Words Can Not Express

Chapter 3

Brian was sitting in his office staring at the computer. He had been looking at the same screen for over two hours, but he didn’t see a thing. His thoughts were on Justin. He’d been missing for three days and although Brian wouldn’t admit it to anyone, he was really worried. There was no way Justin would just take off and not let anyone know where he was. That wasn’t the boys’ style. Something must have happened to him. All Brian had to do is figure out what to do next. He’d hired the best private investigator to find him, but he wasn’t a patient man and all the waiting was starting to get to him. He needed to do something. Just then Cynthia walked in.

“Brian, I’m starting to worry about you. Is everything alright?” she asked.

Brian knew that he had to tell her what was going on. “Justin is missing,” he said, getting up and walking to the window.

“Missing? What do you mean missing? As in he hasn’t called you lately?” she asked.

“No. I mean as in nobody has seen or heard from him in three days. He didn’t take anything with him. No clothes, no money, not even his sketch book. He just disappeared.”

Hearing the words come out like that caused a chill to run down his spine. He had to get out of there. He had to find him. Before Cynthia could respond, Brian’s cell phone rang.

“Kinney here....where is he? What the fuck is he doing in New Jersey? Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Don’t worry. The check’s in the mail.” Brian disconnected the call and grabbed his briefcase. He was heading out the door before he remembered that Cynthia was there. “Found him. Tell Vance that I’m taking a vacation. I’m going to get Justin and bring him homewhere he belongs.” and with that Brian was out the door.

 

*****

Justin was sitting up in bed watching the TV when the doctor came in.

“Well, my boy. It appears that you have been found. Does the name Brian Kinney mean anything to you?” the doctor looked for any sign of recognition. He didn’t see any.

“Brian? No, should it?” he asked. This was all so hard on him. Ever since he woke up, he’d been racking his brain trying to remember something, anything he could. It hadn’t helped. “Am I Brian?”

The doctor looked a little disappointed. “No, son. Brian is the name of the man who apparently has been looking for you. He had an investigator track you down to this hospital. I just spoke with him. He’s on his way here from Pittsburgh. He sounded very happy to know you’re okay. He’ll be here in about 6 hours, so just lay back and rest. You’ll probably need it.”

The doctor got up to leave but stopped as he heard Justin speak. “I’m scared. It’s one thing to be here, in a hospital and not know who you are. But to leave here with a complete stranger...I don’t know.” Justin had a terrified look in his eyes.

“Don’t worry son. I won’t release you unless I’m sure this Brian Kinney is on the up and up. I’ve already spoken with the police. They did some checking and everything he told me checks out. I'll let him explain everything to you."

The doctor seemed confident that this Brian was who he claimed to be so Justin just closed his eyes and tried to relax. He just hoped that once this Brian showed up, his memory would come back and he could go get on with his life.

It was a six hour drive. Brian made it in four. All through the ride, all he kept thinking about was the conversation he had with the doctor. His investigator led him to a hospital in New Jersey. No one knows how he got there or what happened. Brian told the doctor that he was a friend of the family and that everyone had been so worried that he agreed to drive down and bring Justin home. The doctor seemed concerned. That was when Brian found out that Justin had lost his memory. The doctor claimed that it was due to the trauma he experienced and that his memory should return within a couple of days. Brian couldn't believe it. What had Justin been thinking when he left? He was hoping to get some answers once he got there, but obviously Justin didn't know anymore then anyone else. Well Brian wasn't going to worry about it for now. All that mattered right now was that Justin was okay.

 

*****

As Brian entered the hospital, he thought back to the last time he’d been in the hospital and felt a strong urge to run away, but he took a deep breath and assured himself that this was different. Justin was fine. Brian went to the front desk and asked for Justin Taylor's room.

"I'm sorry sir. There is no record of a Justin Taylor here," the receptionist replied.

Brian felt a moment of panic before he remembered that Justin had no memory and his wallet had been missing. There was no way for anyone to know who he was. He shuddered at the thought of what might have happened if those kids hadn't found him.

"Sorry. You can just call Dr. Stevenson. He knows who I am and why I'm here." Brian flashed his dazzling smile and waited while she paged the doctor.

After hanging up the phone she said "Second floor, room 210."

"Thank you." Brian replied as he ran towards the stairs. He didn't want to wait for the elevator. All he wanted was Justin and reassure himself that the boy was okay. Dr. Stevenson met him outside of Justin's room.

"Mr. Kinney? I'm Dr. Stevenson, glad you're here. I was just in to see him and let him know you were on your way up. He's a little scared."

Brian looked confused. "Scared? What for?"

The doctor took a deep breath before answering. "Mr. Kinney, Justin doesn't remember anything. His whole life is a mystery. That means we’re all strangers to him. How would you feel if you woke up one day and didn't know anyone, including yourself?"

