12 Steps to Happiness

Part 5

 

Brian was brought out of a deep sleep by the sound of Justin stumbling in the front door. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was shocked to see it was 2:00 am. He could only imagine how drunk the blond was, considering he had been out since noon. Sitting up gently so as not to disturb his ankle, he waited for Justin to make his appearance in the living room.

“Well, hello there, Justin. Nice of you to come home.” Brian said as he took in the drunken sway Justin was exhibiting.

“Brian. What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you be sleeping by now?” Justin asked, trying to steady himself. He figured Brian and Daphne would be sleeping by now which was why he bothered coming home. The last thing he wanted right now was the third degree from either of them.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Sunshine, but I’m wide awake and ready to talk.” Brian replied, sensing that was the reason Justin stayed out so late.

“That’s pretty funny coming from you, Brian. You never want to talk. Why is it so important now?” Justin slurred, wishing he could just go up to bed. It had been a long day and he could feel himself getting ready to fall asleep.

“A lot can change in a year, Justin. Don’t you think we are long overdue for a talk?” Brian asked, waiting to see what Justin’s reply was going to be.

“Look Brian, I’m sorry about what happened last night. I never meant for you to get hurt. It was an accident. You have no right to come barging into my life and start demanding things from me. I asked you to go back to Pittsburgh and I expect you to do as I ask.” Justin stated. He didn’t want to get into a fight with the man. He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn’t anyone see that?

“I have no right barging into your life demanding things? What the fuck do you think you did to me? I had a nice, uncomplicated life until you barged in and changed everything! How dare you tell me I have no right!” Brian exclaimed. He could feel himself losing control and tried to calm himself down a little. He didn’t want to cause Justin to run again.

Justin was speechless by Brian’s words. He had seen Brian lose control in the past, but this was different. He could see a mixture of emotions in Brian’s eyes and wasn’t sure what they were. Overcome with feelings of guilt, Justin staggered over to the couch and sat down, needing to pull himself together before he continued.

“Brian. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. I don’t need any help. Please just go back home and leave me alone.” Justin said softly. He could feel his resolve weakening and just wanted to run away, but he felt frozen in place by the look in Brian’s eyes. He knew that he couldn’t run anymore. His only option was to try to get Brian to back off and let him work things out for himself.

“Justin. I can’t do that. I can’t just walk away and let you destroy your life. You mean too much to me. You have a problem. I know you don’t want to admit it, but you do. I want to help you. Let me help you. Then if you want me to walk away, I will, but first I need to know that you’re okay.” Brian said, hoping to get through to the blond.

“Why, Brian? Why are you so determined to help me? You couldn’t care less when I was living at the loft.” Justin questioned, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“That’s not true, Sunshine. I did care. You were just so wrapped up in the fiddler that you didn’t want to see it.” Brian answered, still struggling to keep his emotions under control. They were coming to the surface and he wasn’t sure he would be able to hold them back. So much had changed in the last year and Brian hadn’t been able to pull his mask out like he used to.

“Bullshit! That’s not fair, Brian. I’m sorry about what happened with Ethan, but you can’t put the blame on me. You pushed me away…you were always pushing me away. Every time we started to move forward you pulled back, not wanting to be too close. I couldn’t live like that anymore. I gave you an opportunity to tell me you wanted me there. I asked you if you would care if I wasn’t there and you couldn’t even just say yes. What was I supposed to do? Just keep hanging around accepting the crumbs you tossed me from time to time?” Justin asked, suddenly getting agitated again. He didn’t want to be having this conversation, but he knew Brian wouldn’t let it drop until they did.

“Crumbs? I was just tossing you crumbs? I gave you everything I had! Forgive me for not meeting up with your WASP standards, but I gave you all I was able to offer at the time and you threw it back in my face! Come on, Justin. You know me better then anyone. Do you honestly think you would have been living in the loft if I didn’t want you there?” Brian asked, wishing he wasn’t stuck in place with a sprained ankle. All this talk about feelings was starting to make him uncomfortable.

Justin sat back for a moment, thinking about all that Brian had just said. Was he right? Would he have been living in the loft if Brian didn’t want him there? Could it be that Justin had been so busy playing the neglected boyfriend that he forgot to read between the lines. All at once Justin was overcome with emotions and threw himself into Brian’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. He was crying for his foolishness and for all the time he had spent in agony, thinking Brian didn’t care.

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin, holding back tears threatening to fall, while breathing a sigh of relief. He had finally broken through the walls Justin had created in the last year. It felt so good to have his Sunshine back in his arms, like he was finally home. They sat there together for a long while, Justin seeking the comfort he needed from Brian. After awhile Brian pulled back to look into the blue eyes he had missed so much.

“Glad to have you back, Sunshine.” Brian said with his voice full of emotion. 

“It’s great to be back.” Justin replied, knowing that he meant what he said. He didn’t have any intentions of letting Brian go again.

