onto his face and establishing him as Number 3 in the Gay PA pecking order.

Here’s how it goes. Brian is God’s Gift. As his best friend, I share in some of that notoriety, making me the second most popular guy on Liberty Avenue. As a means to an end, of course, but occasionally I get laid too, fuck you very much. And now Emmett is the only fag in the Pitts who can say he’s fucked Brian Kinney and didn’t become invisible afterwards so he’s somewhat famous himself.

That is until the kid came back into our lives and no one cared about anyone else but him. The twink that would be King. But I’m getting ahead of myself. It all started that afternoon as we were nursing our latest hangovers and trying to hold down some lunch.

Suddenly Ma squealed, “Sunshine!” and ran towards some blond kid leading a duo of gawking teenagers. She squeezed the shit out of him until he turned blue and then dragged him over to the table. “Boys, look who’s here!”

I gave the kid a sympathetic shrug. I didn’t know who he was, but I felt sorry for him nonetheless. Brian barely glanced up from the paper. “My order, Deb?” he asked impatiently.

“Keep your pants on, asshole, you can at least spare a minute to say hello. Justin, you remember Michael and Brian.”

I choked and spit soda at Emmett.

“Nice,” he grumbled, wiping his shirt.

“You mean the runt next door?” I asked in shock.

Justin blushed and I glanced at Brian who was casually giving him the once over, but I could see his jaw clench. “”Well, I hate to miss anymore if this lovely reunion,” he started, “but I have to--”

Ma blocked his exit by sitting down next to him. “You know I’ve been keeping in touch with Jennifer all these years, making sure they got along alright and--”

“No, I didn’t!” I replied in surprise, but she ignored me too.

“--a few weeks ago she told me Justin was coming down for the weekend to go to freshman orientation at the Institute of Fine Art. He’s still an artist! A fucking good one too!” she crowed, squeezing his hand.

Justin’s blush deepened and he glanced pitifully at his friends lingering in the background. Shit, they couldn’t have helped him anyway. “Mrs. Novotny--”

“You call me Debbie, Sunshine, just like all my boys.”

“I don’t,” I interjected but no one was listening.

“Debbie,” Brian glowered at her. “Do you mind, I’m going to be late to meet my trainer.”

“What the fuck for?” she snapped at him. “You’re skinny as a rail. And you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Because you’re too busy walking down memory lane!”

“So how did you know this delicious cupcake?” Emmett drawled as Ma huffed to the kitchen. “Sit down, sweetie.”

“No, I can’t--”

I smirked at Brian. “I used to babysit him… and he was Brian’s boyfriend.”

Emmett’s eyes lit up as Justin’s beet red face turned to ash. “Oh, really? Do tell!” Emmett exclaimed.

Brian glared at me and stood. “You didn’t like it here before, I don’t know why’d you want to come back,” he said to Justin. “New York has some great art schools you’d do better at.”

“But none of them have an animation department that compares to PIFA,” Justin said proudly. “And their waiting list to get in is a mile long.”

Brian blinked at him. “Whatever, kid. Good luck.”

While Justin and Brian had been talking, Emmett slipped over and met his friends. “Boys, this is Jarrod and Daphne. They’re here with Justin for the weekend as… well, a buddy system, if you will.”

Brian ignored Jarrod and pinched Daphne’s cheek. “Ah, you did get yourself a sweet little girlfriend. Good for you.”

Daphne swatted his hand away. “I’d rather suck cock,” she growled.

Brian arched an eyebrow and Jarrod laughed. “That’s what the man just said, sweetheart.”

She glared at him and tossed her hair. “You know what I mean.”

“She’s a dyke?” Brian laughed. “And I was thinking I could like her.”

“So, uh… you two still together,” I asked, waving at Justin and Jarrod.

“Still?” Emmett parroted.

“Jerry here was little Jussie’s first boyfriend,” Brian explained, “but I thought you switched to pussy.”

Jarrod grinned. “I’m an equal opportunity lover.”

“What the fuck for?” Brian asked incredulously.

