Thanksgiving 2015

Justin decided to be funny this year and give me a homework assignment. He said he needs the practice grading papers. This is his first year teaching. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving he's given me an essay assignment. I'm supposed to write a paper about what I'm thankful for. He's lucky I felt the need to retire two years ago and have the time. I guess at this point I should probably explain what the hell is going on.

Gus just turned fifteen a couple of weeks ago. I'll be forty-five in May and Justin's thirty third birthday was last week. So, Justin and I have been together for fifteen years. Amazing, I know. He spent one year in New York and decided that the art world wasn't for him. It was too self serving. Too fake. He wanted a job that had meaning. So he decided to be a teacher. Rather than being an art teacher, though, he started from scratch and became an English and Creative Writing teacher. He got a job at North Allegheny High School which happens to be my alma mater. He got his teaching degree at Carnegie Mellon, also my alma mater. I've never seen him happier than he is when he's teaching. Even though he sometimes complains about the students, he loves his job. He's not making much money but he's never really cared about that. Not that he even has to work.

About six years ago Theodore came into my office to inform me that I was a millionaire. Even with the level of wealth I'd obtained I decided to keep working. That was until my doctor informed me that the cancer was back. Fortunately it was caught early enough that I was able to fight it with no problem. My doctor seemed a little surprised. He said normally a recurrence wasn't survivable. I told him I'm a stubborn bastard that refuses to die before I'm ready. When I was told that I was once again cancer free, I retired. I wanted to spend more time with my family, especially Gus. If it comes back again I don't know if I'll survive and I don't want to risk leaving a workaholic legacy behind.

The main reason I've been able to spend so much time with Gus is because the munchers lasted about as long in Canada as Justin did in New York. The main thing that drove them back to Pittsburgh was the long distance bill. Gus insisted on calling me at least every other day. Finally, they just decided it was easier to move back to Pittsburgh so Gus could see me as often as he likes. We've spent at least every weekend together since then. And not just me going over to the munchers' and spending time with him. I pick him up from school on Friday and take him to school on Monday. I've actually turned out to be a much better father than I ever thought possible. Gus and I have gotten really close and while it does kind of annoy Melanie, she and I have put our differences aside for Gus' sake. Having a seven year old yell at you for being stupid will get anyone to stop bickering at each other.

Now, I guess you're wondering about the essay that Justin made me write. I'm betting that you're sitting there wondering what I wrote about. Well, I guess I can share that with you. When Justin was done grading it I noticed a couple of spots where the paper had been wetted and then dried so I think I actually made him cry. Not enough to keep him from marking the various spelling and grammar errors that I'd made throughout. I just sat down and typed it up without checking it before printing it out and turning it in. I am, however, going to share the corrected version. I made some commentary as I retyped it which would be anything in the parenthesis.

Brian Kinney

11/22/2015

            There are a lot of things that I’m thankful for in my life. A lot more than I ever thought I would have to be thankful for. I can honestly break it down into one sentence. I am thankful for the love in my life. However, the assignment was to write more than just one sentence so I will elaborate. (Justin told me he got a kick out of that line.) I guess I should break it down into the different reasons I’m thankful.

First of all, I am thankful for my husband. It's been a tough fifteen years but we've managed to get through it, even though we didn't actually get married until about four years ago. I keep wondering what my life would be like if Justin hadn't been a persistent little shit and refused to get out of my life when I pretended that was what I wanted. I'm thankful for his ability to see through all the bullshit to the very heart of me and see that I really did want him around. I'm thankful that he's still alive today to be by my side and help me through all the difficult times. I'm thankful that he was able to get past my inability to commit and be with me no matter the terms of the relationship. I'm thankful that he puts up with me no matter what kind of a mood I'm in. I'm extremely thankful that he understands me enough to know what I need when I need it. He's there when I need to be held and he leaves me alone when that's all I want. He's given me more than I thought any one person could. Justin's love for me is truly unconditional and I never thought I would know what that feels like. I’m thankful that Justin Taylor is still in my life. (I meant every word of that. I wasn't just sucking up for a good grade.)

