Sunshine Series

Teen angel, teen angel, teen angel, ooh, ooh

That fateful night the car was stalled upon the railroad track
I pulled you out and we were safe, but you went running back

Teen angel, can you hear me?
Teen angel, can you see me?
Are you somewhere up above
And I am still your own true love?

What was it you were looking for that took your life that night?
They said they found my high school ring clutched in your fingers tight

Teen angel, can you hear me?
Teen angel, can you see me?
Are you somewhere up above
And I am still your own true love?

Just sweet sixteen, and now you're gone
They've taken you away.
I'll never kiss your lips again
They buried you today

Teen angel, can you hear me?
Teen angel, can you see me?
Are you somewhere up above
And I am still your own true love?

Teen angel, teen angel, answer me, please


Justin was in the studio at PIFA working on a project that was due the next day. It was getting late and he knew he needed to head home, but he also had to finish the project. After a little while his hand started shaking. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get it to work again. Taking that as his cue to leave, Justin gathered up his things and left the building.

Since he no longer needed the money he made at the diner, and as an intern, to pay the rent like he had when staying with Ethan, Justin had saved the money and bought himself a used car. It was really a piece of shit, but he got tired of relying on Brian and buses to get around. Brian had offered to help him buy a better used car, but Justin refused. As he walked out to the car, he pulled out his phone and called Brian.

"Hey." Brian answered.

"Hey." Justin said. "I'm heading home now. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Well, thanks for the warning, but for once it's not needed." Brian said with a laugh. Justin smiled. He liked the fact that Brian was cutting back on tricking. As far as Justin knew, he was down to only one or two a week.

"So, I'll be home in about fifteen minutes." Justin said.

"Okay. I'll be in bed naked and waiting." Brian chuckled making Justin smile again.

"Can't wait. Love you."

"You too." Brian said before hanging up. Justin's smile grew as he hung up the phone and put it away. It was the closest Brian had come to actually saying the three little words since they had gotten back together. He wondered if maybe eventually one day Brian would actually say them. He just laughed and shook his head, then got into the car and started to drive off.

As he drove he thought about the last couple of months. He couldn't believe how happy he'd been since he and Brian got back together. He started to wonder what the older man had planned for his twentieth birthday, which was just two weeks away. He didn't understand how he could be an adult and yet still be considered a teenager, just because of four little letters at the end of the word that spelled out his age.

He sighed heavily as the car died on the way home. As Justin tried to get it started again, he didn't realize that it had stalled on a set of train tracks until he heard the train whistle. He looked up and saw the light on the engine heading his way. He panicked at first, then tried to start the car again. When the car wouldn't start he decided to just leave the car. It could be replaced. The problem was that his hand being as tired as it was, refused to unbuckle the seat belt. He reached across with his left hand trying to undo it, but the seatbelt was stuck. He tried as best he could to get it undone. He then remembered that he had a knife in his bag. One of his many artists' tools. He reached to the bag to get it. Just as his hand made contact with the knife, the train made contact with the car.





Brian was getting worried when Justin wasn't home yet. He'd said that he'd be back at the loft in fifteen minutes and yet it was an hour later and still no Justin. He tried the boy's cell and got nothing. He started to panic. What if something happened? Just as he hung up, the phone rang.

"Hello." Brian answered.

"Brian......" It was Jennifer Taylor and she sounded upset. Brian sat down hard on the couch.

"What happened?"

"Justin's.....Justin is........" She started to cry.

"Jennifer, where are you?" Brian asked.

"General." She managed. Brian nodded, his entire body going cold.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." Brian then hung up, speeding to the hospital as fast as he could. By the time he got there, Debbie and Vic were already there. Jennifer was hysterical, as was Debbie. And though Vic was trying to remain calm, it was obvious that he was very sad. Brian walked over and looked at them.

"Oh Brian......." Jennifer said. She stood and hugged the man, totally shocking him at first. It was this action alone that confirmed Brian's worst fear. There was only one thing that he could think of that would get Jennifer Taylor to even attempt to touch him. He closed his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. He simply held Jennifer, not sure what to say or do. His whole body went completely numb as the realization set in that Justin Taylor was dead.





When Justin opened his eyes he had no idea where he was. The last thing he remembered was the train coming toward him. He thought at first that maybe he was in the hospital, but then he looked around. Instead of bright lights and white walls, he saw rainbows everywhere. He was lying on a very soft bed, that much he knew, but it was also covered in rainbows. The decorations around here put Debbie's Pride decorations to shame. He looked down at his clothes and laughed out loud. He was wearing a skintight, rainbow tie dyed t-shirt with matching rainbow tie dyed just as skintight pants.

He sat up and looked around some more. Rainbow streamers were hanging everywhere, as well as flags and banners and anything you could think of. He shook his head and tried to clear it. How he ended up here, he'd never know. He noticed that he was in some kind of room. When he looked out the "window" of the room, he noticed even more rainbows, even a couple arching across the sky.

"I've died and gone to Pride." He said softly to himself as he opened the door. He walked down a street that looked very much like Liberty Avenue. At least with all the rainbow flags and so forth. The buildings were definitely different. He'd made it about halfway down the street when he heard a deep voice from behind him.

"You all alone, sugar?" The voice asked. Justin turned and froze. Standing just a few feet away from him was none other than Godiva. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath letting it out slowly.

"This has to be a dream. I'm in a coma or something and I'm dreaming. That has to be it." He said.

"You're not dreaming, sugar." Godiva said as she walked closer to him. Justin opened his eyes and looked at her.

"You mean......I really am dead?" He asked.

"I'm afraid so." Godiva answered.

"But......I can't be dead. I mean......."

"Honey, you were hit by a train, do you honestly think you would have survived that?" Godiva hated to be so blunt, but it was often necessary to get the point through to the most recent dearly departed that they were in fact dead. She noticed the stricken expression on the beautiful boy's face and sighed. It was a shame that someone so young had joined them in the after life, but it did happen.

"But........I'm only nineteen." Justin said with a sob. Godiva went over and hugged him. He held on tight, crying against her shoulder.

"I know, sugar, let it out. It's a shock at first. I'm sorry, sugar." She sighed and rubbed his back. After a few minutes he calmed down and looked at her.

"But.......where am I?"

"This, sugar, is the afterlife. More affectionately known by those of us here as homo heaven." She smiled. "All that stuff about fags going to hell that the Christians brew up? Total bullshit." She smiled bigger when Justin laughed.

"Man, Brian's mom would throw a fit if she knew about this." He chuckled.

"I'm sure she would." Godiva smiled. Justin sighed heavily.

"They're all miserable, aren't they?" Justin asked as he looked at her.

"They are. They miss you. But they'll move on." She answered matter of factly. Justin could, however, tell there was something she wasn't telling him.

"What's going on?"

"Honey, I hate to say this, but........we've got to put you to work."

"Doing what?"

"Helping Brian move on. Your death did more damage than we thought it would." She replied.

"Wait.....so......I was supposed to die?"

"No, sugar. This was an accident. But, when it happened, we thought we knew how each of the people in your life could handle it. The problem is, Brian took it a lot harder than we thought he would. He's become even more self destructive than before."

"But, if I'm dead, how am I going to help him?"

"That, I'm afraid, is up to you." She said. Justin once again sighed. He didn't have the slightest clue how he was going to do this.





Brian woke up with the alarm, turning it off and getting up. He went and took a shower, shaved and walked to the closet, deciding what to wear. He had to be at work for a very important meeting and he wanted to look perfect. He decided on the charcoal Armani with the red shirt and matching tie. He actually made sure his hair was neatly combed rather than giving it his customary "just fucked" look and made sure that his shoes were polished to a mirror finish before making himself some coffee. After downing a cup, he grabbed his jacket, keys and briefcase and left the loft.

He made his customary stop at the diner for breakfast with the guys. He wasn't surprised to see them all sitting in their usual booth. Rather than joining them he sat in the booth next to theirs, as he sometimes did when he didn't want to be bothered. He could tell they were all staring at him but he just ignored it. He noticed that Debbie wasn't her usual boisterous self and that she was actually wearing subdued and dark colors. He wondered what was going on, but he didn't question it. He figured she'd tell him if she felt like it. After breakfast, he got up and started to leave the diner. They all watched his back as he left the building, amazement on each face.

"Is it just me or does he not seem to care?" Emmett asked.

"He did seem a little.......distant." Ted commented.

"That's how Brian deals with things like this, you know that." Michael said.

"The fact that he's wearing that suit means something." Debbie said.

"What?" the three asked in unison.