“Well, besides checking out the school, you should check out the clubs,” Emmett suggested. “Blowing off…uh, steam, is very important to a student’s well being. Why don’t you come to Babylon with us tonight?”

“They’re under age,” I hissed at him.

“Pish, we can take care of that.”

Ma came back with our orders, but Brian left his untouched. “You kids have fun,” he said as he headed to the door. He paused and slipped on his sunglasses. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” was his parting shot before pushing through the door.

“Well, that’s a lot of room for trouble,” I heard Ma grouse as I scrambled over Emmett to follow him.

“Brian, wait!” I called down the street. He turned and scowled. “That was always your problem, Mikey, leaving the child unattended like that. Go back and tuck him in.”

“Fuck you,” I huffed. “You know it’s okay if you’re…” I paused searching for the right words

“What?” He ripped off his glasses and pushed his face close to mine, daring me to say it. “If.I’m.What?”

I heard the bell over the diner door ring and looked past his shoulder to see Justin and his friends exit. They turned the other way without seeing us.

“This is so cool!” Daphne exclaimed. “You’re finally gonna get laid.”

“Daph,” Justin whined, “could you shout it a little louder, I don’t think that guy across the street heard you.”

“Hey, buddy--”

Justin slapped his hand over her mouth and they wrestled down the sidewalk.

“I for one am looking forward to an actual gay club,” Jarrod chimed in. “Beats the hell out of the skanks at Timers any day. I want dick!”

“You need a dick first,” Daphne shot back. “Look, those other two were assholes, I don’t know why you had to look them up in the first place, but Emmett seemed nice and he’s gonna hook you up for your first time, so just go with it, alright? Christ, you wanna be the only virgin in college?”

They turned the corner and I couldn’t hear anymore of their conversation. I looked at Brian and he was staring at the sidewalk, tapping his glasses against his thigh. Once he realized I was watching he slipped them back on. “Gotta go.”

“Brian,” I grabbed his arm. “It’s okay if you still have… feelings for him for you know.”

He looked down his nose at me like I’d just told him a lesbian wanted his sperm. “What the fuck are you talking about? I did the kid a favor once. End of story.”

“But he’s--”

“Hopefully, he’s going to wise up and stay the fuck away from here.” He stormed down the street mumbling, “Stupid twat.”

I shook my head to myself as I watched him go. He wasn’t fooling me. Of course he still cared about the kid. He’d remembered Jarrod and the girlfriend for fuck’s sake. I didn’t make that connection until he’d jogged my memory.

After all the shit we’d gone through that summer, everything he’d done to protect the kid from getting hurt by some guy, I think he was really fucking thrown by the fact Justin was still a virgin and going to be fresh meat at the market that night.

Now the question was, what would he do about it? I’d say he was going to do the kid another favor, but I wasn’t so sure. Brian had changed a lot since we were sixteen. He probably thought Justin needed to be protected from him.

But in the end, it was Brian who needed protection. Things hadn’t changed that much after all.

***

Like I said, Brian had changed. The overprotective teenager who risked a lot to protect the gawky runt with the biggest balls of any kid ever had hardened over the years. His first love, and yeah, I can admit that now, had broken his heart—don’t laugh. He still has the damn letters packed away in his closet. Still unopened, probably forgotten, but he never got rid of them. I saw them in a box when I helped him move into his new loft last spring. I didn’t say anything, hell we never talked about Justin between the day Brian and I made up and the day the kid came into the diner. He just chucked the box into the back of the closet when he unpacked, but they’re still there and you can’t tell me it doesn’t mean something.

It’s like they’re a lucky charm or some weird shit like that. I don’t think Brian likes himself very much, the partying and tricking can’t cover that up all the time and it’s like he’s holding onto that memory of Justin to prove to himself he did something right once upon a time. I used to think I was his great love, the one who saved him from self-destructing on numerous occasions, and that’s probably true too, but it’s a different connection between us. I think it all really ties back to the coach.

Eventually I figured out that what had seemed like such an envious position from my view point, having an older man be your first boyfriend, really fucks a kid up. It’s a secret for a reason—because it’s wrong. Not because it’s special or private or any of the other shit the guy told Brian at the time.