Brian took a step back at the realization that he was a stranger to Justin. He had never thought about it in those terms. "Don't worry doctor. I will be very careful with him. Is it okay to go in?" He asked.

"One thing before you go in. You claim to be a friend of the family, but I can see by the look in your eyes that there is more to it than that," the doctor said.

"Oh yeah? And what do you see?" Brian asked.

The doctor smiled and said "I see that you love him. Just remember, this is going to be hard for you too. He doesn't know you. He won't remember anything about the past you two have shared. Don't take it to heart. It's got nothing to do with you."

Brian took a deep breath and replied "Well doctor, don't worry about me. I don't have a heart. Just ask anyone who knows me."

The doctor's look turned serious. "You're wrong, Mr. Kinney. Everyone has a heart. That's what makes them feel. And from the look on your face, I'd say yours is quite large. Justin is a lucky young man to have someone feel about him as you do. Now go in and see him. He's waiting for you." the doctor said before walking away.

Brian took a minute to think about what the doctor had said. He claimed Justin was lucky to have him. Brian wondered what the good doc would think if he knew Brian was the reason Justin ran away in the first place. Pushing those thoughts aside, Brian entered the room. He found Justin sitting on the end of the bed looking like a scared little boy.

"Hey," Brian said.

"Hey," Justin replied, feeling panic rise up in his throat.

He was hoping that seeing this Brian would somehow trigger his memory. No such luck. Justin sat there for a minute looking at the stranger standing in front of him, admiring his beauty, wondering how they knew each other. He wasn't sure what to say next.

Brian didn't know what to say either, but he couldn't take the silence any longer. "So, Justin. How are you feeling? The doctor said you had a small bump on the head, but otherwise you're okay?"

Justin looked confused. "Justin? Is that my name? Justin what?" he asked. Brian seemed a little taken back by the question which worried Justin even more. "Didn't Dr. Stevenson tell you that I lost my memory?" he asked.

Brian knew the situation, but seeing it in person was a different story. "Yeah, he told me. I just would’ve thought he would have told you your name. Justin Taylor. Ring any bells?"

Justin thought really hard for a moment but nothing came to mind. "Sorry. Nothing. The doctor figured he would let you tell me everything. He said you knew more then he did so it would be best coming from you."

Justin couldn’t help but stare at Brian. He couldn't remember anything, but he was pretty sure he had never seen a more beautiful man. 'Who was he and what was their connection?' Justin thought to himself. He didn't look gay. But then again, what did he know? Justin was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Brian's voice.

"Well, I guess we have a lot to talk about. Where would you like to start?" Brian asked.

Justin wasn't sure what to say, so he just said the first thing that came to mind. "Who are you? I know your name is Brian, but Brian what? And how do I know you? Tell me something. It's not easy not knowing anything. I feel like a freak. Please help me."

Brian hated the sound of desperation in Justin’s voice. This was harder than Brian thought. He really wasn’t sure where to go from there. He tried to imagine what this was going to be like but nothing prepared him for the shock of seeing Justin so lost and scared.

“My name is Brian Kinney. We’re...uh...we’re...uh...”Brian’s voiced trailed off.

‘What were they?’ he thought. Brian always said that they weren’t boyfriends, but isn’t that what they were? And now that they weren’t together anymore, were they friends? Not really. Brian didn’t know what to say. He decided to do what was best for Justin and be honest with himself and the boy. “We used to be together, but we broke up 10 days ago. Now I guess we’re just friends.”

Justin couldn’t believe it. This beautiful man had been his boyfriend? What had happened to end their relationship? Justin needed to know what caused their break up. “What happened? Why aren’t we together anymore?” he asked.

Brian knew he had to tell the truth as much as he wanted to make himself look good. “Well, the truth is that I was a shitty boyfriend, so you found someone new.” Brian answered. He waited for Justin to reply.

Justin wasn’t sure what to say. “Wow. You must have been pretty bad if I found someone else. I mean...shit I meant...never mind. I don’t know what I meant.” Justin said, wondering if he always put his foot in his mouth or if that was something new he picked up.

Brian just laughed. “It’s okay. I was pretty bad. Blame it on bad upbringing. I don’t believe in love, I believe in fuc...forget that for now.” He figured that soon enough Justin would remember the real Brian Kinney. For now, he had the chance to be the good guy. He was going to take it.

“Brian?” Justin asked. “If we aren’t together anymore, why are you here? Where’s my boyfriend? How come he’s not here?”

Brian wasn’t sure how to answer that one. Ethan was sure that Justin was going to leave him, but no one knows for sure what was going through his head when he left. “He stayed back home. I went to see him on the day you disapp...left. He was sure you were moving out. In fact, when I showed up he thought that I was there to pick up your things, so I guess he figured that he wasn’t really needed here.” Brian answered.

Justin was still confused. “If we broke up, why would he think you were there to get my stuff?”

Brian had to think about that before answering “Well Justin, I guess that is the question of the day.
 

End of part 3

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