"Justin once told me that of all of Brian's suits that one was his favorite." She answered before going back to work. They all nodded.

When Brian got into the office, he noticed the slightly shocked expression on Cynthia's face. He simply raised an eyebrow at her as he passed her desk, going into his office. He set down his briefcase, pulling out the notes he made for the meeting he had later that morning, hung his jacket on the coat rack and sat down at his desk. A couple of minutes later, Cynthia came in with a cup of coffee.

"I'm surprised you came in today." She said honestly.

"I have a client meeting this morning, of course I'd come in." He looked at her before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I know but......" She started.

"But nothing. Now, go down to the art department and get me the boards so that I can proof them before the meeting." He then turned back to his work. She simply nodded and did as she was told. A little while later, Vance came into his office. It had been discovered not long after Justin was hired that Brian and Justin were in a relationship. Vance told him as long as it stayed outside the office and Justin received no special treatment at work he didn't have a problem with it. Brian agreed and had followed the rules.

"Brian, what are you doing here?"

"I've got the meeting with the Calvin Klein people." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I thought you had another engagement that conflicted with that meeting." Vance said.

"I've been working on this account from the beginning, Gardner. I'm going to pitch the campaign."

"Brian......" Vance started.

"I'm going to the meeting, Gardner. End of story."

"Alright, alright." Vance put up his hands in surrender then left the office. He was standing there just outside the door when Cynthia came back with the boards.

"He's going to be at the meeting?" She asked.

"He insists that he is." Vance replied.

"What about Justin's funeral?" She questioned. Vance simply shrugged and went back to his office.





Everyone was sitting in the small church waiting for the service to start. There was whispered chatter but it was kept at light small talk. Michael looked around the room as they all waited. He sighed heavily when he noticed his best friend missing from the assembled people. He looked at his mother, who only shrugged, then sighed once again. He was about to get up and go outside and call Brian to find out where he was, but the service started and he thought it would be rude to leave.

Justin was standing off in one corner watching his friends and family mourn his death. Godiva had told him that he could not be seen or heard, though he could occasionally direct people as needed. It was like a suggestion slipping into their minds. They would think it was their idea to do what he was suggesting so that there would be no suspicions.

He sighed heavily when he saw that Brian wasn't at the funeral. Godiva was right. While most people would have assumed that Brian simply didn't love Justin, the blond knew better. Brian wasn't taking it well. It was obvious the older man was in total denial. He'd never seen Brian in denial about anything, even the bashing. As he stood in the church he tried to formulate a plan as to what to do.

"He's a fucking asshole is what he is." Debbie ranted later as they all gathered at her house.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly valid reason why Brian wasn't there." Michael tried to defend his friend.

"What could possibly be more important than Justin's funeral?"

"You said yourself how much Brian loved Justin. Maybe it just hurt too much." Lindsay said.

"Like he's the only one that's hurting." Ted said with a scoff.

"You should have seen him at the diner. He was acting like it was just any normal day." Emmett said.

"Ever heard of something called denial?" Vic asked. They all looked at him. "Some people, when something hurts enough that it's too much to take, they simply pretend it never happened."

"Brian doesn't do denial." Debbie said.

"Brian hasn't let anything get to him the way Justin did." Lindsay chimed in.

"Even if it did hurt, he could have at least come to the fucking funeral. I mean......he arranged for that big ass headstone which in my opinion was totally inappropriate." Melanie said.

"I don't see how it was inappropriate." Michael said, the others agreed. Brian had arranged for a virtual statue. It was an angel with spread wings perched on a large block on which was carved the name and so forth. Jennifer had arranged for what was to go on the stone.

"I think it was fucking perfect." Debbie said.

"The angel is almost as tall as Justin was." Melanie said.

"It's beautiful and solid marble. It must have cost a fortune." Emmett said.

"Proof that Brian loves Justin. Willing to spare no expense, even when he's gone." Lindsay said.

"Then why wasn't he at the funeral?" Debbie asked quietly. None of them could come up with an answer.





On the way home from work Brian heard on the radio that there was supposed to be a final winter cold front moving through and that it could drop into the teens that evening. He sighed heavily, hating the cold. When he got into the loft he noticed Justin's favorite jacket on the back of the couch. He wasn't expecting it to get cold. Knowing that the younger man would need his jacket, he grabbed it and headed out to take it to him. On the way he stopped and bought a single long stemmed red rose, knowing how much Justin would love the gesture.

He found himself driving through the gates of the St Catherine Cemetery. He pulled up at the end of the row where Justin was buried, finding the large headstone almost immediately. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, then looked at the headstone.

"Hey......they um.......said it was supposed to get pretty cold tonight so I thought I'd bring you your jacket. I know how much you hate to be cold." He said as he folded the jacket and placed it at the bottom of the headstone. "I also know how much you love roses so......" He placed the rose beside the jacket. It was at that moment that Brian saw what Jennifer had them put on the headstone. "Justin Daniel Taylor, 1982-2002. Beloved son, loving brother and devoted partner." Brian read aloud. "Devoted partner......" He knelt down in front of the stone and traced over the letters with his fingers.

Brian looked up at the large angel that was now staring down at him. He placed his hands on the cold marble and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the stone. His shoulders started to shake as his body was racked with sobs, the tears rolling down his cheeks to join at his chin before falling to the ground. Brian didn't seem to care that his expensive pants were getting ruined by the dirt that was covering the fresh grave.

"Why did you leave me again?" He managed to ask between sobs. He stayed like that, crying for almost an hour, ignoring the quickly lowering temperature. Justin was standing a few feet away and his heart broke at the sight. He wanted to go over and hug Brian, holding him and telling him he loved him. He let the older man cry, getting everything out. He knew it was what Brian needed. When he saw that Brian was shivering from the approaching cold, he moved over and reached out to touch the brunet's shoulder. He thought that it would be like the movies and his hand would go right through, but it didn't.

It seemed that his touched helped Brian because as soon as Justin's ethereal hand came in contact with the older man's shoulder, the sobbing began to die down. It was only a few moments later that he was simply sniffling every now and then, though silent tears still poured down his cheeks. After another couple of minutes, Brian stood and just stared down at the grave. Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's waist from behind. Justin thought it was just his imagination that it seemed that Brian leaned back into him a little bit. He moved so that he could walk beside Brian, leading the older man back to his car and was amazed when Brian actually walked with him. Apparently what Godiva had told him was true.

He guided Brian's actions, making sure the older man got home safely. He helped him up to the loft, made sure that he locked the door and set the alarm, then helped him into the bedroom. Once Brian was undressed, he helped him with a quick shower, then led him into bed. Brian seemed almost catatonic the entire time, but he was really just in shock. He just needed a good night's sleep; at least that's what Justin hoped. He figured Brian would have trouble sleeping so he put the idea in his head to take a sleeping pill, though he made sure that Brian didn't over dose, then he effectively tucked the man into bed.

Once Brian was curled up under the duvet, Justin lay down and wrapped his arms around Brian. He felt Brian's shoulders start to shake slightly as he started to cry again. He stroked the soft chestnut hair and lightly kissed the back of Brian's neck, hoping to calm his crying.

"I love you, Justin." Brian said softly before crying himself to sleep. Justin thought for a moment that Brian knew he was there, but he quickly decided the older man was just saying his goodbye. All he could do was sigh and watch over Brian as he slept, wishing he had control over the older man's dreams.





Brian had called in sick every day the past week. Once he started crying he just couldn't seem to stop. Vance completely understood and told him to take all the time he needed. Right now, Brian was asleep and Justin was standing off to one side, watching him. In the past week he'd had to change Brian's mind on at least ten different occasions to keep him from killing himself. He knew that the older man was in pain, but he didn't realize that his death would lead Brian to thoughts of suicide.

Justin moved over and sat beside Brian on the bed, noticing that the bed didn't shift at all as he did. It was like setting a piece of paper on the bed. Brian didn't seem to notice and he continued to sleep. He'd cried himself to sleep every night and Justin hated that he couldn't help Brian more than he was. He tried to put soothing, loving thoughts into the man's head, but it just wasn't working. Brian was far too depressed for it to work.

"How's it going?" Godiva asked as she suddenly appeared beside the bed.

"Not so good. Brian keeps thinking about killing himself." Justin sighed, continuing to look at Brian.

"That happens sometimes in cases like this, but he'll stop eventually." She reassured him. Justin looked up at her.

"I keep getting this feeling like he knows that I'm here." The blond admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"There are times in his sleep that he'll reach out for me. And there were a couple of times that it looked like he was looking right at me."

"Let me ask you something, Justin."

"Okay."