Okay, I totally missed the irony of thinking it was cool for Brian to be with the coach, but it was wrong for him to be with Justin. So sue me. You can’t make me feel any worse than I already do—did. It’s water under the bridge and I can’t be held responsible for things I didn’t understand as a kid. Besides, I was doing the best I could. Brian’s not the easiest guy to figure out, even back then. He was a cocky fucker and standing next to a ten year old, sixteen seems pretty grown up.

But it’s not. I realize now I missed a lot of signs of how hurt and scared Brian really was during those years he was the coach’s boytoy. Over time Brian did open up about the coach a little more, though not much, and I realize now how close we both came to really fucking everything up. I would’ve been his toy if Justin hadn’t come along when he did, we were definitely headed down that path, and who knows where we’d be now if we’d ended up fucking. Definitely not together, that’s for sure. We never would’ve made it. Like I said, our relationship is based on the sex we never had. And for good reason!

It took a longtime to fully accept and I admit sometimes I get lost in my own memories and wish things were different, but not really. This is as good as it gets. I will always be his best friend and in his heart, no matter who else he falls in love with. It’ll be good for him I think. The ‘I don’t believe in love, just fucking’ crap is getting old and if he was left to keep it up for another couple of years I think he might actually believe it. But right now he doesn’t, not really. Christ, I see the way he pretends to laugh at Emmett’s various romances, but his eyes always have a far off look when he does, like he’s remembering… something.

“Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, that is what--”

“What the fuck?”

Emmett stopped singing and licked his lips. “Look at that boy’s pretty mouth. Don’t you just wish he’d eat you up?”

We were at Babylon and I saw him looking at the dance floor where Justin and Jarrod were making quite a scene. For two boys who said they weren’t together, they sure acted like they--

“They act a lot like you and Brian,” Emmett said. “Two pigs in a blanket… but no dog in the bun, if you know what I mean.” He chuckled to himself and set his drink down. “Watch that while you’re waiting for Brian--”

“He’s not coming.”

Emmett snorted. “Of course he is.”

I thought so too, but he headed straight for the baths after the gym with a new bag of E. I didn’t expect to hear from him again until Monday. “He said--”

“I know what he said,” Emmett interjected with a dismissive wave, “but I saw the way he looked at that boy.” He jerked his heard toward Justin. “He’s not going to let such tasty morsel get away. Now excuse me, I want a chance too.”

“So you’re going to hit on him first?” I asked incredulously. “What happened to Bobby or Billy or whatever the fuck his name was last night?”

Emmett frowned. “Bruno wasn’t meant to be. And I was talking about Jarrod, what kind of a girl do you think I am? Besides, that boy has his heart set on Brian.”

“He said that?”

“Not in so many words, but a blind man could see it.”

Just then Jarrod came back and ordered a beer. It looked like the bartender was going to give him a hard time, but Emmett gave him a nod and paid for it. “Here you go sweetie,” he chirped.

“Where’s Justin?” I asked scanning the dance floor.

“Lucky fuck, first Daffy met some muncher she’s making out with in Lesbo Land over there,” he pointed to a dark corner where some couches and tables were arranged, “and then Justin just got dragged to the backroom by some hunk. What I am chopped liver?”

“No, of course not,” Emmett soothed patting his hand, “But uh… do you boys know what a backroom really is?”

“No!” I shouted, something cold winding through my guts. “How the fuck would they know, they’ve never been in a club, Emmett, and Justin’s a fucking virgin. He’s gonna—oh god!”

Emmett blanched as Jarrod said, “Isn’t it just a make out spot for guys, like that?” He pointed again towards Daphne.

“I grabbed Emmett’s arm and yanked him after me. “Come on!”

We cut across the dance floor, roughly pushing our way through the mass of writhing bodies. Emmett’s usual cheery demeanor had disappeared and he was screaming, “Move your fat ass!” at anyone blocking our path. It generally wouldn’t have been very helpful since fags, especially fags in drag, do not let you get away with that. But I think everyone was just in shock because they knew that wasn’t Emmett at all and surprisingly we got through more quickly as they scrambled out of our way.