Positioning themselves on the couch knowing that they still had a lot to work out, the two men fell asleep in each other’s arms. Even though they had a long road ahead of them, they were just happy to be together again.

Brian woke up to the smell of bacon cooking and sat up in a panic, realizing Justin was no longer in his arms. Trying to be careful of his ankle, he attempted getting up before hearing voices coming from the kitchen. He sat back again, listening to the sounds of Daphne and Justin laughing together and couldn’t help but smile at the sound. He got up slowly and grabbed his crutches, making his way into the small space and taking a seat at the table. Daphne noticed him first.

“Brian! We didn’t hear you come in. How did you sleep?” She asked as she continued cooking what appeared to be omelets on the stove.

“I slept better then I have in months.” Brian answered, exchanging a small smile with Justin. He just hoped that things were still okay between the two of them in the light of day.

Justin walked over to where Brian was sitting. Leaning down, he placed a soft kiss on Brian’s lips before going to the refrigerator to get the man some juice.

“That’s great, Brian. Justin said that you two started working some things out last night. I am happy for you both. Maybe now I won’t have to watch Justin walk around moping anymore.” Daphne joked, looking at Brian for some kind of sign that they had discussed Justin’s drinking.

“Well, we still have some issues to work on, but things are looking up.” Brian replied, letting Daphne know without words that everything was not resolved.

“That’s great. You can work on some of those issues today. I have a class in an hour and I’ll be working tonight so you can have the whole place to yourselves. In fact, I better get in the shower or I’m going to be late. Here you go, Brian. Eat up.” Daphne ordered with a laugh as she placed breakfast in front of him. She kissed his cheek and whispered a good luck in his ear before heading off to get ready for her day.

“So, Sunshine. I guess it’s just you and me here today. What will we do with all that time?” Brian asked seductively with his trademark tongue-in-cheek expression.

“Oh, I’m sure we can think of something.” Justin replied, feeling a familiar tightening in his groin at the thought of how they could spend their time.

They ate their breakfast in comfortable silence, waiting for Daphne to leave for the day so they could be alone. Brian knew they needed to talk about Justin’s drinking, but he had been sporting a hard-on since taking the blond in his arms the night before and needed a release before he could have a serious discussion. After Daphne was gone and Justin had washed the dishes from breakfast they met on the couch, coming together in a fierce need, trying to devour each other. Their mouths met and opened, tongues dueling, while frantically removing the clothing that was keeping their bodies from touching. Once they were naked, Brian pulled Justin on top of him, careful not to knock his ankle.

“Sunshine. You are going to have to do most of the work here. I am slightly handicapped here.” Brian joked before realizing that he had just reminded Justin of the accident for which he still felt responsible for.

“I am so sorry about that, Brian. I wasn’t thinking about where we were.” Justin said, unable to look Brian in the eye.

“It’s okay, Justin. It was an accident. I am not blaming you so stop blaming yourself. Although if it would make you feel better, you could give me one of your wonderful blow jobs to make it up to me.” Brian offered with a smirk, hoping to lighten Justin’s mood.

“Your wish is my command, sir.” Justin responded before kissing his way down Brian’s body.

In a matter of moments, Brian could feel his cock being engulfed inside Justin’s warm mouth and had to pull all his strength together just to keep from exploding like a teenager. He had missed Justin more then he thought possible and just the anticipation of being able to be inside the blonde’s tight hole was enough to cause an orgasm. He could feel his climax building and knew it wasn’t going to take much to make him come. Wanting to be inside of Justin when he came, Brian pulled Justin up and made his desires known.

“Justin. I want to be inside of you now. Do you have a condom?” He asked, breathless from the torture of having to stop Justin’s work.

“Yeah…upstairs. I’ll be right back.” Justin said as he bolted naked up to his room to get what they needed.

“Brian couldn’t help but feel a little put off that Justin was prepared, pushing away thoughts of the men he knew Justin had been with in Brian’s absence. He didn’t do jealousy and wasn’t about to start now.

When Justin returned he gently rolled the condom on Brian’s cock, making sure to apply a generous amount of lube as well. Then he made a show of lubing his own fingers before slowly inserting two fingers into his own hole, preparing himself for Brian’s cock.

Brian watched Justin preparing himself and groaned at the site before him. He cursed himself for his lack of control and pulled Justin down for a passionate kiss.

“Justin, please. I don’t think I can wait anymore. I need to be inside of you, now.” Brian growled, knowing that Justin wasn’t far off either.

Justin saw the need and passion in Brian’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat at the intensity he felt at the moment. He climbed over Brian, positioning the man’s cock at his entrance, and slowly lowered himself on Brian. He waited a moment, allowing himself to adjust to the intrusion, before finding his rhythm and riding the man with wild abandon. Having Brian’s cock in his ass was his favorite pleasure and he was reveling in the feelings it was causing. He had no idea how he ever got the courage to walk away in the first place, but he knew he would do anything to make sure they stayed together this time. As Justin began to feel his orgasm building he increased his movements, wanting to make sure they came together.