"How many times did Brian walk into a room and you didn't even have to look up to know he was there?"

"Tons of times."

"And how did you know it was him?"

"I don't know, really. I just.......knew."

"Well, what made you just know that Brian had just walked into the room is the same thing that makes him know that you're with him. He loved you so much that he can tell you're watching over him. The problem is, he doesn't have any proof of it. That's why he's so depressed and wanting to die."

"So if he had some kind of proof that I was here, he'd stop?"

"It's possible."

"But how can I do that?"

"You can't." She answered sadly.

"This is totally fucked up. The only way to really help him is something that I can't do? How fair is that?"

"Whoever said life is fair?"

"This isn't life!" Justin almost yelled.

"The afterlife isn't fair either, honey. If it was only those who died of old age would be here." She said matter of factly.

"This sucks." Justin sighed.

"I'm sorry." Godiva answered. Then, as quickly as she had appeared, she was gone. Justin went back to watching Brian sleep, praying that he could keep the man from damaging himself.





It was about two months later and Justin noticed that over time Brian's thoughts of suicide had less and less frequency until they were nonexistent. He smiled, hoping that the older man was past that part. Brian woke up and called in saying that he was actually going to go to work that day, then got up to shower. Justin stood in the bathroom watching Brian shower. He almost felt like he was doing something wrong by watching the older man. He then made his way into the shower, noticing that all he had to do was think about it and he'd be there.

He smiled as he saw that Brian had his usual morning hard on, though it wasn't completely hard. Godiva had told him he'd be able to read Brian's thoughts and he had been able to. He smirked when he realized that Brian was thinking about the last time they'd fucked in the shower. He decided to do a little experiment. He moved around behind Brian and started to lightly kiss and suck on his neck. The visions in his mind changed to Justin doing exactly that and Justin couldn't help but smile as a moan escaped Brian's lips.

Justin changed his tactic and reached out, starting to stroke the man's erection and was actually amazed to see that it grew fully hard, though he knew it was because of the images in Brian's mind, not because of his actual touch. Brian lathered up his hands and then reached down and started mimicking Justin's movements almost exactly. The blond continued to move his hand up and down the shaft as Brian started to jerk himself off.

The older man's movements started to speed up and a loud moan rumbled from deep within his chest. Justin moved his thumb over the slit and Brian did the same, moaning even louder. Brian reached his other hand down and started to massage his balls as he kept his hand moving along his member. It wasn't long before thick cum was shooting out of his slit and hitting the shower wall to be washed away by the spray.

"Justin." Brian moaned as he came, his back arching slightly. He leaned back against the shower wall as he tried to catch his breath. Once his breathing returned to normal and his heart rate dropped, Brian finished his shower, then got dressed and went in to work.

"That was a little naughty, Justin." He heard Godiva's voice in his head. He could only smirk as he followed Brian.

Since Brian seemed preoccupied with work, and he hadn't thought about killing himself in at least two weeks, Justin decided he needed to go pay a visit to his mother and sister and see how they were holding up. He did another quick check of Brian's thoughts, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, then poof, he was standing beside his mother at work.

Justin completely lost all track of time as he watched his mother work. She seemed to be doing okay and he wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad at the fact that she had already moved on after his death. It wasn't until her lunch break when she pulled out a picture of him and a tear rolled down her cheek that he realized that she wasn't completely over it yet. He felt bad for wanting her to still be hurting so he gave her a quick hug before going to check on Molly.

She seemed to be doing all right as well. He could tell that she was a little down, and he knew that she missed him, but she was getting on with her life. She wasn't acting up in school like most kids would have. Her grades weren't slipping or anything. He smiled and was extremely proud of his little sister.





Brian was sitting in his office. He was actually having a pretty good day. Things were going smoothly. Then, it happened. He'd had the feeling since the time of Justin's death that the younger man's spirit was watching over him. He could just feel it. He didn't, however, tell anyone this for fear that they'd think he was insane. But suddenly, that feeling was gone. His day dragged on after that and he just couldn't get motivated. Finally, around one, he decided to just go home. Once again Vance completely understood and he didn't say a word about it other than for Brian to get some rest.

The whole drive home Brian had been praying that he would once again feel Justin's presence, but it didn't happen. He went into the bedroom and stripped to his underwear, simply throwing his suit on the floor, and lay down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling for quite a while, the depression growing. Justin was finally gone. He was praying that this day would never come. That he would always have the blond watching over him, but apparently he was wrong.

Brian got up and went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. He realized that he hadn't gotten a towel out of the cabinet since his shower that morning so he reached in and got one. When he heard a clatter on the floor he looked down and saw the bottle of sleeping pills lying there. He bent down and picked it up, then looked at it for a minute. Moving almost on automatic, Brian got a glass of water and went to sit down on the side of the bed.

He set the bottle of sleeping pills and the glass of water on the nightstand and looked at them for a couple of minutes. Finally, he reached out and opened the bottle of pills. There were about fifteen in the bottle. He emptied it into his hand, then put three on his tongue, taking a drink of water to swallow the pills. Just a few minutes later he drained the last of the water, setting the empty glass beside the empty pill bottle and lying down on the bed. He continued to stare at the ceiling.





As Justin watched Molly playing with one of her friends he got the sudden feeling that something was wrong with Brian. He was even more worried when the man was at home instead of at work. In the blink of an eye he was at the loft. Brian was lying in bed, barely able to keep his eyes open. Justin wasn't sure what was going on until he saw the glass and the bottle on the nightstand. He panicked when he saw that the bottle of sleeping pills was completely empty.





Michael was in the comic shop going through inventory. He'd been worried about Brian for a while but felt better about the fact that his friend was actually back at work. It didn't keep him from worrying, though. He knew that it was going to take Brian a while to get over Justin and he just didn't know how to help him. Especially since Brian didn't seem to want the help.

"Michael, you have to go to the loft NOW!" Justin practically yelled as he appeared next to the brunet. Michael looked up for a minute, then shook his head. "I mean it, Michael. Brian is in trouble. You have to go now! Please!" Justin continued to plead until Michael stood up, got his keys and locked up the store. Ben was coming to see him since he didn't have any more classes for the day.

"What's going on?" He asked before kissing Michael's cheek.

"I have to go check on Brian." Michael said.

"I'm sure he's fine. He just needs some time alone." Ben commented.

"I don't know......I just......got this weird feeling, like something's wrong." Michael looked Ben in the eye. Ben looked back and nodded. He could tell that Michael was genuinely worried. Together they went to the loft. When Michael and Ben started to head in the direction of the loft, Justin went to check on Brian. The man was barely conscious.

"Brian, listen to me, you have to hold on. Michael is on the way. Please, just hold on." Justin said as he stood there beside the bed. Brian turned his head and blinked a few times. He thought that what he was seeing was an effect of the drugs that were now coursing through his veins.

"Justin......." He said groggily as he saw the young man standing there. He was saying something, but he couldn't quite make out the words.

"Christ, the fact that you can see me can't be good at all. Brian, please. Hold on." He continued to chant. Just as Michael was opening the door, Brian's eyelids drifted shut.

"MICHAEL IN THE BEDROOM NOW!" Justin yelled. That's when Michael started to move to the bedroom. When he saw Brian, he ran over.

"Brian, come on......wake up......Brian......." That's when he noticed the bottle of pills on the nightstand. "Fuck! Ben, call an ambulance now!" He yelled as he kept shaking Brian and trying to wake him. Ben did as instructed. Michael did everything he could think of. He even leaned Brian over the bed and tried to induce vomiting, suddenly cursing his friend's almost nonexistent gag reflex. Michael checked Brian's pulse and cursed loudly as it was barely there. "Please, Brian, don't do this." He pleaded as he continued to try to wake his friend.





When Brian opened his eyes, he had to shut them again because of the bright light. He had no idea where he was and honestly couldn't remember the last thing that happened. All he remembered was seeing Justin. That's when it hit him. He'd over dosed on sleeping pills. He opened his eyes once again and tried to look around the room but the light was just too bright for him to make out any details. Finally, after blinking a few times, things came into focus.

He was lying in a hospital room, on a hospital bed with a couple of IV's in his arm. His head was pounding and he felt sick to his stomach. That had to be a side effect of whatever it was they had given him to make him throw up the undigested pills. He could tell by his sore throat that they had also ended up pumping his stomach and the disgusting taste in his mouth led him to believe they'd pumped him full of charcoal. This wasn't the first time he'd over dosed on something so he knew the routine.

"You're awake. That's great." The all too cheerful nurse said as she came into the room. Brian sighed and wished he were still asleep. She came over and checked his chart. "You gave us quite a scare."