What we didn’t know was Brian was already there, he’d been watching Justin from the catwalk and intercepted him at the entrance to the backroom. When we caught up to them, Justin was struggling out of Brian’s grip, telling him to mind his own business as he rubbed against the other guy. And there was something… about the way…. The little fucker was trying to make Brian jealous! The ungrateful little shit had no idea what he was getting into and all he could think about was playing games!

Brian tightened his hold on Justin’s wrist and jerked him against his chest. The other guy lost his grip on Justin’s hip as he wrenched loose to catch his balance. “Listen, you stupid twat,” Brian growled. “He’s going to take you back there and open up your tight little virgin ass with his dick while a dozen other guys watch and probably try to join in. Is that the special first time you want, Sunshine?”

I have to admit, the thought gave me chills, but the only sign Justin showed that he’d been unnerved was a tightening of the hand clenching Brian’s shirt.

“Hey, I didn’t know,” the trick backtracked, glaring at Justin. “He’s a fucking cock tease, coming onto me like that--”

Justin stiffened, but before he could say anything, Brian snarled, “Fuck off,” and the guy was gone.

Brian pushed Justin away and Emmett caught him in a hug, “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t know—I should’ve--”

“He-he said he was just going to show me around. I didn’t do anything,” Justin swore, his bravado fading quickly.

“We know,” I said, awkwardly patting his arm. “But you have to be more careful with some of these guys. There are some real assholes.”

“Alright, he’s learned his lesson,” Brian snapped. “Come on, kid, party’s over.” He shoved Emmett’s arm away and grabbed Justin’s neck to steer him toward the door. “Time to tuck you in before mommy starts to worry.”

“Hey,” Justin yelped and we could see him struggling as they disappeared into the crowd.

Emmett and I glanced at each other and he smiled smugly. Asshole. I knew Brian was going to take him home too.

What? I did!

At the end of the night, Jerrod, Daphne, and her date, came back to our place. Jarrod spent the night in Emmett’s room—because Daphne didn’t want him getting in on her action, riiiight—and the girls slept (uh-huh) in the living room. I passed out in my room by myself. Woo-fucking-hoo.

Though some guy did give me his phone number. Ted something. He’s an accountant. Seems nice.

The next morning, Brian and Justin both blew us off for breakfast. Two guesses what they were doing instead and the first one doesn’t count. Out of curiosity, I went to Brian’s afterwards under the guise of taking him some food--of course I threw in an extra muffin for Justin—and Jarrod went to PIFA to cover for Justin at orientation since he obviously wasn’t going to make the morning activities.

When I got to Brian’s the loft door was open a crack. Not a good sign. Brian must’ve been really fucked up the night before if he couldn’t even get the door shut. I let myself in and was blown away by the destruction. It looked like Brian had been vandalized—or had an orgy. Probably a little of both. I didn’t really want to get an eyeful of whatever had obviously ended up in the bedroom, but I needed to be sure they were still alive and hadn’t overdosed or anything. The only time Brian trashed his expensive Italian furniture was when he was too out of it to know what he was doing.

I found them tangled up in bed, strategically covered, thank god, because I was getting enough of a view of Brian’s morning wood tenting the duvet. Justin was snuggled against him, blond hair tickling under Brian’s nose but he didn’t seem to mind. Brian shifted slightly, pushing his face further into it. I hadn’t ever seen Brian actually hold a trick before, let alone wake up with one in the morning. But I guess that’s the answer, Justin obviously wasn’t an ordinary trick and things were going to get damn interesting after the kid settled in at PIFA and was around all the time again. I had a sneaking suspicion Brian’s ‘no repeats’ rule had already gone out the window—judging by the number of condom wrappers littering the floor.

I chuckled to myself. Good thing the kid was still unconscious because there was no way he’d be able to sit on some hard seat in an auditorium all day.

I quietly backed down the stairs and almost made a clean getaway when I heard Brian mumble, “Mikey?”

I turned to see him staring at me, his brows furrowed when he glanced at Justin then back at me. I think he was trying to piece together what happened himself. His face started to harden again, hiding whatever had slipped out from behind the mask the night before, and he tried to free himself from Justin’s grasp.