Secondly, I'm thankful for my son. He's shown me that I am nothing like my father. That I can overcome my past and be a loving parent. I don't spoil him, but he doesn't fear me or hate me. He loves me in a way that I never loved my father. Of course, Gus knows that I love him and I know he loves me. We spend a lot of time together and he actually likes me. Even though he's a teenager he's never gone through the stage of hating me. At least not yet. That could come at some point but if it does I know he won't really mean it. Even though I dreaded being a father and thought I never really wanted it, I am truly thankful that I allowed Lindsay to talk me into it. Gus is my little piece of immortality. I'm both thankful and scared that he looks exactly like me. He hasn't said anything about his sexuality yet but he’s still only fifteen and probably hasn't gotten it completely figured out. When he does I know he'll understand that he can come to me no matter what. He's never been afraid to talk to me about anything even if he knows what he needs to talk to me about will get him in trouble. He's told me he feels more comfortable talking to me than he does talking to anyone else. I'm truly thankful for the relationship I have with my son.

I'm thankful for my family. Not the dysfunctional mess that I was born into, but the loving surrogate family that has grown in the last several years. Even though they don't always treat me right, I'm glad they're around. Without Debbie and Mikey I never would have made it through high school. I probably would have killed myself around the time I realized I'm gay if my dad hadn't beaten me to death. I owe Debbie for hospital bills and bandages and food and anything else she provided until I could get out from under my parents. She's also been much more helpful than any psychiatrist could have been. She doesn't tell me what I want to hear but what I need to hear. I may not always listen, but she's never been anything but honest with me. Mikey is always there when I need him. I may not treat him all that great but he's the best friend I've ever had and I know that I'd be completely lost without him. I'm thankful he's got Ben in his life to make him happy. I'm thankful for Emmett who is the only one of my friends that will stand up to me. Emmett will get in my face when I need it and I love him for that. He's probably the best friend I have next to Mikey. I can't imagine my life without him.

Theodore deserves his own paragraph I think. He and I have been through a lot. I'm thankful that he decided to work for me all those years ago. He's an amazing accountant. It's in his blood. I wouldn't trust anyone else with my money or my business. I'm thankful that he was up to the challenge of taking over for me when I was sick both times and when I decided to retire. I'm thankful that working for me got him out of his "I'm a worthless piece of shit" attitude and made him realize that he's a great guy. I'm thankful he found self confidence and isn't afraid to go after what he wants. I'm thankful that Blake finally came to his senses and decided to stick around and make Theodore happy. They both deserve it. I don't know where I'd be without Theodore.

I'm thankful for Lindsay and not just because she's the mother of my child. I don't think I could have made it through college without her. She's been a close friend and someone I can always talk to. She doesn't always side with me, and she doesn't always like me, but I know she loves me and I love her and there's a lot that I couldn't have done without her. Believe it or not I am thankful for Melanie. Even though they've had their ups and downs, she's made Lindsay happy all these years. She's actually a pretty good friend when it comes down to it. A lot has changed in the last eight years, and Mel and I get along rather well. Once we stopped fighting long enough to get to know each other we realized how much we actually have in common. She's a fierce competitor. She keeps me on my toes. Mainly, though, she's dedicated her life to keeping Lindsay and Gus safe and that's the most important thing to me.

Even with the bad things in my life I have to say I am truly thankful for the way my life has turned out. I wouldn't be the man I am today if it hadn't been for the bad along with the good. I can honestly say that I wouldn't go back and change a thing. My life is the way it is for a reason. I am truly thankful every day that I open my eyes and get to start a new day and continue to live my life. I have everything I've ever wanted in life, even if I refused to admit it. I'm rich, successful, and I have more love than I could possibly deserve. I have things that most dare only to dream of and I am living it every day. Thankful and grateful are completely inadequate words to describe how I feel about my life as it is at this moment. There isn't a word to describe how much I appreciate my family and friends. My life, for lack of a better word, is absolutely perfect and I thank whatever higher being there is that it's the life I have and not the life I wish I had. 

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