"How long?" He started to ask, his throat suddenly very dry. She walked over and got him a glass of water, helping him sit up so that he could drink some of it.

"You've been unconscious for almost a week." She said after a couple of minutes. Brian set the cup down and lay back against the pillows.

"Fuck." He said.

"You're honestly lucky to be alive, Mr. Kinney. If your friend hadn't found you when he did, if he'd been even just a minute later, you'd be dead right now." She looked at him sternly.

"Where is he?"

"Your friend?" She asked and Brian nodded. "He's at work right now. I can call him for you if you'd like."

"Please." Brian used the bed controls to move the bed so he was sitting up, then reached over and got another drink of water. She nodded and checked the IV's before leaving. About an hour later, Michael walked into the room.

"Hey. The nurse told me you were awake." He smiled and took a seat on the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry." Brian said, unable to meet Michael's eyes.

"For what?" Though Michael knew, he wanted to make sure.

"For this." Brian indicated the hospital bed. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. A sudden wave of emotion came over him as he started thinking about why he'd done it and he sniffled, tears rolling down his cheeks. Michael pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back.

"Hey.......it's okay. Brian......I know why you did it. I just wish you had talked to me first. You know I'm here for you." He moved back a little and wiped the tears from Brian's cheeks. "I'll be honest with you, Brian. We all thought you were getting over this."

"I thought I was too." Brian sniffled and wiped at his eyes again.

"What happened?" Michael looked at his best friend. Brian just shook his head.

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"And you think I don't already?" He smirked, trying to lighten the mood. He outright smiled when Brian laughed. Suddenly, Brian was serious again.

"I.....it's hard to explain."

"Just take your time. Find the right words. Maybe talking about it will help."

"You sound like an after school special." Brian chuckled and Michael laughed.

"You're right, I do. But you'd be amazed how helpful they can be." The friends shared a laugh before once again turning serious.

"Mikey.....I just......this is gonna sound weird but......after Justin died......it felt like he was still there. Like he was right beside me. Watching over me. Whenever I would think about hurting myself I'd remember some happy moment that we had together and I suddenly didn't want to anymore."

"So what changed?"

"Justin wasn't there"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...it was like he was there, and then he wasn't. Christ....how can I explain this?"

"You mean......like with superman and Kryptonite?" Michael asked. Brian looked up and smirked.

"Actually, that's exactly it. It's like....one minute I have all these powers and then the next, they're gone."

"So you felt like Justin was right there with you, watching you, and then suddenly he wasn't there anymore." It was said more than asked.

"Exactly. And........when it felt like he was there, watching me, protecting me.......I could go about my day. I felt like I was gonna be okay, I could get through it. But when he was gone......."

"You didn't want to keep going without him." Michael once again said more than asked and Brian nodded. "So do you still want to hurt yourself?"

"No." Brian answered, shaking his head.

"What changed?" Michael was doing what he could to try to keep his friend from getting involuntarily committed.

"This is going to sound really strange but.......I saw Justin."

"You saw him?"

"Yeah. It was after I'd taken the pills. He was standing beside the bed and he was trying to tell me something. I couldn't make out much but I do remember he said to hold on. That's the last thing I remember before waking up here."

"So.......what does that mean?"

"It means that even if I can't feel him, he's still there. He's still watching over me, trying to keep me safe. I know I've got to sound crazy." Brian sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Actually.......you don't. It makes perfect sense."

"It does?" Brian asked, confused.

"Of course. Brian, you had a near death experience. I know you don't believe in God or anything like that, thanks to your mother, but you have to at least believe a little now. I mean....Justin has turned into your guardian angel." Michael said with a smile and Brian could only laugh. They were silent for a couple of minutes. "So.......you're not going to pull a stunt like this again?" He asked. Brian laughed. "What?"

"You looked just like your mom just then." Brian commented and Michael made a face.

"Really?"

"Yeah." They both laughed, then Michael looked at him.

"So....answer the question."

"No, I'm not going to pull a stunt like this again." Brian said.

"Promise?"

"On a stack of Capt Astros." Brian said as he held his right hand up palm out and his left hand against his heart. The friends once again shared a laugh.





Everyone was amazed at the almost sudden change in Brian. The doctors had insisted on keeping him in the hospital for three or four days. They said it was for observation but they kept all sharp objects out of his room along with anything else that he could use to inflict bodily harm, and the only doctor that actually talked to him was the hospital's resident psychiatrist. Finally when she deemed him mentally healthy, they let him go home.

Vance tried to get Brian to take some more time off but he insisted that he was perfectly capable of doing his job and nothing indicated otherwise. It seemed that Brian was suddenly almost completely over Justin. Everyone kept a wary eye on him, afraid that he would take a drastic turn. It had been a week after he left the hospital when he walked into the diner to have breakfast with everyone as usual.

"Hey." He said as he joined Michael and Ben. Emmett and Ted hadn't arrived yet.

"Hey, Brian." Ben said. Debbie came over and filled his mug with coffee and he nodded his thanks before taking a sip.

"How you doing?" Michael asked.

"Fine and dandy." Brian said with a smile before taking another sip of coffee. He looked at Debbie. "Three eggs over medium and some bacon." She nodded and wrote it down before walking over to put in the order. Michael and Ben simply exchanged looks. Just then, Emmett walked in. Brian stood and moved aside so Emmett could have his customary place by the wall. Brian usually just slid over.

"Hey, Brian." He said tentatively.

"Good morning Emmett." Brian smiled once again before sitting back down.

"Somebody's in a good mood this morning." Emmett commented.

"Indeed I am." Brian nodded his thanks to Debbie once again when she placed his order in front of him.

"So?" She asked.

"What?" Brian looked at her, a little confused.

"What's got you so happy?"

"Aren't I allowed to just be in a good mood for no apparent reason?"

"No." All four said in unison.

"Other than getting Nike to sign a contract earning myself a six digit bonus yesterday, nothing major has happened."

"Congratulations, sweetie." Debbie said as she kissed his cheek, making sure to wipe the lipstick off before walking away.

"You've never bragged about your bonuses before." Michael said.

"You've never wanted to know why I was in a good mood before." Brian said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, before I figured it was just because you'd gotten someone that was good in bed." Michael replied.

"Any plans on sharing any of the wealth?" Emmett asked, batting his eyelashes.

"Actually, sort of. Vance is having a dinner party, but he put me in charge of planning it. I was thinking about putting you in charge of planning it. If you're interested in planning a party for a large group of straight corporate fat cats."

"Am I interested? Honey, this is how I drum up more business, of course I'm interested."

"Good. We'll get together sometime next week and you can give me your ideas." He took a bite of eggs.

"That'll be great. I'll have to check my schedule though."

"That's fine." Brian pulled out one of his cards. "Just give my assistant a call and she'll set everything up." He turned back to his breakfast as Emmett put the card away. Just then, the bell over the door rang, signifying someone coming into the diner. Brian normally didn't look up, knowing pretty much who all came into the diner, but for some reason this time he felt the urge to.

He stopped when he saw who had just come in. The man was absolutely gorgeous. He was at least as tall as Brian with thick, wavy black hair and tanned skin. He was wearing a tight fitting white t-shirt that showed off every ripple of every muscle. His jeans were just as tight and Brian could only imagine but he figured from the size of the bulge in the front that he was packing at least ten inches. He turned to the side for a minute and Brian got a good look at the back, which wasn't all that bad either. He swallowed hard as he felt his cock twitch in his pants. He tried very hard not to stare but found himself unable to tear his eyes away from the man.

Brian watched his path as he moved into the diner. He started to walk right past the table, Brian following him the entire time. When the man got to their booth, he stopped long enough to wink at Brian before moving on. When the man got closer Brian noticed that he had the most beautiful blue eyes he'd ever seen in his entire life. He closed his eyes when he realized that they were the exact same shade of blue as Justin's.

"Who was that?" Michael asked as he looked at his friend.

"I...." Brian cleared his throat, his voice having cracked. That earned smirks from the other men at the table. "I don't know." Brian finally managed. He looked over his shoulder at the man, but he was facing the other direction.

"Well, he seems to know you." Ben commented.

"Or he was just trying to pick him up." Emmett said, rolling his eyes.

"I'd definitely remember if I ever fucked that guy." Brain said, his eyes still on the back of the other man's head. As if he could feel the gaze on him, the other man turned and smiled. Brian quickly turned back to his plate, almost blushing. Michael let out a small laugh and Ben and Emmett just looked at Brian, not sure what to think. They'd never seen him acting like this before. There's something about that guy, Brian thought to himself, shaking the thought away before finishing his breakfast.