“Brian,” I said softly, holding my hands up to still him. “Don’t.”

He sighed and lay back down, but he was staring at the ceiling, his body rigid.

“The door was open,” I whispered, “so I let myself in. I left some breakfast on the counter since you overslept.”

“Shit,” he muttered, shaking Justin.

“Jarrod already went to the school and he’ll get whatever Justin needs. Let him sleep. Looks like you wore him out.”

“He fucking wore me out,” Brian replied under his breath. The hand that had been shaking Justin’s shoulder a moment ago was clumsily rubbing over his arm now, trying to soothe him back under after being disturbed. Brian was staring at him like he’d never seen him before, but yet he was completely mesmerized.

“I’m gonna go,” I said uneasily. I didn’t want Brian to suddenly clam up again and push the kid away so I figured I better go before he thought I was butting in. “I’ll lock up on my way out.”

“’Kay,” I heard him murmur as his lids drifted closed again. Justin burrowed closer and Brian let him dig his way in a little further without even batting an eye.

Hell, that probably wasn’t much of a feat after all since Justin had already started a tunnel under the walls a long time ago.

Yeah, things were going to be real interesting from now on.

***

EPILOGUE

~one year later~

I hustled Brian and Justin into Brian’s jeep and drove them home. They were giggling and pawing at each other in the backseat, but I just turned up the music and kept my eyes on the road because I really wasn’t in much better shape than they were. The only reason I was driving was because I didn’t have that extra hit of E chased by a shot of Beam.

I only had one bad scare when a hydrant jumped in front of the jeep, but I avoided it and got us back in one piece. I even double checked to make sure I wasn’t actually up on the sidewalk, I’d felt a bump when I’d stopped, before dragging them out and pushing them upstairs.

It looked like I was going to have to stay there since I didn’t dare try to drive any further. I normally wouldn’t, I would’ve walked if I had to, but they seemed to be coming down and ready to pass out so I didn’t think they’d be fooling around anymore. I’d gotten more than my share of them going at it, any and every where, over the last year so it was the last thing I needed after having to babysit their asses all night. I was tired and just wanted to sleep.

I helped them strip down to their underwear and set water, aspirin and buckets by the bed. I didn’t think they were that bad off, but if one woke up and started stumbling around later they could trip over their own damn feet and crack their heads open. Even leaving the light over the bed on wouldn’t help if they couldn’t stay upright.

Yeah, I was still the babysitter after all those years. But I didn’t really mind. They did the same for me occasionally.

Yes, ‘they’. It was kind of weird how ‘Brian’ first became ‘BrianandJustin’, and then ‘they’, but kind of not so weird. It just happened.

Like I predicted, the kid became a permanent fixture in our lives when he moved back to the Pitts, despite Brian’s initial objections. Once his head cleared after the first night and he had a few weeks before the kid came back, Brian tried to act like nothing had changed and Justin was just another trick. But Justin wouldn’t let him get away with it. He had his own life and school to concentrate on, but he also got a job at the diner, hung out with me at my favorite comic book store to check out the latest artwork, and became pretty good friends with Emmett, especially since Emmett and Jarrod were together, so he was just always there. Brian couldn’t get away from him and after a while he just stopped trying—not that he ever put up much of a fight. It was like he was pushing the kid away with one hand, but hanging onto him with the other. I don’t know how Justin managed to stay sane those first few months, I never would’ve. Hell, I used to be in the same situation so I totally understood, but he handled it much better than I ever did.

Eventually, they just settled into… a routine. Justin kept his dorm room, but he was at Brian’s four or five nights a week. Brian said it was because he couldn’t concentrate with the other students around and the loft had enough space for him to paint in.

Whatever.

Despite their sort of ‘open’ relationship, meaning they could both bring other guys to the loft for a threesome, they were pretty committed to each other. Yeah, no one else understood it either, but I think it was really just to keep Brian from suffocating and freaking out.