Brian felt Justin’s speed increase and knew he was close. He grabbed the man’s cock and began pumping in time with Justin’s thrusts and was rewarded when he felt the muscles tighten around his cock. They came together, Brian filling the condom, while Justin shot over Brian’s stomach and chest. Justin collapsed on top of Brian and they lay there together trying to get their breathing under control. After a few moments, Justin got up to dispose of the condom and came back with a towel and cleaned Brian up. He then lied down with Brian and the two drifted off to sleep without ever having a chance to talk.

Justin awoke an hour later and found Brian still sleeping. He gently got up without disturbing the sleeping man next to him and went to take a shower. While he was dressing, he noticed the slight shaking in his hands and knew that he needed a drink to settle his nerves. One drink would steady him enough to get through their talk. He slowly made his way down the stairs and out the door without ever waking Brian. He pushed away the guilt he felt at sneaking away and assured himself that he would only have one drink. How much damage could one drink do?

Brian woke up to an eerie silence and knew in his heart that Justin was gone. He had hoped that after their talk the night before and the sex they had that morning, that Justin would see that they needed time together to work things out. Apparently, he was wrong. Brian managed to get himself up and in the shower, hoping that maybe Justin had just run to the market, but an hour later he knew that he wouldn’t be seeing his Sunshine anytime soon. He thought about calling Daphne, but decided against it. What was the point? There was nothing either one of them could do until Justin decided to stagger home. It was going to be another long day.

Justin glanced up at the clock on the wall and realized he had been gone for five hours. He had planned on only stopping in for one drink, but somehow that one drink turned into a lot more and now he didn’t know what to do. If he went back now, all he would see was the disappointment in Brian’s eyes and he knew he couldn’t handle that. Just as he was about to order another drink, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Hey, Justin. How are you doing?” The voice asked.

“Manny! What are you doing here? Let me buy you a drink!” Justin exclaimed, happy to see Manny standing next to him. He knew he was going to miss the older man once he lost his job. He had been like a father to everyone at the restaurant and even though Justin had never told him he was gay, he had a feeling that Manny would be accepting.

“No, Justin. I don’t need a drink and from the looks of things, I don’t think you need one either. Why don’t I give you a ride home?” Manny suggested as he managed to lead Justin out of the bar.

Once they were in the car Manny looked over at Justin and swore he saw fear in the younger man’s eyes.

“Justin. You can talk to me if you want. I’m a good listener.” Manny offered, wondering if the blond was in any kind of physical danger.

“Manny, remember when I admitted to you that I was suffering from a broken heart? Well my ex showed up here a few days ago. He is staying with Daphne and I and things haven’t been right since.” Justin admitted, feeling a need to talk to someone.

“I see. So she’s here in New Jersey?” Manny asked, trying to drawl out more of the story. Whoever this girl was, she really did a number on Justin to make him hit bottom like he has.

“Yes…only she’s a he.” Justin said in a whisper.

“A he?” Manny said, wondering if he was hearing correctly or if Justin was just babbling.

“Yes. I’m gay. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but Brian always said that unless I was fucking someone it was none of their business.” Justin admitted, hoping he was right in thinking that Manny would be accepting.

“No need to apologize to me. Your personal life isn’t anyone’s business. I don’t have a problem with gay people. One of my best friends was gay. This Brian, is he the ex you are talking about?” Manny asked.

“That’s him. Daphne called him and told him I’ve been drinking a lot and now he’s here. So much has happened and I’m not sure what to do.” Justin explained, feeling tears building behind his eyes.

“Look, Justin. I meant what I said before. I am a really good listener. How about we go somewhere and you can start from the beginning. Maybe between the two of us we can decide what you should do next.” Manny offered, hoping Justin would take him up on his offer.

“Are you sure you want to hear all about my sordid past?” Justin asked with a chuckle.

“I would love to hear all about it.” Manny assured him as he drove towards the beach.

After finding a place to park, the two men got out of the car and headed to the beach. They sat there for an hour while Justin poured his heart out to Manny, telling him the whole story of his life with Brian. Once he was finished telling his story, he looked up at the other man with tears in his eyes.

“So, what do you think I should do?” Justin asked.

“The first thing you need to do is go home and talk to Brian. From what you told me, this man really loves you.” Manny said, believing it in his heart. There was no way any man would pick up and leave town to help someone they didn’t love. He stood up, ready to take Justin home to his man.

“What am I supposed to say to him?” Justin asked, afraid of facing Brian after disappearing again.

“Well, you can start with ‘My name is Justin and I’m an alcoholic.’’ Manny said as he pulled Justin to his feet and lead him back towards the car.

End of part 5

9/17/03

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