12 Steps to Happiness

Part 10
 

As Justin walked into the loft for the first time, he was overcome by the rush of memories that came flooding back. It had been over a year since he had been there and even though everything was still in the same place, it all looked different to him. He slowly walked around, taking in his surroundings until Brian came up behind him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sensing the tension that Justin was feeling.

"I think so. It just feels weird being back here. I didn't think I'd ever see this place again," Justin admitted quietly.

Brian felt a lump forming in his throat. He never thought Justin would be back in the loft again either, but was happy that he was. He wondered if Justin was regretting his decision. "Would you rather stay with Debbie? If you changed your mind I'm sure we could call her. She would love to have you back under her roof."

"No! I want to be here. It's not a bad feeling being here, just weird. Brian, you know how sorry I am..."

"It's okay, Justin. I told you before that you don't have to apologize for what happened. I pushed you away and left you with no other choice but to leave. If anyone is to blame for this mess, it's me," Brian replied, unable to look Justin in the eyes.

"Brian, it's not your fault. I knew who you were and still chose to be with here with you. You never made any promises that you couldn't keep. I just expected too much. I won't make that mistake again," Justin assured him as he continued his observations.

Brian wanted to say something to let Justin know that things were different now, but he wasn't sure what to say. He knew that he would have to offer more of himself this time around, but he wasn't exactly sure what he was able to give. Being in New Jersey was easy because he was out of his element. Now that they were back in the Pitts, Brian hoped he could really be who Justin needed him to be. He decided to just change the subject.

"Are you hungry? We could order Chinese?"

"Brian, it's Friday night. Shouldn't you be getting ready to meet the gang at Babylon? I'll be alright here by myself," Justin assured him. He felt that Brian had put his life on hold long enough and wanted him to get back to business as usual.

Brian couldn't help but smile. "Justin, I don't do the bar scene like I used to. I grew up a bit while you were gone. In fact, I usually only go out a few times a month now. So, how about that Chinese?"

"Uh...sure, that sounds good," Justin replied, surprised that Brian didn't want to be out with his friends.

Brian went ahead and ordered dinner while Justin looked around, his mind flashing back to all the things that he and Brian had shared while he lived there. He was so lost in thought that he jumped when Brian came up behind him.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Before Justin had a chance to respond, the phone started ringing. Brian released Justin to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Brian. Cynthia told me you were coming back today. Why didn't you call me? You wanna meet us at Babylon? The guys are all meeting there at 10:00," Michael said, thrilled to have his friend back home. He still didn't know what caused Brian to go away for so long and it was driving him crazy.

"Not tonight, Mikey. I'm tired from the trip home. How about I meet you at the diner in the morning? We can catch up then," Brian replied, watching Justin walking around aimlessly.

"Alright," Michael sighed, obviously disappointed. "I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"See ya, Mikey," Brian said, hanging up the phone and turning to Justin. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be out in a few minutes. Why don't you see if you can find something to watch on TV?"

Justin nodded his reply and watched Brian walk into the bathroom. As soon as he heard the water running, he sighed in relief. He never realized how hard it would be to come back to the loft. It wasn't that he didn't want to be there, it was just going to take some time to get used to again. He was walking past the phone when it rang again, and he reached for it without thinking.

"Hello?"

"Sunshine? Is that you?" Debbie asked in surprise.

Justin cursed himself for answering and thought briefly of just hanging up, but knew he couldn't do that to Debbie.

"Hey Deb."

"Oh my God! It is you? Where have you been? I've missed you so much. What are you doing at Brian's? Does your mother know you're back?" Debbie fired the questions at Justin one after another, never giving him time to answer.

"Slow down Deb," Justin chuckled. "No, my mother doesn't know I'm back yet. We just got in tonight. I'm going to call her tomorrow."

"Where have you been? Your mother said that you and Daphne moved to Jersey. Why haven't you called? You are a part of this family Sunshine and family stays in touch no matter where they are," Debbie said, obviously annoyed by his disappearance.

"I'm sorry, Deb. The last year's been a little...difficult. After what I did to Brian..."