I asked Justin about it once, why he put up with it all, after he and Brian had a fight about some guy they’d taken home the night before. At least that’s what I thought, turned out it was something else completely. And Justin just shook his head as if to tell me to mind my own business and that pissed me off. I’d been in his fucking corner all along and listened to him whine on numerous occasions about Brian’s shit.

“It’s not the other guys,” Justin huffed, crossing his arms defensively. “They don’t mean anything.”

“Then why even do it?” I finally asked. I’d been wanting to know for months. I mean I know it would be big trouble if they did mean something, but the obvious question then is why do you have to fuck around if they don’t?

He smirked at me. “Because it feels good. You ever been fucked and fucking at the same time?”

I shook my head. “Don’t you feel like… like Brian doesn’t think you’re enough?”

He snorted. “No. I know Brian loves me, even though he doesn’t say it very often.”

“But--”

Michael, for every time we have a threesome, just the two of us fuck twenty times more. If Brian didn’t want me, he wouldn’t be with me. He’d be fucking around all the time. I know that.” He closed his eyes for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. “When it’s just us, he’s different…he’s all mine. Completely.”

“Jesus, don’t let him here you say that,” I joked, but not really. That kind of romantic crap would definitely make Brian take a few steps back again. This whole relationship thing was still new to him, despite the great strides forward.

I jumped when Justin slammed his fists on the table. “Fuck you, Michael. None of you will ever understand so just stay the fuck out of it, alright?”

That was about six months ago and I guess he was right because the threesomes slowly dwindled from several a week to only a few a month. He was right, none of us understood it, but at least they seemed to be working it out.

What I didn’t know was I was about to get an up close view of what Justin had meant that night...

I pulled some bedding out of the closet and tossed it on the sofa before returning to the bathroom to piss. When I came out, I discovered I had seriously overestimated their exhaustion.

Brian was on his back with his legs spread wide and pulled up to his chest and Justin was simultaneously blowing him and working his fingers into Brian’s ass.

I was frozen. I didn’t really want to see it, but I couldn’t move. I had never seen Brian actually get fucked before, hell I rarely ever saw him return a blowjob until Justin. But, shit, I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised because now he was on his knees so much I thought he would need pads. It was like he was trying to make up for all the lost time. But even then, I never thought I’d see him totally give up control like that. Yes, I said before I’d seen them fucking around a lot, but it was like they expected or wanted to get caught half the time so they were kind of putting on a show. I don’t mean intentionally, I just mean, they didn’t really have their guards down. Not like this. They had really forgotten I was there and Brian was gone. At one point he even looked right at me, hell I was only standing a few feet away from them, but I know he didn’t see me. It was partly the drugs I’m sure, but it also seemed to just be… complete surrender.

Jesus, now who sounded like a lesbian?

But Justin had been right. I never would’ve understood it if I hadn’t seen it for myself.

Brian groaned and pushed Justin off his dick, squeezing the base to stop himself from coming, and Justin switched his attention to Brian’s ass and started rimming him instead.

“Fuck,” Brian hissed, the other hand tangled in Justin’s hair as he tried to work himself further down on Justin’s tongue.

Christ, I didn’t want to watch that, it was too… desperate, and yet it was like a train wreck. I couldn’t walk away.

“I can’t wait anymore,” Justin groaned, kissing Brian’s thighs and calves as he moved back up, but to my surprise, Brian’s legs slid down. Brian kissed him for a few minutes and then Justin let out a long shuddering breath as Brian kneaded his ass.

“Come here,” Brian urged, pulling him up.

Justin straddled his head, using the wall in front of him for balance as Brian licked his balls. “Shit…” he gasped, his hands scrambling across brick when Brian pulled his hips forward and ran his tongue underneath his sac, along the line to his ass. Brian’s finger slid between his cheeks, wetting it in the trail of saliva before circling his hole.

“Yesss…” Justin thrust his hips back to impale himself.

“Easy,” Brian murmured, rubbing his lips across the leaking slit of Justin’s dick.

“Don’t kiss it, asshole,” Justin growled, “suck me off!”

Brian pulled his head back a little, but opened his lips and Justin fed it to him. He was rocking back and forth, fucking Brian’s mouth and his hand until he couldn’t take anymore. “Stop,” he panted, “I’m close… too close.”

