Reflection

Look at me I will never pass for a perfect bride

Or a perfect daughter

Can it be I'm not meant to play this part?

Now I see that if I were truly to be myself

I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Somehow I cannot hide who I am though I've tried

When will my reflection show who I am inside?

Brian woke up early knowing that he had a big test that day. He hated math with a passion, but he had to take the test or he wouldn't pass and if he didn't pass his dad would beat the shit out of him. Of course, his dad would beat the shit out of him anyway, but that was beside the point. At thirteen years old Brian did everything he could to try to avoid his father's wrath. Once he was showered and dressed he ran downstairs.

Breakfast was very nutritional, Pop Tarts and a Coke on his way out the door. The breakfast of champions, he thought to himself. He made his way to the bus stop early for a change and was actually able to get a seat by himself. At the next stop someone sat beside him. It was that new boy, Marshall. He was about Brian's height with blond hair and blue eyes. Brian looked at him and swallowed hard, then turned back to his book.

Marshall was a boy and boys just aren't supposed to be attracted to boys. Maybe it was just curiosity. That was probably it. Marshall was a good-looking guy, all the girls said so. That was it. Brian was reacting to what the girls were saying, that's all. He let out a mental sigh of relief and was able to pick up his studying again.

When they got to school, Brian went immediately to his first class. He usually hung around outside for a few minutes, but he wanted to get as much studying done as possible before class started. He'd always had a little trouble in math, and algebra in particular, was showing to be a real pain in the ass. He took his seat and studied until the teacher told him to put his book away.

Class was over, the test taken, and it was time for Gym class. Brian loved Gym, especially this time of the year. They were playing soccer in Gym class and Brian had loved soccer since he was a small child. He was always the best, everyone picking him for their team first, on the rare occasions that he wasn't made captain. After class was over and it was time to take showers, Brian stopped before entering the small enclosure where all the boys were showering. He knew that there would be at least ten boys in there......all of them naked and wet and covered in soap.

Brian swallowed hard once again. He tried to rationalize what he was thinking. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then walked into the shower. He was just feeling good because his team won the game, that's all. That had to be it. He made sure that he was in a corner of the shower away from the other boys because the last thing he needed was for all of them to see that he had gotten a hard on just walking past them. He couldn't explain why to himself let alone to anyone else.

He lingered in the shower until everyone was gone. He knew that he had exactly two minutes to get dried off, get dressed and get to his next class, but he had to do something about his erection. Making sure that no one was around, he turned on the other showers to add to the noise level and quickly jerked off. The water washed the evidence down the drain and he dried off, got dressed and managed to only be about ten minutes late to his next class.

The whole day he found himself staring at more guys than girls and it was disturbing. One word flashed through his mind at various points throughout the day. Queer. Just thinking it caused him to blush. He hadn't realized that there were some girls that had walked up and were talking to him, his reaction making them giggle. He smiled and flirted a little but it seemed so forced. Maybe he just wasn't attracted to them. They weren't the best looking girls on the planet, that had to be it. He just wasn't attracted to these particular girls.

Brian almost missed the bus thanks to his asshole English teacher. When he got on the bus he noticed that some people were staring at him. He thought at first that it was just his imagination, until people wouldn't let him sit by them. He ended up in the back of the bus where the rejects usually sat. He didn't understand what was going on. Just this morning he was a popular kid. Everyone wanted to hang around him. But that was this morning. Before he took his test, before he went to gym class.

Brian's head shot up and he looked around at the people that were staring and pointing and giggling and laughing. He realized what it was. He hadn't been alone in the locker room like he originally thought. Someone had seen him jerking off in the shower. Someone had seen it and had spread the word. It wouldn't be long before he was the most rejected of them all.

The fact that he'd been jerking off in gym class, in the shower, after all the boys had gone added to the rumor. Not only were they spreading the word that Brian pulled his pud in the locker room, the rumor was circulating that he was gay. That was the only explanation.

In the week that followed he tried so hard to say that he'd been thinking about a girl while doing it. He'd been imagining some hot chick. No one believed him.

It took almost a month but Brian finally had everyone convinced that he wasn't gay. He knew he wasn't. There was no way he was queer. His father would disown him, if not worse. His mother would condemn him to hell. He was straight and he liked girls and that was all there was to it. Brian smiled as he went home, happy for the first time in a while because people no longer thought he was queer.

When he was getting ready for bed that night, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror and just stood there, staring at his reflection. It wasn't like he was looking at himself. It was almost as if he was looking at some complete stranger. He certainly didn't know the person that was looking back at him from the silver coated glass and he didn't like the feeling one bit. As he stood there, the thought that he was straight was replaced by another thought. Brian looked into the hazel eyes reflected in front of him and wondered if one day he would finally know who he really was. It was obvious that day wasn't today.

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