Words Can Not Express

Chapter 2

Brian pulled away from the curb with Justin's words ringing in his ears. Unlovable? Who was he kidding? Everybody loved Justin. He made friends wherever he went. Who could not love him? The words hit him like a knife in the heart. He couldn't love him. First it was his father, and then it was Brian. God, what else would the kid think? Couldn't he see that their situation had nothing to do with him? Brian just didn't do love. He didn't know how. He grew up in a house where he wasn't even wanted. Shit, his own mother told him he was going to hell. Where would he learn about love? He's lucky Debb and Mikey came along when they did. Otherwise who knew where he would’ve ended up? The thought of Justin feeling so sad and lonely sent a rush of anger through Brian. Where was his fiddler through all of this? Brian had told Justin that it was his choice on where he wanted to be and he’d chosen Ethan. Why was this even an issue?

Brian turned the jeep around and headed towards Ethan's apartment. He needed some answers and that seemed like a good place to start. It was a good thing Brian had followed Justin there one night when he was trying to find out who Justin's little secret was. At least he knew exactly where to go to get the answers he was looking for.

 

*****

As Brian walked up the stairs to the apartment, he was appalled. He couldn’t believe Justin had been living in such a shit hole. He knocked on the door and waited for Ethan to answer. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but he was already there so he figured he might as well follow through. When Ethan came to the door, he didn’t seem surprised to see Brian standing there.

“What do you want? Did you come to pick up his things?” Ethan replied before turning around and going back into the cramped little room.

Brian didn't know what was going on, but obviously Ethan was expecting Justin to move out.

"What the hell is going on? Why would I be coming to get Justin's things? He lives with you now, remember?" Brian asked.

Ethan looked a little surprised. "You mean Justin didn't run back to you to beg for forgiveness? I figured you would’ve been the first person he would go to. Listen, I really don't want to get involved. It's none of my business anymore. I tried to make him happy, tried to love him. It didn't work. You’re the one he loves. Night after night, I would lie in bed and watch Justin sleep. Every night he would call out your name. When he woke in the mornings, he would be shocked to see me. I guess those dreams of his were vivid. I think he really expected to be in your bed. The disappointment in his eyes is just too much for me. I can’t see him this upset anymore. I really thought that once he got away from you, everything between him and I would be great. I underestimated the love that he has for you. This morning he told me he was leaving. That he would be out by the end of the day. I just assumed that he’d been in contact with you and that he was moving back to your place. Have you heard from him?” Ethan asked. He was beginning to get a little worried.

“I was away all week. I got in late last night, but I didn’t listen to my messages. I ran into him at the Diner, but that didn’t go too well. I watched him walk away from the diner. I have no idea where he was headed. Well, it doesn't matter. Justin is a big boy. He knows what he's doing. It's none of my business anyway. If you see him, let him know I was here." Brian wasn't going to stand around and discuss Justin with the fiddler. He had his own life to worry about. He turned and left the apartment from hell and went about his day.

 

*****

The next morning, Brian awoke to the sound of someone banging on the door. After several attempts to try to ignore whoever it was, he got out of bed prepared to punch out whoever was waking him so early. As he slid the door open, he was shocked to see Ethan standing there.

"What do you want?" Brian mumbled as he turned and made his way to the kitchen. He knew it was going to be a bad day so he was going to need a very large cup of coffee, maybe two.

"Justin never came back last night. All of his clothes are still at my place. His sketch books, too. I'm starting to get really worried. I figured you could call your friends and find out if anyone has seen him. He would never leave his sketch book behind." Ethan could not believe he had the nerve to come here looking for Justin, but he didn't have any choice. Something was wrong, he could feel it and Brian was the only person that could help. As much as Ethan hated Brian for all the pain he caused Justin, he knew that the man did love him and making sure Justin was okay was the only thing that mattered. Ethan knew that his relationship with Justin was over. No one would stand a chance with the love that Justin had for Brian. All he wanted now was to make sure Justin was okay and wish him luck.