One Week Earlier.





Justin watched as the doctors continued to ask Brian questions, happy to know that the older man was going to be okay. He knew that Brian wasn't completely over him, that he would never really forget him, but he didn't want Brian to hurt anymore and was very glad to see that he wasn't. It was almost as if the older man had found an inner peace, knowing that Justin was there to watch over him. He figured that was going to be his job for eternity. He was wrong.

"Brian seems to be doing great." Godiva said as she suddenly appeared beside him.

"Yeah." Justin smiled.

"I guess your work is done." She commented.

"But......"

"Your job was to make sure that Brian got over your death. You did your job. He's over it."

"But he's only over it because he thinks that I'm watching over him." Justin said.

"But he thinks that even when he can't feel you, you're there. So there's really no point in you continuing to hang around like this." She said with a slight smirk.

"What aren't you telling me?" Justin asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Come with me." She said, taking his hand. Justin was a little afraid of what was going to happen, but he decided there was no point in fighting it so he did as instructed. In the blink of an eye they were standing in a large room. It had a row of chairs on either side of a large podium. Justin thought that it looked sort of like a courtroom.

"Justin Taylor." A deep, booming voice said. Justin felt suddenly very nervous.

"Go on, sugar." Godiva said as she motioned forward. Justin looked at her a minute and she shook her head, then he took a couple of steps forward.

"Yes" He said.

"Godiva tells us that your mission was a success."

"Yes.......Brian seems actually happy now. Almost.......at peace." He said a bit sadly.

"But you have some doubts?"

"I think that my presence is part of why he's pulled through. That he's happy because he thinks I'm there watching over him. I don't want to trick him. I don't want him to think I'm there when I'm not."

"So you would feel better if you could keep an eye on him." It was said more than asked.

"Yes.....I would." Justin replied with a nod. He looked back at Godiva and she simply smiled.

"Justin.....in light of the fact that you have successfully completed your mission, we have decided to reward you. We will grant you one request."

"Anything I want?" Justin asked.

"Yes, anything you want." The deep voice replied. Justin thought about it for a minute. This was heaven and he could have anything he wanted. He searched his brain for what he might possibly want in the after life but all he could come up with was completely impossible. He sighed heavily.

"Um......I can't really........think of anything." He said finally.

"That's not exactly true, is it?" The voice asked. Justin sighed once again and shook his head. "What is it that you want?" Justin looked up to where he thought the voice was coming from.

"I just want to be with Brian." He said softly, almost a whisper.





Brian was walking down the street, heading to the diner. For some reason he'd had to park at almost the other end of Liberty Avenue and had to walk the distance. He made his way in and took a seat in his usual booth. The guys weren't there yet so he was alone at the moment. He was sitting there for several minutes, staring into the cup of coffee Debbie had poured for him when he noticed someone sit down across from him. It wasn't one of his friends because they would have said something.

"I'm not....." He started as he looked up, stopping when he came in contact with a pair of dazzling blue eyes. It was the same man that had winked at him earlier that morning.

"You're not what?" He asked with a smirk.

"Sure we've met." Brian said holding out his hand. "I'm Brian." The other man took his hand and shook it.

"Brian Kinney. I know who you are. Hell, everyone on Liberty Avenue knows who you are." He chuckled and Brian raised an eyebrow.

"And you are?"

"I thought getting names wasn't your thing." The man said with a smirk. He was definitely a smart ass and for some reason, Brian didn't mind.

"Humor me." Brian replied.

"My name is Jordan. Jordan Turner." He smiled. It wasn't lost on Brian that the man's initials were JT. He decided to do a little test.

"Just out of sheer curiosity, what's your middle name?"

"David, why?" The man answered. Brian let out a nervous chuckle. "What?"

"I'm sorry it's just.......my partner's initials were JDT." He answered, though he had no idea why he was telling this complete stranger.

"Were?"

"He died recently." Brian said looking down. Though he really was over Justin, it still hurt that the young man was gone.

"I'm so sorry." Jordan said as he reached across the table, patting Brian's hand. Brian looked up and smiled slightly.

"This might seem like a bad time to ask this, but........you wanna get out of here?" He looked around the diner, then back at Jordan. The other man nodded and smiled. They stood together and exited the building. On the way out they walked right past Michael, Ben and Emmett.

"Wasn't that the guy from this morning?" Emmett asked.

"I'd say it was, yes." Ben replied.

"You know........I really thought Brian had changed." Michael said with a sigh as they went to take a seat.

Usually when Brian took a trick home, they were silent in the car. The trick was usually fondling himself, or Brian, trying to get an early start on the activities ahead. The thing was, Brian didn't really see Jordan as a trick. He felt completely at ease with the man even though they'd only met a couple of minutes before. There was just something about him. The ride to the loft was filled with small talk, the two laughing and having a good time.

When they got to the loft, Brian decided to take the stairs and Jordan followed. There was no real hurry to get the door open as they continued the conversation that was going on in the car. When Brian got the door open, he took his jacket off, then smiled at Jordan.

"Have a seat." He motioned over to the couch. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Jim Beam and Coke if you've got it." Jordan said with a smile. Brian smirked.

"That's what I usually drink." He admitted. He hung his jacket over one of the bar stools before making his way into the kitchen to make the drinks. Jordan looked around for a few minutes.

"Nice place. I like your kitchen." He said and once again Brian laughed. There was the tiniest hint of sadness in his eyes. "What?" Jordan questioned.

"This is going to sound crazy but......that's the first thing my partner said the first time he came here." Brian looked at the drinks for a minute, then looked at Jordan. "I know you'll probably hate me if I spend the rest of the night comparing you to him, but you are a lot alike." Brian admitted. Jordan nodded.

"How long ago did he die?"

"A couple of months. Well.......four actually." Brian said.

"Oh my goodness. That wasn't that long ago." Jordan took a seat on the couch. Brian made his way over with the drinks.

"It's okay. I'm kind of over it now. I mean.......I miss him a lot, but.......I know he's still here." Brian took a sip if his drink.

"I'm sure he'd be happy to know that you've already moved on. I know I wouldn't want someone to go on being miserable because of me." Jordan said before sipping his own drink. Brian nodded.

"This is going to sound like a weird question but.......would you like to see a picture of him?" Brian had no idea why he even asked but he wasn't the least bit surprised when Jordan nodded. Brian stood and moved into the bedroom. He kept a picture of Justin by the bed. He came back and handed the picture to Jordan.

"He was beautiful. But, if you don't mind me asking, how old was he?"

"Older than he looks." Brian smirked. "He was nineteen when that picture was taken. He died a couple of weeks before his twentieth birthday."

"That's horrible. Again, if you don't mind me asking, how did he die?"

"His car stalled on a set of train tracks......" Brian had to stop as tears started to threaten to spill down his cheeks.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it." Jordan moved closer and put a hand on Brian's shoulder. Brian nodded and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Thanks." Brian said with a smile. Their eyes met and Brian couldn't tear his gaze from the beautiful blue orbs that were so like Justin's. Jordan set the picture on the coffee table, then took the drink from Brian and set the two glasses on the table as well, all the while never breaking eye contact. The two came together in a passionate kiss. Brian wrapped his arms around Jordan's neck as the other man's arms wound around his waist. The kiss seemed to last for an eternity before air became a necessity and they came apart, resting their foreheads together and panting slightly.

"Wow...." Jordan said with a small laugh.

"Yeah......wow." Brian replied with a smile. Once again their lips met. Brian ran his fingers through the soft wavy hair as his tongue dueled for space in Jordan's mouth. After a while, they parted again, both panting. Brian looked Jordan in the eye and touched his cheek. "I feel like I've known you my whole life." He said.

"Me too." Jordan replied. Brian chuckled.

"Does that sound corny to you too?" He asked.

"Actually.......I prefer to think of it as.......ridiculously romantic." Jordan said with a smile. The next sound that was heard was the thud as Brian fell off the couch.

"What did you just say?" Brian asked from the floor. He looked up at Jordan with wide eyes.

"I said I prefer to think of it as ridiculously romantic." Jordan answered with a confused expression. Brian stood and sat down on the couch, though not as close to Jordan as he was before.

"Where did you hear that?" The hazel eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I don't know......it just kind of........came to me." Jordan was still confused. "Why?"

"I......" Brian closed his eyes and sighed. "Jordan, I think you need to go. I just keep thinking about Justin and it's not fair to you. I'm sorry." He then got up and went into the bedroom. Jordan simply nodded and stood. He went over to the bedroom doorway and looked at Brian.

