Eye of the Beholder

Part 4


 

Brian and Joan had just finished dinner. It’d been about two weeks since her shopping trip and Brian was starting to do a little more around the house, but left the usual routine as it normally was. She started to feel the beginnings of a headache, though. Joan sat down for a few minutes.

“Mom, you okay?” Brian asked. He could tell she was moving differently than usual.

“Just a headache dear.” She smiled slightly, though he couldn’t see it.

“Why don’t you take something and go lie down? I can handle the dishes.” He smiled proudly, a slightly hopeful look accompanying the smile. Joan looked at Brian warily for a moment.

“Are you sure?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Positive.” Brian said. He got up and kissed her cheek and went over to finish the dishes. Joan watched him for a minute, smiling to herself when she realized he really could do it, then headed upstairs. She took a couple of Tylenol then lay down, falling asleep almost immediately.

When Brian woke up to his alarm blaring the next morning he was a little shocked that the house was completely quiet. Usually by then his mom was awake and making breakfast. There was no smell of food coming from the direction of the kitchen and there were no sounds of her moving around upstairs. He started to worry a little, then thought maybe she’d just gone out again. Brian went downstairs and checked the machine and there were no new messages. He thought a minute, then went out to the garage, thinking maybe she had just forgotten to leave him a message. When he bumped into the car, however, he began to panic.

“Mom?” He called as he started to search the house as best he could. He went from room to room trying to locate his mother but found nothing. The only place he hadn’t looked yet was her room. Maybe the medication she’d taken for her headache had caused her to sleep late. That had to be the explanation. He started to calm down a little as he made his way back up the stairs. When he opened the door to her room, his heart started pounding again. He didn’t hear anything. It was completely silent. Were she there he would have heard her breathing.

“Mama?” Brian’s voice sounded to him like it had when he was five. He felt like that scared five year old coming to find his mother after having a nightmare. He slowly made his way into the room and over to the bed. Brian jumped when his hand came in contact with something cold. He thought a moment and touched it again, realizing that it was his mother’s hand. She was ice cold even though the room was actually at a comfortable temperature. Brian shook her gently and received no response.

“Mama?” His voice was shaking slightly and filled with panic as he tried again. He reached up and touched her face, which was also cold. He moved his hand down to her neck and tried to find a pulse but found nothing. He then tried to find her heartbeat and still found nothing. Not only was there no heartbeat but there was no familiar rise and fall caused by her breathing. Tears started streaking down his cheeks as he reached for the phone.

“911. What’s your emergency?” The woman’s voice asked. Brian took a deep breath, but it was hard to form the words.

“My….I think my mom……I need help.”

“What exactly is the problem, sir?” She was trying to be patient.

“She’s not breathing. And I can’t find a pulse. I……” Brian started to sob uncontrollably. He couldn’t form a coherent sentence after that so the operator simply called an ambulance and sent them to the address which the computer brought up when the call came in.

Brian had been sitting in the waiting room at the hospital for almost three hours. He didn’t understand what was taking so long. He wanted one of the doctors to come out and tell him he was wrong. His mother was okay and she could go home soon. He wanted everything to be just fine. The part of his brain that was still grounded in reality kept him from being completely hopeful that everything would be okay.

Finally one of the doctors came over to talk to him. Brian didn’t really hear everything. After the doctor told him that his mother was dead, his brain shut down completely. He heard something about a stroke, or something like that, but he wasn’t really paying attention. His mother was actually gone. He’d taken for granted the fact that she was a mere mortal, somehow giving her mental immortality. He just relied on the fact that his mom would always be there.

“Is there anyone you’d like us to call?” The doctor asked. Brian thought for several minutes, but only one name came to mind. He pulled out his wallet and handed the man a card. The doctor read the card and nodded, heading off to call Justin Taylor.

Justin was more than a little shocked when he received a phone call from Allegheny General. He was actually on his way out the door to head to work when the phone rang. He’d considered not answering it but he was certainly glad he did. He sped through the streets getting to the hospital in record time. He barely took the time to put the car in park before literally running into the building and up to the nurse’s station.

“I’m looking for Brian Kinney.” He said while trying to catch his breath. He was a little surprised when the nurse pointed over in the direction of the waiting room. Justin turned to see Brian sitting in one of the chairs. He looked totally out of it though since the man was blind it was always hard to tell. Justin turned back to the nurse. “I was told that there was an emergency…..”

“Mr. Kinney’s mother passed away during the night last night. He asked that we call you.” She explained. Justin nodded and sighed before heading over to sit next to Brian. He moved quietly enough and Brian didn’t make any indication that he’d heard the other man approach. Justin reached out and took Brian’s hand in his. While the hand moved willingly it was obvious that the lights were on but nobody was home. Justin didn’t know what to do. He’d never dealt with someone in shock before and it was obvious that was Brian’s current condition. What had Justin thoroughly confused was the fact that Brian had the hospital call him rather than the older man’s sister.