"What you did to Brian? Sweetie, you didn't do anything that Brian didn't push you to do. No one can blame you for leaving him. Speaking of the shit, where is he?"

"He's in the shower. We literally just got back about twenty minutes ago. Do you want me to have him call you?"

"Not so fast, Justin. You're coming here for dinner tomorrow night. I'll get the family together and we'll have a welcome home party. Be here by 7:00," Debbie demanded gently.

"I don't know, Deb,"

"Don't argue with me, Sunshine. Now let me go so I get planning. Vic's going to be so happy to hear that you're back. We've really missed you, Sunshine, and when I see you, I want to know what you've been up to for the last year. Tell Brian I'll talk to him tomorrow and I expect an explanation as to why he didn't tell us he was in contact with you. Welcome back, sweetie. See you tomorrow."

Justin stared at the phone long after the call ended, wondering how he managed to get into the mess he was in. Brian found him like that a few minutes later.

"Justin? What's wrong?"

"Debbie called. I was walking by the phone when it rang and didn't even think about it when I picked it up," Justin explained, finally placing the phone back in it's cradle.

"And?" Brian asked, sensing the tension in the blonds body.

"And it looks like we have plans for dinner tomorrow night. We have to be there at 7:00." Justin replied quietly.

"Justin, if you don't want to go..."

"It's alright, Brian. I might as well get it over with. We knew it was bound to happen sooner or later," Justin assured him, trying to calm the shaking that took over his body.

"Are you sure? I could call Debbie..."

"I don't think you want to do that. She's not real happy with you for not telling her we've been in contact," Justin said with a small smile.

"Shit! You're right. Let's not call Debbie. Hopefully, she will calm down by tomorrow," Brian chuckled. He was happy to see that Justin wasn't too upset by the call.

"Brian? This is Debbie we're talking about," Justin pointed out, his smile growing brighter.

Brian just laughed and shook his head. He knew he was in trouble. The food came shortly after that and they ate in front of the TV, laughing at some stupid movie that was on Showtime. After they finished with dinner it was getting late. Justin went in to take a shower. While he was standing under the spray trying to control his emotions, he heard the shower door open.

"I thought you could use some help washing those hard to reach places," Brian said softy as he wrapped his arms around Justin.

"Brian, what am I going to say to everyone? What reason do I give them for not even calling while I was away?" Justin asked as he turned in Brian's arms.

Brian could see the pain and anguish in Justin's eyes and wondered if dragging him back here was a good idea, or if maybe he was just being selfish bringing him back for his own reasons. He shook off those thoughts for later, focusing on trying to ease Justin's mind.

"It's no one's business as to what you've been doing, Justin. You have a right to live your own life. Just apologize for not calling. Tell them that you've been busy," Brian suggested, knowing that excuse would never really work, but didn't know what else to offer.

"Maybe I could just tell them that I was too drunk to pick up the phone," Justin said sarcastically.

"Justin,"

"Well, it's the truth, isn't it?"

"How about if I help you forget about dinner tomorrow and we worry about it later?" Brian began stroking Justin's cock as he spoke, knowing that sex was usually the best way to clear his mind.

Justin responded by reaching up and pulling Brian down for a heated kiss. That was the beginning of a three hour fuck fest that left them both exhausted and in need of sleep. Just as Justin was drifting off to sleep in Brian's arms, he heard him speak softly.

"Justin, no matter what happens tomorrow night, I'll be here. Whatever you feel comfortable with sharing will be okay."

"What are we going to tell them about us?"

Brian thought about it for a minute before answering. "All they need to know is that we're together again."

Justin smiled at Brian's reply. "Good night, Brian."

"Night, Justin," Brian replied, pulling Justin closer as he drifted off to sleep.

Brian woke up the next morning and climbed out of bed quietly so as not to wake Justin. He showered and dressed, getting ready for breakfast with the boys. He scribbled Justin a note, telling him to call the cell when he woke up and slipped out the door without being heard.