*****

Brian grabbed his phone, trying to figure out where Justin would most likely go. He tried calling Lindsay first only to be told that they hadn't seen him since the party. Emmett hadn't seen him either. When he called Debbie, she said that he never went back for his shift at the diner. No one had heard from him. The hardest call was to Jennifer. Not only had she not seen him, but she was worried about him too. Apparently Justin had called her yesterday after seeing Brian and told her that he made a mess of his life and didn't know what to do next. After telling her that he loved her, he hung up and left her wondering what was going on. She hadn't heard from him since. After promising to call her and let her know if anyone talks to him, Brian hung up with a sense of dread filling him.

"No one seems to know where he is." Brian said, trying to figure out where he could have gone. Daphne was the only other option Brian could come up with. He woke her up when he called.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Brian. Sorry to wake you, but have you seen Justin?"

"No. I haven't talked to him since the party. He's probably so wrapped up with Ethan that they haven't left the bed. Daphne replied, but then regretted her words. She knew how much Brian cared for Justin, even if he didn’t know himself. “Sorry Brian. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I guess I shouldn’t talk to people before my morning coffee."

"He's not with Ethan. Ethan is here at the loft. Justin’s been missing since yesterday. No one has seen him."

“What about his mom?”

"I called her, Debbie, too. No one seems to know where he is. Listen, if you hear from him, let me know. I'm going to keep looking,” Brian replied, his mind already thinking about his next move.

"I will, but if you find him, tell him to call me and let me know that he's okay.”

"He’ll call you just as soon as I get done beating his ass for disappearing like this,” Brian replied only half joking. “Later.”

Brian didn't like the way things were going, but the last thing he needed was to have the fiddler watching his every move. "Look, I'll find him. You don't need to worry. I'm sure this is just another one of his drama routines. I'll have him call you when I talk to him." Brian dismissed Ethan and went to take a shower.

He heard the door close and was relieved to know that he was alone. He didn't want anyone to see how worried he really was. This was out of character for Justin. When he wanted attention, he threw a tantrum. He didn’t disappear without contacting someone. Even when he ran off to New York he told Daphne where he was going. Brian quickly took a shower and got dressed. He needed to find Justin; he just didn’t know where to start looking.

 

*****

Justin awoke slowly, not sure where he was. He wasn’t even sure who he was. Everything was fuzzy. He had a buzzing in his ears and was very confused. He could tell by looking around that he was in a hospital, but he wasn't sure why. He found the call button and rang for the nurse. Maybe she could help him. As the nurse entered, Justin noticed the concerned look on her face.

"Hey. You’re finally awake. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up for three days. That was some accident you had. You’re lucky to be alive. Now maybe we can get some answers, like what's your name?"

Justin was suddenly overcome with a feeling of dread. That was what he was going to ask her.

"You don't know who I am?" Justin asked, not knowing what else to say.

The nurse looked at him in horror. "You mean you don't remember your name? Hold on sweetie. Let me go get the doctor." She replied as she ran out the door.

Justin took a couple of deep breaths and tried to stop the panic the was threatening to overtake him. A few minutes later, a man in a white coat came in. He was an older man and Justin felt a little better. Maybe he could help.

"Well, young man. It's nice to see you awake. How do you feel?" the doctor asked as he approached the bed. He took out a small flashlight and looked deep into Justin's eyes.

"My head hurts a little, but otherwise I guess I feel okay. What happened to me?" The doctor put away the flashlight and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Well, from what we were told by the paramedics, you were found unconscious in a parking lot not too far from the beach. There’s evidence of head trauma, but no one knows what happened for sure. There were no witnesses. You were found by a couple of kids who were out doing some exploring. Your body temperature was really low when they brought you in, so it was touch and go for awhile. We’re glad to see the improvements you’ve made. I understand that you are a little confused. Tell me what’s going on.”

Justin wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know what was going on. “I’m confused. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I can’t seem to remember anything. I don’t know who I am.” Justin could feel the panic rising inside as tears ran down his face. “I don’t even know who I am.”


End of part 2

Return to Words Can Not Express