“Brian, I’m going to go talk to the doctor real quick, okay? Then I’ll take you home.” Justin spoke slowly and deliberately, making sure every word was heard. He didn’t move from his chair until he received an almost imperceptible nod in response, then he went in search of the doctor.

“What can I do for you?” The doctor asked politely. He gave Justin a once over and Justin’s gaydar started beeping like mad. Perfect, he thought.

“I’m Brian Kinney’s partner and I was wondering if I could get specifics on my mother-in-law’s condition.” He smiled sweetly and made sure to look the doctor right in the eye. The man cleared his throat and nodded.

“Of course, if you’ll come with me please.” The doctor smiled and Justin followed him. They went to the nurse’s station and the doctor picked up a chart and started to look at it. “It appears that Mrs. Kinney suffered a cerebral hemorrhage during sleep. Because it went completely untreated for such a long period of time it caused irreparable damage that led to severe organ failure and eventually death.” He tried to sound as clinical as possible.

“Did she suffer at all?” Justin asked.

“If she suffered at all it was in the form of a severe head ache. But most likely she was asleep at the time of the occurrence and didn’t feel a thing.”

“Um…..thank you.” Justin said before heading back over to Brian and sitting down. He once again took the older man’s hand. “You poor thing.” He said as he kissed Brian’s cheek. There was still no response from him so Justin helped him stand, then led him to his car. He helped Brian get all buckled in before driving him home.

Justin called in to work stating that he was going to be out. He also called out for Brian. He explained the situation to Ryder and the man rather compassionately gave them both off as much time as they needed with pay. He understood that Brian would need help in the preparations and didn’t know that Brian’s sister would be willing and able to do so. Justin knew that the funeral arrangements needed to be made but he didn’t have the first clue what to do.

“Brian, sweetie, I need you to come back to me for a minute.” He talked soothingly to the older man, hoping to bring him back to reality long enough to find out what he needed. It took a few minutes of coaxing to finally get a response out of him. “I need to know where your sister’s phone number is so that I can let her know what happened.”

“Pick up the phone. Say Claire.” Brian’s voice was monotone. Justin hadn’t really thought that it was something as simple as that. He’d forgotten that Brian’s entire phone book was programmed into the voice-activated phone. Justin did as instructed and picked up the phone.

“Claire.” He tried to say as clearly as possible. The phone started ringing and it wasn’t long before Claire answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Yes….um…..is this Claire? Brian Kinney’s sister?” He asked awkwardly.

“Yes…….who is this?” There was a hint of suspicion in her voice.

“This is Justin Taylor. I’m a friend of Brian’s. I….well….Brian’s a little out of it right now.”

“Why? What happened?” Suspicion suddenly changed to concern.

“I’m afraid your mother passed away last night.”

“What…..”

“She had a stroke in her sleep and since it went untreated, it killed her. I’m sorry.” He truly meant the sentiment.

“But…….where’s Brian?”

“He’s sitting right here in the kitchen with me. He’s really out of it, Claire. I can barely get two words out of him.”

“Tell him that I’ll be right there.” She said and then the line went dead. Justin sighed and hung up the phone, then moved over beside Brian.

“Brian, Claire says she’s going to get here as fast as she can.” He put a hand on Brian’s arm. Brian nodded and seemed okay with that. “Maybe you should go lie down for a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay.” Brian said once again monotone. He stood and made his way upstairs, getting into bed and drifting off immediately.
 

*****

When Brian woke up to the scent of something cooking downstairs, he was convinced that it had all been a horrible nightmare. His mother was perfectly fine and downstairs cooking him breakfast. That had to be it. He sighed, slightly relieved, then started to make his way downstairs to the kitchen. He walked in and took a seat at the table, then turned his head in the direction of the stove.

“So, what’s for breakfast?” He asked with a smile.

“Um….Brian……it’s almost one in the afternoon.” Justin said. That definitely wasn’t his mother’s voice. When he heard that voice the reality of what happened came crashing down on him and he started to shake as tears poured down his cheeks.

“No! NO!” Brian started to scream as he pounded his fists on the table. He couldn’t believe that his mother was really gone. She couldn’t be dead, she just couldn’t. Justin ran over and put his arms around Brian, holding him close. Brian started pounding his fists against the younger man’s chest as if he were somehow responsible for what happened. Justin just stood there and took it. He let Brian work out his anger and grief, even if it did hurt like hell.

“Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay, Brian.” He said soothingly when the older man finally calmed down a little. Brian rested his head against Justin’s chest and held him close as be continued to sob.

“How is it gonna be okay?! I don’t know where anything is! I can’t cook! I can’t clean! I can’t fucking take care of myself! My mom did all that! How the FUCK is everything gonna be okay?!” It was obvious to Justin that the anger was building again but by now Brian was too exhausted to actually put up a fight. He just sobbed until he could cry no more. When the crying calmed down to the occasional sniffle, Brian was still holding tight to Justin. Justin stroked Brian’s hair and just held on, giving Brian comfort in the only way he could.