When he walked into the diner, the place was pretty much empty except for the guys who were waiting for him at their table.

"Morning boys," Brian called as he approached. As soon as he saw Michael's face he knew Debbie had spoken to him.

"Brian! What the hell is Justin doing at the loft?" Michael demanded.

"Good to see you, too, Mikey," Brian said, searching out the waitress. "Can I get some coffee over here?"

"Cut the shit, Brian. Ma told me that Justin answered the phone last night when she called the loft. What is that ungrateful little shit doing at your place?"

"Mikey, it's none of your business. Why don't you worry about your own life and stop worrying about mine?" Brian replied, trying to hold his temper.

"After what he did to you? How can you just let him come back? The best thing he ever did was to disappear. Besides, it is my business, Brian. You're my..."

"Best friend, I know. Everybody knows. That doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on what I do. I'm a big boy, Mikey. I can do whatever I want without having to explain myself. Now are we here for breakfast or an interrogation, 'cause I do have things to do," Brian replied, leaving no room for discussion.

Michael took the hint and changed the subject, knowing that if he pushed further, Brian would just walk out. They ordered their breakfast, talking about all the latest gossip that Brian had missed while he was away. Brian's thoughts were never far from Justin and just as he was getting ready to take the last bite, his cell phone rang.

"Hey," Brian answered.

"Hey, are you still at the diner?" Justin asked, not wanting to interrupt Brian's time with his friends.

"Yeah, but I'm almost done here and then I'll be home. Do you want me to bring anything?" Brian asked, noticing the scowl on Michael's face.

"No, that's okay. I'm not very hungry. Take your time. I'll be fine here by myself," Justin replied.

"I know you will, but I'll be home within the hour. Have you called your mother yet? Chances are that she knows your back. The guys already knew when I got here."

"How? Ah, Debbie. I guess I should have expected that. I'd better call her now before she comes knocking on the door. Later."

"Later," Brian replied before disconnecting the call. He immediately looked up into Michael's face and uttered a gentle warning. "Leave it alone, Mikey."

Michael looked hurt, but said nothing while they all finished their breakfast quietly. Emmett was the one to break the silence. "So you and Justin will be at dinner tonight, right?"

"Considering it's a welcome home dinner for Justin, I guess we have no other choice. I better get going," Brian said as he tossed down enough money to pay for everyone's food. "Later."

Brian made it out the door and to the jeep before Michael caught up to him.

"Brian, are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes, Mikey. I'm getting in my jeep and driving home," Brian replied with a smile.

"Not that, asshole, I mean taking Justin back. After what he did to you last year..."

"Listen Michael, because I'm only going to say this once. What goes on between Justin and me is none of your business. You need to stay out of it. Do you understand?" Brian asked with warning in his voice.

"But he hurt you. I don't want to see him do it again," Michael said softly.

"We hurt each other, Mikey, and it's not going to happen again," Brian replied.

Michael could see something in Brian's eyes that he never saw before and the situation suddenly became clear. "You love him, don't you?"

Brian thought about it for a minute and knew he had to be honest. "Yeah, Mikey, I do."

"Then don't fuck it up this time," Michael replied with a small smile.

Brian chuckled at Michael's reply. "I don't plan on it," he said, kissing his friend before climbing into the jeep. "See you tonight."

Brian found Justin watching TV when he walked into the loft. "How did it go with your mother?"

"Well, after she got done yelling at me for not calling her sooner, it was okay. She's going to be there tonight so I guess she's not too mad. Now all I have to do is wait until tonight and hope I survive," Justin chuckled.

"How about we go do some shopping? That always makes you feel better," Brian suggested with a smile.

"Brian, shopping makes you feel better, not me," Justin pointed out.

"Yeah, and then when we get home, I fuck you for hours, which makes you feel better. See?" Brian teased.

"Well, then...let's go shopping!" Justin squealed, jumping up and heading to the bedroom to get ready.

Five hours and five thousand dollars later, Brian and Justin returned home with countless bags in their hands.