Brian released him, helping him lay back down as his legs shook. They kissed again, careful to not touch each other too much until Justin was in control again.

He pushed Brian onto his back again and reached for a condom. “I want to drive,” Justin whispered, licking Brian’s ear. “I want to see you.”

I saw Brian nod and take the condom from him. But to my surprise, he rolled it onto his own dick and hissed when Justin added the lube. Brian held his dick steady as Justin slid down the shaft until he was sitting flush against Brian’s thighs.

“Oh, yeah,” Justin sighed, slowly opening his eyes to watch Brian writhe beneath him. He circled his hips and Brian arched his back, his mouth slack as puffs of air rushed out.

I guess Justin was still too close to the edge because he hadn’t even moved much, just held Brian trapped inside him, squeezing him, and he was coming. He tried to pull off, to relieve the pressure against his prostate that was probably setting him off, but Brian held him down, rolling his hips to keep jabbing into him, right there where he was seeing fireworks and keening like a wounded animal.

“Fuck,” Justin whimpered, slumping against Brian. “I thought I could…wait…shit…” He eased himself off Brian’s still hard dick, flopping onto his back. But Brian was back on him in a flash, pinning him down.

“Lift your legs up,” he ordered, nipping Justin’s throat.

“I can’t,” Justin moaned, “give me--”

“Do it,” Brian whispered, nudging his legs up onto his shoulders.

Justin reluctantly gave in and cried out when Brian plunged into him again. And Brian didn’t stop, he started moving right away, long deep thrusts, with Justin clinging to him and biting his shoulder.

Fuck, I don’t know how he could stand it, a lot of guys don’t like being fucked after they’ve come, it’s too much stimulation, sliding along a razor’s edge like that. But he did it anyway, let Brian hurt him because he wanted to.

I guess that was always the big difference between us. He was never afraid of Brian and I always was, a little bit. Afraid he’d hurt me in the end. But Justin was fucking fearless.

It wasn’t long though before the pain was pleasure again and Justin’s grip loosened. He pushed Brian away a little, caressing his face so he could see him, and then I finally fucking got it. I couldn’t see Brian’s face because Justin’s arm was blocking him and I’m glad. It was only for Justin, whatever Brian let him see inside at that moment, but I know it was worth everything to Justin because suddenly he had that same look of rapt fascination I’d seen when he was ten. Brian was the world.

I felt like a heel as I finally slunk away. I should’ve just trusted Justin when he tried to explain it, but a little part of me will still always be looking after Brian I guess.

So there I was sitting on the sofa, still listening to their private whispering as they eventually settled down for the night. Lucky fuckers. I was now wide awake with an aching hard-on, but not really wanting to do anything about it. Not there. Not like that.

I know it was late, but I fished out my cell phone and called Ted.

“Hello? Michael?” he answered groggily.

I smiled to myself. I should’ve known he would be worried since I didn’t call sooner. I was going to before, but I didn’t want to wake him up just to say I wasn’t coming over. “Yeah. Can you come get me?”

“Where?” he asked without hesitating.

“Brian’s. I brought them home but I’m too fucked up to drive any more safely... I was just going to stay here, but I’d rather be there.”

“Give me five minutes.”

“Hurry up, I’m horny,” I begged.

He chortled, “two minutes,” before hanging up.

I threw the sheets and spare pillow back in the closet, carefully avoiding looking at the bed. They were definitely out then, wrapped together as they’d last collapsed and I wanted to leave them with some privacy.

I thought about writing them a note before I left, but I figured they wouldn’t remember I’d asked to stay and I didn’t want them to, in case they suddenly realized I’d seen them--really seen them.

I shoved any lingering guilt aside, hoping it would disappear with my buzz by morning. Then everything would be back to normal. They’d be bickering about stupid shit again and ogling other men as they walked by and the rest of us would just stare and shake our heads, trying to figure it out.

But they definitely didn’t need me anymore. Without another glance back, I let myself out and ran downstairs to wait for my boyfriend to take me home.