“We’ll figure something out, Brian. Okay?” He asked softly. Brian simply nodded. Justin had no idea how they were going to get through this, but he knew that they would find a way somehow.

Claire arrived the next day and the funeral arrangements started. Brian had almost nothing to do with it as he was still out of it for the most part. Claire called the family and friends to let them know what happened while Justin arranged a classic Irish Catholic service. It was a couple of days later before everything was done and they were sitting there at the table going over one last time everything that would be needed for the wake.

“What about daddy?” Claire asked no one in particular.

“No.” They both jumped. It was the first word Brian had uttered all day.

“What do you mean, no?” Claire questioned.

“He’s in jail, that’s what I mean.” Brian replied.

“But sometimes they let them out…” She started. Justin decided to stay out of this conversation.

“I said no. He doesn’t deserve to be there. He’s a selfish uncaring asshole and he never really loved her anyway. He can find out after the funeral.” Brian said adamantly. It was clear to both that he would not be swayed on this.

“I guess I could…”

“I’ll tell him.” Brian’s voice carried a tone that could not be budged.

“But Brian…..you haven’t talked to Daddy since…”

“Since he did this to me?” Brian pointed to his eyes. “You think I don’t know that Claire? I don’t care that I haven’t talked to the man in almost fourteen years. I am going to be the one to tell him. That’s all there is to it.” He crossed his arms over his chest. Justin and Claire exchanged glances, then went back to the lists in front of them.

“What about the house?” Justin asked as he and Claire were going through Joan’s things. Most were being donated to charity but some were being tossed out or given to family.

“I guess that’s up to Brian really. I mean, it’s his house.” Claire said with a shrug. Justin hadn’t realized that the house was actually in Brian’s name. He nodded and they continued to go through Joan’s things.

“It’s really hard to believe she’s actually gone.” Claire said as she held up one of Joan’s sweaters. It still smelled of her mother’s perfume and tears came to her eyes. She tried hard to keep them at bay but a few rebellious tears slipped free.

“I really am sorry for your loss.”

“I understand that mom had something to do with you and Brian breaking up?” She asked without looking at Justin.

“Well, not really but…..hey wait a minute…..” Justin looked at her.

“Brian and I talk about everything, Justin. I recognized your name as soon as you said it. Brian called me in tears when you wouldn’t talk to him anymore. He was so upset. He thought he’d done something to drive you away. That he’d fucked up and that’s why you didn’t want to talk to him anymore.”

“It wasn’t him at all. It was…”

“Mom?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. “There’s really no point in denying it. Mom has ruined more than one relationship for Brian.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. She was afraid that if Brian got into a relationship he wouldn’t need her anymore so she kept sabotaging them. That way he was forever alone and always needing her.” She sighed and continued to go through her mother’s things. “As much as I loved my mom, still love her, part of me is glad that she’s gone because now maybe Brian can have a meaningful relationship with someone that truly cares about him.” She gave Justin a sideways glance.

“Yeah, maybe.” Justin said, the whole time the wheels were turning in his head. Maybe he still had a chance with Brian. He couldn’t make his move now. Brian was too vulnerable and he would seem like an insensitive asshole. He had to wait until the time was right.
 

*****

The funeral was in two days and everything was set. Brian decided to sell the house and Claire was helping him with that. The only problem was that they had no idea what Brian’s plans were once the house was sold. He’d made up his mind that he couldn’t live alone, but neither of them knew whether he would quit Ryder and move in with Claire, or would take Justin up on his offer to move in. The decision wouldn’t have to be made until the house was officially sold though.

Justin decided to take the free time he had to go work out. It had been at least a month since his last visit to a gym and he did have a membership at the company gym so he decided to make use of it. He was still a little sore from Brian’s outburst and hoped to work that off. After a rigorous work out that lasted about two hours, Justin decided to call it a day. He made his way into the showers and washed off quickly before heading to his locker.

As Justin walked up to his locker he noticed that Tommy was at the locker just across from his. He tried to ignore the other man. They weren’t that close and only really knew each other through Brian. Tommy turned to look at him a minute. Justin had his back to the other man for just a moment before he felt the eyes on him and turned to look at Tommy. Tommy’s eyes went wide when he saw the bruises covering Justin’s chest.

“Holy shit, Justin! What happened to you?!” He pointed to the blonde’s chest. Justin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, then turned back to his locker to get dressed.

“Nothing.” He answered.

“That’s not nothing. What the fuck happened?” Tommy insisted. The fact that this man that rarely said two words to him was suddenly taking such a concern in his life pissed Justin off to no end, but he decided to tell the man anyway because whether or not Justin liked him, he was Brian’s friend.

“Brian…”

“Brian hit you?” Tommy was obviously confused.

“It’s not what you think.”