"If you ever need a friend or need somebody to talk to, just give me a call. I left my number on the coffee table."

"Thank you for understanding." Brian said with a smile. Jordan came closer so that he could put a hand on Brian's shoulder, though thought better of it at the last minute.

"I'd be heartless if I didn't understand, Brian. You just lost someone very close to you that you obviously loved very much, and just as obviously still love. It's going to take some time before you're ready to really move on." He smiled a beautiful smile that just warmed Brian to the very core. Jordan turned and started to leave. Brian reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him, feeling a jolt run through his entire body. The last time he'd felt like that...... Jordan turned to look at him and their eyes met.

"I'll......um.......I'll call you." Brian said with a slight smile. Jordan nodded and moved to kiss Brian's cheek.

"Later." He said before leaving.

"Later." Brian said softly as he watched Jordan go.





It had been two weeks since that first night together. Brian and Jordan had several phone conversations over that time, but it seemed as if Brian was avoiding any actual physical contact with the man. He refused to meet with him, saying he was busy or something like that. Jordan was completely patient and totally wonderful.

"Hey." Jordan's voice came through the phone as it did every morning before the two men went to work. During their conversations Brian found out that Jordan was a photographer for a local magazine.

"Good morning to you too." Brian said with a chuckle.

"I've got a question for you." Jordan said. Brian was holding the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he tied his tie.

"Okay."

"Will you meet me for breakfast?" Jordan questioned and Brian almost dropped the phone.

"Um......" Brian said. He thought about it for a minute and he honestly couldn't come up with a reason not to. Jordan's sigh of defeat made up his mind. "Sure." He said finally.

"Really?" Jordan seemed excited and sounded happy. Brian suddenly felt good that he made the man feel that way.

"Yeah, really. I just have to finish getting ready for work and I'll meet you at the diner in about......fifteen minutes." He said.

"Okay, see you then." Jordan hung up and Brian smiled. He hadn't felt that good in a while.

They ended up arriving at the diner at the same time. Jordan held the door open for Brian and they exchanged a smile before Brian walked in. Rather than sitting in a booth, they sat side by side at the counter.

"Well, look who's here." Debbie said with a smile. She leaned across the counter to accept a kiss on the cheek from Jordan. When Brian didn't make a move she glared at him. He laughed slightly, then kissed her cheek as well.

"Morning, Deb." Jordan said.

"Morning, sweetie. What'll you have this morning?"

"Just a couple of eggs, over medium, and some toast."

"What about you?" She looked at Brian.

"Same is fine with me." He said with a smile. She nodded and put in the order. Brian looked at Jordan. "Was there a reason you wanted to meet for breakfast or did you just get tired of not seeing me?" He asked with a smile.

"A little of both." Jordan answered honestly. Deb had poured the coffee by this point and Brian picked up his mug to take a sip.

"Oh really?" He asked before putting the mug to his lips.

"I'd like you to come to Vermont with me." Jordan said. Brian managed to spit his coffee all over the counter and started coughing. Jordan started to pat his back as Debbie came over to clean up the mess.

"You okay?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Um.....yeah.....fine....." He said as he looked at Jordan.

"Should I take that as a no?" Jordan asked.

"No....I just.....this is kind of out of nowhere."

"I have some work in Vermont that I have to do and it gets really boring and lonely on these trips and I was hoping you'd go with me. Maybe we can go snowboarding." He smiled. The smile soon faded when he saw Brian's expression change to one of sadness. "What is it?" Brian just looked down and shook his head.

"I told myself I wasn't going to do this." It was almost a whisper.

”Do what?"

"Compare you to him." He still didn't look up. Jordan looked at Brian a minute, then seemed to understand.

"I take it Justin wanted to go snowboarding in Vermont?" He asked and Brian nodded.

"We had the whole trip planned. We were supposed to go for spring break."

"What happened?"

"Business. I had to go on a business trip or I would have lost my job."

"I take it he didn't like that very much." It was said more than asked.

"He went without me." Brian answered. Brian sighed, then shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. He looked up at Jordan and smiled. "I'd love to go with you."

"Are you sure? I mean........you don't have to." Jordan said.

"I haven't had a vacation in almost five years. I think I'm way past over due." Brian was still smiling.

"Great. I'll make the reservations and everything."

"Great." Brian said. Debbie delivered their breakfast and the two chatted over breakfast. Brian left first, having a meeting to get to. Debbie came over and looked at Jordan.

"I hope you know what you're doing." She said.

"Don't worry, I do." Jordan answered.

"Because you know he's still not over Justin." She warned.

"I'm not trying to get him over Justin. I'm just a guy that sees a friend in need of a vacation." Jordan gave her a big smile. She looked at him and for just a second she saw that sunshine smile that so often graced Justin's face. She shook her head to clear it, then went back to work.





Brian was still in the process of packing when he heard the buzzer sound. He went over and buzzed whomever it was in, figuring it was probably Jordan, then opened the loft door before going back to packing.

"Brian?" He heard Jordan's voice call out to him from the doorway.

"In the bedroom." Brian called back. Jordan smiled and walked to the doorway of the bedroom.

"I guess I'm a little early." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I just pack slow." Brian said with a smirk and Jordan laughed. Brian was rearranging the things in his suitcase. "Could you do me a favor and pull out some underwear for me? I seem to have forgotten to pack it." Brian asked. Before he could tell Jordan where it was, the other man was standing beside him with a week's worth of clean underwear.

"Here you go." He said with a smile. Brian took it, looking at Jordan for a minute, then just shook his head. "Interesting that you'd forget underwear." Jordan smirked.

"I usually plan on getting laid when I go on trips." Brian said, smirking as well.

"You don't this time?"

"Well, I think it would be rather rude to pick up tricks while on vacation with a good friend, don't you?" Brian asked.

"Good point." Jordan answered, sounding just the tiniest bit disappointed. Once he was finally packed and had his suitcase closed, Jordan helped him carry everything down to the car and they were on their way. A two-hour flight later and they were in Vermont. Jordan rented the car while Brian got the luggage. Brian never said a word when he saw that they were pulling up to the same Bed and Breakfast that he and Justin were supposed to stay at, had their trip to Vermont gone the way it should have. Jordan didn't miss the sad look in the other man's eyes, though. "Everything okay?" He asked.

"Justin and I were supposed to stay here." Brian answered.

"I'm so sorry." Jordan said.

"No, it's okay. You didn't know." Brian smiled and patted Jordan's knee without thinking about it. Jordan returned the smile, then got out and started to get the luggage.

About two days later, Brian and Jordan were sitting in front of a fire in their room. They were sipping hot chocolate trying to warm up, having just come in from a day of snowboarding. They had spent almost every minute together, Brian even going with Jordan when he went to take pictures of various scenery. They used Jordan's expertise with a camera to document the trip and talked about returning next year.

"We could do this every year." Jordan commented.

"That'd be great." Brian said before taking a sip of his cocoa.

"And maybe we don't have to come to Vermont every time. We can go to different places."

"Like, Florida or California or something." Brian suggested and they both nodded.

"Did you see that guy that ran into that tree?" Jordan asked and Brian laughed.

"Yeah, poor sucker. I hope he didn't break anything." Brian commented. Jordan nodded.

"Yeah, me too." They were trying very hard not to burst into laughter.

"You know.......the shape of that tree kind of reminded me of something." Brian said, thinking.

"The birthmark on your upper right thigh." Jordan said without thinking.

"Yeah, that's it." Brian nodded, then froze. "Wait a minute......how do you know about that?" His tone was suspicious.

"Um.....I uh.....saw it when you......got out of the shower this morning." Jordan answered quickly.

"You'd already left the room by the time I got out of the shower this morning." Brian narrowed his eyes at the man he thought was his friend, suddenly not so sure.

"Yesterday morning?" Jordan asked, refusing to meet Brian's gaze.

"What's going on here?" Brian asked, trying to keep his anger from taking control. Jordan sighed.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." Brian said with a raised eyebrow. Jordan turned and looked him right in the eye and Brian felt that jolt once again.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, and I doubt you'll believe me but......I'm Justin." Jordan said. Brian blinked.

"What?"

"I'm Justin. I helped you get over me and as a reward for doing what I was supposed to do they said I could have anything I wanted and I said all I really wanted was to be with you so......here I am."

"But....how...."

"I don't know how. I just know that I am Justin. You said yourself that it felt like we'd known each other our whole lives." Jordan sighed as he watched Brian. The other man closed his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"How could you do something like this?" He finally asked.

"What?"

