Words Can Not Express

Chapter 4

Justin just sat there trying to absorb all that Brian had told him so far. He didn't know what to think. He had so many questions that he didn't know where to start. The beginning sounded like the best place to him.

"Okay Brian. Let's start at the beginning. When did we meet? How did we meet? Aren't you a little old for me?" Justin saw a weird expression cross Brian's face and realized that he might have just insulted the man. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that it seems weird for us to have been together...never mind. Forget that last question."

"We met about two years ago on Liberty Avenue. It's the gay haven of Pittsburgh, and my normal hang out. You were 17 and very naive. It was your first time out and you were looking to get laid. I was getting ready to go home alone for a change when we spotted each other. There was an instant physical attraction. I took you home. My life has never been the same,” Brian said with a chuckle.

“Okay. So we met on the street. What then? You said you were a shitty boyfriend. How? What did you do, forget to take out the garbage?” Justin asked, somewhat intrigued.

"How bout we save that for another day. Listen, you’ve been through a lot in the last few days. Why don't you rest for a bit. It's a long drive back to the Pitts. We’ll have plenty of time to talk then. I'm going to go talk to the doctor about your release. I'll be back soon." Brian said as he turned to leave, needing a few minutes alone to absorb the reality in front of him. As he reached for the door he heard Justin softly call his name.

"Brian? Thanks for coming for me. It feels good to know that I'm not alone."

Brian took a deep breath before replying. "Justin, no matter where you are, I’ll always be there if you need me." With that he walked through the door leaving Justin to wonder what he meant.

Brian found the doctor at the nurses station. "Hey Doc? When can I take Justin home?" he asked.

The doctor finished signing off on the chart in front of him before turning to face Brian. "Well, I just got off the phone with Justin's doctor in Pittsburgh. Thanks for putting me in touch with him. Knowing about the injury he sustained last year explains a little more about why he responded the way he did to his recent injury. I already discharged him. You should be on your way in about an hour. Did he remember anything while you were in there?” The doctor noticed the pained look on Brian’s face.

“No. He had no idea who I was. How long do you think this will last? Will he ever get his memory back?" Brian asked.

“Well, there are no guarantees when it comes to head trauma, but it’s still too early to tell much anyway. Justin needs to see his own doctor when he gets back so he can be monitored closely. Just be patient with him. He needs time to adjust to his surroundings. He has no past to go on. He'll need as much love and support as he can get," the doctor replied.

Brian felt a moment of panic. Love and support wasn't something he was good at. Could he help Justin move on? Maybe he should take him to Jennifer's. She would probably do a better job at helping Justin heal.

Seeing the look of uncertainty cross Brian's face, the doctor had to smile. "You'll do fine, Brian. You love him. That's what he really needs. As long as he has that he’ll be fine, no matter what happens. Could you do me a favor? Call me in a few days and let me know how he's doing? He really made an impact on the staff here. We want to know how things are going. He's a very special young man."

Brian smiled at the doctor before answering "Yeah, he's very special. I'll call you at the end of the week. Thanks for everything, Doc." Brian walked towards the room but stopped just before opening the door. He needed a moment to gather his thoughts.

*****

Instead of entering Justin’s room, he headed for the stairs. Taking them two at a time went up to the roof. As he stood there, looking out over the Jersey shore, he wondered what to do next. So much had happened in the past ten days that Brian wasn't even sure if he was coming or going. He knew without a doubt that he loved Justin, that he wanted the boy in his life. He’d finally admitted that to himself somewhere between Pittsburgh and Jersey. Now all he had to do was figure out where they would go from there. Maybe Justin’s memory loss would be useful. If Justin couldn’t remember anything about their history, Brian had time to fix things. He had time to make Justin fall in love with him again. Only this time, things would be different. There would be no more tricking, no more drugs, no more drinking...well not as much drinking. He wasn’t exactly a saint. He was on a mission to win back his Sunshine, and he wasn’t going to let anything get in his way. Hopefully by the time Justin regained his memory, some of the bad stuff will have been pushed back far enough and replaced with new memories. Memories of the new and some what caring Brian. It sounded like a good plan in theory. Brian just hopped he had what it took to make this change. Growing up with Jack and Joan left Brian feeling like love and caring was something that existed only in the movies. Justin showed him how wrong he was. Love was possible, if you wanted it bad enough. And right now, Brian wanted it more then anything else. Taking one last look at the setting sun, Brian left behind his old ways and headed towards his future.

As he entered Justin’s room he noticed the boy standing by the window, looking at the same sunset he just left on the rooftop. He looked so lost standing there that Brian couldn’t stop himself from approaching him. He felt Justin jump at his touch.

“Hey Sunshine, take it easy. It’s only me.” Brian said hoping to calm him down.

“Sunshine? Why did you call me that?” Justin asked causing Brian to remember that he really didn’t have any memory of the past.

Pushing down the anxious feeling he replied “That’s your nickname. Our friend Debbie came up with that because of that beautiful smile of yours. It can brighten up any room.”

Justin didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just turned back to the window. “Isn’t is beautiful? The colors are incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Justin turned to face Brian with a sad look in his eyes. “I mean...well...I don’t remember seeing anything like it before.” he corrected as his eyes began to tear up. It was all so frustrating not knowing who he was. He was so scared of what lay ahead.

Sensing the fear in Justin, Brian took the boy in his arms. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ll get your memory back. I’ll help you. And in the mean time, we can make new memories. It’ll be okay, I promise. You just got to trust me.” putting his fingers under the boys chin, Brian raised his face to look in his eyes. “Do you think you can do that?”

Justin wasn’t sure why, but for some reason he did trust the stranger in front of him. “Why are you doing this? If we aren’t together anymore, why do you want to help me so much?” Justin asked.

“Because I love you,” Brian answered before placing a soft kiss on Justin’s waiting lips.

End of part 4
 

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