“You don’t know what I think.” Tommy said and Justin turned to look at him.

“Look, in case you haven’t heard Brian’s mom died recently. He’s really upset about it. He had some anger he needed to get out and I just happened to get in the way. It was more grief than anything else but I let him get it out because he needed to. So if anything this is my fault because I didn’t stop him.”

“Getting hit is not your fault, Justin.”

“It’s not like he’s abusing me or anything, okay? I let him hit me. I’m not covering for him because he’s abusing me. After the life he’s led do you really think he’d be able to abuse anybody? This happened,” Justin indicated his chest. “Because the man I love is in a lot of pain and needed to work through it. So I honestly suggest you stay the fuck out of it before you say something that will make Brian feel worse than he already does. Right now his blindness is a gift because if he saw these bruises it would only make him feel guilty and that’s the last thing he needs right now.” Justin had to try very hard to keep his voice at a reasonable level. Tommy just looked at him for a minute, then nodded.

“Alright, man. I’ll stay out of it. And…..nobody told me that his mom died.” He suddenly felt a little out of the loop. “Although that does explain where Brian’s been the last few days.”

“I’m sorry. I thought you would have been one of the first to know. And could you please make sure Cynthia knows? The funeral is Saturday at noon at St Catherine’s.”

“Sure.” Tommy nodded, then finished gathering his things and walked off. Justin sighed heavily before continuing to get dressed.
 

*****

It was about a week after the funeral and Justin was sitting with Brian at the small table in his apartment having breakfast. Brian had been quiet a lot since his mother’s death and Justin would have paid anything to get inside that head and find out what was going on. It was obvious that he was thinking. The question was, what was he thinking about? The house had been sold, furniture and all, but they still had three weeks before Brian had to move out.

It was decided that the apartment was not big enough for both of them so Justin was searching for a house that they would purchase together. Brian didn’t really want to leave Ryder and didn’t want to handle commuting across three states if he lived with Claire, so he agreed to live with Justin. He wasn’t quite sure where their relationship stood, but at the moment he was just happy the young man was talking to him again.

“Can you give me a ride?” Brian asked. Justin jumped slightly, not expecting to hear the man speak. He looked up from his food.

“Um…..sure. Where to?” Justin questioned.

“I think it’s about time I went and talked to my dad.” Brian commented almost casually. Justin’s face paled. He’d been trying to talk Brian out of talking to his father since the brunet decided he should be the one to go.

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?” The blond asked.

“I have to tell him eventually, Justin.”

“Well….I mean…..why not let Claire do it?”

“And have her take even more time off work so that she can come up here just to spend a half an hour talking to my dad? If that much? No. I said I’m going to do it and I’m going to do it. If you won’t give me a ride I’ll catch a cab.” Brian got up and started to move away from the table. His movements were slow as he still didn’t know his way around yet.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll take you.” Justin said with a sigh. A little over an hour later he pulled up in front of the Pennsylvania State Penitentiary just outside Pittsburgh. Brian sat in the car for a moment. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, running his fingers through his hair.

“Here goes.” He said as he started to open the door.

“You want me to come with you?” Justin put a hand on Brian’s arm. Brian raised an eyebrow though it could barely be seen over his sunglasses.

“My dad hates me enough as it is, the last thing I need is to show up with my boyfriend.”

“Brian…”

“Yeah, Justin, I know. You’re not my boyfriend. I get it. Just…..wait out here, okay?” He sighed as he got out of the car and let Topper out of the back seat. With a firm grip on the harness he headed into the building. Justin sighed heavily as he watched the man walk away. It was obvious Brian was still hurt by Justin’s avoidance. He wondered what it would take to get Brian to understand that he really did care about him.

Brian was searched thoroughly before being let into the visitation room. He was forced to leave Topper with the guards, which made him mad. One of the guards led him to a chair where he’d be seated across from his father. Luckily they hadn’t let his father into the room yet. Brian really didn’t want Jack to see him being led around. Hopefully they would escort Jack out of the room before Brian left.

Brian’s heart started pounding when he heard the door open. He knew that Jack was being let in the room and he tried very hard not to let his fear show on the outside. He heard the clinking of the chains on Jack’s handcuffs. Brian could tell that two guards escorted the man in and only one left. They weren’t taking any chances. Especially since this wasn’t a typical visitation room with glass between inmate and visitor. It was simply a room with a table and chairs.

“Well, look at that, if it isn’t the fucking fairy. Finally grow a set and decide to come see your old man, eh?” Jack cackled. Brian wondered how well being in prison the last fourteen years had treated the man. He could imagine the thinning and graying hair, the wrinkles, the circles under his eyes. A smirk came to Brian’s face as he thought about the many things his fellow inmates had done to his father. “What’s so god damned funny?”

“You.” Brian admitted. “I’m sure you and I probably have a lot in common by now, right Jack?” The smirk spread. Brian heard the man growl and thought he heard some more movement from the other side of the table, but he also heard the footsteps the guard took toward them and knew that his father was being kept in check.

