12 Steps to Happiness

Part 8
 

Justin had eventually fallen back to sleep in Brian's arms, but Brian knew there was no way he could fall back to sleep. He thought about the condition Justin was in when he woke up earlier and knew that the young man was getting ready to bolt. They needed help if they were going to get through this without Justin having a relapse. Brian slipped from the bed and slowly made his way downstairs. When he reached the couch, he eased himself down and reached for the phone, knowing what he needed to do. After calling information to get the number, Brian called the restaurant where Justin used to work.

"Tuzzio's." Someone answered in a cheery voice.

"Hello. I'm looking for a man named Manny. He's a waiter there. Is he working today?" Brian asked, realizing that he didn't even know Manny's last name. He thought of the card he had given Justin, but had no idea where it was and didn't want to wake Justin trying to find it.

"No, Manny is off today. You can try calling back tomorrow." The voice said.

"I can't wait until tomorrow. Look, I need to talk to him today. It's really important. I know you can't give me his phone number, but could you call him and ask him to call me? I would really appreciate it." Brian assured him.

"I'm not really sure if I can..." The voice tried to refuse.

"Look, I need to talk to him about Justin Taylor. It's important." Brian tried again, hoping that this person on the other end would recognize the name and give in.

"Justin? Is he okay?" The voice asked in concern.

"No, but he will be if I can talk to Manny." Brian said, wondering if what he was saying was true.

"Okay, let me call him for you. Give me your name and number." The voice conceded.

After telling the voice his name and number, Brian hung up and waited for the call. He didn't have long to wait.

"Manny?" Brian said as he answered the phone.

"Brian! What's wrong? Billy called and said you were looking for me and that it was about Justin." Manny said, waiting to hear what had happened.

"Manny, I need your help. Everything was okay this morning, or so I thought, but then Justin and I took a nap. When I woke up, I found him looking lost and ready to bolt. He said that he couldn't do it and that he just needed one drink to calm him. I have no doubt that if I hadn't woken up, he would have disappeared again. He was sweating and couldn't stop shaking. I've never seen him so anxious before." Brian explained, hoping Manny would be able to help.

"Brian, that's normal. It's called withdrawal and everyone has to go through it. Do you think you can get him to a meeting tonight? It might help if he heard some of the other people's stories. It will give him a sense of how bad things can get if he doesn't stop drinking." Manny suggested.

"I'll make sure I get him there if you think it will help. Where do we have to go?"

Manny gave Brian directions to the meeting spot assuring him that he would be there for support. Once he hung up the phone, Brian made his way back upstairs surprised to find Justin standing by the window, obviously lost in thought.

"Hey," He said as he approached Justin, careful not to startle him.

"Hey. Sorry about earlier, Brian. I guess I didn't think it would be this hard. I really want to stop drinking, but I don't know if I can. How the fuck did I get myself into this mess?" Justin asked, rhetorically.

"Justin, stop beating yourself up about it. These things happen. If anyone is to blame, it's me. I never should have forced you to leave in the first place. I didn't think...I mean, I never..." Brian couldn't seem to find the words to explain the way he was feeling before the Rage party.

"You don't have to say anything, Brian. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I am the only one to blame in this mess. I should have known better than to try to bury my pain with alcohol." Justin said softly.

"Again, that would be me. Where do you think you learned your pain management? You know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that you can see the problem now and are willing to fix things." Brian told him.

"I'm willing to try, but I'm not sure if I can." Justin admitted.

"Justin, you are the strongest person I know. If you really want to overcome this, I have no doubt that you can do it. Besides, I will be here every step of the way." Brian assured him. He wanted to make sure Justin didn't feel like he was alone.

Justin looked into Brian's eyes and could see emotions he never saw before reflected back at him. It made him want to conquer his problems even more. "So, what's next?"

"I talked to Manny earlier. He thinks that you should go to a meeting tonight. We have to be there at seven." Brian explained.

"We? You're going with me?" Justin asked in surprise.

"Unless you would rather I stay here? It's up to you."

"No, I want you there with me. Thank you, Brian." Justin said, feeling a tear roll down his cheek.

"Anytime, Sunshine. Anytime." Brian replied, taking Justin in his arms and holding him tight.

At 7:05, Brian and Justin walked into the local AA meeting, already in progress. They quietly took a seat in the back while Manny stood before the room, talking about his past. He was sharing his experience with the group of avid listeners, but nodded his recognition at the two men. Once he was done speaking, he asked for another volunteer to stand up and share. A middle aged woman stood up and approached the front of the room.

"Hi everybody. My name is Kathy and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi Kathy!" The room greeted.

"I've been clean and sober now for eleven months, thanks to all of your support. It's been a rough road to get to where I am but it was worth every struggle. I started drinking after I got married. My husband was a very popular man and the invitations to parties and clubs started rolling in. Once I had my children, I couldn't go out with him anymore. Someone had to stay home and take care of the kids. I resented the fact that it was my job to stay home and be the mom, while he was still able to have fun. I started drinking after I put the kids to bed, always justifying it by saying if he could have fun, so could I. As the years past, I started drinking more and more. Ronnie finally got tired of my binges and moved out, figuring it would be enough to make me see how wrong what I was doing was. It didn't work. I was so depressed because now I was alone with two small children and no one to turn to. I was spending all my time in a bottle, and my poor children had to sit back and watch. Then one night, while I was drunk, my youngest daughter became ill. I didn't know it at the time, but she had developed asthma. She woke up in the middle of the night, unable to get her breath. I was too drunk to think straight." The woman paused, trying to get a hold of the emotions that were bubbling to the surface. Everyone waited for her to continue.

"Thank God, my oldest daughter had seen a movie in school on what to do in case of emergencies. She called 911 and then helped keep her sister calm until the ambulance arrived. If it wasn't for her, my baby might have...Anyway, I knew then that I had to pull myself together. They needed me and I had failed them. My husband had agreed to move back in, staying in the spare room to help with the kids. I found this group and haven't had a drink since. The kids have been wonderful to me, forgiving me for all the times they had to take care of themselves while I was passed out on the couch. My family is finally starting to rebuild what we once had, and I am happy to say that last night my husband moved back into our bedroom. We are working on things between us, but we are both confident that we will move past all the hurt and anger and become a loving couple again. I want to say to all the newcomers out there that even though it will be the hardest thing you will ever do, please don't give up. You can beat this horrible disease and get your life back. I am a perfect example of that."

As soon as she finished speaking, the audience began clapping at her accomplishment. Manny took the stage again, asking for more volunteers. One by one, people went to the front of the room and told their story. Each story was different, but they all had the same underlying moral to them. It didn't matter how bad things seem to be, with a little bit of help and a lot of determination anyone can overcome alcoholism. Brian looked over at Justin, only to find him staring ahead with tears rolling down his face. He could tell that the younger man was hurting and wanted to take away the pain, but knew he couldn't.

"Are you okay?" Brian asked quietly.

"No, I'm not," Justin looked the older man in the eyes. "But I will be."

Brian took Justin's hand in support, seeing the determination in his blue eyes and somehow knew that everything would be okay.

End of part 8

12/17/03

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