Words Can Not Express

Chapter 6

 


Brian held Justin until the water ran cold, not knowing how to calm the young man. "Justin, lets get out of the shower. It's getting a little cold in here." Brian said.

He led Justin out of the shower, dried him off, and wrapped the robe around him without much of a reaction from the boy. Brian was starting to get a little worried. He led him to the bed and got him to lie down. After covering him, Brian turned to walk away. He was stopped by a hand reaching out for him.

"Please don't leave me," Justin said softly. Brian could hear the fear and panic in his voice.

"Don't worry, I was just going to go get you your medicine. I just want you to relax and get some sleep. It's been a long day for you." Brian replied.

Justin gave a light tug on Brian's arm. "No. I don't want to take anything. It just makes me more confused. Please? Could you just lay here with me? For just a few minutes? I mean...unless you have something else to do? Somewhere else you would rather be?" Justin asked.

"Sunshine, there is no where else I'd rather be." Brian replied as he lay down next to the man he loved. He knew in that moment that there really was no other place he would rather be.

Justin awoke a few hours later in Brian's arms in a cold sweat. He knew he must have been dreaming, yet everything seemed so real. He was at a dance or something. Maybe a prom. Everyone there was wearing evening gowns and tuxedos and dancing. Justin could see himself dancing with a girl and he was laughing. Then Brian walked in looking incredible. He walked over and asked him to dance. They danced around the room with everyone watching them. Everything seemed perfect. Then they were standing by Brian’s jeep. Saying goodbye. As Justin walked away, he heard Brian call his name. As he turned around, he saw someone swing a bat at his head. Then he woke up. It all seemed so real that Justin couldn’t catch his breath. As he struggled for air, he felt Brian put his arms around him.

“Justin, it's okay. Take a deep breath, you’re okay. I’ve got you!” Brian held Justin till his breathing slowed and the shaking stopped. “What happened? Bad dream?” Brian asked.

“I guess.” Justin replied, still a little shaken up by what he had seen in his dream.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Brian asked.

Justin remained quiet for a few minutes before answering. “Brian, did we go to a prom together?” he asked.

Brian felt like the world had stopped turning. Images running through his head of the prom and how he almost lost Justin that night, too. “Why?” he asked.

“I just had this dream. It seemed so real.” Justin continued to tell Brian what he had seen in his dream until he looked up and saw Brian looking like he was about to pass out.

“Brian? It wasn’t a dream, was it?” Justin asked.

“No. It wasn’t a dream.” Brian replied.

Justin took a few moments to let the information sink in. “So some asshole really hit me with a bat? What happened?” Justin asked.

Brian didn't answer as he got up off the bed and walked to the cabinet where he kept his liquor. He knew that there would come a time when he would have to explain the past to Justin; he just didn’t think it would start with the prom. It had taken a long time to put the whole night behind him. The last thing he wanted to do was to relive it yet again. He never heard Justin walk up behind him.

“Brian? Are you okay? What happened? Please tell me?” Justin asked.

“Look Sunshine, forget about it for now. Let’s just stick to happy memories for awhile,” Brian replied, although he knew that Justin would never let the matter drop.

“Brian, you can’t protect me from my past. I need to know. I need to try to remember who I am.” Justin pleaded with the older man.

Brian grabbed the bottle of beam and his glass and walked over to the sofa. Justin sat down beside him and waited, giving Brian time to figure out what to say next. Brian took a deep breath then started to replay the worst day of his life.

“Yes, it was your prom. You had asked me to go, but I told you no. You ended up taking your friend Daphne. I changed my mind and showed up right before the last song was played. We danced around the room, all eyes were on us. It was incredible. When the song ended we kissed like we had never kissed before. Then you walked me to my jeep. You still had to go back to get Daphne and drive her home. As you walked away, I couldn’t help but look back at you in my rear view mirror. I saw him going after you with a bat. I called out to you but it was too late. He swung the bat and hit you in the head. I managed to stop him before he could do anything else to you.” Brian hesitated. Not really wanting to go on, but knowing he had to.