“You’re pretty tough with an armed guard here to protect you.”

“Now that I know that guard is actually armed.” Brian rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you get smart with me, boy.” Jack warned. Brian just scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Whatever, Jack.” He tried very hard to keep his pounding heart and the adrenaline rushing through his veins a personal secret. Being in the same room with Jack Kinney after all these years had him as scared as he’d been the first time his father had ever hit him. He tried to remain calm and not let that fear show because Jack Kinney fed on fear and used it to his advantage.

“I seriously doubt this is a social call, sonny boy. Why are you here?” Jack question. Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He tightened his grip on his upper arms to remain grounded as he spoke.

“Mom’s dead.”

“What?”

“Mom died.”

“When?” Jack asked. Brian was surprised that the man actually sounded hurt.

“About two weeks ago.” Brian answered.

“And you’re just now telling me this?” Anger was evident in the other man’s voice.

“I really didn’t think you’d care considering the way you treated her before you got put away.” Brian wasn’t surprised at all when Jack cleared his throat and the sarcasm returned.

“Never should have married her anyway.” He scoffed. Brian didn’t let anything show on the outside, though on the inside he was seething.

“That’s right. Jack Kinney never should have been a family man. If you hadn’t married mom then I wouldn't have been born and you wouldn’t be here for trying to kill me! Isn’t that right Jack?!” Brian’s attempts at staying calm were failing miserably.

“Damn right.” Jack said with a smirk that Brian couldn’t see. He was thoroughly enjoying the fact that he was getting to his son.

“Well, let me let you in on a little secret, Jack. I am the way I am because I was born this way. You know what that means? It means that the fact that I’m gay can be traced back to you and mom. And given the fact that Uncle Charlie is gay I think it’s safe to say that it can be traced back to you.”

“How dare you!”

“How dare I what, Jack?” Brian was smirking once again. “How many times have you taken it up the ass in here, Jack? And don’t tell me you haven’t because the way you are it’s either take it or die. And I seriously doubt you have the big hairy cajones to let them kill you. So tell me, Jack. How many guys have you let fuck you? Because I’m betting you loved every minute of it.” Brian’s smirk was soon wiped off his face as the guard didn’t react quickly enough and Jack managed to backhand Brian across the cheek. His head snapped to the side and he just sat there stunned for a moment.

“You’re nothing but a mistake, sonny boy. You never should have been born.”

“You should have gotten rid of me a long time ago, I know that already Jack. You’ve been telling me every day since I was fucking born.” Brian reached up and touched the spot on his cheek where Jack hit him. It was tender and he knew that there would be a bruise there soon and there was probably a red mark. Jack was practically dragged out of the room by the guards and Brian just sat there a moment before he too was escorted out.

Brian remained quiet the whole way home. Justin wanted to ask him so many questions, first and foremost being about the slowly forming bruise on his cheek. He respected the man’s silence, however, and knew that Brian would tell him all in good time. Once they were back at his place he helped Brian upstairs. They were both quiet for several minutes. Brian sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside him. Justin joined him almost immediately and Brian rested his head on the younger man’s shoulder. When Justin’s shirt started getting wet, he realized that Brian was crying. Justin reached up and started to stroke the older man’s hair with one hand, taking Brian’s hand in the other.

“Justin?”

“Yes, Brian.”

“Am……am I a mistake?” He asked shakily. Justin was a little confused at first, but he started to understand when he remembered the things that he’d heard about Brian’s father. Justin turned his head and kissed Brian’s forehead.

“No, baby. You’re not a mistake.” He whispered against the soft hair. Brian lifted his head a little and it almost looked like he was looking Justin right in the eye, having taken his sunglasses off upon entering the apartment.

“I need to hear that you love me.” Tears started pouring more quickly down Brian’s cheeks. “Whether you mean it or not, I need somebody to say it.” He reached up and started to wipe his eyes. Justin put his hands on Brian’s cheeks, being careful of the bruise, and held his face still for a moment.

“I love you, Brian. I always have and I always will. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.” The words were spoken softly, but with so much emotion. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck and rested his head on the younger man’s shoulder again as he started to sob, but this time it wasn’t grief or sadness that caused the tears.
 

*****

As Brian was getting ready to leave for the day he heard his door open and smiled as the scent of Justin’s cologne drifted past his nostrils.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Justin sounded less than enthusiastic. Brian made his way over to his couch and sat down, feeling the couch shift as Justin sat beside him.

“What’s wrong?” Brian asked, reaching for the blonde’s hand. Justin quickly took his hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

“Ryder’s sending me on a business trip.” Justin answered.

“How long will you be gone?” Brian sounded slightly worried.

“Two weeks.” Justin sighed.

“But….”

“Don’t worry, Cynthia agreed to come over and make sure you’re okay. She won’t be spending the night, but she’ll make sure you have a ride to and from work, and she’ll make dinner for you.”