"Brian, I can't believe you spent fifteen hundred dollars on a suit! That's more money than some people spend on a car," Justin said, still in sticker shock.

"It's only money, Justin. Besides, you can't take it with you."

"Which is just as well, since I'll never have any to take anywhere," Justin replied softly.

"Yes you will. Once you're a famous artist, you will have more money than you know what to do with," Brian said with certainty.

Justin smiled at the faith Brian had in his talent. Without saying a word, he reached for his pants and began to remove them.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked casually.

"I believe you still have to work on making me feel better," Justin replied, dropping to his knees and taking Brian's cock into his mouth. He loved the taste of it and couldn't imagine ever having enough.

Brian placed his hands on Justin's head, trying to steady himself from the onslaught. Running his hands through the long blond locks, he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips. Justin definitely surpassed his teacher when it came to the art of blow jobs and it wasn't long before Brian felt his balls tighten and get ready to shoot.

Justin picked up the pace, sucking Brian all the way inside until he felt the tip of his cock hit his throat, then pulling back and running his tongue around the crown, enjoying the taste of the pre cum he found there. Right before Brian was ready to explode, Justin pulled back and looked up into Brian's eyes.

"Brian, will you let me fuck you?" he asked, tentatively.

Brian looked down at Justin and knew that he wouldn't be able to deny him anything. He had only let Justin take control that one night after the Sap incident because he knew that the younger man needed it, and had a feeling that his needs were just as strong at that moment.

"Let's go," Brian replied huskily, pulling Justin to his feet and heading towards the bedroom.

Once they were there, they undressed quickly without saying a word. Justin was waiting for Brian's answer and was thrilled to see him climb on the bed and lay on his stomach. Without comment, Justin crawled on top of Brian and began placing soft kisses on his neck, shoulders, and back, working his way down to the perfectly shaped ass that was waiting for him. He gently spread his cheeks and lightly blew on the exposed hole, watching it quiver in anticipation. He placed a tiny kiss there, before thrusting out his tongue and stretching the tight hole, preparing it for entry. He felt Brian push back and knew he was getting impatient.

"Justin, fuck me," Brian called out.

Without waiting for further encouragement, Justin rose up and reached for the lube and a condom. He quickly sheathed and lubed himself up, placing the tip of his cock the Brian's entrance. Taking a deep breath, he slowly pushed his way inside, not stopping until he was buried deep. He waited a few minutes to allow Brian time to adjust before setting a steady pace. After a few minutes, Brian began to push back letting Justin know he was ready for more. He picked up speed, enjoying the sounds he was eliciting from his lover below.

Brian could feel himself inching closer and closer to orgasm, thriving on the feeling of being filled by Justin. He couldn't help but wonder briefly why he never let Justin top him after that first time, but those thoughts quickly disappeared as his balls began to tighten and he was ready to explode.

"Justin...ahhhh!"

Justin felt Brian's muscles tighten around him as he came, throwing Justin into his own earth shattering orgasm. His arms collapsed and he fell on top of Brian, trying to catch his breath.

"That was great," Justin whispered breathlessly.

"Amazing," Brian replied honestly. Despite his lack of experience, Justin always excelled when it came to sex.

Justin pulled out and rolled away to discard the used condom, throwing Brian a towel to clean up the mess they had made. Once they were in each other's arms again, Justin looked at the clock and groaned. "We have two hours left until we have to leave."

"How about we take a nap. We'll need the rest later since I don't plan on getting much sleep tonight," Brian replied. While they were in Jersey, they didn't have sex as much as they used to. With Daphne in the next room, Justin never really felt comfortable being himself. Brian planned to make up for lost time.

"Why? Do you have a lot of work to catch up on?" Justin asked teasingly. He knew exactly what was going to keep them from sleeping and couldn't wait to begin.

"Go to sleep, you little shit," Brian joked back, pulling Justin into his arms. They were asleep in a matter of minutes.

Justin woke up first and glanced at the clock, jumping out of bed when he realized it was quarter to seven. "Shit! Brian, wake up. We're late!"