"You know how much I miss Justin and you go and pull this! How dare you?! I thought you were my friend." Brian stood and started to leave.

"Brian, I am your friend. I'm telling the truth. Please, you have to believe me." Jordan stood to follow Brian. Brian turned and looked at Jordan.

"I don't know if this is some kind of sick joke or if you just like getting off on other people's pain but you really need to stay away from me right now." Brian said. He left the room before Jordan could say a word. The other man just sat down on the bed, putting his face in his hands and sighed.

"You didn't really think he'd believe you, did you?" Godiva asked from the corner. She appeared so suddenly that she made Jordan jump.

"I thought that he'd be able to feel it. That he'd understand."

"You have to give him time, sugar. There's bound to be a way that you can prove to him that it's you."

"The only way I can think of requires that Brian be willing to touch me, let alone be in the same room with me, and right now I doubt he'd do either."

"Like I said, just give him some time. He'll come around."

"I hope so." Jordan said with a sigh.





Brian left the bed and breakfast and went to find the first bar he came across. It was a sports bar filled with heteros, but he didn't care. He sat down at the bar and ordered a double Beam straight up. He sat there looking down at the amber liquid, thinking this is what he should have done in the first place. He couldn't believe that he thought Jordan could actually care about him. He continued to stare into the liquid. He picked the glass up, but didn't make a move to his mouth.

"You don't really want to do that, Brian." Godiva said beside him.

"Yes I do." Brian said. At first, Godiva was a little startled, but then she realized that Brian was having a conversation with his conscience, not with her. She smirked slightly.

"It'll only make things worse." She said.

"But it'll feel damn good while doing it." Brian muttered. He still hadn't moved the glass to his lips.

"You know it won't take away the pain."

"It'll numb it for a little while." He said.

"But then what? You wake up in the morning hurting physically as well as emotionally. Only making things worse." Brian continued to stare into the glass, sighing heavily as he put it down.

"You're right." He said, throwing some money on the bar and leaving the untouched drink behind. Godiva smiled to herself as she moved along with Brian. He started to walk around even though it was starting to snow and he wasn't wearing a proper jacket.





It was an hour later before Brian got back to the room. He was soaked and shivering from the snow and the fact that he'd gone out wearing only a sweater and a pair of jeans. When he came in the door, Jordan was sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace. He looked up and his eyes went wide.

"Christ, Brian.......you're gonna get sick." He said as he stood and moved Brian over into the chair he'd just vacated. "We have to get you out of those clothes." He immediately started to help Brian undress. Before long, Brian was sitting in the chair totally naked with a blanket wrapped around him. Jordan knelt in front of the chair and was helping him dry off. Brian reached down and took Jordan's face in both his hands, turning his head so that they could look into each other's eyes.

He stared deep into the twin pools of blue that were identical to Justin's. He saw love and understanding and acceptance in those beautiful eyes, not anger or resentment. Jordan was willing to forgive him for getting angry. As Jordan stared into Brian's eyes he saw understanding dawn on the other man. He realized at that moment that Brian was trying to figure out who he really was. Though he felt he was slightly taking advantage of Brian's vulnerability, he had no other plan in mind.

Jordan moved up and pressed his lips to Brian's. The simple touch quickly turned heated, Brian slipping his tongue between Jordan's parted lips. Since Jordan was on his knees he slipped his arms around Brian's waist, Brian running his fingers through Jordan's hair. They continued to kiss until breathing was required. When the kiss broke, Jordan immediately attacked Brian's neck. Brian leaned his head back to give the man better access. He moaned and ran his fingers through Jordan's hair as the other man continued to move down his body. He kissed and licked and sucked on every one of Brian's secret spots that, since it was their first time together, Jordan shouldn't have known about.

Brian gasped when Jordan licked along the vein that ran under his now hardened cock. He moaned loudly as the man took the entire length in his mouth, sucking hard. Brian leaned his head back against the back of the chair, keeping one hand on the back of Jordan's head while the other gripped the arm of the chair. Jordan's head bobbed at Brian's groin. When Brian felt he was close, he pulled a little on the other man's hair and Jordan stopped, looking up at Brian with a smile. They came together in yet another passionate kiss before Jordan stood and pulled Brian to his feet.

They continued to kiss as they made their way over to the bed, breaking the kisses long enough to pull Jordan's sweater off. By the time they reached the bed, both were completely naked. They tumbled onto the bed, sharing a laugh before once again joining at the mouth. Brian rolled so that he was on top of Jordan, his hands searching the body. He realized at that moment that he hadn't packed any condoms or lube since he wasn't expecting to get laid on the trip. He pulled back and looked at Jordan with a questioning gaze.

As if reading his mind, Jordan reached over into the nightstand and pulled out both objects, smiling up at Brian. They once again shared a laugh before coming together in another kiss. Brian took the lube and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand, spreading it onto his fingers and warming it up before slipping his index finger all the way in to Jordan. The other man moaned, arching his back at the contact.

Brian moved his finger in and out of the quivering hole, soon adding a second and then a third finger. He smiled when Jordan started to buck his hips, trying to fuck himself on Brian's fingers. Brian started to lick and kiss and suck on Jordan's neck as he continued to finger fuck him.

"God, Brian.......please" Jordan begged as he continued to buck his hips.

"You want more?" Brian asked teasingly.

"Yes, Brian....fuck me...." Jordan almost demanded. Brian smiled and removed his fingers, quickly applying the condom and the remaining lube before sliding into Jordan in one swift stroke. Both men moaned loudly at the contact. Brian gave Jordan a moment to adjust before he started to thrust. They had a slow, steady rhythm at first. Brian wanted this to last. He actually hadn't had a trick since before Justin died so it'd been almost six months since the last time he got laid. He knew, because of that, he wouldn't last long, but he tried to make it last as long as possible.

Before long, Brian's thrusts were quick and hurried, to the point that he almost wasn't pulling out of Jordan at all. Jordan had his legs wrapped around Brian's waist and his arms around Brian's shoulders, the fingers of his right hand running through Brian's hair.

"God.......this feels........so good." Brian panted as he continued to thrust. It not only felt good, but it felt right. Jordan's only answer was a loud moan as Brian angled his hips to hit the other man's prostate. Moments later both men were screaming in pleasure as they simultaneously reached orgasm. The cum flew from Jordan's slit in thick bursts, coating his chest and stomach as Brian shot his load, filling the condom to capacity. Brian collapsed on top of Jordan and the two men lay there panting, their bodies glued together by sweat and cum. When their breathing finally returned to normal, Brian rolled over, removing the condom and throwing it into the wastebasket by the bed.

"That was great." Jordan said with a smile as he looked at Brian. Brian smiled back. He reached up and put a hand on Jordan's cheek, running his thumb along the cheekbone. He looked deep into the crystal blue orbs and saw the same thing he always saw when looking into Justin's eyes after they just finished making love. He closed his eyes a moment, then opened them again.

"It really is you........isn't it?" He asked. Jordan simply nodded. A tear rolled down Brian's cheek. Jordan reached out and pulled Brian into his arms. They lay there, holding each other until they drifted off to sleep.







When Brian woke up the next morning, he snuggled a little closer to Jordan. He smiled when the other man opened his eyes. They shared a quick, tender kiss. Brian reached up and touched Jordan's cheek, stroking the man's cheekbone with his thumb.

"I can't believe it's really you." He said, kissing the lips once again.

"Believe it." Jordan said with a chuckle.

"You have no idea how much I missed you."

"I have an idea." Jordan smirked. Brian smiled and kissed him again. He pulled back, but his smile soon faded. "What?"

"We can't tell anybody.......they'll have us both committed. Especially me. I mean......first I try to kill myself, now this?" Brian shook his head.

"Then we won't tell them. It'll be our little secret." He kissed Brian's nose. Brian smiled and kissed Jordan's chin. They remained quiet for several minutes, just holding on to each other. Neither cared that their bodies were caked with dried sweat and cum and that they both needed a shower. They were content to stay where they were. "Why'd you do it?" Jordan asked.

"Do what?" Brian questioned, moving so he could look at Jordan's face.

"Try to kill yourself." Jordan asked. Brian sighed and moved so that his head was resting on Jordan's chest. The other man wrapped his arms around Brian's shoulders, the fingers of his left hand running through Brian's hair.

"I could tell that you were there. Watching me. I could feel it. And then the next thing I knew.....you were gone. I couldn't feel you anymore. I didn't want to go through life like that." Brian sighed again. Jordan kissed the top of his head. Brian then looked up into Jordan's eyes. "Where did you go?"