“That’s very good of her.” Brian said, letting some relief into his voice.

“I tried to get out of the trip, Bri, I really did. But I’m the only one that can go.”

“It’s okay, Justin. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do. I’ll be okay.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss Justin’s cheek, ending up kissing the younger man’s nose. “Don’t move your head when I’m trying to kiss you.” He chuckled and Justin laughed.

“Sorry.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. I have to start packing right away.”

“I guess we better get home then, huh?”

“Yeah, guess so.” Justin sighed again. Brian called Topper over as Justin grabbed Brian’s briefcase.

“I really will be okay, Justin. Especially with Cynthia there to help out.” Brian smiled as Justin slipped an arm around his waist. Brian slipped the hand that wasn’t holding on to Topper’s harness around Justin’s shoulders.

“I know, baby. But that won’t keep me from worrying.”

Brian was sitting downstairs ready to go to work. Topper was at his side and they waited at the bottom of the stairs for Cynthia to arrive to take Brian to work. His stomach growled loudly as he waited. Justin had been gone for four days and Brian was starting to realize how dependant he was on other people. Just then there was a knock on the door. Brian got up and answered it.

“Hey, Brian, ready to go?”

“Yeah, but we need to stop and grab something to eat on the way.” He sounded less than happy.

“But…you rarely eat breakfast, except on the weekend.”

“And the rare occasion that I don’t eat dinner the night before.” Brian ground out obviously angry.

“But why didn’t you….” Her eyes went wide then and she gasped. “Oh Brian! I’m so sorry! I completely forgot! I just…I got asked out and…”

“Forget it. I just need something in my stomach now before I pass out.” Brian let Topper into Cynthia’s car, then got in himself. After buckling his seat belt he crossed his arms over his chest and was effectively pouting. Cynthia got in, buckled up and pulled out of the driveway.

“Why didn’t you order take out or something?”

“Kind of hard to do that when you can’t read the fucking menu. And they won’t stand there and read it to you over the phone, they don’t have time. Believe me, I tried.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I really am sorry Brian.” She said softly.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you forgot.” Brian huffed.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” She said.

“You won’t have to. I plan on doing something about this myself.”

”What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s about time I put all that shit I learned back when I was seventeen to good use. I’ve become way too dependent on other people and it’s time that changed.”

“Oh.” Was all she could manage, sighing heavily and feeling guilty for letting her best friend down.

As soon as Justin walked in the door he could tell that something was different about the house. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but he knew there was something different. He was, however, extremely happy to be home. He couldn’t wait to see Brian. Justin went to set his bags down and caught the distinct aroma of food cooking coming from the kitchen. He could have sworn he’d told Cynthia that he’d be home tonight. Perhaps she had fixed dinner for the two of them and was going to leave as soon as he got there.

“Brian? Baby? I’m home.” Justin called out.

“In here.” Brian answered from the kitchen. Perhaps the older man was keeping Cynthia company as she cooked. Brian often loved to sit in the kitchen talking to Justin as he prepared their evening meal. It had become a ritual and it would make sense that he would continue to do it even in Justin’s absence. The blond was completely amazed to see an apron wearing Brian standing behind a stove, completely alone in the kitchen.

“Hey, Brian…” Justin said, still in shock.

“Hey, dinner’s almost ready. Can you set the table?” He smiled and Justin nodded before answering verbally and going to set the table.

“When did you start cooking?” Justin questioned as he put the plates and silverware down.

“I’ve known how to cook since I was fourteen; I just never did after….” He motioned with his hands to his eyes and Justin nodded.

“I was just wondering….”

“How I’m doing it?” Brian asked and Justin once again nodded before speaking.

“Yeah.” He said and Brian beamed, practically bursting with pride.

“Voice activated kitchen appliances and a Braille labeler for the foods.” He said.

“Voice activated appliances?” Justin asked.

“Yeah. The burners on the stove are voice activated, as well as the temperature and timer on the oven. The microwave is also voice activated as well as the food processor. See? Watch.” Brian walked over to the microwave and said “one minute, high temperature.” In a clear voice and the appliance came on, one minute later, it beeped signaling it was done.

“Wow, that’s great.” Justin sounded a little worried. “Um…. what brought this on? I mean…. before you were perfectly content to rely on me.”

“You won’t be around all the time, Justin. I can’t rely on you for everything. And the past couple of weeks proved that there would be times when I’ll be home by myself. Now if I could only get a voice activated car that would be great.” Brian chuckled and Justin laughed with him, but humorlessly.

“What about Cynthia?”

“I missed dinner one night because she had a date and forgot to come check on me. That’s when I realized that I had to start being able to do things on my own. Because not everyone that takes care of me is as reliable as you are.” He smiled a little sadly and Justin nodded. He moved over to the older man and wrapped his arms around him, kissing his chin.