Brian woke up and looked at the clock, knowing they were going to get hell. They jumped into the shower together, being sure to keep their distance from each other so they wouldn't be any later then they already were. After driving well over the speed limit, Brian pulled up outside the Novotny's at 7:30.

"Are you ready?" Brian asked, glancing at Justin.

"No, but we might as well go in anyway," Justin replied, trying to keep some of the nervousness out of his voice.

They made their way up the walk before the door flew open and Debbie came rushing out.

"Sunshine!" she called, grabbing Justin and hugging him tight.

"Hey Deb, " Justin replied, trying to keep from suffocating.

Debbie held on a few moments, then stepped back, glaring at Brian. "And you! You asshole, why didn't you tell me that you were talking to Justin. You know how worried I've been."

"Deb, it's not his fault. We weren't talking all this time. Not until Brian came to bring me home," Justin explained, leaving out the main part of the story. He didn't want to see everyone come down on Brian.

"It's okay, Justin," Brian said, trying to comfort Justin. "Deb, I didn't tell anyone because it was Justin's choice who he wanted to talk to. He was trying to build a life away from here and the last thing he needed was to have everyone trying to talk him into coming back."

"How long have you two been..."

"I didn't talk to him until after I went away. It's not like I was walking around the Pitts with this big secret," Brian assured her.

"Now you're back for good, right? Are you staying at the loft?" Debbie asked, hoping to find out what was going on with the two of them.

"Subtle, Deb. Yes, Justin's staying at the loft...with me," Brian stated, knowing she would understand, and she didn't disappoint him.

"It's about time. I got tired of seeing you mope around here everyday," she said with a smile.

"I don't mope!" Brian said, indignantly.

"Yes you do, Brian. Now let's go inside and get this over with," Justin laughed, as he headed for the door.

Once they were inside, Justin was bombarded with hugs, kisses, and questions. 'Where was he? Why did he leave? Is he back for good?' It took him a few minutes to greet everyone and answer everyone and by the time he was done, everybody seemed satisfied. Since they were late, dinner was already done, and everyone sat down to eat. Conversation was kept light, with tales of all that Justin had missed while he was away. After dinner was finished, Michael asked the boys to join them at Babylon.

"I don't think so, Mikey. Maybe another night," Brian replied, knowing that Justin couldn't go clubbing anymore.

"But Brian, you haven't been out with us in forever. Besides, I'm sure Justin would like to go. He always liked it there," Michael, pushed, hoping Justin would agree.

"Brian, if you want to go..."

"Justin, it's okay. We had plans to go home, remember?" Brian replied, keeping his voice light.

"I know, but I can always..."

"I said no!" Brian barked, much to the surprise of everyone in the room. You could hear a pin drop through the silence that filled the room while everybody tried to figure out what was happening.

"Brian, what's wrong with you? Why don't you want to come out with us for awhile? Justin seems to be okay with it," Michael said, wondering what was happening.

"Mikey, leave it alone. You don’t know what you're talking about," Brian growled.

"No, he doesn't and that's the problem," Justin said to Brian before standing up and addressing everyone at the table. "There's something that I think you should all know."

"Justin, you don't have to do this," Brian said, looking him in the eyes.

"Yes, I do," he replied quietly. "Something happened while I was away. It's not something I'm proud of, but I think you all need to know. How about if we all go into the living room and I'll explain everything."

The gang all looked at each other in confusion before getting up and heading into the living room. Once they were settled, Justin smiled slightly at Brian to let him know that he was okay.

"Let me start out by saying that walking away from Brian last year was the hardest thing I have ever done. At least up until that point. I thought that I would be better off away from here and I could move on. I know now that it wasn't but I was so upset by everything that I ran away. When Daphne and I first got to New Jersey, things were okay. I found a job at a restaurant close by our apartment and we settled into a routine. The problem was that when I wasn't working, I was spending my time missing you all, Brian especially. I began to wonder if walking away was the right choice, but I figured it was too late. Daphne suggested that I call Brian and apologize, but I figured he'd hang up on me. The only thing that seemed to ease my pain was drinking. Daphne and I would sit around at night and have a couple of beers, making it easier to forget what I left behind," Justin stopped, taking a deep breath. He smiled when he felt Brian come up behind him and place his hands on his shoulders, offering silent support.