"To check on mom and Molly. If I had known...."

"No........it's okay. You needed to make sure they were okay too." Brian smiled. They came together in a tender kiss that soon turned passionate. When the kiss finally broke both men were panting slightly.

"I love you." Jordan said.

"Love you too." Brian replied and Jordan's eyes went wide.

"I think that's the first time you said it." Jordan said when he finally found his voice.

"It's the first time I put it into words, yes. But it's not the first time I said it." They shared another kiss.

"You're right. You said it every day." Jordan smiled and touched Brian's cheek. Brian looked him in the eye.

"Marry me."

"What?" Jordan blinked.

"We're here, in Vermont. We can get married."

"But Brian......."

"Just hear me out. How many people can say they get a second chance with the one person that made them happy? None. Once you're dead, you're dead. But I get a second chance with you. Someone up there is letting me have another chance and I don't want to screw it up this time. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to marry you. You may not look like Justin, but you are Justin and we both know that. Marry me. Please." Brian looked Jordan right in the eye.

"You realize that everyone will think you're insane." Jordan said.

"You think I honestly care?" Brian asked and they both laughed.

"Yes." Jordan said and they kissed once more. The kissed turned heated and once again they made love before getting up to go shower and get something to eat and make the plans for their wedding.





When Brian and Jordan got back from Vermont, they both went to the loft. Jordan was going to move in with Brian as soon as possible so he saw no point in taking his things back to his place. They kissed and groped the whole way up in the elevator, having been attached at the lips every chance they got. Since the day they got married, the two were inseparable and spent every free moment in bed. Once they actually got inside, Jordan kissing and licking and sucking on the back of Brian's neck as he opened the door, Jordan went to take the luggage into the bedroom while Brian checked his messages.

"Brian, if you get back in time to get this message, there's a family dinner tonight at my place. I hope you can be there but I'll understand if you can't." Debbie's voice came through the speaker. He double-checked the date and she had left it earlier that morning. He picked up the phone to call and then stopped.

"Do you want to go to dinner with everybody tonight?" He called into the bedroom. Jordan stuck his head out and looked like he was thinking about it, then smiled.

"Sure, why not? We can tell everyone at once that we got married." He then ducked back into the bedroom. Brian almost dropped the phone. He could see the looks on their faces when he walked through the door married to a man that just two weeks ago was only a good friend. A man that, as far as his friends were concerned, he'd only known for a month.

"Maybe it's not such a good idea......" Brian said. Jordan came out and hugged Brian from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder.

"We're going to have to tell them eventually Brian. Might as well get it over with now. Especially when everyone is going to be there." He kissed Brian's neck lightly. Brian smiled and leaned back into him a little bit.

"You're right." He turned his head to kiss Jordan, then picked up the phone and called Debbie, telling her that he and Jordan would be there. They took what was supposed to be a quick shower, then got dressed and headed out. Brian and Jordan both made sure the rings they wore were in place before getting into Jordan's car and heading over to Debbie's. The whole way there they were smiling and holding hands. Brian had never been so happy in his entire life. He only hoped that his "family" could accept the marriage.

When they got to Deb's house, Jordan started to get out of the car and noticed that Brian was just sitting there. It appeared that everyone else had already arrived. They would walk into a full house and they would walk in together. Brian's heart started pounding in his chest. They'll think I'm betraying Justin. Brian thought to himself as he stared at the house like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Brian?" Jordan asked as he came around to Brian's side of the car. Brian looked up at the man standing outside the car. He looked him in the eye and saw only trust and confidence. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, relaxing considerably. He allowed a smile to touch his lips as he got out of the car, kissing Jordan before taking his hand and heading to the house. Rather than knocking, Brian just opened the door and walked in as he'd done since he was fourteen years old. He was still holding tightly to Jordan's hand as he walked into the house.

"Brian, sweetie. Glad you could make it." Debbie came over and kissed his cheek, giving him a big hug. She noticed that he was holding Jordan's hand. She couldn't help but hug and kiss the cheek of this young man. He'd done a lot for Brian in such a short time. That and the fact that she couldn't shake the feeling that he reminded her of Justin.

"Thanks Deb." He smiled.

"You look good, Brian." Mikey said as he hugged his best friend. Michael eyed Jordan for a minute, then moved so the others could say hi to Brian. He had, after all, been gone for two weeks. Once everyone said their hellos, Brian and Jordan sat down in the only two seats left, happy that they were together.

"So where is my son?" Brian asked as he looked at Lindsay and Melanie.

"We got a sitter." Melanie answered and Brian nodded. Brian heard the door open and turned to see who it was. He froze, his face going white when he saw Jennifer Taylor walk in the door. He got up and walked over to her, taking her jacket. Jennifer noticed the flash of light reflecting off the ring on Brian's left hand, but said nothing about it.

"You look good." Brian smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"You too." She replied, kissing his cheek in return. "You look.....rested."

"Just got back from two weeks in Vermont." He provided. The two of them came over to the table, everyone moving so that Jennifer could sit beside Brian. Jordan looked over at Jennifer for a minute, then smiled as he turned his attention back to the others. Dinner passed with a lot of small talk. Apparently it was coming up on Lindsay and Melanie's wedding anniversary.

"So, how have you enjoyed married life?" Jennifer asked with a smile.

"Oh, it's been wonderful. Even though we were together for seven years before we got married, actually being married makes it better." Lindsay answered.

"Married life is rather interesting." Jennifer commented.

"Of course, you're really the only one at the table that would understand that." Melanie commented, always unable to keep her mouth shut. Brian smirked and looked at Jordan, who nodded.

"We'll just have to wait and see." He commented before taking a sip of his wine.

"What?" Lindsay asked.

"I said we'll have to wait until our anniversary and see, right baby?" He asked Jordan before kissing him lightly on the lips. Jordan smiled after kissing back. When the two turned their attention back to the table they were greeted with shocked expressions.

"You.....you mean......" Michael started and Brian simply nodded, a huge grin on his face.

"But, your marriage will never be like ours." Melanie commented when she finally found her voice.

"You know, you're right." Brian said, taking a sip of his wine. "Because, you see, ours is actually legal." Brian smirked and Jordan tried very hard not to burst into laughter.

"What the fuck did you give him?" Michael asked Jordan accusingly.

"What are you talking about?" Jordan asked.

"You obviously drugged him!" Michael yelled.

"He did no such thing, Mikey." Brian sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look, I know this is crazy but......Jordan and I just.......connected. I didn't think that I would ever love anyone again after Justin died and then Jordan came along. He was there for me when I needed a friend. He took me on a sorely needed vacation and we ended up falling in love. I saw no point in delaying what I knew to be the inevitable." Brian shrugged.

"But......it's been a month......" Emmett commented.

"As my mom once told me." Jordan said. "It's not how long you know someone, it's how well you know them." He smiled. Jordan didn't notice, however, that Jennifer was mouthing the last part of that statement along with him. Jennifer stood and moved behind the two men, hugging them both and kissing each cheek.

"Well, I'm happy for the both of you." She said.

"Thanks, mom." Jordan said without thinking about it. His eyes kind of went wide and Brian smiled.

"Yeah, thanks mom." Brian smiled. Jordan let out a small sigh of relief. Everyone then joined in the congratulations and well wishes.

"Well, I guess I better get going." Jennifer said around ten. She stood and started to walk to the door.

"Um.......let me walk you to your car." Brian said quickly as he stood. He kissed Jordan on the cheek quickly before heading over to help Jennifer into her jacket. They stopped on the porch for a minute so Brian could light a cigarette before they started walking along.

"It's down the street." She commented as they started walking. They were quiet for the first several seconds.

"You really okay with it?" Brian asked, indicating his ring. Jennifer smiled sadly.

"I'll admit I was a bit shocked at first. I mean.......Justin's barely been dead six months and here you are married. But, I saw how happy he makes you and I am glad that you've moved on. I know you won't forget about Justin. And......Jordan reminds me a lot of Justin." She said. Brian took a drag off his cigarette to stifle a laugh.

"That means a lot to me.......that you're happy for me." He admitted. They stopped when they got to Jennifer's car and looked at each other for a minute, then Jennifer hugged Brian.

"Take care of yourself." She said. They stayed like that for several minutes, just hugging.

"You too." Brian said as he finally stepped back. "I still expect to hear from you every now and then."

"You will." She said, kissing his cheek one more time before getting in her car and driving off. Brian watched until her tail lights disappeared, then he stubbed out his cigarette and went back into the house.

"Everything okay?" Jordan asked as Brian reentered.

"Perfect." Brian said with a smile.
 

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