“Well, I’m very proud of you, baby. And I can’t wait to taste what you’ve cooked up for dinner. It smells delicious.”

“Thanks. It’s just a simple fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken.”

“It’s more than that, baby.” Justin said in a soft voice.

“What do you mean?” Brian raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“It’s a real accomplishment.” Justin kissed Brian’s cheek and chuckled as Brian actually blushed.

Brian woke up early, a smile on his face from the minute he was fully awake. He couldn’t believe it had already been three years since he first met Justin. They’d been through so much in the time together but had only managed to get closer than ever before. Brian kissed Justin’s cheek before getting out of bed to go about his morning routine. After showering and shaving, he made his way down to the kitchen to start making breakfast.

Since Brian had asserted his independence the two of them started switching off days cooking. Today happened to be Brian’s day. He decided that he’d go with the easiest thing to make, bacon and eggs. Justin had taken the time to label the cabinets with a general idea of what they held. Brian searched until he found the label that read “pots and pans” in Braille and reached in, pulling out two frying pans. He then went to the fridge and pulled out the necessary bacon and eggs.

Not long after he started cooking the familiar sound of bare feet on linoleum accompanied the frying bacon. Moments later a slightly cold hand found it’s way to

the small of Brian’s back and wet lips kissed his cheek.

“Morning, baby.” Justin whispered in Brian’s ear before giving it a kiss. He chuckled as Brian shuddered.

“Morning, sunshine. Can you pour the juice, breakfast is almost ready.”

“Sure thing.” Justin smiled and went about getting the orange juice on the table. “Can you believe it’s been three years already?” He asked after a few minutes.

“No, I can’t really. Time’s just flown by.” Brian smiled before taking a bite of eggs.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, baby.” Justin said as he stood from the table.

“I thought we agreed we weren’t going to get each other gifts this year.” Brian protested.

“I got US a gift; I didn’t get you a gift.” Justin chuckled and Brian sighed.

“Semantics.” Brian said and Justin laughed. He walked over and slipped a CD into the player in the kitchen, then hit play. The kitchen was suddenly filled with the sound of waves crashing against the shore, seagulls and what sounded like steel drums. A smile grew on Brian’s face. “Is that what I think it is?” He asked.

“I got us a trip to Jamaica.” Justin came over to stand next to Brian. The older man stood and hugged Justin tight, kissing him passionately. “I take it you like the idea?” Justin asked with a laugh. Brian once again kissed him.

“Definitely. I’ve always wanted to go to Jamaica.” There was the tiniest hint of sadness in his voice, though. Justin took both Brian’s hands in his.

“I know you won’t be able to see everything, baby, but I plan on trying to help you see whatever I can. I’ll describe everything down to the last detail so you can picture it in your mind. I promise.” The words were spoken softly and tenderly.

“Thank you so much.” Brian said, his voice filled with emotion. “When do we leave?”

“This weekend.”

“That doesn’t give us much time to pack.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Justin said. Brian nodded and they came together in a kiss they lost themselves in, the remainder of breakfast totally forgotten.

They arrived at the hotel early in the morning, opting to catch up on some of the sleep they lost the night before having to be at the airport at 3am to go through all the security and the necessary procedures for Topper before they could get on the plane. Brian was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, not even bothering to take his shoes off. Justin smiled tiredly, removing Brian’s shoes, and his own, before climbing into bed and curling up with the older man.

They slept until the sunlight streaming in the window of their room could no longer be ignored and woke up together. Brian smiled as brightly as the sun shining in through the glass. Justin couldn’t keep a matching smile from his face as he reached up to stroke Brian’s cheek.

“You’re so beautiful.” The blonde said softly before kissing Brian’s lips. Brian sighed happily.

“This was the best idea you’ve ever had.” He kissed Justin once again before getting up and going into the bathroom

.“I was thinking we could go swimming. There’s a pool downstairs. Or we can go out to the lagoon and just lay out on the beach.” Justin offered. Brian was quiet, the only sound coming from the bathroom being that of the flushing toilet.

“I think I want to go down to the lagoon.” Brian said as he emerged from the bathroom. Justin smiled and got up.

“I’ll get our swimsuits and arrange for a picnic lunch with the front desk.”

“Perfect.” Brian smiled. The day couldn’t have been better. It wasn’t too hot and wasn’t too cold. It was perfect. Brian could feel the sunlight heating up his skin and he loved it, though he did worry if Justin would burn or not. The younger man had said that he had fairly pale skin and Brian was sure that his skin would probably sunburn easily. He decided to keep his mouth shut though, fairly certain that the younger man would take the necessary precautions to keep that from happening.

They made their way down a winding path, having decided to leave Topper with one of the hotel staff so they could be completely alone. Justin had said on more than one occasion that having Topper in the room when they were making love creeped him out and it had killed the mood numerous times. And no matter how hard they tried, they simply couldn’t get Topper to stay in her bed every night. She got lonely easily and often wandered into their bedroom.