"After awhile, the beer wasn't enough and I started drinking more and more. Daphne was always on my case, but I told her that she didn't understand. No one understood the pain I was feeling. About a month ago, things were at their worst. Looking back now, I can see that. I would wake up in the morning and reach for a bottle and not stop until I passed out at night. I was even drunk at work. She finally got tired of watching me destroy my life, so she called Brian and asked for his help. He immediately dropped everything to come to my rescue," Justin said, looking back at Brian for a moment. When he looked back into the faces around the room, he could see a look of sadness in them all.

"I refused to listen to him at first, trying to push him away, but he was persistent. Even a push down the stairs and a sprained ankle didn't stop him," Justin teased, wanted to have everything out in the open.

Michael interrupted then. "A push down the stairs?"

"It was an accident, Michael. Calm yourself," Brian replied, wishing Justin would have kept that to himself.

"Anyway," Justin continued, feeling the tension building in Brian as he stood behind him. "I finally began to see that I had a problem. I'm an alcoholic. I've been going to AA meetings for about a month now, and although it will never go away, I am recovering with no intention of allowing myself to fall back into drinking. One day I will be able to go out with everyone and feel comfortable being in a bar without drinking, but right now I need to stay away from that situation. Brian is more than welcome to join you on your nights out, but I won't be seen around Babylon for quite awhile."

After taking a few minutes to register what they had learned, the gang all jumped up, crowding around Justin and offering him their support. Michael hung back, looking at Brian and wondering what was going on in his head. His first thought was that he had taken Justin in because he felt guilty, just like he had after the bashing, but after seeing the way Brian was looking at Justin, he knew different. He could see the love in his friend's eyes. Love that he'd always hoped would be reflected at him, but he knew now that would never happen. Without thinking, he walked over to Justin and looked him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Justin. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone. Instead of Babylon, how about we go down to the diner and get some dessert? It doesn't matter where we go, as long as we're all together," Michael offered, hoping Justin would see it as his way of saying that he finally accepted him as a part of their group.

Justin could see the sincerity in Michael's eyes, and knew that he was forgiven. "Thanks Michael, that sounds great."

Brian hugged Michael, happy that he had made the offer to include Justin. "Thanks Mikey."

"What are best friends for? Now let's get out of here. We have a lot to catch up on," Michael replied.

After everyone said their goodbyes, Brian and Justin were in the jeep heading towards Liberty Avenue when Brian asked the question that had been plaguing him since Justin shared his story.

"What made you tell everyone about what happened?"

"Brian, I didn't want it to be some big dark secret between us. Michael was going to wonder why you were refusing to go out with them and he was bound to blame me for it anyway. I figured that if I couldn't be honest with my friends and family, who could I be honest with? But Brian, you can't refuse to go out with your friends because of me. I could have easily stayed home tonight while you went to Babylon and had fun. I don't want you to miss out on anything because of me. You need to do what makes you happy," Justin explained quietly.

"I know. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not going to say that I won't ever go to Babylon again, but a lot of things have changed in the last year, and what used to be important to me isn't so important anymore."

"What are you saying, Brian?" Justin asked, not wanting to miss interpret what he was hearing.

"You're important, Justin. If I had the balls to admit that a long time ago, none of this would have happened. I'm not blaming myself, just stating the obvious.  There's no need for me to go out and get drunk, looking for tricks when I have the hottest trick around at home waiting for me," he admitted with a shy smile.

Justin could read between the lines and knew that was Brian's way of saying that he cared about him. It was his highest form of compliment and he didn't want to ruin it by pushing for the words he longed to hear. They weren't important anymore. Actions spoke louder than words, and Brian had proven how he felt over the last month. Justin couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

"Brian, I think everything is going to just fine."

"Me, too Sunshine. Me, too."

The end

3/12/04

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