“You were just lying there. Blood everywhere. I thought I had lost you. I’m not really sure what happened next. Someone called 911. I rode to the hospital with you. We waited 3 days before anyone could assure us that you would be okay. It was the longest 3 days of my life.” Brian said without being able to look Justin in the eyes.

Justin could see how upset Brian was. His eyes were filled with tears and he was shaking. It hadn’t occurred to him that Brian would be so affected by the story.

“I’m sorry Brian. I didn’t realize the pain it would cause you to talk about it. Are you okay?” Justin asked, wiping the tears that had started to roll down the man's face.

"I'm okay. I thought I had put it behind me, but hearing you talk about your dream brought it all back like it happened yesterday. I was so scared. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Are you okay? Do you remember anything else?" Brian asked, hoping that maybe his memory had returned. Unfortunately that was not the case.

"No. That's all I remember. Kind of weird, isn't it? That of all the memories I must have had, the first thing that comes to mind is of something like that."

Brian rose from the sofa to put away the beam, not wanting to drink too much now that his nerves were starting to settle. "Yeah, that is weird, considering you didn't remember much of it before you lost your memory. Daphne and I had to recreate the night for you months ago. You were having some trouble dealing with it after you were released from the hospital. A shrink I knew told me that I had to trigger your memory to get you past the shock of it all. Eventually, you did remember the attack, but the dancing was still a lost memory. I guess it's been found." Brian chuckled.

Justin walked over to where Brian was standing and put his arms around him. He needed to feel close to this wonderful man standing before him. "Yeah. Now if the rest of my memory could be found, too." Justin said with a laugh, hoping to lighten the mood. "Look Brian, why don't you go out for a while? I'll be okay here and you look like you could use a little time away from all this. Go find your friends and have fun."

Justin was starting to worry about Brian. He felt guilty for stirring up all the memories of the prom. It was obvious that the man was pretty shaken from telling the story.

“I don’t need to go out. I’m fine. How about we order some pizza and watch a movie?” Brian suggested, deciding to go against his no carbs after 7:00 rule.

“No. Brian I want you to go out. You’ve done so much for me already. You found me, brought me home. I’ll be okay. I promise.” Justin replied.

Brian didn’t like the idea of Justin being alone. ‘What if he stared to remember something?’ he thought.

Justin could see the unease in Brian’s face. “If you don’t want to do it for yourself, then do it for me. I could use a little time for myself.” Justin stated.

Brian could see right through the boys comment, but didn’t want to fight him on this. “Do you promise to call my cell if you need me?” Brian asked.

“I promise. Go out and have some fun. I’ll be fine till you get back.” Brian reluctantly went to get ready.

Two hours later, Brian found himself sitting at Woody’s nursing a beer. Mikey, Ted, and Emmett were playing pool, but Brian wasn’t in the mood for games. All he wanted to do was to go home and see Justin. His thoughts took him back to a time when things had been good for them.

He remembered the night he and Justin had set the rules. Justin had been sitting the computer doing homework and Brian couldn't resist the urge to go to him. He had never in his life wanted someone as much as he wanted Justin. Then Justin asked him why he was there. Brian tried to play it off with a joke, but Justin pushed for more. There was no way Brian could answer the question when he wasn't even sure of the answer himself. Every time questions like that had popped into Brian's head he pushed them away. He wasn't ready to admit that maybe there was something to whatever it was he had with Justin. He wasn't ready to admit that maybe he was capable of love. Justin left that night. He packed a bag and walked out.

Brian couldn't stand the emptiness in the loft with Justin gone so he went to Woody's. That was where Debbie found him. Always one to call people on their bullshit, Debbie pushed him until he all but admitted that he loved Justin. She made him see that if he didn't do something, he was going to lose Justin for good. Brian found Justin dancing at Babylon with some guy. After telling the guy to fuck off, Brian admitted to wanting Justin around and the rules were set. No one knew it at the time, but that was the beginning of the end. Brian's thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. Looking at the caller ID he saw it was the loft. His heart was racing as he answered. "Justin, what's the matter?" he asked in a panic, knowing Justin wouldn't call unless there was a problem.

"I need you," was all Justin could say before bursting into tears.

"Stay right where you are. I'll be there as soon as I can." Brian answered before racing out of the bar without even saying goodbye.


End of part 6
 

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