As they walked, Justin described everything he saw. He told Brian about the flowers and the trees and the lizards and anything that came into his view. Brian smiled as he tried to picture it all in his mind, creating a simulated tropical wonderland for only his eyes to see. He wished that he could get down what he saw on paper so that he could share it with Justin. Yet another setback to his blindness. But he knew that what Justin was seeing could rival what his imagination came up with.

When they finally came to a stop, Justin let go of Brian’s arm so that he could lie out the blanket. They weren’t quite ready for lunch so he set the picnic basket aside. Brian stood still and listened carefully. He heard the sounds of a breeze blowing through the trees, the waves washing up on the beach, the birds chirping. What he didn’t hear were the sounds of other people on the little beach with them.

He arched an eyebrow and turned in Justin’s general direction.

“We’re completely alone.” Justin said in a voice filled unmistakably with lust. Brian swallowed hard and his cock twitched in his pants.

“Completely?” He asked in a low growl.

“Completely.” Justin responded, his tone matching Brian’s. The older man started to slowly strip, wanting to put on a show for Justin. He removed his light linen shirt one button at a time, then slowly slipped it off his shoulders before throwing it aside. He then removed the matching pants, hoping that he was facing the right direction so that his ass was presented to Justin as he bent over to slide the pants off his feet. The last thing removed were his boxers, his hardened cock springing free before he threw them aside, then lay down on the blanket.

Justin licked his lips as his eyes traveled from the top of Brian’s head to the tip of his toes and back up to his glorious erection, stretched up so that it lay against his stomach. Brian propped himself up on his elbows and to anyone walking by it would have appeared that the man was staring out at the beautiful water.

“Tell me about the water.” Brian said softly, throwing Justin off a little. He smiled a little when he realized what Brian meant.

“Clear and blue. Almost teal really with the sunlight shining through it. White tips at the crest of the waves out off the shoreline. The further out it goes the deeper the blue gets until it’s the color of sapphires.” He slowly crawled so that he was on all fours over Brian’s prone body, his lips mere millimeters from Brian’s when he came to a stop.

“I can picture it. I bet it’s beautiful.”

“Not nearly as beautiful as you.” Justin said before capturing Brian’s lips in a kiss. He reached up and put a hand on the back of Brian’s head, running his fingers through the soft auburn hair as he deepened the kiss, his tongue flicking out to touch Brian’s lower lip. Justin gasped slightly as Brian hungrily sucked his tongue into his mouth, sucking on it eagerly as if his life depended on it.

Brian’s hands started moving down the younger man’s sides. Justin had opted to not wear a shirt down to the lagoon and Brian smiled as his thumbs brushed over Justin’s nipples before making their way down. He broke the kiss when his hands encountered the blonde’s shorts, however.

“You are far too over dressed for this.” Brian smirked and Justin chuckled. He reached down and slowly wriggled out of his shorts. Brian lay back on the blanket as Justin spread his body out over him, their erections rubbing together as they kissed, both of them moaning at the contact. When the need for air became too great the kiss broke and their foreheads rested against each other.

“Justin?”

“Yes, Brian?” They were both panting slightly.

“Make love to me.” Brian said softly. Justin smiled and kissed Brian as he lifted the older man’s legs to his shoulders. They’d given up condoms several months ago after having been monogamous for a little over a year and both testing negative. Justin got himself into position, using precum as his lube as he slid just the head into Brian’s waiting hole. The older man moaned, gripping the blanket beneath him. Torturously, Justin slowly pushed until he was in to the hilt. Brian moved his legs down, wrapping them tightly around Justin’s waist as his hands moved up to pull the younger man down into a kiss. When Brian bucked his hips, Justin started thrusting, slowly at first but gaining momentum. Brian forced his tongue into Justin’s mouth, licking every possible surface.

It wasn’t long before both men were lost in the ecstasy of their shared orgasms, both screaming the others name. Streams of Brian’s cum shot into his hair and over his face, the last stream covering his chest and stomach before it was over and Justin collapsed on top of him.

Brian kept his arms wrapped around Justin, letting his legs fall to the blanket beneath him. Justin rested his head on Brian’s strong chest, listening to his heartbeat gradually slow down. They stayed like that, Brian holding Justin, until Justin’s dick softened to the point of slipping out of Brian. The older man groaned at the lack of contact but neither made a move other than Justin looking up at Brian and smiling.

“I love you.” He whispered softly.

“Love you too.” Brian answered. Justin rested his head on Brian’s chest again and was quiet for a minute before looking up once again.

“Brian?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Marry me.”

“What?” Brian wasn’t quite sure he’d heard that right.

“Will you marry me?” Justin asked again, now a little scared at the response he was going to get. Brian was quiet for several minutes and the longer the silence lasted, the more Justin began to panic until finally Brian spoke.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” He smiled brightly and the two came together in a kiss filled with hopes and promises of a future together forever.
 

Return to Rena's