Reassurance

Brian wasn't really surprised when he got home and found what was obviously a greeting card in his mailbox. He also wasn't surprised to see Lindsay's handwriting and the Canada return address. He wanted to call and yell at Lindsay for sending him something in a pink envelope but he decided against it. It was nice of her to think of him and he'd be an enormous asshole to not just smile and accept it.

After going through his evening routine, he put the mail on the coffee table, ready to go through the bills and subject himself to the sappiness that was a Valentine's Day card. He decided to save the card for last so he could have something to cheer him up after seeing all the mail that told him how much money he owed to various people. He was almost to the card, already in a very bad mood, when the buzzer sounded, indicating his takeout had arrived.

Everyone has to be right, he thought, if it wasn't for takeout I'd starve. He gave the delivery man a large tip, as usual, and went to eat his dinner in the living room. He'd been told once that the delivery drivers from his favorite takeout places always fought over who got to deliver to him because he was such a big tipper. He decided to wait until he was done eating before finishing the mail, not wanting to get any of the mail dirty.

After he cleaned up the takeout containers and washed his hands, he sat back down to finish the mail. He paid the last bill and actually smiled a little when he got to the card. Using a letter opener he opened it carefully and slid the card out. He noticed something fall to the floor and bent to pick it up. It was the most recent picture of Gus. It was obviously a school picture and he looked adorable. Brian was sending Lindsay and Melanie money to send Gus to private school. He was wearing his school uniform and his hair was combed as neatly as possible, even given the Kinney cowlick. Gus looked so much like Brian at that age it was almost creepy.

When Brian opened the card he noticed a piece of paper folded inside. He hadn't really paid attention to the card itself yet, knowing Lindsay would include a note. He pulled the note out and started reading. Gus loved his new school and was doing very well. He was actually ahead of the rest of his class, and Lindsay’d turned down the chance to skip him ahead to first grade. Brian, having skipped second grade, understood that decision. Gus needed a chance to be a little kid. He'd said he didn't want to go to first grade so Lindsay wasn't going to make him. Melanie hadn't argued with the decision.

Lindsay also sent news of Jenny Rebecca. Though she wasn't Brian's child, she was Gus' sister and he did like hearing how she was doing from someone other than Michael. Michael had a tendency to talk like JR was the best kid in the world and he was the best father. It always made Brian think that Michael was belittling him. While Brian didn't consider himself a good father, he knew beyond a doubt that Gus was the best, smartest, cutest kid in existence. He smiled as he read about Gus coaching JR in walking and talking. He'd said that he knew better because it wasn't a really long time since he'd learned.

The next part of the short letter was an apology for the card. Lindsay said that Gus insisted it was the right card to get. He'd come close to throwing a fit when they tried to get him to pick a different card. Gus was definitely living up to the Kinney genes. Stubborn to the end. Finally, Lindsay and Melanie agreed on the card that Gus wanted. Brian decided he should really pay attention to the card since it was actually from his son. He put the letter from Lindsay down and looked at the card. He couldn't keep from cringing as he looked into the rosy cheeks of none other than Strawberry Shortcake. Brian had no idea why Gus thought this was the perfect card until he read the inside. The outside had just a picture of the girl and her cat. Inside it said "You're berry special to me. Happy Valentine's Day." Brian couldn't keep the smile off his face.

That was when he noticed the hand written message on the other side of the card. It was obviously a child's handwriting. He couldn't believe that Gus was already approaching his sixth birthday. From the spelling errors it was apparent that Gus had little to no help in writing the note. Brian found himself suddenly very proud of his son. He continued to smile until he actually read the note.

"I love you frum my hart, I hop you love me." Brian didn't know what to think. Did this mean that Gus didn't know that Brian loved him? He was already unsure of his ability as a father and now he doubted himself even more. How could Gus not know? Gus was one of the few people that Brian actually said the words to. He wanted to call Gus and reassure him that he really did love him. He was about to do just that when he looked at the clock. It was past Gus' bedtime. He'd have to wait until the next day.

 *****

Brian finally got a chance to call around dinner time the next day. He hated to call when he knew they'd be eating but he wasn't sure if he'd have another chance. Brian wasn't surprised when the answering machine picked up. He knew they had caller ID, but, having visited a couple of months before, he also knew the phone was nowhere near the dinner table.

"Linds, it's me. Are you there? Pick up if you're there." He waited a minute or so, giving them time to get to the phone.

"What's up?" Melanie picked up the phone.

"I'd like to talk to my son," Brian responded.

"We're eating, Brian." She sounded annoyed.

"I understand that but I don't know if I'll have time to call back before he goes to bed and I'd really like to talk to him today." He sighed inwardly. He knew what kind of response that would get him. Though he and Melanie seemed to be getting along better than they had for years, she still got easily annoyed with him.

"So you expect us to work around your schedule? It doesn't work that way, Brian. You can't just call whenever it's convenient and expect us to drop everything."

"Melanie, please." Brian allowed his sigh to be heard this time. He hated the tone in his voice. He was practically begging and he never begged for anything. Melanie was shocked. Brian rarely, if ever, said please, especially to her. It had to be something very important.

"Alright, hold on." She put the phone down and a couple of moments later it was picked up again.

"Hi, daddy!" Gus said happily. Brian could just picture the excited smile on his son's face.

"Hey, sonny boy." A smile crept onto Brian's face as well. "I got your card yesterday."

"Did you like it?" Gus sounded a little unsure suddenly.

"It's great, Gus," Brian reassured him. "I wanted to ask you something, though."

"Okay."

"I was wondering about the note you wrote in the card. You said you hope I love you."

"Mommy said it was a good note." Gus sounded like he was pouting.

"It was a very good note, Gus. You did a good job writing it, too. You're getting so big." Brian caught himself misting up a little. He missed Gus so much. "I just want to make sure you know I love you very much."

"I know that, silly," Gus said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Brian chuckled. "Mama's giving me that scary look again so I better go."

"Okay," Brian smirked. "I love you, sonny boy."

"I love you too, daddy," Gus said, then the phone changed hands.

"Everything okay?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah," Brian answered. He paused a minute. "I think I'm gonna come up this weekend." It was said on impulse.

"Gus will love that. He misses you," Lindsay replied.

"I miss him, too. But don't tell him. I want it to be a surprise."

"Alright," Lindsay said. "Brian?"

"Yeah, Linds?" Brian ran his fingers through his hair.

"You really are a good dad. Whether you believe it or not." She smiled, though Brian couldn't see it.

"Thanks," Brian said softly. He hated to admit it but he needed the reassurance from time to time.

"See you soon," Lindsay said.

"Later, Linds," Brian replied.

They hung up at the same time, then Brian called Cynthia to make the arrangements. He had some meetings he had to rearrange and get Ted to cover for him. During the conversation he decided to go ahead and clear the whole next week. Maybe he'd stop in New York on his way back from Toronto and surprise another important man in his life.

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